Fault Lines (16/36)
Fault Lines
Chapter 16/36
Authors: Faith kennedysbitch & Kye
Pairing: Callie/Arizona, Mark/Lexie
Rating: NC-17
Beta’d by roughian
Story Summary: Sequel to Choices. Callie and Arizona make the decision to move forward with their lives, but when a gradual series of events begin to snowball, Arizona tries desperately not to lose her grip on reality.
Chapter Summary: Callie and Arizona receive good news as a couple while another part of Arizona’s life begins to crumble right before her very eyes.
Disclaimer
Previous Chapters
A/N: Finally. Oops.
Wonderful roughian is wonderful for cleaning up this garbled mess for me. Danke schön.
---
Emerald City was as busy as always despite being a Sunday night. Arizona sat by herself at the bar, idly stirring her vodka tonic with a straw.
Joe the bartender cleaned out a row of glasses with a towel thrown over his shoulder, watching the blonde stare absently into her drink. “Something on your mind, Dr. Robbins?”
“Hm?” Arizona glanced up and it took her a moment to bring her mind back down to earth. “No; just a busy day at the office is all.” She cleared her throat and took another sip.
Joe didn’t look convinced. He’d seen his fair share of the pediatric surgeon around his establishment but she usually came with a certain brunette attached to her arm. She certainly looked a lot happier when she wasn’t alone. He used to think there wasn’t a sad bone in Dr. Robbins’ body until she began frequenting this place in the last few weeks, usually by herself.
“You know, you can tell Callie that I make a mean Shirley Temple,” Joe added after a moment of silence. “Just because she can’t drink anymore doesn’t mean she can’t show her face around here and still have a good time.”
“No, that’s not it at all,” Arizona said, smiling tiredly up at him. “She loves you and this place, you know that. She’s just been busy lately.”
“I remember,” Joe replied. “What it’s like waiting for a baby to arrive. Walter and I may not have given birth, but we certainly had our hands full the last couple of months preparing everything.”
He threw the dirty bar towel over his shoulder and leaned into the counter. “You sure everything’s okay, Dr. Robbins? I haven’t seen that pretty lady of yours at all since you started coming here four days a week.”
“Yeah, everything is fine,” Arizona replied smoothly, swirling her straw around the remaining ice cubes in her glass. “I’ve got a lot going on right now; sometimes it’s nice to just...sit and relax by myself. While keeping your good company, of course,” she teased.
Joe grinned crookedly and set about making her another drink.
“How are the twins?” Arizona asked, genuinely curious. “Have they started ganging up on you and the hubby yet, making everything twice as hard as it should be?”
“Something like that,” Joe replied with a friendly laugh. “Walter usually does the chasing around before bedtime, I’m too pooped by the time I get home, even on an early night.”
Arizona grinned. “I can only imagine.” She accepted the drink he set in front of her and hurriedly sucked back a few mouthfuls.
Joe continued to watch her carefully, well aware that something was up. “Shouldn’t you be getting home to your lady?”
Arizona took a second to answer that question. “I should be,” she finally agreed, somewhat reluctantly.
It’s not that she didn’t want to go home to her girl and curl up in bed with her - most nights that’s all she wanted to do.
But after such a long day, with their fight that remained unfinished after Lexie got hurt, Arizona didn’t want to go home and continue it.
She was just so freaking exhausted.
“Thanks, Joe. For the drinks and for the company,” Arizona said, finishing the one she was working on before sliding out of her stool and gathering her purse. “Have a good night.” She flashed him a tired smile and headed for the exit.
Joe watched her go with a frown. “Later, Dr. R.”
***
The two drinks she’d had were enough to make Arizona feel light-headed and a little more relaxed than she’d been earlier. As she slipped through the front door of their apartment, her clumsy fingers fumbled with the lock as she teetered on her feet.
She wasn’t a ‘lightweight’, per se, but it definitely didn’t take much for her to feel the after effects of several drinks flowing through her system. She didn’t drink too often to begin with, but lately she’d been stopping at Joe’s for at least one before heading home after work.
With the kinds of days she’d been having, it was justified, in her opinion.
Dumping her coat on the rack and kicking her shoes haphazardly into a corner, Arizona tip toed across the carpet of their living room and into the kitchen. She drank an entire glass of water in four gulps and took two Advil to dull the oncoming headache she could feel rapidly approaching.
Callie was already asleep as Arizona quietly padded into the bedroom, silently closing the door behind her. She stripped on her way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothing as she went. One hot but quick shower later, she changed into a pair of pajamas and crawled into bed.
Arizona shifted in closer to Callie, draping an arm across the brunette’s waist as she settled in and closed her eyes, releasing a soft breath.
Awake but unmoving, Callie waited for that familiar weight to snuggle up against her back and for those soft lips to press a gentle kiss against her neck. It was a nightly ritual most evenings, with Arizona almost always being the big spoon.
But there was no movement from the other side of the bed, just what felt like a mile of space between her and the warm body behind her. Even the hand resting against her side and maintaining contact wasn’t enough keep her heart from sinking in her chest.
It became clear after a little while that she wouldn’t be drifting back to sleep any time soon, not when she knew the woman behind her was pulling away. Rolling over, Callie studied Arizona through the darkness. The blonde’s eyes were already closed and her breathing even enough that Callie knew she was sleeping.
She reached up to brush an errant strand of blonde hair away from her girlfriend’s eyes. Arizona’s soft breath carried the faint scent of alcohol, though clearly she’d tried to mask it with toothpaste and mouthwash. Her heart sunk at the notion that Arizona, her Arizona, who could handle a few glasses of wine at best, felt the need to drink before coming home at the end of the night. Callie knew the woman was far from smashed, but that didn’t change the fact that she was still doing it.
Sighing to herself, Callie pulled her pillow right up against Arizona’s and rested her cheek next to the other woman’s. She tried to close her eyes and breathe, letting Arizona’s presence be enough to put her mind at ease.
Sleep evaded her anyway.
***
Arizona slept soundly for several hours until a rude awakening came calling in the form of an earthquake.
At least, that’s what it felt like upon being jarred from a dead sleep by Callie shaking her shoulder.
“Arizona!”
“Hm?” The blonde could barely bring herself back to a plane of consciousness where that level of communication was even possible.
“Wake up!” More shaking.
Arizona’s blue eyes suddenly snapped open and she abruptly sat up, tangled hair everywhere as she blinked through the darkness. “What? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” She fumbled to push the covers back and scrambled for the bedside light, heart seizing in her chest.
“No-no, not the baby,” Callie clarified, feeling a teensy bit guilty. When the light finally flickered on, momentarily blinding them both, she shot her partner a somewhat sheepish smile. “I can’t sleep.”
Arizona blinked at Callie, her eyes still crusted over with exhaustion. “You can’t...sleep,” she echoed, sounding more than a little confused. “Uh-”
“Arizona, I can’t sleep,” Callie repeated, as if that was supposed to clarify things. “I need to know.”
“Know...what?” Arizona stifled a painful groan and collapsed back onto her pillow, rubbing the heels of her palms against her eyes.
All she wanted to do was sleep. She very, very desperately needed some rest.
“I need to know about the baby.”
Arizona dropped her hands back to her sides and stared at Callie in exasperation. “I thought you said this wasn’t about the-”
“I know what I said,” Callie snapped irritably, sitting up with a huff. “I’m going crazy. I can’t wait for next week, I wanna know now what kind of parasite is growing inside of me and is gonna pop outta my vagina in five months!”
Arizona’s mouth fell open. “Uh...”
“The sex of the baby, Arizona,” Callie shot back, agitated. “I can’t sleep because all I can think about is Mark and Lexie having a son a-and wondering if we’re gonna be too or if we’re gonna have a little girl that you’re going to have to beat Baby Sloan away from for the next sixteen years.”
