Hedwig and Alice in Wonderland Reviews
Ok. I even set myself up to be in a good mood before going to see Alice in Wonderland by watching Hedwig and the Angry Inch.
Hedwig and The Angry Inch is a rock-musical thing about a sassy, East Berlin Transexual.
I don't know about you, but this just spelled fun for me. I don't even KNOW any terrible movies featuring transexuals.
~ Breakfast on Pluto = Awesome
~ To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything = Amazing
So naturally, I watched it on the internets.
And I LOVE Hedwig. The movie is greaaaaat. And I have "Origin of Love" in my music folder.
SO. After being giddy from an actual good movie, I carried my happy-ass over to Tinsel Town to pick up our tickets.
SCENE KID CENTRAL. WTF.
And $9 a piece for these tickets. I actually said "Hope this doesn't suck."
Fastforward to the Cinema, Where we arrive 50 minutes early to get seats that don't fucking suck. Jaince and I chat it up about how amazing "The Science of Sleep" is and then the sheep start filing in with groups no smaller than 8 at a time.
These people are loud.
These people are lame.
These people squeal when Johnny Depp comes on screen.
FML.
Yeah. I get it. Johnny Depp is a sex machine. But there is nothing SEXUALLY attractive about the Mad Hatter. Like, absolutely nothing. He looks cool, like, I'd be his friend or second cousin or some shit and not bitch about it, but no. Not hot. Stop it.
Helena, with her giant head, is, Janice and I have decided, cute. The Red Queen/Queen of Hearts/Whatever she is supposed to be is mean and funny and fabulous. I love her.
And thoses are the Best characters.
Jabberwocky =/= Jabberwock. WTF. That damn dragon looked lame anyways. I would have given them bonus points if it was Sean Connery's voice. XD
FUCKING CG SHIT. It wasn't great. At all, to me. IDK. I just hate that shit. 'Swhy I didn't see Avatar.
Like...I can't even remember half the movie. I remember that GODAWFUL FUTTERWACKEN. WTF WAY TO RUIN THE DAMN MOMENT AND RESPECT FOR A CHARACTER. I fucking hate when people try to be funny.
Also, The end. When she just shows up and answers everybody's questions that they asked her like 3 hours ago. Srsly. That
"And your where there. And you where there. And you where there too!"
Is so played out. Leave it to Wizard of Oz KTHNX.
This movie was boring and seemed REAL long for about half of it. Then rushed the fuck out it in the last 30 minutes.
Alice was not good to me. She shows up, knows just about everybody, but claims she doesn't remember her dreams that she clearly remembers.....
Yeah IDFK.
But she wasn't confused or amazed or remotely interested in anything. So If she doesn't care, why the fuck should I?
White Queen = lol WHITE OUT PARTY. LIP AND EYEBROWS are crazy.
LOL THE CHEATING HUSBAND DIDN'T EVEN TRY TO HIDE. The red knave was lame as a person. He looked super weird. ELONGATED.
TIP: SPEND A LITTLE LESS MONEY ON ALICE'S UNNECESSARY COSTUME CHANGES AND A LITTLE MORE ON ACTING LESSONS/CG/THE ALICE IN WONDERLAND BOOKS SO YOU CAN GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT.
And to top it off, AVRIL LAVAGINA-whatever's SCREETCHING at the end. My ears bled.
Anyways. I want my $8.75 back.
JANICE: Alice in wonderland was the most unamzaing shit I've seen in a long time! thnx TIM! good job! just cant wait to get my hands on sum fabric and a smoke Machine XD