Unpleasantness on the train
Some of you will already have seen this on FB. I would have posted it here sooner, but I don't have an app for LJ yet, and I wasn't up to typing much on the phone's keyboard.
Last night, I went to see syniqal, to drop off the things that he left behind, and pick up mine. (That journey turned out to be semi-wasted, but that's another matter.) Somewhere past Surbiton, a middle-aged woman asked me if there were toilets on the train. I confirned her fears that there weren't, and she thanked me and wandered up the carriage. I went back to the ES and my music.
Shortly thereafter, a man walked through the carriage after her and sat near her. They started a conversation, or possibly an argument. At one point, she shouted at him to stop, so I looked up. I couldn't see anything, and after a few seconds the voices subsided. A short time later, she screamed, "STOP HITTING ME!"
You all know that I'm not a physically confrontational person. Those of you who know me well will know that I cannot abide domestic violence.
I rolled up the ES, went over to them and shouted, "STOP IT! LEAVE HER ALONE!" For once, my height and build worked in my favour - he looked up, and then a up a bit more too. Then he let go and told me that I didn't need to get involved. How I was holding the paper might have been something to do with it - I remember reading in one of sgloomi's books that such people favour a rolled-up newspaper as it leaves fewer visible bruises, and I was probably holding it like a club. Anyway, I glared at him, reassured myself that she wasn't in immediate danger and went back to my seat.
They picked up their argument after a few moments, and stood up again. When he noticed, he backed off a bit. She was standing with her back to him, and so facing me. While he ranted at her, she mouthed "Thank you," to me.
I had to get off at the next stop - I know that he did, and I'm fairly sure that she did, too. I hope she's okay.
There are a number of things that disturbed me about last night.
Firstly, the existence of domestic violence. I've seen it up close and personal, and the only good thing about this instance was that when I stood up and shouted, it stopped. But damnit, we're supposed to be better than that! I might talk about introducing some people at work to the clue-by-four, or crucifying errant users to the front of the office as a detterant to others, but that's a means to vent frustration WITHOUT people getting hurt. (I take pride in a distinction tha PTerry used in "Witches Abroad" - while Granny Weatherwax might have contemplated every single evil act that Lilith had performed, that was the point - SHE hadn't performed that. Thinking about it, I take some comfort from that distinction, too).
Also, mildly disturbing was the speed with which the man backed down as I stood up. Part of that might have been the bully mentality - pick on someone smaller; flee from someone larger. Part of it might have been him experiencing what a lot of female friends and commentators have described - the fear of being in the presence of someone physically that much stronger than yourself. I'd like to think that part of it was 6'4", 16st + of pissed off bloke coming at him, but that was probably only a small part! But still, I like to think of myself as a peaceable person, one who tries to reason through problems rather than batter them into submission.
The final niggle is that there were no authority figures on the train. Or toilets. (There was no guard on either train today, either, which pisses me off a little. Had I been of the mind, I could have saved the best part of £25 in train fares!) A guard could have obtained police assistance at CLJ, or possibly separated them. A toilet would have put a lockable door between them, which isn't ideal, but will sometimes work as a stopgap. Instead, she had to rely on someone else involving themself in a private dispute - something that happens so infrequently as to depress optimists. If I hadn't stood up, what might have happened? Broken bones? Or worse? Would that have been a story in Monday's Metro? It's just not good enough.
Last night, I went to see syniqal, to drop off the things that he left behind, and pick up mine. (That journey turned out to be semi-wasted, but that's another matter.) Somewhere past Surbiton, a middle-aged woman asked me if there were toilets on the train. I confirned her fears that there weren't, and she thanked me and wandered up the carriage. I went back to the ES and my music.
Shortly thereafter, a man walked through the carriage after her and sat near her. They started a conversation, or possibly an argument. At one point, she shouted at him to stop, so I looked up. I couldn't see anything, and after a few seconds the voices subsided. A short time later, she screamed, "STOP HITTING ME!"
You all know that I'm not a physically confrontational person. Those of you who know me well will know that I cannot abide domestic violence.
I rolled up the ES, went over to them and shouted, "STOP IT! LEAVE HER ALONE!" For once, my height and build worked in my favour - he looked up, and then a up a bit more too. Then he let go and told me that I didn't need to get involved. How I was holding the paper might have been something to do with it - I remember reading in one of sgloomi's books that such people favour a rolled-up newspaper as it leaves fewer visible bruises, and I was probably holding it like a club. Anyway, I glared at him, reassured myself that she wasn't in immediate danger and went back to my seat.
They picked up their argument after a few moments, and stood up again. When he noticed, he backed off a bit. She was standing with her back to him, and so facing me. While he ranted at her, she mouthed "Thank you," to me.
I had to get off at the next stop - I know that he did, and I'm fairly sure that she did, too. I hope she's okay.
There are a number of things that disturbed me about last night.
Firstly, the existence of domestic violence. I've seen it up close and personal, and the only good thing about this instance was that when I stood up and shouted, it stopped. But damnit, we're supposed to be better than that! I might talk about introducing some people at work to the clue-by-four, or crucifying errant users to the front of the office as a detterant to others, but that's a means to vent frustration WITHOUT people getting hurt. (I take pride in a distinction tha PTerry used in "Witches Abroad" - while Granny Weatherwax might have contemplated every single evil act that Lilith had performed, that was the point - SHE hadn't performed that. Thinking about it, I take some comfort from that distinction, too).
Also, mildly disturbing was the speed with which the man backed down as I stood up. Part of that might have been the bully mentality - pick on someone smaller; flee from someone larger. Part of it might have been him experiencing what a lot of female friends and commentators have described - the fear of being in the presence of someone physically that much stronger than yourself. I'd like to think that part of it was 6'4", 16st + of pissed off bloke coming at him, but that was probably only a small part! But still, I like to think of myself as a peaceable person, one who tries to reason through problems rather than batter them into submission.
The final niggle is that there were no authority figures on the train. Or toilets. (There was no guard on either train today, either, which pisses me off a little. Had I been of the mind, I could have saved the best part of £25 in train fares!) A guard could have obtained police assistance at CLJ, or possibly separated them. A toilet would have put a lockable door between them, which isn't ideal, but will sometimes work as a stopgap. Instead, she had to rely on someone else involving themself in a private dispute - something that happens so infrequently as to depress optimists. If I hadn't stood up, what might have happened? Broken bones? Or worse? Would that have been a story in Monday's Metro? It's just not good enough.