Groaning, Arizona shifted over onto her side so she was facing Callie. “Sweetie...” Her left hand ran across her girlfriend’s stomach. “Okay, we can...we can go in the morning. I don’t work ‘til nine, so-”
“No. Now.”
Arizona blinked up at Callie again. “Now? But it’s...” She trailed off and glanced at the clock on the other side of her partner. “Honey, it’s three in the morning. Can’t it wait just a few more hours?”
Callie cocked a severe eyebrow down at Arizona. “You really want your pregnant and clearly hormonal girlfriend to lie away for the next six hours worrying? Really?”
Squeezing her eyes closed, Arizona had to resign herself to the fact that she was never going to win this one. “Okay,” she finally relented, forcing her groggy body to sit up and try to focus. “Okay. Get dressed and we’ll go.”
Callie’s annoyance immediately shifted into a happy bounce. “‘Kay.” She cleared the edge of the bed and headed around it for the bathroom, much more awake than the blonde sitting in a disheveled heap on the other side.
Arizona watched her go with heavy eyelids.
***
“You look tired,” Callie commented as her girlfriend fiddled with the ultrasound machine they had commandeered in an exam room.
Indeed Arizona’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy, which made sense considering she’d only been asleep for three hours before getting shaken awake. “Long day,” she murmured distractedly, finally getting the machine set up correctly.
“You sure you don’t want someone else to do this?” Callie asked tentatively. “Isn’t it kinda like taking pictures at a sporting event? You end up missing the experience of being there.”
Arizona shot Callie a wry smile. “I’m pretty sure I can handle it,” she teased, turning around to push Callie’s shirt up her belly. “You just lay back and let me cover you in goo.”
Smirking, the brunette lifted an eyebrow. “Goo? Really? Are you trying to be sexy?”
“It’s too early to be sexy,” Arizona chuckled tiredly. “I look like a raccoon with pink eye.”
“Aww,” Callie cooed, grabbing Arizona by the wrist and pulling her down onto the edge of the obstetrician chair she was lying back on. “I think your sleepy voice is ultra sexy. And the messy hair? Totally adorable.”
Arizona just shook her head with a short laugh. “You’re easily impressed these days, Torres.” She leaned over to steal a soft kiss before standing up again. “But thank you.”
“Any time,” Callie said, wiggling in her seat as Arizona neatly rolled up her shirt. She watched as her partner reached for the ultrasound gel and shook the tube, popping open the lid.
Callie was vibrating with excitement. She hadn’t been sure if she wanted to know the sex of the baby beforehand, but now that they were here it was all she could think about.
A little boy. One that would exude the same charm his blonde mama did, flashing those dimples and blue eyes and winning over all the ladies. One that she would spend the next twelve years taking to little league practices and one that would inherit Arizona’s childhood Transformers collection.
Or a baby girl with those same eyes and same dimples that Callie would protect from Sloan’s kid until the day she died. A little girl that looked exactly like either one of them and that was just as perfect as her partner in every way.
Either way, she’d be happy.
Knowing meant they’d have to plan. Not that they weren’t already planning; she was four months along after all. But colours for the nursery would be chosen, toys would be bought, allegiances to Miami, Seattle or various California sports teams would be fought over and decided on. Knowing meant things, bigger things. In a way it made their situation so much more real than it already was to Callie.
Knowing meant they officially had a tiny boy or girl to worry about and protect with their lives. Knowing meant that if anything went wrong, it was totally and completely their fault. That if the kid got screwed up and turned out to be a serial killer, Callie would forever be able to trace that back to this moment when she started doing things wrong.
“Wait!”
Arizona paused, tube of gel poised right over top of Callie’s bare stomach. “What?”
“I don’t want to do this.”
Arizona stared at her girlfriend in disbelief. “Seriously?”
Callie’s lower lip quivered and she nodded.
“You’re kidding me.” Arizona blinked slowly, setting the tube of gel aside for now. “Calliope, it is three-thirty in the morning, you dragged my ass out of bed after three hours of sleep when I have to be back here in another three hours, and now you’re telling me you just want to forget it all?”
Callie shrunk back in her chair and whimpered. “Yeah?”
Arizona did not look impressed.
“I’m scared, okay?” Callie blurted, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I’m afraid to know but at the same time I need to know. Y’know? Argh!”
Sighing, Arizona leaned over the frustrated woman. “Sweetie, look at me.” She waited patiently until watery brown eyes met hers.
“We both agreed that we want to know, right?”
Callie nodded mutely, pouting.
“Okay. So we’re here now, we’ve got everything set up, we’re alone, and this is the perfect moment,” Arizona said quietly, reaching down to take Callie’s hand. “I’m right here with you, okay? Trust me when I say this is a happy moment, not a scary one.”
Arizona was tired enough to curl up on the floor and nap on the cold tile, but she meant every word. She’d rather be here than anywhere else, finding out if they were about to have a son or daughter.
Callie pulled in a deep breath through her nose, trying to calm the panicked butterflies in her stomach. “O-okay,” she stuttered after a moment, nodding quickly. “I’m - I’m ready.”
“Okay.” Arizona leaned forward to steal a soft, gentle kiss from the brunette before releasing her hand and pulling away.
Callie started vibrating in place again the moment Arizona squirted gel from the tube onto her stomach, ignoring the cold in favour of staring unblinkingly at the screen.
Arizona positioned herself so they could both see and gently began to roll the wand over Callie’s belly. She fell silent, eyes flickering over the screen as she focused on their little bean-sized walnut, or whatever it most resembled right now.
Callie gulped and her eyes gradually got wider, eventually ceasing to blink at all.
Arizona broke out in a grin the moment she got the heartbeat on the monitor, still just as amazed by it as she was the first time around. “Still going strong,” she commented, shooting Callie a reassuring smile.
“Is there a penis?” Callie blurted, still not blinking.
Arizona snorted and shook her head, focusing back on the screen. “Gimme a minute.”
Callie shifted her eyes back to the blonde, watching her face for any sort of reaction. Arizona almost managed to remain neutral but Callie was able to see the change in her features the moment she figured it out.
“Oh, wow,” Arizona whispered, tears springing up behind her eyes.
“What?” Callie sat up in a hurry, dislodging the wand from her belly. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Arizona said, immediately leaning down and planting a sweet, lingering kiss on her favourite set of lips in the entire world. She hadn’t planned on getting overly emotional, but her tear ducts were failing her now.
Callie loved the kisses and everything, but she couldn’t take the wait any longer. She grabbed two fistfuls of Arizona’s shirt and shoved her back from the kiss, keeping her held in close. “What?!” she repeated.
Arizona couldn’t help herself. “Twins.”
Callie inhaled sharply and stopped breathing all together, her mouth falling open and eyes nearly popping out of her skull.
If Arizona said what she thought she said, then-
The blonde let out a bark of laughter. “I’m kidding,” she hurried on, beaming even when Callie punched her in the shoulder with a dangerous growl. “I’m sorry, but you should see the look on your face right now.”
“You are such an ass,” Callie grumbled, although she couldn’t deny that she was smirking. “And you have three seconds to tell me if our one baby is a boy or girl before the couch in Mark’s apartment becomes your permanent place of residence.”
Arizona grinned crookedly and leaned her forehead into Callie’s, a few stray tears staining her cheeks.
Suddenly she minded the late night wake-up call a lot less.
***
The door to the on-call room barely closed behind them before Callie lost her shirt and dropped it onto the floor.
Arizona backpedaled toward the nearest bed, pulling the brunette in by the waistline of her pants. She playfully sucked on Callie’s bottom lip, toeing her shoes off as they moved.
