Because It’s What Jesus Would Freaking Do.
Title: Because It’s What Jesus Would Freaking Do.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Derek and Mark are snowed in. Started out for the GA Flashficathon, but it’s not quite the prompt (not slash) and not quite short enough, but here you go.
“This can’t be happening. This can’t seriously be happening.” Derek is pacing back and forth in the waiting room, staring out the window as if he can change the weather by will alone.
Mark stretches out in one of the red plastic chairs and yawns lazily. “I can assure you that it is.”
Derek chooses to ignore him, stepping closer to look at the snowstorm that is making the sky and land outside a single swarm of white. “This can’t be happening,” he repeats under his breath.
“You know, since it looks like we’re going to be stuck in this little hellhole for awhile, you might have to actually acknowledge my presence at some point today,” Mark observes idly.
Derek is pulling out his cell phone, continuing to walk in circles around the small lobby of the medical conference center where they’ve been all day. “Hey, Mer, it’s me. You’re not going to believe this, but we’re snowed in and the cab company is saying they won’t be able to get out here for at least another hour. Give me a call when you get this.” He glances up at Mark and then takes a few steps farther away. “Love you. Merry Christmas Eve.” He snaps the phone shut and resumes his pacing.
“Derek, stop.” Mark is getting irritated. “Chill out.”
“Why? Why should I chill out when tomorrow is Christmas and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere with you?”
Mark resists the urge to wince at the tone of his voice. “Freaking out isn’t going to help anything. We’ll get a cab as soon as they plow the streets.”
Derek gives him an incredulous, exasperated look that reminds him of Addison, and he wonders which one of them picked it up from the other. “The storm might not stop until morning.”
Mark shrugs. “So we’ll get back to Seattle in the morning.”
“Some of us have people waiting for us,” Derek says pointedly.
Mark throws up his hands. “Get over it.”
Derek snorts in disbelief as he sits down in the farthest possible chair and starts flicking through his Blackberry.
“Derek.”
He ignores him, pretending to be engrossed in checking his email.
“Derek, come on.”
No response.
“You’re going to have to forgive me at some point, you know. It’s been over a year.”
Derek finally looks over at him. “Oh, right. I forgot there was a time limit for resenting the fact that your best friend fucked your wife.”
“She’s not even your wife anymore,” Mark can’t resist replying.
“And that makes it okay?” Derek retorts.
He has a point, so Mark shuts up for a few minutes and watches the blizzard. “Remember when we used to all skip physics lecture and steal trays from the cafeteria to go sledding?”
Derek reluctantly cracks a smile. “They never did find out that it was us who went flying into the glass doors and broke them.”
Mark grins. “Or the first year of residency when we were so broke that all we could afford for Christmas dinner was microwaveable macaroni and cheese?”
“And scrambled eggs,” Derek reminds him.
“But then of course Addison was so disgusted with us that she went and ordered a freaking catering service - ” Mark starts laughing at the memory, but then sees the smile wipe off Derek’s face and realizes his mistake.
“Did you…” Derek looks away. “Even then. When she was my girlfriend. When it was always the three of us plus your girl of the week… did you want…”
“Derek.” Mark feels something inside him tighten. “Don’t do this to yourself…”
“I’ve wondered,” Derek goes on, his voice pained. “For almost two years I’ve wondered how you could do that to me. And so I have to know. Did you always want her? Did you sit there with us, every Christmas for God knows how many years, and want my wife?”
Mark wishes he was in New York, or the fucking North Pole, or anywhere other than sitting here watching the look on his former best friend’s face right now. “I…” He is Mark Sloan, and he’s never at a loss for words. Except now he is.
“I don’t even know what’s worse,” Derek goes on, as if talking to himself. “Maybe you just wanted to beat me at something because we were always competing. Was that what it was for you? To prove that you could get whatever you wanted, even if it was mine? Or did you - did you honestly feel something for her? Because if our friendship meant so little that you would throw it away just to one-up me, then… I don’t know, Mark. I’ve known you my whole life and I just can’t understand…" He draws in a breath. "If that means that in some sick twisted way I hope you actually cared about her, then… I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s worse.” Derek looks at him hopelessly. “Can you just…”
Mark pauses to collect all the courage he can, because he can’t imagine hurting Derek any more than he already has. But then again, he is self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree. “I was in love with her. I don’t know… I don’t know when it started. All I knew was that all along I thought I was jealous of what the two of you had together, but then one day I realized that I was really just jealous of you for having her. And then all the girls… all the girls I ever had I compared to her. That’s why none of them lasted.” He forces himself to look Derek in the eye. “I would never have done that to you, but… god, Derek, you treated her like shit.”
He braces himself, expecting an outburst, but instead Derek just sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. “Yes. I know that now.”
Mark tries to contain his surprise and goes on. “Well… I’m sure she told you. That night… she was so upset. You’d forgotten dinner plans or something again and I went over to see if she was okay and… well. I don’t know who started it. But it would be a lie to say I didn’t want it. Even though - even though I wanted to kill myself afterwards.”
“After you got caught,” Derek says bitterly.
