Comments | kenderlord: Brigits_Flame February Entry 02

kenderlord

Brigits_Flame February Entry 02 - Flat.

Feb 13, 2009 10:44

Sharkey called me at three in the morning. Of course I was asleep.

“Th’fug d’you want?” I said. Hannah rolled over next to me, wakened by my cell phone. She muttered into my collarbone, “Who is that?” and I said it was Sharkey and she went back to sleep.

“Hold on,” I said into the phone. I rolled out of the bed and crept down the ( Read more... )

Comments 9

wierdauntie February 14 2009, 04:27:31 UTC

Fun take on the prompt!

kenderlord February 14 2009, 15:10:34 UTC

Thank you!
-D

cedarwolfsinger February 14 2009, 16:52:58 UTC

Interesting. Somewhat macabre, but interesting. I had to smile, against my will, at the CD recording. Nice work. Good luck!

kenderlord February 15 2009, 04:33:21 UTC

Thanks, Michelle!
-D

taste_is_sweet February 15 2009, 03:03:19 UTC

::snorts::

Word. You have a great imagination. :)

kenderlord February 15 2009, 04:36:54 UTC

Haha, thank you!

I might actually call this fanfiction. The Human Chord (that superhero that the detective references) is part of a suite of radio plays I'm producing this semester. The Human Chord is Harmonicus' sworn protector, and he uses the power of funk to fight crime. But I'm not directing that show - I'm just producing it.

So I wanted to explore the side of the law that the Human Chord and his sidekick Soundtrack don't wrangle with. I'm writing a few scripts for the director, and I wanted to get inside the city of Harmonicus, and flesh it out further. I see it as kind of a musical Gotham City, because the Human Chord is almost a Batman. Almost. It's a very silly show.
-D

edit harlotbug3 February 20 2009, 17:50:09 UTC

Now that I've read that, let me emphasize that my tough lough critique is meant to be encouraging ( ... )

Re: edit kenderlord February 20 2009, 18:24:30 UTC

Sharp as a tack. Thank you.

Your red pen pokes holes in my writing and it bleeds.

:)
-D

Editor 2 wierdauntie February 21 2009, 21:25:28 UTC

Shoot. you know I commented, so you know I really liked this piece! Then i read Harlotbug's edit and damn if s(he didn't say a lot of what I might have. So I will stick with, I really like your knack with dialogue. I love dialogue myself and you don't fall prey, as many do, to using describers like "grimaced," "expostulated" "wailed" "grumbled" etc- you stick with "said" and let the reader infer.

I could stand to see this piece expanded as well.
Good luck this week!