Callie was just as elated as her girlfriend, trying to navigate through the hurricane of frenzied hands that twisted and pulled at whatever clothing they could find.
“Coulda gone home,” Callie pointed out as she stripped Arizona of her t-shirt.
“Too far,” Arizona grinned, undoing and wiggling out of her pants.
She hadn’t felt this like in months. There was no way she was waiting until they crossed an entire street and walked half a block before she took Callie’s clothes off.
“C’mere,” Callie murmured under her breath, grabbing Arizona by the back of the neck and pulling her down onto the nearest bed.
Arizona easily fell on top of her, avoiding clanging her head against the top bunk by an inch or two at most. Their lips crashed together and Callie’s fingers tangled into the blonde’s hair, pulling her whole body down.
Arizona released a soft moan into the kiss as her right hand wandered across the brunette’s bare ribcage, delighting in the sexy shiver it elicited. Her fingers continued to trace small lines along her skin and eventually migrated over to rest a flat palm against her stomach.
She pulled back from the kiss when they both needed a breath, panting hard as her mind hurried to catch up with the rest of her body. She produced a breathless, almost bewildered smile at Callie and stroked her fingertips over her stomach.
“I can’t believe we’re having a baby girl,” she whispered, blue eyes shining down into Callie’s dark brown.
Callie bit her lip and nodded almost shyly. “I know,” she added in a whisper of her own. “It’s amazing.”
Arizona couldn’t look away from the image beneath her - Callie’s gorgeous dark locks of hair splayed on the pillow around her head, those perfect pouty lips of hers curved up in a genuine smile, and the sexiest look swirling in her eyes that Arizona had ever seen.
“I love you,” she breathed, eyes flickering briefly down to her girlfriend’s mouth before back up to hold her gaze.
Callie cradled Arizona’s face between her hands and stroked her thumbs along her cheeks. “I love you, too,” she echoed before capturing her lips once more.
Without breaking apart, Arizona began to undo Callie’s pants, trying to work them down her hips with one hand. She held her weight up on one arm, taking care not to apply any pressure on her lover’s belly.
Just thinking about the baby girl growing inside the love of her life made Arizona break out into another huge smile.
Callie giggled from beneath her, closing her eyes as Arizona started leaving quick, playful pecks along her jaw and neck. “How am I supposed to kiss you when you keep grinning like a moron?”
“I’m sorry,” Arizona laughed against Callie’s ear. “I can’t help it.”
“You are such a sap,” Callie teased, raking her nails along the small of Arizona’s back.
The blonde stifled a groan and wedged her thigh between her girlfriend’s legs, rocking forward.
Callie immediately sucked in a sharp breath and dug her nails into Arizona’s back, reveling in the skin-on-skin contact she’d been missing as of late.
Arizona’s hair fell forward over her shoulders, framing her face and enclosing Callie’s in a curtain of gold. She wasted no time in capturing her partner’s lips in another deep, satisfying kiss, grinding her body forward and drawing a moan from both of them.
Callie’s nimble fingers had just started to work their way up toward the clasp on Arizona’s bra when the unmistakable and much-hated sound of a pager cut into their passionate moment.
Matching growls erupted from both sets of lips as Arizona pulled away, closing her eyes and wishing whoever sent the message dead.
Callie held her breath for a long moment before she released it in a frustrated sigh. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“We can’t have sex without getting interrupted and the baby isn’t even here yet,” Arizona murmured unhappily, begrudgingly extracting herself from the brunette and climbing off of the bed. She padded over to the discarded pairs of jeans on the floor and stooped down to check on Callie’s first.
“You’re in the clear,” she announced when nothing showed up on the screen. Switching to her own, she swiped her fingers back through her hair. “Hopefully it’s nothing seri...”
Callie watched Arizona’s whole expression change and immediately sat up half-naked on the bed. “What is it?’
“My dad,” Arizona croaked, her voice breaking.
Callie’s heart leapt up into her throat and she immediately fumbled around the floor for her clothing.
Arizona seemed dazed, taking a moment before she worked on trying to pull herself together, haphazardly pulling her jeans back on and tripping into her shoes.
Callie had to help the blonde put her shirt on and grabbed the rest of their stuff from the floor. “C’mon, the elevator is right down the hall, we’ll be there in twenty seconds,” she urged, helping usher the stunned woman out of the on-call room.
As much as she’d been enjoying the almost-sex they were getting into, Callie suddenly feared that Arizona’s whole world was about to come crashing down around her. Around them.
Callie didn’t know what the future would hold beyond that point.
***
Arizona only made it up to her father’s room because Callie remained coherent enough to lead them both. She found herself outside of his window a short time later and felt her girlfriend abruptly pull her to a stop.
There was a flutter of activity inside and Arizona watched through a haze of confusion as several interns and a nurse started to move his bed toward the door. She furrowed her brow, barely understanding what was going on as they started to take him down the hallway in the other direction.
Teddy appeared in front of them and Arizona could make out her best friend’s mouth moving, but she was unable to focus on her words. Luckily Callie stuck by her side and lightly nudged her back into reality.
“Huh?” Arizona blinked and tried to focus on Teddy.
“His heart is beating irregularly,” the cardio surgeon repeated with a hasty glance over her shoulder. “He might be throwing a clot. I’m taking him into surgery; they’re prepping an OR upstairs right now.”
She shot Callie a look and started to back up in the direction Daniel Robbins was being carted. “I’m sorry, I’ll find someone to update you as soon as I know something.”
“Thanks,” Callie called after her, nodding in acknowledgment before turning her attention back to Arizona.
She rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back, feeling her own heart constrict in her chest at the far-off look in her lover’s eyes. “Honey, c’mon. We’ll go to the waiting room and I’ll call your mom for you.”
Arizona eventually met Callie’s eyes, her own unfocused and mostly vacant. She managed to nod mutely and allowed her partner to wrap an arm around her waist, leading her back toward the elevator.
She couldn’t find it in her to say anything out loud. She didn’t trust her voice not to betray how she was feeling.
***
The next several hours were some of the longest of Arizona’s life. She let Callie call her mom back at the hotel and tell her what was going on, but somehow the thirty or so minutes in between that call and her mother’s arrival blurred together to seem like mere seconds.
Callie stayed glued to her side the entire time, worried sick that Arizona still had yet to utter a single word. If she hadn’t shifted in her seat every couple of minutes and cast the occasional glance at her watch, Callie would’ve worried that she’d slipped into a catatonic state or a complete coma. She gave up trying to engage her in distracting conversation and fell into a matching silence, settling back in her chair.
By the time Teddy came out of surgery, the sun was rising behind them through the waiting room windows. Callie was completely exhausted but had been too afraid to close her eyes. She had a feeling that she would’ve woken up and Arizona wouldn’t have been there.
The blonde barely noticed when her best friend appeared in the room as her mom and Callie stood up on either side of her. She reluctantly rose to her feet as well, trying to clear the cobwebs from her head.
“...so I’ve inserted a pacemaker for now,” Teddy was in the middle of explaining by the time Arizona tuned in. “It should help regulate his heartbeat, although there’s no telling how long it will last. I’ve called UNOS and he’s being bumped up to the top of the list for a new heart.”
Arizona felt both Teddy’s and Callie’s eyes on her and nodded warily as she took in that information. “That means he’s...that this is his last chance?”
Teddy exchanged a brief, worried look with Callie before glancing back to Arizona and her mother. “I’m sorry, but at this point if his heart starts to fail, there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to get it started again. I’ve briefed Dr. Hahn over the phone and she’s doing her best to find him one.”
Arizona took her mom’s hand and squeezed it hard. “Thanks, Teddy. Is he...?”
“He’s in recovery,” Teddy said with a small nod. “He’ll be moved back to his room shortly and then you can see him.”
