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two thousand-friggin-five.
january.
well haha, new years was fun. with Marta Ashley Ariel Chelsey Cassidy and Vicki.. haha everyone heard about that night. it was a lot of fun. haha. january was kind of an emotional month for me friend lost 2 of his best friends just outta nowhere and everything started going downhill. deffinetly went through some stuff that i hope to never have to again. then the end of the month was Chelsey's birthday party. that was fun too. i cried at that party because Boot's was sick. i met Johnny in early january too. :]
february.
probably the worst month of the year for me. we had to put Boots down February first. she developed some sort of tumor or something on her upper back within a few days it got huge. she laid in one spot for 3 days and barely moved, shed get up to go outside but when she'd squat to p shed practicly be sitting in the snow. her arthritus in her legs had gotten really bad and her muscles were all dying basicly because she wasnt moving. so she could barely walk. she wasnt eating. and wouldnt kiss anyone. if any of you knew Boots you know that she was the most amazing dog anyone could ever ask for. you more than likely saw the bond that my family and i shared with her. she was like a sister to me. a best friend. meant the world to me and so much more. my mom told me probably january 26th that Boots was sick. i cried my eyes out that night.. the next day at school and non stop for the next couple weeks. i cried so much i made myself really really sick and ended up missing a week of school. february first dad said he was going to take her to the vet and see what they said so i was okay with that and just went to school.. still bawling my eyes out because i just couldnt stop. after school we came home to an extremely quiet house. i immediately started crying again and called my dad screaming where is Boots, where is my baby?! i didnt get to say good bye. i didnt get to kiss her or hug her or spend near as much time with her as i wanted to in her last few days. she means so much to me. she will never be replaced. nothing and no one compares to her. i miss her more than you could imagine. with out spencer sefton..and a few of my other close friends, i probably wouldnt have made it through that month . Rip Boots in my heart, and on my mind you will always be. *2-1-05*
on a good note- i met JJ, Randy, Paul, Matt and all them toward the end of the month. and jari and i cleared everything up :]] 2-13 was the Misery Signals-Remembering Never Emery and eighteen visions show. twas amazing. it was travis's birthday and the night i met kegan officially and tyler tayler and jordan smoot and jaren from Illinois came to that show and hung out with us.i remember a lot of stuff from that show.
March.
no information provided?? nothing interesting really happend except martas birthday party. which was fun. but had some drama due to one imparticular...dick head? yeah. that works :]
April.
spring break with the candlish family. good times :] haste the day show with i think atreyu? i dont remember. was amazing. got hurt. was sick most of the month. Finch show-rescheduled.:[ thought chelsey might be moving to puerto rico :o!
May.
23rd was the finch show. was amazing:] kings island with school. officially met jay at the ivy league show. <3 was upset about losing contact with friends over summer and through out the next school year.
26th-schools out!
June
dad turned 50.wow! june 6th got Chimmey Chongo. my new puppy. i didnt want him imparticularly but got him anyways because if i didnt then i would have gotten bitched at for it by my family forever. hes cute. has gorgeous blue eyes. but i couldnt seem to let myself like him. went to an elijah show and spent time with jay jay. Marta and Scott got together! went to the blood bothers show and almost died. i was standing by one of the speakers at bubbas during the show and one of the huge speakers fell and i wasnt paying any attention. i turn my head and the speaker is literally an inch from my face. this guy slides his hand in between the speaker and my face and pushes it up saving my life entirely.:] Matt and Randy came over afterwards since they didnt get in. that was an awesome night. they were here untill like 430 in the AM Sisterhood of the traveling pants came out. total fav! ruind shit with jay jay.meh. new bsb and finch cds=love. as i you at stardust bowl. johnnys hotel birthday party was awesome. met nick at a movie with zack scott matt randy chels and marta. overall a decent month. left for cornerstone.
July.
Cornerstone was absolutely amazing and i cant wait till c-stone 06.
kegan was in florida for 2 weeks! grandparents came to visit from arizona ughh. spent a lot of time with katie adam maggie sophie brandon spencer molly megan david and johnny making "the works" bombs, flying kites and doing root beer bongs. mom had heart surgery.. they found out everything was the same as it was 5 years ago. Chelsey and Ashley wrecked the moped on freaking 96th street! warped tour was only amazing because i spent the whole day with Jari nick bryce chris and josh :] i passed out and stephen failed to catch me. haha. but it was funny. met patty love :] bubs birthday party was fun skinny dipped for the first time with other people haha. tons of fun :] the month was pretty good.
