[fic] For she walks along the sea-coast
Title: For she walks along the sea-coast
Length: 1,097 words
Pairing: Kim Jongin, Oh Sehun
Rating: PG
Warning: Mention of abuse
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine except for the plot and the writing.
Summary: The sea is vast and if you keep on walking, keep on diving into it, you will drown.
The sea is vast and if you keep on walking, keep on diving into it, you will drown. It is a common fact, known by everyone, but Sehun still wonders; will they ever going to be able to live under the sea? Will the life there be any better? He thinks about it from time to time, ponders even, but the answer seems to be only one. If you go into the sea, you will die. Sehun's mother walked in and never came back.
My mother was a mermaid, is what he says one day. Jongin doubts Sehun really believes in it but he keeps his silence. She wanted to go back home but father did not allow it, Sehun goes on while gazing into the sea in front of them. The piercing wind whips through his bangs, blowing them out of their neat order. Jongin's fingers itch to comb them back.
So she ran away and never came back.
Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun are not friends, that is also a common fact. They aren't even classmates or the members of the same club. They aren't even in the same year. Still, every time Sehun goes to the school's rooftop; Jongin is there. And every time Jongin cuts class to go to the infirmary; Sehun is always asleep on the next bed.
The truth is, Sehun doesn't particularly like the rooftop but it's the only place overlooks the sea; Jongin doesn't want to go to the infirmary, he doesn't like the smell of the disinfectant, but it's the only place he can manage to fall asleep. It's only natural that they drift closer and closer without meaning to.
My mother was a mermaid, Sehun says and imagines pearly bubbles on golden hair, crystal shells shining seven-color lights on pale blue skins, a castle made of corals, and beds made of sea foams. Winter is especially harsh this year, Sehun wonders if mother will be all right amidst the freezing waves.
What was she like? Jongin asks, Your mother.
And Sehun tries desperately to remember her voice, tries desperately to remember the smell of her perfume, and tries desperately to remember the touch of her soft fingers; but all he can remember are the sound of the crashing waves, the smell of the tangy salt, and the touch of the sand. Sehun remembers life under the sea.
I don't know, Sehun answers finally, I guess you can't really feel anything while you're down there. He looks at Jongin and Jongin knows, can almost feels it, that single moment, the flash of images behind his eyelids: of hands under water, squeezing, tightening, battling, struggling, and finally, finally go still.
If you're down there, you don't feel.
I don't have to feel.
Jongin meets Sehun's gaze and his impossibly black, black eyes turn a shade darker; like the stormy sky, like the raging sea. Eyes like death. A small smile gracing the corner of his lips, and Sehun knows, knows he can always count on Jongin.
Jongin is a loner, everybody says. He doesn't hang out with anyone, doesn't even attend class. And on the rare occasion that he does, he would just sit at his desk and stare out of the window, like nothing exists, like nothing matters. You scare me, Sehun said once when they were the only two people in the infirmary. Summer heat licked its way across the opened windows, leaving the sounds of people playing football on the school ground outside only a white noise buzzing quietly around them. You scare me and that's why I like you.
And Jongin smiled his blank smile, his eyes reflected nothing, I like you, too, he said, I like you because I know, someday, you'll let me. And from that moment on, Sehun knew Jongin would always be there for him.
My mother was a mermaid, Sehun says and the bruise on his cheek gets dampened by the wetness the wind brings. Jongin knows that under the school uniform, Sehun's body is even more bruised and battered; like a decorated picture of a meaningless war, a story left unsaid, a secret only Jongin had earned.
One late afternoon, when nobody was home, Sehun stripped gingerly inside Jongin's closed door and showed him each of his bruises and scars. He was drunk when he gave me this, Sehun said, and this and this and this and this...
Jongin remembers all of them, in chronological order. He remembers every story accompanied the bruises. He remembers every intake of Sehun's breaths and every sigh he gave involuntarily. He remembers the way Sehun spoke, deadpan and indifferent at first, and the exact moment when he started to breakdown.
Jongin remembers it all. He remembers the life of a child and his father.
When you decide to let me, Jongin said while tracing the tip of his finger on Sehun's bruised back, feathery light, like trying the map the stars, When you decide it's unnecessary to feel anymore, Jongin's lips left a goose bump along his spine, I'll get him first.
I'll get him first because, even then, you'll let me. Jongin thinks but never says. He touches Sehun's bruises but never gives him one. He presses the pad of his digits hard enough but never leaves scars. He kisses tenderly but never feels it. It hurts Sehun even more than his father's fist. Sehun loves Jongin even more.
My mother was a mermaid, Sehun says and hears the melancholy lullaby coming in from the waves, the voice of an unheard plea, a song of a sad mother. She wanted to go back home but father did not allow it, Sehun goes on while gazing into the sea.
So she ran away and never came back.
Jongin knows Sehun's mother killed herself because she could not live with the fact that she had a baby now and could never be a ballet dancer anymore. Sehun's mother killed herself because she couldn't live with the truth, that her dream would never come true. Everybody knows it. Including Sehun.
Maybe one day I'll go back to the sea too, Sehun whispered, soft bleached blond hair dancing in the freezing wind, the tip of his nose redden by the cold weather. His cell phone clutched tight in his palm rings for the fifth time, and the screen shows the incoming caller ID: Aboji. Wouldn't it be great, Jongin-hyung?
I don't know, is what Jongin wants to say, but he keeps quiet.
I'll be there, Jongin says instead. I'll be there with you if you'll let me.
And Sehun smiles.