“Thank you, Dr. Altman,” Mrs. Robbins replied quietly, holding Arizona’s hand tightly. She looked about as weary as her daughter felt.
“Do you need anything?” Teddy asked the Robbins family, focusing on her best friend and frowning at the vacant look in her eyes. “Anything at all?”
“We’ll be okay,” Arizona replied automatically, the words sounding foreign as they left her mouth. “Thanks, Teddy.”
Teddy cast another glance at Callie, who just shrugged helplessly and nodded that it was okay for her to leave. Hesitating for a moment, Teddy left to change out of her surgical scrub gown.
Arizona pulled her mom into a gentle hug, releasing a heavy sigh and rubbing a hand up and down her back. “He’s okay,” she repeated a few times, the mantra as much for herself as it was for her mother.
Maria Robbins eventually pulled herself together and inhaled a deep, steadying breath. “I think it’s best I wait by his room until they bring him back,” she said absently.
Arizona nodded and glanced over at Callie, who was hovering nearby looking worried. “Calliope, would you mind taking her? I...I need to take care of something first.”
“Yeah, of course,” Callie replied, frowning in worry. “What are you...?”
Arizona pulled in a shaky breath. “I need to talk to Derek. I can’t...I need some time off, I can’t focus on work right now.”
Callie was visibly relieved. She’d been bugging Arizona to take a leave of absence for weeks now. “Okay, yeah, of course. Do you want me to go with you?”
“No,” Arizona said immediately, shaking her head firmly. “No, you should go back with my mom and wait until my aunt gets here, then you should go home.”
“Without you?” Callie furrowed her brow.
“I just need to sort things out with the Chief and then I’ll follow you,” Arizona assured her girlfriend. “It’s okay, you need to rest. Keep our baby from stressing out with all of the drama in her mommies’ lives.”
Arizona willed the thought of their little girl to inject some sort of feeling into her veins, but she felt nothing. Empty. Unfocused.
Turning away from her family, Arizona squared her shoulders and walked out of the waiting room without looking back.
Callie fought the urge to run after her, choosing instead to slip an arm around Maria’s shoulders. “C’mon. Let’s grab some coffee and get you back to his room.”
Maria nodded mutely and allowed herself to be lead away.
***
“Chief?”
Derek was just settling into his office for the morning as he glanced up from his desk. “Arizona,” he greeted with a warm grin. “Don’t you ever leave this place?”
Arizona smiled humorlessly. “Sometimes I wonder that myself.”
“It’s good that you’re here, I was actually hoping to talk to you.” Derek hung his coat up on a hook and sank down in his chair. He looked apprehensive.
Arizona opted to stay standing. She crossed her arms over her chest and watched her boss warily. “Is something wrong?”
Derek’s face said it all. “You should have a seat, Arizona. I got a call from the Board today.”
Stomach twisting into knots, Arizona fought the urge to scream.
Right now? Really?
She relented and pulled out the chair opposite his desk, sinking down into it with a feeling of dread churning in the bit of her stomach.
“Your lawyer will get in contact with you today, but I wanted to give you a heads up.” Derek leaned forward and folded his hands on top of the desk. “Carmen’s lawyer has filed papers for a multi-million dollar lawsuit, opting to forgo any further mediation attempts. Given your status as a world-class surgeon and your reputation in the field of medicine, he considers himself to be playing nice.”
Arizona clenched her jaw shut, staring hard at her hands.
“If this goes through, you have insurance,” Derek continued, hoping to put her mind somewhat at ease. “It would cover the vast majority but you would be responsible for a significant deductable. However, they’re still running their case on a he-said-she-said basis. Or a...she-said-she-said, I guess.”
Arizona rolled her eyes and actually laughed; a short, harsh sound filtered with disbelief. “She’s not going to back down. She’ll play the ‘evil lesbian’ story to the end and claim I’m just another doctor screwing over a nurse. What am I supposed to do about it? I have nothing other than my word.”
Derek sat back in his chair, watching her sympathetically. “And the word of every other surgeon in this hospital. We’re on your side, Arizona.”
She still didn’t want the story getting out. It was humiliating enough as it was, nobody else needed to know.
In all honesty, it was the last thing on her mind right now. She just didn’t care anymore.
“Just...settle it,” Arizona said after a long moment, shaking her head. “I’m...I’m done, I’m out. Tell the board I’ll suck it up and pay the fine.”
“Don’t be rash,” Derek interjected. “This is big, Arizona. It would remain on your permanent file and if you were to ever leave Seattle Grace, it could cause a lot of problems trying to get another job. Don’t just write it off.”
“What else am I supposed to do?” Arizona asked in exasperation. “I can’t - I can’t do this anymore, Derek. I can’t. My dad’s in the ICU a-and I-”
Derek leaned forward and covered her hand with his own. “Don’t settle with her, okay? Not right now, not yet. Given the circumstances with your father, your lawyer should be able to delay the proceedings without too much trouble. It would give you more time to sort things out. Don’t give up yet. Please.”
Arizona was at a loss for what to do or say. She wanted it to all be over already. She was done fighting the crap storm that had been sent her way. Finished.
Closing her eyes, Arizona opened her mouth to protest but no words came out. She didn’t have the energy for any.
“Take a few days,” Derek continued, seeing the utter exhaustion etched into the blonde’s features. “Spend some time with Callie and your parents; you have more important things to worry about right now. This will sort itself out and we’ll do our best to make sure you’re taken care of. Everyone is on your side,” he reiterated.
“Yeah,” Arizona breathed, nodding briefly before pushing back to her feet. “I, um...I have to go check on my dad.”
Derek watched her leave in a zombie-like state, frowning to himself.
Out of everyone in this hospital, Arizona Robbins was the last one to deserve the hand she had been dealt.
***
Callie waited for Arizona’s aunt to arrive before leaving her mom and dad in peace.
Daniel was weak, but he was hanging in there. That’s all they could ask for right now.
She reluctantly went home like Arizona had suggested, hoping the blonde got back sooner rather than later. She took a twenty minute shower, feeling pretty exhausted herself after the long night.
Everything was just so backwards. They find out they’re having a baby girl and Arizona’s dad simultaneously takes a turn for the worse. It was like the universe didn’t think they deserved to be happy.
Callie was worried sick about her partner and made a pact with herself to talk to the blonde the moment she got home. She couldn’t take any more of this emotional distance and not knowing what was going on in her head. Arizona needed to let it all out for once instead of bottling everything up inside and stewing.
Callie knew first hand how strong Arizona was. She’d been her pillar of strength numerous times, through every kind of crappy circumstance the universe had thrown her way. The woman had never left her side or so much as flinched.
But she was crumbling under the pressure and Callie was certain today had brought her dangerously close to breaking.
Emerging from the master bathroom, Callie immediately smiled upon seeing Arizona standing by the foot of their bed. “Hey, you’re back sooner than I thought you’d be.”
Her eyes drifted down to what the other woman’s hands were busy doing. A black duffel bag sat open on top of the bed sheets and various pieces of clothing were being tucked neatly inside.
Even when stressed, Arizona was obsessive-compulsive.
“What are you doing?” Callie asked dumbly, stopping short and staring at her girlfriend.
Arizona paused briefly, her hands shaking as they hovered over the open bag with a pair of pajamas clutched in them. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Callie’s eyes. “I need to...i-it’s only for a few days,” she murmured almost inaudibly before resuming packing.
Callie was shell-shocked. “Need to what, Arizona?”
Arizona tried and failed to answer her. She felt like her head was being held underwater; everything was going in slow motion and she couldn’t think through it. She couldn’t breathe.
Zipping the bag shut, she glanced up at her girlfriend and bit her bottom lip, eventually turning and retreating into the living room.