“That didn’t make a difference.”
Derek sighs again. “So you were in love with my wife. You pulled all-nighters with us in med school. You were the best man at our wedding. You practically lived at our house. And every day, you were in love with her.”
Mark considers trying to defend himself but then decides it’s a lost cause. “Yes.”
Derek considers. “Well. That must have sucked for you.”
Mark smiles. “I won’t lie. It did.”
“And it didn’t end up working out too well for you in the end, either.”
Mark pretends to think. “You stopped speaking to me and then she ran out here after you and now refuses to take me back, so yeah, I’ll have to agree with you there.”
Derek shrugs, “Well, you deserve it.”
“I do,” Mark agrees. “Derek. You’re my best friend. You’ve always been. And I still consider you a brother, no matter what.”
He makes a small snort of disbelief, but keeps listening so Mark takes is it as a good sign.
“And I’m sorry. You can’t know how sorry. I really need you to understand that.”
“Yeah,” Derek says. “I know.”
“Hey, look, it stopped snowing.”
Derek immediately jumps to the window. “Thank god.”
“You really can’t wait to get back to her, can you?” Mark can’t help asking.
A smile crosses Derek face. “No, I can’t.”
A small part of Mark still kind of wants to punch Derek for doing this to Addison, but he brushes it aside because he can’t remember the last time he saw him so happy. And it’s nice to see Derek finally happy.
“Derek?”
He turns back to face him. “Yeah?”
“I’m glad that it’s working out for you. With Meredith, I mean.”
“Thanks.” Derek considers for a moment. “If you… I mean, if you don’t have anywhere to go. For Christmas. You could come have it with us.”
Mark tries to picture himself sitting in the trailer with Derek and Meredith and can’t. “Thanks, man. But I…” he almost stops there, almost doesn’t tell the truth, but then decides that maybe he owes Derek the truth from now on. “I might go see how Addie’s doing.”
Derek doesn’t wince, doesn’t look angry, doesn’t yell. “I thought you might. And you’ll… you’ll take care of her, right?”
“Right.” He pauses. “If she’ll let me.”
Derek just nods, and they hear a honking outside. Both men stand and start gathering their things.
“But thanks. For the invitation,” Mark says hesitantly. He’s not used to feeling so unsure around Derek.
“Anytime. And Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“If you ever start to think you’re in love with Meredith, I am telling you right now that I will go out and buy a gun,” Derek says over his shoulder as he starts walking out the door, but he’s smiling.
Mark grins back. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
It's not forgiveness, not completely.
But it's Christmas, and it's a start.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Derek and Mark are snowed in. Started out for the GA Flashficathon, but it’s not quite the prompt (not slash) and not quite short enough, but here you go.
“This can’t be happening. This can’t seriously be happening.” Derek is pacing back and forth in the waiting room, staring out the window as if he can change the weather by will alone.
Mark stretches out in one of the red plastic chairs and yawns lazily. “I can assure you that it is.”
Derek chooses to ignore him, stepping closer to look at the snowstorm that is making the sky and land outside a single swarm of white. “This can’t be happening,” he repeats under his breath.
“You know, since it looks like we’re going to be stuck in this little hellhole for awhile, you might have to actually acknowledge my presence at some point today,” Mark observes idly.
Derek is pulling out his cell phone, continuing to walk in circles around the small lobby of the medical conference center where they’ve been all day. “Hey, Mer, it’s me. You’re not going to believe this, but we’re snowed in and the cab company is saying they won’t be able to get out here for at least another hour. Give me a call when you get this.” He glances up at Mark and then takes a few steps farther away. “Love you. Merry Christmas Eve.” He snaps the phone shut and resumes his pacing.
“Derek, stop.” Mark is getting irritated. “Chill out.”
“Why? Why should I chill out when tomorrow is Christmas and I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere with you?”
Mark resists the urge to wince at the tone of his voice. “Freaking out isn’t going to help anything. We’ll get a cab as soon as they plow the streets.”
Derek gives him an incredulous, exasperated look that reminds him of Addison, and he wonders which one of them picked it up from the other. “The storm might not stop until morning.”
Mark shrugs. “So we’ll get back to Seattle in the morning.”
“Some of us have people waiting for us,” Derek says pointedly.
Mark throws up his hands. “Get over it.”
Derek snorts in disbelief as he sits down in the farthest possible chair and starts flicking through his Blackberry.
“Derek.”
He ignores him, pretending to be engrossed in checking his email.
“Derek, come on.”
No response.
“You’re going to have to forgive me at some point, you know. It’s been over a year.”
Derek finally looks over at him. “Oh, right. I forgot there was a time limit for resenting the fact that your best friend fucked your wife.”
“She’s not even your wife anymore,” Mark can’t resist replying.
“And that makes it okay?” Derek retorts.
He has a point, so Mark shuts up for a few minutes and watches the blizzard. “Remember when we used to all skip physics lecture and steal trays from the cafeteria to go sledding?”
Derek reluctantly cracks a smile. “They never did find out that it was us who went flying into the glass doors and broke them.”
