Brigits_Flame Entry May 02 - Morning Glory
She’d told me about the Wakin’ Bacon that morning at breakfast.
“Wait,” I had said, “is it shaped like a pig?”
“It doesn’t have to be!” she said. “I’m not sure the original is. But you put the slice bacon in the slot the night before, and the next morning, the little lightbulb cooks it and you… you wake to the smell!”
“Mm,” I said noncommittally ( Read more... )
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-D
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Her birthday, my birthday, bacon, sex. As if there isn't anything more to people. I love it.
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-D
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"little lightbulb" light bulb (two words)
"Sawing, hacking, measuring" might make this "Sawing, hacking and measuring"
Some of this piece was confusing for me, it felt like you were missing words, like there are a lot of fragmented thoughts and sentences, but....
This was cute and really delightful to read.
thanks for bearing with my short edit.
-Leander
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-D
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Remember all I offer are suggestions. Here we go...
1. Suddenly, my primate brain engaged with my reptilian brain and sent an electric jolt of awareness and fear right into my limbic system. I'm not quite sure what to make of this. I don't see what about his reaction is a result of either a "primate brain" or a "reptilian" brain. Maybe this could use some clarification?
Other than this, not much to offer. It's a short, simple piece that put a smile on my face. It's difficult to write something so short that really does a complete job at presenting itself and you've managed to do that here. Nice work.
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Here is what I mean by primate-reptilian:
The upper brain, right? the cerebrum - the foremost bit of the brain that's got the frontal (judgment) lobe - is the most advanced, most primate/human part of our brain. It's the most recent cerebral adaptation, on the timeline of evolutionary brain development.
The reptilian brain, the proto-brain structure that basically all land chordates share, right - that's the limbic system, that's the hypothalamus, the hippocampus - memory, fear, where you might say -instinct- is located.
So when the guy thinks "Oh, hey, my wife's birthday is tomorrow," that thought, bouncing around his conscious mind, suddenly catches the cog of his primitive lizardy bits and his body gets FLOODED with fear. That's how it works.
I guess what I have here is... shorthand for that? But if it's not effectively communicating what I'm trying to say, then it isn't really shorthand, is it?
Thanks for the crit! You always have useful things to offer.
-D
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Thank you for the clarification. Perhaps my mind is too simple to deduce that all from your very astute, intelligent reference. Leave it. It makes sense to you and probably those out there quicker than me :-)
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