It took a moment before Callie’s feet agreed to move after her. “Arizona,” she called out, following her over to the couch. “What the hell are you doing? Where are you going?”
Arizona set her bag on the coffee table next to her jacket and sank down onto the couch, releasing a ragged sigh.
Callie immediately sat next to her, fearful of what she was going to hear next.
“I just need some time,” Arizona started in a soft, raspy voice, finally holding Callie’s dark brown eyes with her own. “A few days at most, I promise.”
Close to tears, Callie shook her head, taken completely off guard. “Why can’t you take some time here?” she pleaded, struggling to hold back her emotions. “With me?”
It broke Arizona’s heart to see the pain in her girlfriend’s features. She hated being the cause of it, but she’d convinced herself that it was better this way.
Better than staying and letting Callie see her fall apart. Better than seeing the disappointment in her eyes when she learned the truth.
“I can’t,” Arizona whispered. “I can’t stay here, I need to...I need to figure everything out, and I can’t think when I’m here.”
“Why are you leaving?” Callie repeated, desperate a clearer answer, something that made sense.
“Because, I-I...” Arizona trailed off, unsure of what to say.
Because her father was going to die. Because her career was about to tank. Because after she’d lost her brother, she’d had a complete meltdown and didn’t want Callie to see her like that again.
Because she felt like an epic failure and couldn’t bear to see the other woman look at her with disappointment.
“I’m so sorry,” Arizona choked out, eyes watering dangerously as she tried to hold it together for just a little while longer. “It’s not you, baby, I swear it’s not you.” She reached out for Callie’s hand and immediately pressed a hard kiss to the back of it. “I just need to be alone right now, I need to process everything and I can’t do that here.”
Tears fell unhindered from Callie’s dark eyes. “I don’t understand,” she whispered hoarsely. “I know your dad had a close call, but h-he’s okay. He’s gonna be okay now, baby. He’ll be okay.”
Arizona felt a sharp pain in her chest and she sighed heavily. “Calliope-”
“No,” Callie cut in as anger suddenly flooded through her system. “This is such bullshit,” she snapped, ripping her hand away from her girlfriend’s grasp and jumping up from the couch. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”
Arizona stood up, hoping to calm her pregnant lover down. “Calliope, please, sit down,” she urged, reaching out for her hand again.
Callie jerked it away and took a step back, pointing a finger in the blonde’s face. “Do not ‘Calliope’ me right now, Arizona. I swear to God I’ll kick your ass if you do.”
Under normal circumstances, that would have made Arizona smile. She felt physically incapable of making the gesture right now. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry,” she murmured.
Callie just snorted in disbelief, swiping a hand across her cheeks. The tears kept falling no matter how hard she tried to stop them.
“I know you don’t understand, but it’s just something I have to do,” Arizona said again. She stooped over to grab a pen and paper from the coffee table and jotted down a hotel name and phone number.
“If you need to get ahold of me, I’ll leave your name at the front desk so they’ll let you in. But Callie, please,” she begged, “just give me some space to sort though my head. I know it’s completely unfair and that you’re angry with me, but it’s something that I need right now.”
“You need space from me?” Callie’s voice had changed, meek and uncertain.
“No,” Arizona replied quickly, “not from you. Not from you. From everything else. I’m falling apart and I can’t...I can’t stay here. I need to go.”
Callie just stood there, motionless and silent.
What else could she say? Arizona had made up her mind and Callie just knew she wouldn’t be able to change it.
She felt her bottom lip quiver as she stared helplessly back into Arizona’s strained blue eyes. “I love you,” she whispered softly, her voice cracking.
Arizona barely managed to hold back a broken sob at the gently spoken words. “Oh, honey,” she murmured, stepping up to brush a ghost of a kiss across her girlfriend’s lips. “I love you, too.”
She stroked the side of Callie’s face with her fingers, stealing a deeper kiss and lingering for as long as she could hold herself together.
Just as Callie opened her mouth to beg Arizona not to go, the blonde grabbed her bag and turned away, heading for the door without looking back.
The brunette stood there in silence, barely holding it together. The silent ‘click’ of the apartment door set off a fresh wave of tears.
***
Once again she was failing.
She was failing at her job, letting her personal life effect her work.
She had failed her top resident, too busy dealing with her own life to see him self-destruct right before her very eyes.
She had failed Callie more than once. First in her one-night-stand with Carmen and now the consequences that were burying her because of it.
She was failing her right now by being a coward and running away because it was easier.
If she lost her job, she’d be failing her family, unable to provide for them like she’d always sworn to do.
She had failed her father, unable to be the strong, confident woman he had raised her to be. She couldn’t stay strong for him any more than she could stay strong for Callie. For herself.
And she had failed their baby girl, who wasn’t even born yet.
Arizona started to crack as she neared the elevators, blue eyes shining with tears as her breath came in hollow, short gasps. She hated running out on Callie like this, hated it. She knew it wasn’t making matters better, but she just couldn’t do this right now. She needed time alone in order to pull herself together and she couldn’t do that in front of her partner.
I’m a coward, Arizona thought to herself as she stepped into the elevator. I’m a coward who doesn’t deserve a woman like her in the first place.
As the doors to the fifth floor slid shut, Arizona closed her eyes and sagged back against the elevator wall.
She’d never felt so lost before. Never.
---
Chapter 16/36
Authors: Faith kennedysbitch & Kye
Pairing: Callie/Arizona, Mark/Lexie
Rating: NC-17
Beta’d by roughian
Story Summary: Sequel to Choices. Callie and Arizona make the decision to move forward with their lives, but when a gradual series of events begin to snowball, Arizona tries desperately not to lose her grip on reality.
Chapter Summary: Callie and Arizona receive good news as a couple while another part of Arizona’s life begins to crumble right before her very eyes.
Disclaimer
Previous Chapters
A/N: Finally. Oops.
Wonderful roughian is wonderful for cleaning up this garbled mess for me. Danke schön.
---
Emerald City was as busy as always despite being a Sunday night. Arizona sat by herself at the bar, idly stirring her vodka tonic with a straw.
Joe the bartender cleaned out a row of glasses with a towel thrown over his shoulder, watching the blonde stare absently into her drink. “Something on your mind, Dr. Robbins?”
“Hm?” Arizona glanced up and it took her a moment to bring her mind back down to earth. “No; just a busy day at the office is all.” She cleared her throat and took another sip.
Joe didn’t look convinced. He’d seen his fair share of the pediatric surgeon around his establishment but she usually came with a certain brunette attached to her arm. She certainly looked a lot happier when she wasn’t alone. He used to think there wasn’t a sad bone in Dr. Robbins’ body until she began frequenting this place in the last few weeks, usually by herself.
“You know, you can tell Callie that I make a mean Shirley Temple,” Joe added after a moment of silence. “Just because she can’t drink anymore doesn’t mean she can’t show her face around here and still have a good time.”
“No, that’s not it at all,” Arizona said, smiling tiredly up at him. “She loves you and this place, you know that. She’s just been busy lately.”
“I remember,” Joe replied. “What it’s like waiting for a baby to arrive. Walter and I may not have given birth, but we certainly had our hands full the last couple of months preparing everything.”
He threw the dirty bar towel over his shoulder and leaned into the counter. “You sure everything’s okay, Dr. Robbins? I haven’t seen that pretty lady of yours at all since you started coming here four days a week.”
“Yeah, everything is fine,” Arizona replied smoothly, swirling her straw around the remaining ice cubes in her glass. “I’ve got a lot going on right now; sometimes it’s nice to just...sit and relax by myself. While keeping your good company, of course,” she teased.
Joe grinned crookedly and set about making her another drink.
