(no subject)
i cried on my 21st birthday.
over a boy.
and i hated myself for it.
and i hate birthdays.
and i hate relationships.
there's so much expectation and room for disappointment. it's ridiculous.
the more i think about it all, the more ridiculous it seems.
and the more i hate myself for it all.
i'd like to just stop thinking about it.
but, i can't do that.
and i hate that i'm doing something i know is ridiculous.
i hate people who actually *have* logical thoughts but don't follow through on them for stupid reasons.
i hate myself right now.
WHY do i hate him?
it's *not* his fault.
he has, honestly, not done anything wrong.
he's done exactly what i've told him he could do.
he's done exactly what he's *wanted* to do, which i would accept no less than.
i don't hate him.
but, i do have a lot of hate in me right now.
i hate crying over boys.
i hate crying over boys i know i shouldn't cry over.
shouldn't for SO many reasons.
i hate this.