August.
went to indiana dunes. first camping trip without Boots :[ school started. no classes with like anyone. stress stress stress. catscan=came back negative.left a freaking comback kid and in the face of war show because of a freaking migrane. ughhh... they got so bad. it lasted the entire month.spent an entire weekend with kelsey :] the month was okay i guess.. slow and stressful.
September.
got 2-step :] went to kings island with my family first somewhat entirely peaceful day-evening id spent with my family in a loooooong time.still remains-scars of tomorrow-the acacia strain-on broken wings= amazing show :] bub busted my lip with his elbow. ow.saw the new willy wonka. amazing. oh em gee. james had a poker party and it was probably the most fun night id had in a really long time. i got to stay with trav allan jari travis corey josh james bryce and a couple others from around 4 in the afternoon to 3 AMish. it was amazing :] went vegetarian. chels tore her ACL. Kala moved into my hood. got braces off on the 28th :]]] my birthdayyyyy :] sure as hell beat last years.i spent my birthday evening with my mom and Ashey :]
October.
my birthday party was awesome. i had a great birthday. the whole month i was really stressed out about math. i was doing so bad. i just couldnt do anything right. as i you cd release-awesome! the wanteds played in katies garage that was awesome too. talent show was lame to the max but i got to spend a little time with jari which was nice :] on the 12th one of my dreams came true/prayers was answered..yadda yadda..nate and i's best friend and my first crush/first love when i was littles name was t-bone..well he went by that atleast.. when we were about 5ish we were seperated and ever since then i had been praying the be reunited with him and all that jazz just to meet him again. i was looking at pictures and came across some of t-bone and nate and stuff at the day care and immediately recognized him. it was terry :] i luffed him then and i luff him now i remember the three of us getting in trouble at the daycare for wrestleing and what not and they'd seperate us and put t-bone and i in one room and nathan in the other and t-bone and i would go at it again and get in more trouble.. haha those were the days :] 2-step knocked himself outcold but didnt die. lol. failed math but not as bad as i thought i was going to. i met <3leann<3 got to see saw 2 and i loved it :]. halloween with ashley and matt was a lot of fun :] we went as cow girl hick..chicks? haha.all in all october was just a really long stressful month with a couple highlights.
November.
started talking to devin mcpoop face a lot :] i discoverd forbidden city.. best chinese restaurant everr. went vegan. met ben<3 went through a lot of changesssss. won "most original" on the walk on water project that was my idea entierly. lots of family drama. thanksgiving was meh. ok i guess. ended up thinking i had mono and strep. both tests were negative. i was on 11 different meds through out 1 week for migranes. boys got in a car accident >.< Eddie Guerrero died. :[ my math is getting better. and i made a lot of new friends this month. just a lot of drama with my family keeping me down and a little bit with friends. drama drama drama and genghis khan shows<33
December.
more stress. grades are bad. sick. hating the cold. not liking the idea of this being the first christmas without Boots.i cant believe that its almost been a year. the 19th i found out that Kegan was moving with his dad in florida on the 23rd. he wont be home even to visit until like March. so thats deffinetly quite upsetting for me. Christmas came REALLY fast. i got a couple good cds,dvds, money, and some other neat random things. not what i really most of all wanted but thats okay. i didnt really expect it. Christmas was kind of emotional this year without Boots. and with visiting my Grandma whom i hadnt seen in probably 3 years.. i guess the medicine she is on is making her gain a lot of weight rapidly. i wouldnt have recognized her had her voice not sounded exactly the same. when we got to her house she took me to her bedroom and showed me this little package that had a poem tied to it with a ribbon.. i looked at it for a second and realized that i had made this for her in my first year of pre-school when i was like 3. it was one of those special things that youre supposed to never open for good luck and what not and she never did and has kept it in the same place ever since i gave it to her that many years ago. i about cried. :] i couldnt believe she rememberd i was the one that gave it to her. so since devin and i started talking we've been counting down the days till htd played indy again and finally it arrived! sucked that it had to be an emotional night.. but we made the best of it.. and did and DAMN GOOD JOB! i got the crap beat outta me haha.. didnt feel it till after the show though. it was an awesome show. sad to see jimmy go.. but we will see him in the pits. muhwahaha. ok i know im dumb. but i got to see my McPoop finally and it was pretty sweaty :] haha. i would have liked to have gone to Bones too.. but i had an amazing night anyways:] it was an awesome way to end out the year.