“How are the twins?” Arizona asked, genuinely curious. “Have they started ganging up on you and the hubby yet, making everything twice as hard as it should be?”
“Something like that,” Joe replied with a friendly laugh. “Walter usually does the chasing around before bedtime, I’m too pooped by the time I get home, even on an early night.”
Arizona grinned. “I can only imagine.” She accepted the drink he set in front of her and hurriedly sucked back a few mouthfuls.
Joe continued to watch her carefully, well aware that something was up. “Shouldn’t you be getting home to your lady?”
Arizona took a second to answer that question. “I should be,” she finally agreed, somewhat reluctantly.
It’s not that she didn’t want to go home to her girl and curl up in bed with her - most nights that’s all she wanted to do.
But after such a long day, with their fight that remained unfinished after Lexie got hurt, Arizona didn’t want to go home and continue it.
She was just so freaking exhausted.
“Thanks, Joe. For the drinks and for the company,” Arizona said, finishing the one she was working on before sliding out of her stool and gathering her purse. “Have a good night.” She flashed him a tired smile and headed for the exit.
Joe watched her go with a frown. “Later, Dr. R.”
***
The two drinks she’d had were enough to make Arizona feel light-headed and a little more relaxed than she’d been earlier. As she slipped through the front door of their apartment, her clumsy fingers fumbled with the lock as she teetered on her feet.
She wasn’t a ‘lightweight’, per se, but it definitely didn’t take much for her to feel the after effects of several drinks flowing through her system. She didn’t drink too often to begin with, but lately she’d been stopping at Joe’s for at least one before heading home after work.
With the kinds of days she’d been having, it was justified, in her opinion.
Dumping her coat on the rack and kicking her shoes haphazardly into a corner, Arizona tip toed across the carpet of their living room and into the kitchen. She drank an entire glass of water in four gulps and took two Advil to dull the oncoming headache she could feel rapidly approaching.
Callie was already asleep as Arizona quietly padded into the bedroom, silently closing the door behind her. She stripped on her way to the bathroom, leaving a trail of clothing as she went. One hot but quick shower later, she changed into a pair of pajamas and crawled into bed.
Arizona shifted in closer to Callie, draping an arm across the brunette’s waist as she settled in and closed her eyes, releasing a soft breath.
Awake but unmoving, Callie waited for that familiar weight to snuggle up against her back and for those soft lips to press a gentle kiss against her neck. It was a nightly ritual most evenings, with Arizona almost always being the big spoon.
But there was no movement from the other side of the bed, just what felt like a mile of space between her and the warm body behind her. Even the hand resting against her side and maintaining contact wasn’t enough keep her heart from sinking in her chest.
It became clear after a little while that she wouldn’t be drifting back to sleep any time soon, not when she knew the woman behind her was pulling away. Rolling over, Callie studied Arizona through the darkness. The blonde’s eyes were already closed and her breathing even enough that Callie knew she was sleeping.
She reached up to brush an errant strand of blonde hair away from her girlfriend’s eyes. Arizona’s soft breath carried the faint scent of alcohol, though clearly she’d tried to mask it with toothpaste and mouthwash. Her heart sunk at the notion that Arizona, her Arizona, who could handle a few glasses of wine at best, felt the need to drink before coming home at the end of the night. Callie knew the woman was far from smashed, but that didn’t change the fact that she was still doing it.
Sighing to herself, Callie pulled her pillow right up against Arizona’s and rested her cheek next to the other woman’s. She tried to close her eyes and breathe, letting Arizona’s presence be enough to put her mind at ease.
Sleep evaded her anyway.
***
Arizona slept soundly for several hours until a rude awakening came calling in the form of an earthquake.
At least, that’s what it felt like upon being jarred from a dead sleep by Callie shaking her shoulder.
“Arizona!”
“Hm?” The blonde could barely bring herself back to a plane of consciousness where that level of communication was even possible.
“Wake up!” More shaking.
Arizona’s blue eyes suddenly snapped open and she abruptly sat up, tangled hair everywhere as she blinked through the darkness. “What? What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” She fumbled to push the covers back and scrambled for the bedside light, heart seizing in her chest.
“No-no, not the baby,” Callie clarified, feeling a teensy bit guilty. When the light finally flickered on, momentarily blinding them both, she shot her partner a somewhat sheepish smile. “I can’t sleep.”
Arizona blinked at Callie, her eyes still crusted over with exhaustion. “You can’t...sleep,” she echoed, sounding more than a little confused. “Uh-”
“Arizona, I can’t sleep,” Callie repeated, as if that was supposed to clarify things. “I need to know.”
“Know...what?” Arizona stifled a painful groan and collapsed back onto her pillow, rubbing the heels of her palms against her eyes.
All she wanted to do was sleep. She very, very desperately needed some rest.
“I need to know about the baby.”
Arizona dropped her hands back to her sides and stared at Callie in exasperation. “I thought you said this wasn’t about the-”
“I know what I said,” Callie snapped irritably, sitting up with a huff. “I’m going crazy. I can’t wait for next week, I wanna know now what kind of parasite is growing inside of me and is gonna pop outta my vagina in five months!”
Arizona’s mouth fell open. “Uh...”
“The sex of the baby, Arizona,” Callie shot back, agitated. “I can’t sleep because all I can think about is Mark and Lexie having a son a-and wondering if we’re gonna be too or if we’re gonna have a little girl that you’re going to have to beat Baby Sloan away from for the next sixteen years.”
Groaning, Arizona shifted over onto her side so she was facing Callie. “Sweetie...” Her left hand ran across her girlfriend’s stomach. “Okay, we can...we can go in the morning. I don’t work ‘til nine, so-”
“No. Now.”
Arizona blinked up at Callie again. “Now? But it’s...” She trailed off and glanced at the clock on the other side of her partner. “Honey, it’s three in the morning. Can’t it wait just a few more hours?”
Callie cocked a severe eyebrow down at Arizona. “You really want your pregnant and clearly hormonal girlfriend to lie away for the next six hours worrying? Really?”
Squeezing her eyes closed, Arizona had to resign herself to the fact that she was never going to win this one. “Okay,” she finally relented, forcing her groggy body to sit up and try to focus. “Okay. Get dressed and we’ll go.”
Callie’s annoyance immediately shifted into a happy bounce. “‘Kay.” She cleared the edge of the bed and headed around it for the bathroom, much more awake than the blonde sitting in a disheveled heap on the other side.
Arizona watched her go with heavy eyelids.
***
“You look tired,” Callie commented as her girlfriend fiddled with the ultrasound machine they had commandeered in an exam room.
Indeed Arizona’s eyes were bloodshot and puffy, which made sense considering she’d only been asleep for three hours before getting shaken awake. “Long day,” she murmured distractedly, finally getting the machine set up correctly.
“You sure you don’t want someone else to do this?” Callie asked tentatively. “Isn’t it kinda like taking pictures at a sporting event? You end up missing the experience of being there.”
Arizona shot Callie a wry smile. “I’m pretty sure I can handle it,” she teased, turning around to push Callie’s shirt up her belly. “You just lay back and let me cover you in goo.”
Smirking, the brunette lifted an eyebrow. “Goo? Really? Are you trying to be sexy?”
“It’s too early to be sexy,” Arizona chuckled tiredly. “I look like a raccoon with pink eye.”
“Aww,” Callie cooed, grabbing Arizona by the wrist and pulling her down onto the edge of the obstetrician chair she was lying back on. “I think your sleepy voice is ultra sexy. And the messy hair? Totally adorable.”
Arizona just shook her head with a short laugh. “You’re easily impressed these days, Torres.” She leaned over to steal a soft kiss before standing up again. “But thank you.”
