AVOID THESE MEN
Here is my list of Men to Avoid for all you singles out there.
1. He constantly talks about how "hot" other women are, how "huge her boobs are" and bauks at your friendships with homosexuals- check out now girls. He's gay.
2. Any man who constantly quotes any trilogy.
3. If he favors "just add water" food, plain vanilla, and frozen burritos it's more than likely that your future is as bland as his tastes.
4. He wants to you call him "Big Papa" and he's not kidding.
5. If he refuses to check his voicemail, answering machine, or email when you're around, he's not being respectful- he's cheating.
6. He describes his masterpiece in the bathroom... or worse, tries to show you.
7. If he cries more than you, you will forever be wondering which of you has the vagina.
8. Most doctors. They have people to do everything for them. And you'll never be able to read any loving notes he writes you in the cards he buys for you. Assuming he doesn't have someone do that for him as well.
9. Men who refuse to pay for dinner. They're not concerned with equality. They're just cheap.
10. Men who continuously hurt you, and apologize with "I'm an idiot." They're telling you the truth.
11. Anyone who tells you your date will be "da bomb" or "the shiznit."
12. Men who spend more time at the gym than at work. They also look in the mirror more than you do. You'll have a life full of telling him how beautiful he is. And him agreeing with you.
13. He USED to be an alcoholic.
14. He refuses to call you his girlfriend, because "I just can't do committment." He means "I just can't do you.".
15. He doesn't want to get married because "why ruin a good thing?"
16. He can't make plans with you because he needs to see what his friends are doing.
17. He refers to said friends as "the boyz" or "the crew."
18. He never has sex with unless you have been drinking heavily. He's insecure about his performance in bed. And, most likely, he should be.
19. Men who ask you "have you ever considering a boob job/lipo/collagen?" They'll never be happy with you.
20. If he calls his mother every day otherwise he gets "grouchy" (and he uses the word grouchy) let her have him, sister.
21. He only calls you at night, after he's been out drinking, just "to hang out." Stop lying to yourself: You are his booty call. No matter how much he cuddles with you after.
22. He orders for you. On the first date.
23. If the phrase "women belong in the home" ever comes out of his mouth, head on home- WITHOUT him.
24. Men who constantly try to initiate oral sex with the oh so subtle head push.
25. If he hasn't tried anything by your forth date, he's either gay or too shy. Either way you're wasting your time because you'll always be doing all the work in the bedroom.
26. He's married, but he's going to leave her.
27. He cries, at any point, during sex. Unless someone has just died he's not just sensitive, he's got some issues.
28. Men who constantly call you "woman", "Bitch" or "ho."
29. If you are upset and crying (be it about work, family or even just a horrid day) he says "You should call your friends. You don't need me to listen to all this." He's right. You don't actually need him at all.
30. Any man you find constantly saying "Sorry, I thought I told you that already!" He's lying.
31. He refuses to pick you up for a date because then he can't drink. Tell him to walk to the nearest frat party.
32. Attorneys who work at large firms. You'll never see him.
33. When you're out with his friends he allows them to make innapropriate remarks about you. Saying you look nice is fine. Saying they want to give it to you is rude. And if he doesn't pipe up, you're just a piece of meat to him too.
34. Men who leave in the morning before you wake up. They're not busy, they just want out.
35. He says "unemployment rocks my world."
36. He shaves his body and he's not a swimmer.
37. When at his house he constantly reminds people to use a coaster.
38. Men who dress better than you do. They're probably even judging your shoes.
39. "Entrepreneur" is often a fancy name for "Broke."
40. Men who say they've never had a blow job. They have. Many. And all from women who all thought they were the first.
41. He named his penis and now is obsessed with naming your breasts. It might seem cute at first, but at 5am when you hear "Mr. Wiggles want to see Squishy and Lila" it's not anymore.
42. He goes back to his college for homecoming. Every year. And he's 30.
43. If he pays extra close attention to your very hot best girlfriend when you're out he's not just trying to make her feel included- he's checking her out.