Mark grins. “Or the first year of residency when we were so broke that all we could afford for Christmas dinner was microwaveable macaroni and cheese?”
“And scrambled eggs,” Derek reminds him.
“But then of course Addison was so disgusted with us that she went and ordered a freaking catering service - ” Mark starts laughing at the memory, but then sees the smile wipe off Derek’s face and realizes his mistake.
“Did you…” Derek looks away. “Even then. When she was my girlfriend. When it was always the three of us plus your girl of the week… did you want…”
“Derek.” Mark feels something inside him tighten. “Don’t do this to yourself…”
“I’ve wondered,” Derek goes on, his voice pained. “For almost two years I’ve wondered how you could do that to me. And so I have to know. Did you always want her? Did you sit there with us, every Christmas for God knows how many years, and want my wife?”
Mark wishes he was in New York, or the fucking North Pole, or anywhere other than sitting here watching the look on his former best friend’s face right now. “I…” He is Mark Sloan, and he’s never at a loss for words. Except now he is.
“I don’t even know what’s worse,” Derek goes on, as if talking to himself. “Maybe you just wanted to beat me at something because we were always competing. Was that what it was for you? To prove that you could get whatever you wanted, even if it was mine? Or did you - did you honestly feel something for her? Because if our friendship meant so little that you would throw it away just to one-up me, then… I don’t know, Mark. I’ve known you my whole life and I just can’t understand…" He draws in a breath. "If that means that in some sick twisted way I hope you actually cared about her, then… I don’t know. I really don’t know what’s worse.” Derek looks at him hopelessly. “Can you just…”
Mark pauses to collect all the courage he can, because he can’t imagine hurting Derek any more than he already has. But then again, he is self-destructive and self-loathing to an almost pathological degree. “I was in love with her. I don’t know… I don’t know when it started. All I knew was that all along I thought I was jealous of what the two of you had together, but then one day I realized that I was really just jealous of you for having her. And then all the girls… all the girls I ever had I compared to her. That’s why none of them lasted.” He forces himself to look Derek in the eye. “I would never have done that to you, but… god, Derek, you treated her like shit.”
He braces himself, expecting an outburst, but instead Derek just sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. “Yes. I know that now.”
Mark tries to contain his surprise and goes on. “Well… I’m sure she told you. That night… she was so upset. You’d forgotten dinner plans or something again and I went over to see if she was okay and… well. I don’t know who started it. But it would be a lie to say I didn’t want it. Even though - even though I wanted to kill myself afterwards.”
“After you got caught,” Derek says bitterly.
“That didn’t make a difference.”
Derek sighs again. “So you were in love with my wife. You pulled all-nighters with us in med school. You were the best man at our wedding. You practically lived at our house. And every day, you were in love with her.”
Mark considers trying to defend himself but then decides it’s a lost cause. “Yes.”
Derek considers. “Well. That must have sucked for you.”
Mark smiles. “I won’t lie. It did.”
“And it didn’t end up working out too well for you in the end, either.”
Mark pretends to think. “You stopped speaking to me and then she ran out here after you and now refuses to take me back, so yeah, I’ll have to agree with you there.”
Derek shrugs, “Well, you deserve it.”
“I do,” Mark agrees. “Derek. You’re my best friend. You’ve always been. And I still consider you a brother, no matter what.”
He makes a small snort of disbelief, but keeps listening so Mark takes is it as a good sign.
“And I’m sorry. You can’t know how sorry. I really need you to understand that.”
“Yeah,” Derek says. “I know.”
“Hey, look, it stopped snowing.”
Derek immediately jumps to the window. “Thank god.”
“You really can’t wait to get back to her, can you?” Mark can’t help asking.
A smile crosses Derek face. “No, I can’t.”
A small part of Mark still kind of wants to punch Derek for doing this to Addison, but he brushes it aside because he can’t remember the last time he saw him so happy. And it’s nice to see Derek finally happy.
“Derek?”
He turns back to face him. “Yeah?”
“I’m glad that it’s working out for you. With Meredith, I mean.”
“Thanks.” Derek considers for a moment. “If you… I mean, if you don’t have anywhere to go. For Christmas. You could come have it with us.”
Mark tries to picture himself sitting in the trailer with Derek and Meredith and can’t. “Thanks, man. But I…” he almost stops there, almost doesn’t tell the truth, but then decides that maybe he owes Derek the truth from now on. “I might go see how Addie’s doing.”
Derek doesn’t wince, doesn’t look angry, doesn’t yell. “I thought you might. And you’ll… you’ll take care of her, right?”
“Right.” He pauses. “If she’ll let me.”
Derek just nods, and they hear a honking outside. Both men stand and start gathering their things.
“But thanks. For the invitation,” Mark says hesitantly. He’s not used to feeling so unsure around Derek.
“Anytime. And Mark?”
“Yeah?”
“If you ever start to think you’re in love with Meredith, I am telling you right now that I will go out and buy a gun,” Derek says over his shoulder as he starts walking out the door, but he’s smiling.
Mark grins back. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
It's not forgiveness, not completely.
But it's Christmas, and it's a start.