“Any time,” Callie said, wiggling in her seat as Arizona neatly rolled up her shirt. She watched as her partner reached for the ultrasound gel and shook the tube, popping open the lid.
Callie was vibrating with excitement. She hadn’t been sure if she wanted to know the sex of the baby beforehand, but now that they were here it was all she could think about.
A little boy. One that would exude the same charm his blonde mama did, flashing those dimples and blue eyes and winning over all the ladies. One that she would spend the next twelve years taking to little league practices and one that would inherit Arizona’s childhood Transformers collection.
Or a baby girl with those same eyes and same dimples that Callie would protect from Sloan’s kid until the day she died. A little girl that looked exactly like either one of them and that was just as perfect as her partner in every way.
Either way, she’d be happy.
Knowing meant they’d have to plan. Not that they weren’t already planning; she was four months along after all. But colours for the nursery would be chosen, toys would be bought, allegiances to Miami, Seattle or various California sports teams would be fought over and decided on. Knowing meant things, bigger things. In a way it made their situation so much more real than it already was to Callie.
Knowing meant they officially had a tiny boy or girl to worry about and protect with their lives. Knowing meant that if anything went wrong, it was totally and completely their fault. That if the kid got screwed up and turned out to be a serial killer, Callie would forever be able to trace that back to this moment when she started doing things wrong.
“Wait!”
Arizona paused, tube of gel poised right over top of Callie’s bare stomach. “What?”
“I don’t want to do this.”
Arizona stared at her girlfriend in disbelief. “Seriously?”
Callie’s lower lip quivered and she nodded.
“You’re kidding me.” Arizona blinked slowly, setting the tube of gel aside for now. “Calliope, it is three-thirty in the morning, you dragged my ass out of bed after three hours of sleep when I have to be back here in another three hours, and now you’re telling me you just want to forget it all?”
Callie shrunk back in her chair and whimpered. “Yeah?”
Arizona did not look impressed.
“I’m scared, okay?” Callie blurted, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “I’m afraid to know but at the same time I need to know. Y’know? Argh!”
Sighing, Arizona leaned over the frustrated woman. “Sweetie, look at me.” She waited patiently until watery brown eyes met hers.
“We both agreed that we want to know, right?”
Callie nodded mutely, pouting.
“Okay. So we’re here now, we’ve got everything set up, we’re alone, and this is the perfect moment,” Arizona said quietly, reaching down to take Callie’s hand. “I’m right here with you, okay? Trust me when I say this is a happy moment, not a scary one.”
Arizona was tired enough to curl up on the floor and nap on the cold tile, but she meant every word. She’d rather be here than anywhere else, finding out if they were about to have a son or daughter.
Callie pulled in a deep breath through her nose, trying to calm the panicked butterflies in her stomach. “O-okay,” she stuttered after a moment, nodding quickly. “I’m - I’m ready.”
“Okay.” Arizona leaned forward to steal a soft, gentle kiss from the brunette before releasing her hand and pulling away.
Callie started vibrating in place again the moment Arizona squirted gel from the tube onto her stomach, ignoring the cold in favour of staring unblinkingly at the screen.
Arizona positioned herself so they could both see and gently began to roll the wand over Callie’s belly. She fell silent, eyes flickering over the screen as she focused on their little bean-sized walnut, or whatever it most resembled right now.
Callie gulped and her eyes gradually got wider, eventually ceasing to blink at all.
Arizona broke out in a grin the moment she got the heartbeat on the monitor, still just as amazed by it as she was the first time around. “Still going strong,” she commented, shooting Callie a reassuring smile.
“Is there a penis?” Callie blurted, still not blinking.
Arizona snorted and shook her head, focusing back on the screen. “Gimme a minute.”
Callie shifted her eyes back to the blonde, watching her face for any sort of reaction. Arizona almost managed to remain neutral but Callie was able to see the change in her features the moment she figured it out.
“Oh, wow,” Arizona whispered, tears springing up behind her eyes.
“What?” Callie sat up in a hurry, dislodging the wand from her belly. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Arizona said, immediately leaning down and planting a sweet, lingering kiss on her favourite set of lips in the entire world. She hadn’t planned on getting overly emotional, but her tear ducts were failing her now.
Callie loved the kisses and everything, but she couldn’t take the wait any longer. She grabbed two fistfuls of Arizona’s shirt and shoved her back from the kiss, keeping her held in close. “What?!” she repeated.
Arizona couldn’t help herself. “Twins.”
Callie inhaled sharply and stopped breathing all together, her mouth falling open and eyes nearly popping out of her skull.
If Arizona said what she thought she said, then-
The blonde let out a bark of laughter. “I’m kidding,” she hurried on, beaming even when Callie punched her in the shoulder with a dangerous growl. “I’m sorry, but you should see the look on your face right now.”
“You are such an ass,” Callie grumbled, although she couldn’t deny that she was smirking. “And you have three seconds to tell me if our one baby is a boy or girl before the couch in Mark’s apartment becomes your permanent place of residence.”
Arizona grinned crookedly and leaned her forehead into Callie’s, a few stray tears staining her cheeks.
Suddenly she minded the late night wake-up call a lot less.
***
The door to the on-call room barely closed behind them before Callie lost her shirt and dropped it onto the floor.
Arizona backpedaled toward the nearest bed, pulling the brunette in by the waistline of her pants. She playfully sucked on Callie’s bottom lip, toeing her shoes off as they moved.
Callie was just as elated as her girlfriend, trying to navigate through the hurricane of frenzied hands that twisted and pulled at whatever clothing they could find.
“Coulda gone home,” Callie pointed out as she stripped Arizona of her t-shirt.
“Too far,” Arizona grinned, undoing and wiggling out of her pants.
She hadn’t felt this like in months. There was no way she was waiting until they crossed an entire street and walked half a block before she took Callie’s clothes off.
“C’mere,” Callie murmured under her breath, grabbing Arizona by the back of the neck and pulling her down onto the nearest bed.
Arizona easily fell on top of her, avoiding clanging her head against the top bunk by an inch or two at most. Their lips crashed together and Callie’s fingers tangled into the blonde’s hair, pulling her whole body down.
Arizona released a soft moan into the kiss as her right hand wandered across the brunette’s bare ribcage, delighting in the sexy shiver it elicited. Her fingers continued to trace small lines along her skin and eventually migrated over to rest a flat palm against her stomach.
She pulled back from the kiss when they both needed a breath, panting hard as her mind hurried to catch up with the rest of her body. She produced a breathless, almost bewildered smile at Callie and stroked her fingertips over her stomach.
“I can’t believe we’re having a baby girl,” she whispered, blue eyes shining down into Callie’s dark brown.
Callie bit her lip and nodded almost shyly. “I know,” she added in a whisper of her own. “It’s amazing.”
Arizona couldn’t look away from the image beneath her - Callie’s gorgeous dark locks of hair splayed on the pillow around her head, those perfect pouty lips of hers curved up in a genuine smile, and the sexiest look swirling in her eyes that Arizona had ever seen.
“I love you,” she breathed, eyes flickering briefly down to her girlfriend’s mouth before back up to hold her gaze.
Callie cradled Arizona’s face between her hands and stroked her thumbs along her cheeks. “I love you, too,” she echoed before capturing her lips once more.
Without breaking apart, Arizona began to undo Callie’s pants, trying to work them down her hips with one hand. She held her weight up on one arm, taking care not to apply any pressure on her lover’s belly.
Just thinking about the baby girl growing inside the love of her life made Arizona break out into another huge smile.
Callie giggled from beneath her, closing her eyes as Arizona started leaving quick, playful pecks along her jaw and neck. “How am I supposed to kiss you when you keep grinning like a moron?”
“I’m sorry,” Arizona laughed against Callie’s ear. “I can’t help it.”