44. Any man who photocopies parts of his anatomy.
45. He has an extensive collection of porn: including some with animals and midgets.
1. He constantly talks about how "hot" other women are, how "huge her boobs are" and bauks at your friendships with homosexuals- check out now girls. He's gay.
2. Any man who constantly quotes any trilogy.
3. If he favors "just add water" food, plain vanilla, and frozen burritos it's more than likely that your future is as bland as his tastes.
4. He wants to you call him "Big Papa" and he's not kidding.
5. If he refuses to check his voicemail, answering machine, or email when you're around, he's not being respectful- he's cheating.
6. He describes his masterpiece in the bathroom... or worse, tries to show you.
7. If he cries more than you, you will forever be wondering which of you has the vagina.
8. Most doctors. They have people to do everything for them. And you'll never be able to read any loving notes he writes you in the cards he buys for you. Assuming he doesn't have someone do that for him as well.
9. Men who refuse to pay for dinner. They're not concerned with equality. They're just cheap.
10. Men who continuously hurt you, and apologize with "I'm an idiot." They're telling you the truth.
11. Anyone who tells you your date will be "da bomb" or "the shiznit."
12. Men who spend more time at the gym than at work. They also look in the mirror more than you do. You'll have a life full of telling him how beautiful he is. And him agreeing with you.
13. He USED to be an alcoholic.
14. He refuses to call you his girlfriend, because "I just can't do committment." He means "I just can't do you.".
15. He doesn't want to get married because "why ruin a good thing?"
16. He can't make plans with you because he needs to see what his friends are doing.
17. He refers to said friends as "the boyz" or "the crew."
18. He never has sex with unless you have been drinking heavily. He's insecure about his performance in bed. And, most likely, he should be.
19. Men who ask you "have you ever considering a boob job/lipo/collagen?" They'll never be happy with you.
20. If he calls his mother every day otherwise he gets "grouchy" (and he uses the word grouchy) let her have him, sister.
21. He only calls you at night, after he's been out drinking, just "to hang out." Stop lying to yourself: You are his booty call. No matter how much he cuddles with you after.
22. He orders for you. On the first date.
23. If the phrase "women belong in the home" ever comes out of his mouth, head on home- WITHOUT him.
24. Men who constantly try to initiate oral sex with the oh so subtle head push.
25. If he hasn't tried anything by your forth date, he's either gay or too shy. Either way you're wasting your time because you'll always be doing all the work in the bedroom.
26. He's married, but he's going to leave her.
27. He cries, at any point, during sex. Unless someone has just died he's not just sensitive, he's got some issues.
28. Men who constantly call you "woman", "Bitch" or "ho."
29. If you are upset and crying (be it about work, family or even just a horrid day) he says "You should call your friends. You don't need me to listen to all this." He's right. You don't actually need him at all.
30. Any man you find constantly saying "Sorry, I thought I told you that already!" He's lying.
31. He refuses to pick you up for a date because then he can't drink. Tell him to walk to the nearest frat party.
32. Attorneys who work at large firms. You'll never see him.
33. When you're out with his friends he allows them to make innapropriate remarks about you. Saying you look nice is fine. Saying they want to give it to you is rude. And if he doesn't pipe up, you're just a piece of meat to him too.
34. Men who leave in the morning before you wake up. They're not busy, they just want out.
35. He says "unemployment rocks my world."
36. He shaves his body and he's not a swimmer.
37. When at his house he constantly reminds people to use a coaster.
38. Men who dress better than you do. They're probably even judging your shoes.
39. "Entrepreneur" is often a fancy name for "Broke."
40. Men who say they've never had a blow job. They have. Many. And all from women who all thought they were the first.
41. He named his penis and now is obsessed with naming your breasts. It might seem cute at first, but at 5am when you hear "Mr. Wiggles want to see Squishy and Lila" it's not anymore.
42. He goes back to his college for homecoming. Every year. And he's 30.
43. If he pays extra close attention to your very hot best girlfriend when you're out he's not just trying to make her feel included- he's checking her out.
44. Any man who photocopies parts of his anatomy.
45. He has an extensive collection of porn: including some with animals and midgets.