Start: 120601
Finish: 120603
With sort of a sequel: As in a shadow I held
Length: 1,097 words
Pairing: Kim Jongin, Oh Sehun
Rating: PG
Warning: Mention of abuse
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine except for the plot and the writing.
Summary: The sea is vast and if you keep on walking, keep on diving into it, you will drown.
The sea is vast and if you keep on walking, keep on diving into it, you will drown. It is a common fact, known by everyone, but Sehun still wonders; will they ever going to be able to live under the sea? Will the life there be any better? He thinks about it from time to time, ponders even, but the answer seems to be only one. If you go into the sea, you will die. Sehun's mother walked in and never came back.
My mother was a mermaid, is what he says one day. Jongin doubts Sehun really believes in it but he keeps his silence. She wanted to go back home but father did not allow it, Sehun goes on while gazing into the sea in front of them. The piercing wind whips through his bangs, blowing them out of their neat order. Jongin's fingers itch to comb them back.
So she ran away and never came back.
Kim Jongin and Oh Sehun are not friends, that is also a common fact. They aren't even classmates or the members of the same club. They aren't even in the same year. Still, every time Sehun goes to the school's rooftop; Jongin is there. And every time Jongin cuts class to go to the infirmary; Sehun is always asleep on the next bed.
The truth is, Sehun doesn't particularly like the rooftop but it's the only place overlooks the sea; Jongin doesn't want to go to the infirmary, he doesn't like the smell of the disinfectant, but it's the only place he can manage to fall asleep. It's only natural that they drift closer and closer without meaning to.
My mother was a mermaid, Sehun says and imagines pearly bubbles on golden hair, crystal shells shining seven-color lights on pale blue skins, a castle made of corals, and beds made of sea foams. Winter is especially harsh this year, Sehun wonders if mother will be all right amidst the freezing waves.
What was she like? Jongin asks, Your mother.
And Sehun tries desperately to remember her voice, tries desperately to remember the smell of her perfume, and tries desperately to remember the touch of her soft fingers; but all he can remember are the sound of the crashing waves, the smell of the tangy salt, and the touch of the sand. Sehun remembers life under the sea.
I don't know, Sehun answers finally, I guess you can't really feel anything while you're down there. He looks at Jongin and Jongin knows, can almost feels it, that single moment, the flash of images behind his eyelids: of hands under water, squeezing, tightening, battling, struggling, and finally, finally go still.
If you're down there, you don't feel.
I don't have to feel.
Jongin meets Sehun's gaze and his impossibly black, black eyes turn a shade darker; like the stormy sky, like the raging sea. Eyes like death. A small smile gracing the corner of his lips, and Sehun knows, knows he can always count on Jongin.
Jongin is a loner, everybody says. He doesn't hang out with anyone, doesn't even attend class. And on the rare occasion that he does, he would just sit at his desk and stare out of the window, like nothing exists, like nothing matters. You scare me, Sehun said once when they were the only two people in the infirmary. Summer heat licked its way across the opened windows, leaving the sounds of people playing football on the school ground outside only a white noise buzzing quietly around them. You scare me and that's why I like you.
And Jongin smiled his blank smile, his eyes reflected nothing, I like you, too, he said, I like you because I know, someday, you'll let me. And from that moment on, Sehun knew Jongin would always be there for him.
My mother was a mermaid, Sehun says and the bruise on his cheek gets dampened by the wetness the wind brings. Jongin knows that under the school uniform, Sehun's body is even more bruised and battered; like a decorated picture of a meaningless war, a story left unsaid, a secret only Jongin had earned.
One late afternoon, when nobody was home, Sehun stripped gingerly inside Jongin's closed door and showed him each of his bruises and scars. He was drunk when he gave me this, Sehun said, and this and this and this and this...
Jongin remembers all of them, in chronological order. He remembers every story accompanied the bruises. He remembers every intake of Sehun's breaths and every sigh he gave involuntarily. He remembers the way Sehun spoke, deadpan and indifferent at first, and the exact moment when he started to breakdown.
Jongin remembers it all. He remembers the life of a child and his father.
When you decide to let me, Jongin said while tracing the tip of his finger on Sehun's bruised back, feathery light, like trying the map the stars, When you decide it's unnecessary to feel anymore, Jongin's lips left a goose bump along his spine, I'll get him first.
I'll get him first because, even then, you'll let me. Jongin thinks but never says. He touches Sehun's bruises but never gives him one. He presses the pad of his digits hard enough but never leaves scars. He kisses tenderly but never feels it. It hurts Sehun even more than his father's fist. Sehun loves Jongin even more.
My mother was a mermaid, Sehun says and hears the melancholy lullaby coming in from the waves, the voice of an unheard plea, a song of a sad mother. She wanted to go back home but father did not allow it, Sehun goes on while gazing into the sea.
So she ran away and never came back.
Jongin knows Sehun's mother killed herself because she could not live with the fact that she had a baby now and could never be a ballet dancer anymore. Sehun's mother killed herself because she couldn't live with the truth, that her dream would never come true. Everybody knows it. Including Sehun.
Maybe one day I'll go back to the sea too, Sehun whispered, soft bleached blond hair dancing in the freezing wind, the tip of his nose redden by the cold weather. His cell phone clutched tight in his palm rings for the fifth time, and the screen shows the incoming caller ID: Aboji. Wouldn't it be great, Jongin-hyung?
I don't know, is what Jongin wants to say, but he keeps quiet.
I'll be there, Jongin says instead. I'll be there with you if you'll let me.
And Sehun smiles.
Start: 120601
Finish: 120603
With sort of a sequel: As in a shadow I held