(Untitled)

[aegisofsilk]

Who: Open. Please tag yourselves.
What: Medieval and period dance instruction
When: After dinner!
Where: The dance hall in The Bower.

Comments

[angha_firebird]

Defeat has swiftly turned to anger. It was a never ending cycle, but Aara clung to the boiling rage simmering within her once more because at least then she would feel something. She was angry with that man she spoke to. Angry at the situation. Angry with her past, and the way her Clan used to make her feel.

Angry with herself, knowing she would respond to things in exactly the same way Kloe now was. She didn't like drawing so many parallels between them. She didn't like the feeling of disgust, and hurt, and betrayal now lying heavily on her heart.

She should leave. She should tell Kloe she wasn't going, either. At least then Kloe wouldn't hurt in the ways Aara had in the past. She turns to do just that and collides with someone. Hard. A snarl rips from her throat and part of her wants to let go. Be angry. Revel in the power swiftly coursing through her.

Then she notices it's Xanth and her head reels. She chokes back what she had been about to say, and freezes.

[stillseecracks]

The collision knocks Xanth back a step. He coughs once - mostly out of surprise, but partly because it winds him, just a little. He hears that snarl and expects someone imposing, someone irritated and threatening and willing to take his head off for this one mistake -

But it's Aara.

She looks furious.

Xanth stands there for a moment, mouth agape, and then he comes back to attention. He reaches a hand out, as if to touch her shoulder, but then he pulls it back.

"Are... a-are you... o-okay?"

He has to ask. Aara, furious... something has happened. Something must have.

[angha_firebird]

And now, on top of everything, her anger scared someone she considered a friend. Xanth wouldn't even allow himself to touch her, and Aara ground her teeth together, tilting her head back so her face was to the ceiling. She wanted to scream, and it took all her will-power to withhold the sound and expel it in a hiss instead.

"No."

No, she was not okay. No, they should not be talking. Aara should not be allowed in the same room with people. Not while she was like this. Not while she was so completely consumed by her rage that she was causing her friends to fear her. Who was she fooling? This was her idea of control? She was barely keeping a handle on it, and even then raw bits escaped and she lashed out. Wasn't this proof enough?

"I should not be here."

Not like this. Never like this.

[stillseecracks]

Xanth glances at the groups of dancers. The hadn't noticed anything wrong at all - and why should they? Aara is but one girl, and Xanth but one boy. Two people could easily slip from the crowd's awareness.

"C--Come on," he says gently. "We-- we can-- w-we should-- get s-some air." Then, touch light, he moves to set a hand on her shoulder.

[angha_firebird]

Body rigid, jaw set tightly in anger, Aara's nostrils flare at his light touch--the meaning behind those words. Everything in her screamed that it was not safe. She was not safe to be around. She didn't want to hurt Xanth. She didn't know if she would lash out physically or verbally. Until the sickness, she had never physically harmed another.

She cannot deny the need for something, however. Companionship? Understanding? Not being alone? Aara isn't certain what, but whatever Xanth is offering, Aara's tensed shoulders slump, and she cannot deny her friend. She could not deny whatever this was--a talk, silence, whatever--if it might calm the anger rampaging from within.

So she nods, not trusting herself to speak at this moment as she moves to follow Xanth out and away from those dancing. She didn't even glance behind to see if anyone was watching the stupid dragon-girl throw a tantrum.

For wasn't that what this was, on a much larger scale?

[stillseecracks]

Xanth doesn't fear Aara, but he fears for her. She's such a gentle soul; what could have upset her this much?

He leads the way out of the dance hall, then some distance from the doors into a dead-ended hallway. They have a semblance of privacy here, and that is what Xanth was hoping for. He glances around, to make sure that they are alone, and then he turns back to Aara.

"Wh-- what happened?"

[angha_firebird]

Glancing around the dead-ended hallway, something inside Aara panics. It was too silent. They were too alone. What if she harmed him? Who would stop her here?

Gulping back rage and sudden fear, Aara takes one large step away from Xanth, gauging the distance between them and noting it would have to be enough. Her muscles were so tensed she felt as though she was made of stone. Her fists had yet to uncurl. Xanth's question startles a disbelieving laugh from her, and she finds she can't quite meet his gaze.

"People happened. Opinions happened. Right and wrong and things interchangeable happened

[stillseecracks]

There's no hiding Aara's pain - not when she wears it so plainly, and not when it consumes her like fire in a bottle of liquor. She's stepped back and Xanth lets her keep the distance.

Aara's answer is, in Xanth's eyes, not a true answer. Someone has done something to upset her, yes, but he hasn't the faintest idea what. And then she continues, but still, nothing makes sense.

Xanth takes one step forward, asking, "Wh-- who's like you, A-Aara?"

[angha_firebird]

Ducking her head again, Aara quickly finds her anguish is beginning to overcome the anger and frustration roiling inside of her. She takes a minute to control her breathing before she finds her words.

"Kloe."

A whimper, then defeat.

"Kloe. Kloe is like me. Parts of us, anyway. The bad parts."

A deep breath, and pained eyes finally lift to seek Xanth out.

