It's often been said that there's no better training for extended incarceration in a federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison than the governorship of Illinois. By which I mean I say that a lot. Because Illinois governors go to jail and get their salad tossed a lot ( Read more... )

-On Friday, my Nazi advisor acutally asked me if I'm Jewish. See my previous post (locked) for context ( Read more... )

-What was that tacky, arachnidian nightmare Michelle Obama was wearing last night? I guarantee you compulsively-winking alpine trash Sarah Palin didn't have anything that frightening in her $150,000 wardrobe, and she's a paragon of class ( Read more... )

It's a bummer, but I haven't had enough time to give the content of this post the treatment it deserves. And really, I don't have any jokes to accompany it. So I'll do what academics do: lie send you to journal articles ( Read more... )

All right, before all of you well-meaning liberal friends start creaming your shorts over what an officer and a gentleman
Colin Powell is because of this Obama endorsement, let me remind y'all of one thing:

Colin Powell was complicit in and essential to selling the Iraq War to the United Nations and the public at large, and ( Read more... )

What's the saddest thing?This is one of those dinner party psychology questions. Not the fun kind of dinner party with fava beans and chianti, but the painful, awkward kind with fondue and the newlywed game. Owing to the sheer banality, I've never given it much thought. Sure, I could riff an answer after some fondue and 5 arbor mists, but it would ( Read more... )

As a liberal, I believe that people are fundamentally too stupid to care for themselves and need constant mothering so they don't stick their dicks in any electrical sockets or whatever. And let's be honest, conservatives believe the same thing. Except it's more like fathering. And after protecting you, daddy strangles his mistress and sends filthy ( Read more... )

In The Maid of Orleans, Schiller famously wrote ""Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain." I haven't actually read the work because German is a filthy, backward language. But if the context of the quote was anything like the Situation with my mother, Schiller was referring to people who believed Joan of Arc was a secret Muslim ( Read more... )

...jk, I'm not that bad. I'd rather have Down Syndrome, like that one kid of Sarah Palin's ( Read more... )

"Congratulations! You're the new administrator of all the computers in F317 ( Read more... )