(no subject)
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
aartgsdfgert563ujy8796yrgadasdvfgnmjh,ffnsgr srgewrg sgvghhytgrsdergtrt5t66tyter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!awzxwcbvdnfhbjhtwegvwc
in other words: FUCK THIS SHIT!
i'm unhappy for no goddamn reason. what the fuck do i want? honestly?
why am i so unhappy? this. is. what. i. wanted. and what *i've* been PUSHING. however subconsciously. god, i'm a bitch when i wanna be.
*sigh*
i'd like to just be asleep now. 'cause why am i really staying awake? i'm either being jerked around [which i deserve], or i'm just an idiot making too much out of nothing [which i also deserve, 'cause i've been so horrible that i'd expect nothing less than NOTHING].
bah.
*****
of course, like half an hour later, after trying to sleep and just driving myself more insane, i sucked it up and i gave myself over. this is literally how it went:
i send text, admitting that i can't sleep w/out hearing his voice.
he calls, saying good timing he was just about to sleep.
i tell him not to worry if he's sleeping; there's no point.
he says some sort of reassuring, sleep-filled, nonsensical mumbling.
i realize the immense comfort i feel just hearing that sleep-filled voice, not really knowing what any of it means.
he falls asleep on the phone.
i mull everything over for 15 more minutes, realizing that the same thoughts have slowed down and lost a lot of their importance, suddenly.
i just listen to the sound of his breathing.
i fall asleep on the phone.
i wake up to a "haha, we fell asleep on the phone" text and feel... sublimely content.
*sigh*
fuck this shit. in the bum. sans lube.