Always Part 2/5
Authors note: This story is done and if you want to see how it end I need to hear from you. I have posted it another place but I like LJ and so I'm adding it here too.
AN2:This is a tag to Chimera and what happened between Sam and Jack after the end of the episode. Read and review make me a happy camper.
After the fight with Osiris, Jack had come into the infirmary looking for Doc Frasier, but she had already left for the night. No one in the infirmary had been in any danger and Dr. Warner was there, so she had taken Cassie to the basketball game she had wanted to see, while things were calm. Jack had nosed around a bit hoping to find Dr. Wagner and get something for his knee, but what he found had hurt him much more than his knees ever did.
Standing in the doorway of the isolation room he found Pete and Carter together. Seeing them like that, he was glad he found out about them yesterday in the elevator. It would have hurt much more to find out this way. Without time to prepare to see his Sam in another man's arms, Jack was unsure how he would have reacted.
Now he stood in the doorway feeling like a voyeur, but knowing he had to see them together, to see if it was true, that she was happy. No matter how much it hurt, he could see that she was. He had never seen her so relaxed. This man was better for her than he ever could be. Pete's life wasn't a black sensor mark like Jack's was. Everything was locked away where he or no one else could reach it. Sam had come the closest to getting behind those walls. Now he had lost her, lost the opportunity to be happy again.
She had told him on that cold night that she would wait for him, but he did not blame her for not doing so. She was young and deserved happiness, deserved to love and be loved. What could he offer her but a broken man with a black soul? Part of him always knew it would end this way, he had his chance at happiness and a good life, and he destroyed it. Carter was his penance; he could love her but never touch her, could never be with her.
He turned away slowly. Maybe it was time to totally let her go, give her a command. She was more than ready for it and she deserved it. It would make a clean break for her and him. Give him the space to pick up the pieces.
He hoped to be able to just leave but he could not resist one last look at her, to see her once more. Across the room their eyes met. Hers pleaded for understanding and his gave it. Nothing was said but everything was understood. Then he turned and left. This time he did not look back.
As he disappeared Sam closed her eyes to stop the tears. Her hands clenched and Pete flinched at her touch. Helping him lay back down she tried to smile, though it did not touch her eyes. Pete did not seem to notice her distance as the medication pulled him back into sleep.
Looking back at the empty doorway, Sam thought that it should not hurt like this, but it did. It hurt both of them. She had promised to wait, but she hadn't and he had forgiven her.
It wasn't that she didn't love Jack, she did, more than she should her because he was her CO. She knew that she always would, but she had to try to be happy with someone else. She had to know if there was another way - if she could love someone else.
She would love Jack O'Neill always, but she hoped there was room in her heart left for Pete. Her experience on the Prometheus had confused her as well as enlightened her. The little girl reminded her of herself at that age, but also of Jack. How could her delusions ask her to move on when she had a glimpse of what she could have with him? Still, she had to try. She had to know if there was another way, or she would always wonder. Just as quickly her mind flipped it around. Now wouldn't she always wonder the same thing about Jack? Could they be together if she waited just a little longer?
Sam shook her head, she had made her choice. It was Pete who she should be thinking about, not Jack and her delusions. She forced herself to look at the sleeping man but her gaze was pulled back to the empty doorway.
With a mental slap she turned away from the door to stare at Pete's hands. This is who she had chosen and she would see it through. Steeling herself she took Pete's hand and waited for him to wake up again.
Jack did not get far before he couldn't contain his anger anymore. He wanted to slam his fist into the wall to give himself another kind of pain but he knew it would be a stupid thing to do. Leaning against the wall, he locked away his anger and pain, shutting out any emotions, as he had taught himself to do. It was better not to feel anything, to be numb.
He thought he could do it, just walk away from her, but he couldn't. It was over now and he would just have to live with the pain; he was good at that. He should have told her sooner but he had thought he had time. That there would always be time.
After she was lost on the Prometheus he had made plans. He had talked to the General and together they created an arrangement. He was going to retire but stay on to the train the new recruits. This would make sure the newbies were ready and understood what they were facing out there. That way he and Sam could be together and he would still been able to watch over her, to be on hand if he was needed. Yesterday he was going to tell her, it was all settled. Then she was humming and he knew it was too late. After leaving Carter in the elevator he had gone to Hammond and told him to forget the plan. It no longer mattered. His reasons no longer mattered.
He took a deep breath, none of that mattered now, she had moved on. He had found someone else to love her, but he would not let her go just yet. She was on his team and he would keep her safe, safe to love another man and be happy without him.
Daniel had come looking for Jack and he found him leaning against the wall for support as he tried to get control of his emotions. He knew that he should announce his presence but he waited to allow Jack the time he needed.
As he watched, Jack built a wall around his pain, brick by brick. Daniel had seen Sam and Pete together and he understood what this was costing Jack, to let her go, to let her love another. Jack was not a man who loved very easily and to give up that love would be very painful. He only hoped that it would not destroy them all.
He didn't remember much from his time as an ascended being, but for some reason he did recall his time with Jack in Ba'al's cell and later on Jack's porch with Sam. He knew they needed each other but they were too stubborn to see it.
Jack turned to leave and Daniel called his name. The older man turned around and spoke his friend's name. Everything that needed to be said was locked in one word.
“How are you doing?” Daniel asked, knowing that he would only get half an answer.
“Peachy, and I don't want to talk about it.” Jack replied, pinning Daniel with one of his glares.
“But Jack...” He would not let him slip back into the hole Jack was in when they met. If Jack let Sam go that was a possibility, he would fall in and never be able to pull himself out. Daniel had stood back and let the two of them live their lives but they were going to destroy one another if they kept this up.
“Ahk-don't want to talk about it.” And he started to walk away, hoping that Daniel would just let him go.
“Pizza - my place with Teal'c?” Daniel asked hopefully. Jack needed to be with his friends, not alone and brooding.
Jack stopped mid step and Daniel saw the tension bleed from the older man's shoulders. “Sure, sounds great. I’ll see you in an hour. I still don't want to talk about it, though.”
Daniel watched him walk away and hoped that it would be all right, but there was still a chance for a happy ending right up until Sam said ‘I do’. Daniel hoped that it never got that far. He headed down the hall to find Teal'c and drink lots of water, he was going to need it. Tonight was going to be one of those nights.
Walking down the hall Jack touched the small box in his pocket one last time. He had lost Sam, but tomorrow was another day, when the world would need to be saved and she would be there at his side. She might not be his to love but he would take her presence in his life any way he could. As long as she was on his team he would protect her always, even if she was with someone else.
Come on please tell me if you loved it or hated it.....