NEW YEARS.
for new years i didnt have plans untill about 5 the day of. and i left at about 6 i came home from haste the day the night before and talked to devin till around 430 in the am about random stuff. and then didnt get outta bed untill 4ish. :] and talked to chels and she invited me over to hang with her and Meg and some other people. so i did. we didnt do a whole lot. ate chips and slasa :] watched orange county listend to music. myspaced. danced. played. colord. took pictures. talked. and stuff. then we drank sparkling strawberry and cherry stuff kissed cheeks under the mistletoe played on the excercise thingy lol. decided my new nickname is Pootie. and stayed awake playing with meg on the computer untill 8 in the am. then everyone else fell asleep. my new year was pretty okay. today is the first day of a new begining! :]
writings. lyrics. and junk from 05.
[this poem is from late 04 early 05]
i think i met him
the guy of my dreams
hes everything i could ever want
atleast thats the way he seems
he has a great personality
and the perfect hair
i think i love him
but what does he care
he just got out of a close relationship
and has lately been upset
when talking to him im so happy
what better could it get?
i know theres a big age difference
but does age really matter?
love is all that counts
the fact he disagrees makes my heart shatter
he sent me some pics of him and his exes
the jealousy overwhelmes me and i begin to cry
why am i so stupid
why did i lie?
the fact that thats not why he dont like me
makes me oh so blue
wow i was right
he is to good to be true
if only dreams came true
i doubt anyone would dread tomorrow
but seeing how they dont
my heart will forever be filled with sorrow
he thinks im really annoying
the fact is in perfect view
why does this always happend
no its nothing new
i really love him a lot
i think hes my one and only
maybe in a few years we'll meet again
and ill be his cure to being lonely
if you have faith something will happen it just might
many people say im full of shit
maybe if theyd listen and give it a try
they might get lucky and expierence it
even though my dream have never yet come true
i will always have faith,what could it kill?
everyone tells me anything can happen
maybe, just maybe it will
wow its almost 330 in the morning
wish i could sleep, i cant because im crying
tonight was a crazy night
my friend told me he though i was dying
why am i writing this
i knew i didnt stand a chance
my teenage years have so far sucked
i already realized my life will probably never consist of ramance
reading this you are probably getting pissy
because i refuse to shut up
im sorry im not like most girls
when i find something that feels true im not that quikck to give up
it will really suck
if this poem makes things weird
writing this to you
thats the only thing i feard....
1-5-05
i miss you..
all the conversations on all my "depression"
you helped me through so much
i loved,thought, and talked about you so much it was thought to be obsession
you were so nice to me
i never understood why
through all the conversations there were many arguments
which often made me cry
it amazes me how close someone can get to another
through internet and notebook paper
now looking back on all that was said
(i was so stupid) you had to be thinkin "gosh, i hate her!"
i was really young and self concieted
i did'nt understand half the things i thought i did
though it was a while back i still feel bad for it all
but i can't feel to bad, we have to remember, i was just a kid
months went by
not a word was said
seeing and thinking of you daily
you seemed so happy and i wanted to be dead
wow! i was so young
thought i was better off dead
all teenagers go through that phase
where you just need some sense knocked into your head
we are now starting to talk again
i hope this time friendship wont turn to hate
in my eyes-us becoming friends again
was pure fate!
2-27-05
theres always going to be that one guy.the one that makes your heart jump when you see him, the one you could talk to forever, the one that when you hear his voice you fall in love all over agian, and the one, when you hug him it makes you feel wonderful..but even though in your words he is "the one" there will probably never be anything more than a friendship between the two of you, you will never give up
dont know when thats from. ^
i would rather die doing what i believe is right and live doing what i believe is wrong. 11/8/05
i woke up this morning, experiencing something new. smiling and full of joy. instantly was obvious it was because of you. 11-13-05
it amazes me how something as small as a kiss can completely destroy something as big as the relationship between you and your best friend.. [thinkin back over sometime in july. but wrote 12/16/05]
i am not afraid of change. i am afraid of loss. 12/16/05
"when you lose a part of yourself to somebody you know it takes a lot to let go."
" to my friends ill be there for you be there for me."
" id rather play tag with a shotgun than kiss those lips again"
"I wish I would've died in your arms the last time we were together, So I wouldnt have to wake without you today"
-"you don't count, count anymore you were a freind, i trusted you, trust no more."
-"this is the last thing i will remember its better where you're going anyway.."
-"stop pretending you're even having fun you just stand there looking dumb with your thumb in your ass... you're better than that. for once in your life before you retire be the leader of the choir set your pubic hair on fire just because you feel like it."
-"i never should have let you go, i never should have let you slip through my arms."
