(no subject)
After tonight I'm hoping I get a little more clarity in regards to this whole Vince-Fling I have going on. I really like this kid a lot. I've been so confused about what he wants or where he wants this to go, and since I know he's leaving in a month I've been trying to play it cool. Trying to stay unattached, but it gets harder and harder to do every day I'm with him. I'm fairly certain I'm not a booty call, because we've hung out for the past week and not had any sex. He told me that if I ever wanted to hang out and not have sex, he'd be cool with that because he just likes being with me. I put it to the test, and so far he's living up to his word.
Last night I asked him a question that I had been trying to ask for a few days, but wasn't sure if I wanted to risk...I dunno, scaring him off with my attachedness. But I got sick of feeling like I was in limbo, I really don't like not being clear on a situation especially if I'm having trouble NOT investing my feelings into it. So I asked him if we were just a summer thing, if we were going to end with the summer. He said "I dunno"...I said that answer doesn't help, I'm trying to find some clarity. Then he said, "It's honestly up to you, whatever you want to do I'll go along with, I just don't know what you want." Which was pretty much EXACTLY where my head was at. I felt like I'd do anything he asked of me, if he would just let me KNOW. So I told him that, I let him know that I felt the same way and commented on how funny it is that we're both waiting for the other to change the path of things. He asked me if I wanted it to end with summer. I was so nervous, because I don't want it to at all, I want to wait for him to come back and visit me or fly out and visit him when he has time. I know he's gonna be hella busy and buried in schooling, but I can deal! I just wanna know that I can see him and he won't go back to Pittsburgh and forget me. I answered with "I dunno" and explained that I'm afraid of scaring him off if I get too attached. He assured me I have nothing to worry about there, because he's pretty much too attached to me so it would just even the playing field.
A few days ago, in passing, he said something like "Oh, I'll drop you for Pittsburgh"...I think it was after we were talking about how he had dropped some girl he was trying to hook up with when he met me, and I said "Oh so if you ever stop talking to me, I'll know why." Then he made the Pittsburgh comment. It stung, but he does that a lot where he says something that isn't supposed to be mean but it just SOUNDS cruel. Anyway...I just want to ask him NOT to drop me for Pittsburgh. Maybe we can make it work...