"She is the reason everything happened. Everyone got sick. She is... the originator of the illness. I understand why people are upset, or angry. I was, too, when Zhaneel was dying. But Xanth..."

Her expression turns from slight pain to all-out anguish, and suddenly Aara can't breathe, or she will cry. So she holds her breath instead, refusing to finish that sentence.

[stillseecracks]

"But... b-but that doesn't-- th-that doesn't make her l-like you, she, y-you're not... you didn't..."

But she did, he remembers; when Aara was ill, she hurt people. She nearly killed some of them, didn't she? And then Xanth almost tells her that she isn't like Kloe at all, but he stops short. Just as Aara didn't mean to hurt anyone, neither did Kloe.

Xanth's feelings about Kloe are mixed. She didn't intend to spread the plague like she did, but she was careless. She needed to be dealt with, somehow, but Xanth couldn't bring himself to want her dead or punished. He doesn't know what should be done.

But that's not what matters. What matters, right now, is Aara.

Xanth steps closer, goes to touch her arm. "It... i-it's not your fault. N--N-None of-- none of it was."

[angha_firebird]

A small laugh, lacking of any form of amusement.

"I hurt people. It was not my intention. She hurt people. It was not her intention." Aara's tone is bland, lacking any real emotion as she states that as fact. "Her life style now... is the same as mine was growing within the clan." Here is where Aara's anger grows back. She glares unseeing at Xanth's chest.

"I was a fool. To think I could be accepted. Appreciated. Loved." Her lip curls up in a bitter smile, disgust plain on her face.

"I would have done anything. Anything for the one who saved me. Brought me in. He gave me the only home I've ever known. So why are these happy memories suddenly tainted? Why do I look at Kloe and feel only bitterness in myself?"

And now she's ranting, and her cheeks heat with shame. She ducks her head, choking back her anger. Then Xanth moves to touch her, and while his words do nothing to ease her inner torment she finds the gesture is appreciated. Anger and vulnerability tear through her, until finally she snaps.

"I know! I know it's not!" Her

[stillseecracks]

When Aara snaps, Xanth pulls his hand back, eyes going a little wider. He assumes she doesn't want to be touched, and he understands that feeling. But as much as he understands, he can't argue her points; he doesn't have any answers. He doesn't even know who this he Aara mentions is.

But they want to kill Kloe.

Of course they do.

Kloe deserves some kind of retribution, but death? Even in a place where death means nothing? No, that's wrong - death never meas nothing.

Xanth doesn't say a word; he just puts his arms around Aara's shoulders and draws her close.

[angha_firebird]

Focusing on getting her breathing under control proved distraction enough that Aara didn't notice Xanth's silence for a moment. She was used to it, after all. So she stares at his left shoulder, muscles tensed within her slight frame, and she breathes. She focuses solely on that--and blinking back the tears that still desperately sought to fall.

Then Xanth's arms were wrapping her chilled body in warmth as he drew her against him, and Aara couldn't fight the loud and pained whimper that tore through her as she released her hold over the control of her tears all together. Burying her face in his chest, Aara didn't try to stifle the sounds she was making. Her free hand wrapped around him, clutching him to her as if only he could anchor her and make this pain go away.

Thoughts, words, feelings warred from within relentlessly, and yet Aara had not the strength to voice any of them just yet. So she simply cried, relieved that she wasn't alone--and that her fear of harming him vanished as soon as his arms cradled her.

[stillseecracks]

As she cries, Xanth strokes her back. It's strange, like looking in a mirror but seeing only who you used to be. Aara must have been treated the way Xanth had been - only worthwhile as a chew toy or a scapegoat. Xanth feels a surge of anger, but he lets it pass.

Instead, he murmurs, "I-- I-I know-- w-what it's like. I-It's-- terrible. B-But people here... n-not all of them are-- a-are like that. Th-they know, too, o-or-- or they're better th-than that."

Most of them, at least.

[angha_firebird]

He knew what it was like, too. Aara's heart froze for a moment, hearing that, then it ached and Aara was crying for him, too. For him, and for Zhaneel, and for Kloe. For her own past--and all the pain they had each suffered.

"I know." A sniffle. Aara tentatively brought up one arm to wipe at her tears. "I know the people here are kind. Loving. They are all... more than I could have ever dreamed." A light, watery laugh.

"I ran from my Clan to find myself. To build up my own strength. But where is that strength now, Xanth? At times like this, I fear--I fear I will never be strong."

Not strong enough.

"I'm scared. What if I let someone down? What if I can not keep my friends safe? What if I am not strong enough, and..." She couldn't finish the words, and instead shook her head against Xanth's chest.

"I am sorry. I am sorry you know this pain, too, most of all."

[stillseecracks]

"Y-You can't... You don't get s-strong overn--night.. I-It's not... i-it's just not p--possible. And that's, you know, that's... o-okay. I-It's okay to-- to need help. I-Its... okay not to-- to be p-perfect."

Xanth speaks from experience, but this is not advice he would take. He's relied on so many for so long that he must surely be strong enough to stand on his own. He is, at the very least, strong enough to help others stand.

This is what he is trying to do right now.