"we've got one life to live we've got to make a change"
"crying out for some relief i keep breaking my own heart giving up on my resolve i keep trying but i keep failing. this all seems so familiar i think weve been here once before saying sorry once again"
-"id go anywhere for you anywhere you asked me to. id do anything for you anything you want me to"
-"man that kid made fuckin' up look cool"
-"how could we lose sight of what matters most trying to love what cannot love us back"
" for you id do anything just to make you happy. hear you tell me that youre proud of me. "
"you'd think my name tasted like coke. the way you can't keep it outta your fucking mouth. go ahead and catch your fucking breath. don't stutter when you speak keep your lies down your throat and you tonge in your fucking cheek."
"all i ever had to lose and all i ever wanted lies in you the words i say to you are but a fraction of what i mean."
there are a bunch more.. but i got lazy.
lately ive been thinkin a lot about my beliefs and everything. and i was thinkin about kids for some reason.. ive decided that i am NOT having my own kids. if i ever decide that i want kids im going to adopt. i, personally think that its wrong to reproduce when there are all these children that dont get a chance at having a nice or decent life because their parents were stupid. its not fair to the children that dont get a chance to reproduce. however.. i do think that it would be neat to have my own children and to see all the similar traits between mother and child and all that jazz you know. but i just think its wrong and unless something should happen.. im not having kids unless i adopt. i really dont know why im even thinking about it though.. im not going to get kids [if ever] untill im atleast 30.[12-24]
favorite crap and descoveries from 2005
the new Willy Wonka movie
The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants [movie and book.]
Cornerstone.
removal of braces.
my digital camera.
new friends, along with the old.
root beer kegs.
Starbucks :]
Macbeths.[most comfortable shoes i own.]
stencils.
15cent insence from Vibes.
indian food
fucking Luna bars <3
dumb surveys.
(X) stayed single the whole year.
( ) got your first kiss
(X) kissed someone new
( )made-out for the first time
(X) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(X) kissed in the rain
( ) fell in love
( ) fell in love with a fool
(X...well sorta.) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
( ) had a stalker
(X) had/have a good relationship with someone
( ) questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
( ) had a gay marriage
(X ) kissed someone of the same sex
( ) dated someone you'll never forget
(i dont regret.. everything happens for a reason) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love
( ) regained your true love
( ) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under miseltoe
WORK/SCHOOL
( ) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
( ) changed jobs
( ) lost your job
( ) quit your job
( ) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
( ) got straight A's
( ) met one teacher you really like
(X) met one teacher you really hated
( ) found the subject you love
(X..oops) failed a class
( ) cut class
( ) skipped school
( ) got into a fight with a classmate
(X) did something you were proud of
( ) discovered a new talent
( ) gave the teachers a reason to teach
(X) proved yourself an idiot
( ) embarassed yourself in front of the class
( ) fell in love with a teacher
( ) got a lead in the school play
( ) made a varsity team
(X..not at school though.) were involved in something you'll never forget
(X..wasnt in trouble.) got sent to the office
OTHER
(X) painted a picture
(X) wrote a poem
(what for?) ran a mile
(X) listened to music you couldn't stand
(X ketchup!) double-dipped
(X)skinny-dipped
(X) went to a sleepover
(X) went camping
(X..well sorta.) threw a surprise party
(X) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(X ) flirted shamelessly
( ) visited a foreign country
( ) visted a foreign state
( ) cooked a disasterous meal
(X) lost something important to you
(X) got a gift you adore
(X..probably) realized something new about yourself
(X.. VEGAN ) went on a diet
( ) got super buff
(X) dyed your hair
(X at the blood brothers show. and probably multiple other times.) came close to losing your life
(X.. r.i.p. Boots. 2-1-05)someone close to you died
(X)went to a party
( ) drank alchohol
( ) drank alchohol underage
( ) did (a) drug(s)
( ) got drunk
( ) got arrested
(X) read a great book
(X) saw a great movie
(X) saw a movie so scary that it made you cry
(X) saw one of your favorite bands/artists live
(X) saw someone famous in person
(X i guess so..the good parts make up for the bad.. specaially since now when im looking back on most of the bad i laugh at how lame i was. ) Enjoyed this year overall
worst things about 05.
losing Boots was #1 worst.
staying single the entire year.
being led on so much and used.
losing contact with friends.
being spread FURTHER apart.
family stress due to Masta Shake and everyone else.
Drama. DRama. DRAma. DRAMa. DRAMA.
to my friends;thank you so much for everything this year.there are a few of you who have done more for me than anyone and you guys mean the world to me!. every person i have met this year has helped me in one way or another. ive gone through a lot of crap this year and you guys have had my back and listend to my shit through it all. im honest to goodness amazed. i know for a fact i would have given up on me due to how stubborn i am. those who havent cared or have givin up on me.. i thank you just as much.. you've only helped to make me stronger. you all mean so much to me and i look foward to another year with all of you! <3