“You are such a sap,” Callie teased, raking her nails along the small of Arizona’s back.
The blonde stifled a groan and wedged her thigh between her girlfriend’s legs, rocking forward.
Callie immediately sucked in a sharp breath and dug her nails into Arizona’s back, reveling in the skin-on-skin contact she’d been missing as of late.
Arizona’s hair fell forward over her shoulders, framing her face and enclosing Callie’s in a curtain of gold. She wasted no time in capturing her partner’s lips in another deep, satisfying kiss, grinding her body forward and drawing a moan from both of them.
Callie’s nimble fingers had just started to work their way up toward the clasp on Arizona’s bra when the unmistakable and much-hated sound of a pager cut into their passionate moment.
Matching growls erupted from both sets of lips as Arizona pulled away, closing her eyes and wishing whoever sent the message dead.
Callie held her breath for a long moment before she released it in a frustrated sigh. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”
“We can’t have sex without getting interrupted and the baby isn’t even here yet,” Arizona murmured unhappily, begrudgingly extracting herself from the brunette and climbing off of the bed. She padded over to the discarded pairs of jeans on the floor and stooped down to check on Callie’s first.
“You’re in the clear,” she announced when nothing showed up on the screen. Switching to her own, she swiped her fingers back through her hair. “Hopefully it’s nothing seri...”
Callie watched Arizona’s whole expression change and immediately sat up half-naked on the bed. “What is it?’
“My dad,” Arizona croaked, her voice breaking.
Callie’s heart leapt up into her throat and she immediately fumbled around the floor for her clothing.
Arizona seemed dazed, taking a moment before she worked on trying to pull herself together, haphazardly pulling her jeans back on and tripping into her shoes.
Callie had to help the blonde put her shirt on and grabbed the rest of their stuff from the floor. “C’mon, the elevator is right down the hall, we’ll be there in twenty seconds,” she urged, helping usher the stunned woman out of the on-call room.
As much as she’d been enjoying the almost-sex they were getting into, Callie suddenly feared that Arizona’s whole world was about to come crashing down around her. Around them.
Callie didn’t know what the future would hold beyond that point.
***
Arizona only made it up to her father’s room because Callie remained coherent enough to lead them both. She found herself outside of his window a short time later and felt her girlfriend abruptly pull her to a stop.
There was a flutter of activity inside and Arizona watched through a haze of confusion as several interns and a nurse started to move his bed toward the door. She furrowed her brow, barely understanding what was going on as they started to take him down the hallway in the other direction.
Teddy appeared in front of them and Arizona could make out her best friend’s mouth moving, but she was unable to focus on her words. Luckily Callie stuck by her side and lightly nudged her back into reality.
“Huh?” Arizona blinked and tried to focus on Teddy.
“His heart is beating irregularly,” the cardio surgeon repeated with a hasty glance over her shoulder. “He might be throwing a clot. I’m taking him into surgery; they’re prepping an OR upstairs right now.”
She shot Callie a look and started to back up in the direction Daniel Robbins was being carted. “I’m sorry, I’ll find someone to update you as soon as I know something.”
“Thanks,” Callie called after her, nodding in acknowledgment before turning her attention back to Arizona.
She rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back, feeling her own heart constrict in her chest at the far-off look in her lover’s eyes. “Honey, c’mon. We’ll go to the waiting room and I’ll call your mom for you.”
Arizona eventually met Callie’s eyes, her own unfocused and mostly vacant. She managed to nod mutely and allowed her partner to wrap an arm around her waist, leading her back toward the elevator.
She couldn’t find it in her to say anything out loud. She didn’t trust her voice not to betray how she was feeling.
***
The next several hours were some of the longest of Arizona’s life. She let Callie call her mom back at the hotel and tell her what was going on, but somehow the thirty or so minutes in between that call and her mother’s arrival blurred together to seem like mere seconds.
Callie stayed glued to her side the entire time, worried sick that Arizona still had yet to utter a single word. If she hadn’t shifted in her seat every couple of minutes and cast the occasional glance at her watch, Callie would’ve worried that she’d slipped into a catatonic state or a complete coma. She gave up trying to engage her in distracting conversation and fell into a matching silence, settling back in her chair.
By the time Teddy came out of surgery, the sun was rising behind them through the waiting room windows. Callie was completely exhausted but had been too afraid to close her eyes. She had a feeling that she would’ve woken up and Arizona wouldn’t have been there.
The blonde barely noticed when her best friend appeared in the room as her mom and Callie stood up on either side of her. She reluctantly rose to her feet as well, trying to clear the cobwebs from her head.
“...so I’ve inserted a pacemaker for now,” Teddy was in the middle of explaining by the time Arizona tuned in. “It should help regulate his heartbeat, although there’s no telling how long it will last. I’ve called UNOS and he’s being bumped up to the top of the list for a new heart.”
Arizona felt both Teddy’s and Callie’s eyes on her and nodded warily as she took in that information. “That means he’s...that this is his last chance?”
Teddy exchanged a brief, worried look with Callie before glancing back to Arizona and her mother. “I’m sorry, but at this point if his heart starts to fail, there’s no guarantee we’ll be able to get it started again. I’ve briefed Dr. Hahn over the phone and she’s doing her best to find him one.”
Arizona took her mom’s hand and squeezed it hard. “Thanks, Teddy. Is he...?”
“He’s in recovery,” Teddy said with a small nod. “He’ll be moved back to his room shortly and then you can see him.”
“Thank you, Dr. Altman,” Mrs. Robbins replied quietly, holding Arizona’s hand tightly. She looked about as weary as her daughter felt.
“Do you need anything?” Teddy asked the Robbins family, focusing on her best friend and frowning at the vacant look in her eyes. “Anything at all?”
“We’ll be okay,” Arizona replied automatically, the words sounding foreign as they left her mouth. “Thanks, Teddy.”
Teddy cast another glance at Callie, who just shrugged helplessly and nodded that it was okay for her to leave. Hesitating for a moment, Teddy left to change out of her surgical scrub gown.
Arizona pulled her mom into a gentle hug, releasing a heavy sigh and rubbing a hand up and down her back. “He’s okay,” she repeated a few times, the mantra as much for herself as it was for her mother.
Maria Robbins eventually pulled herself together and inhaled a deep, steadying breath. “I think it’s best I wait by his room until they bring him back,” she said absently.
Arizona nodded and glanced over at Callie, who was hovering nearby looking worried. “Calliope, would you mind taking her? I...I need to take care of something first.”
“Yeah, of course,” Callie replied, frowning in worry. “What are you...?”
Arizona pulled in a shaky breath. “I need to talk to Derek. I can’t...I need some time off, I can’t focus on work right now.”
Callie was visibly relieved. She’d been bugging Arizona to take a leave of absence for weeks now. “Okay, yeah, of course. Do you want me to go with you?”
“No,” Arizona said immediately, shaking her head firmly. “No, you should go back with my mom and wait until my aunt gets here, then you should go home.”
“Without you?” Callie furrowed her brow.
“I just need to sort things out with the Chief and then I’ll follow you,” Arizona assured her girlfriend. “It’s okay, you need to rest. Keep our baby from stressing out with all of the drama in her mommies’ lives.”
Arizona willed the thought of their little girl to inject some sort of feeling into her veins, but she felt nothing. Empty. Unfocused.
Turning away from her family, Arizona squared her shoulders and walked out of the waiting room without looking back.
Callie fought the urge to run after her, choosing instead to slip an arm around Maria’s shoulders. “C’mon. Let’s grab some coffee and get you back to his room.”
Maria nodded mutely and allowed herself to be lead away.
***
“Chief?”
Derek was just settling into his office for the morning as he glanced up from his desk. “Arizona,” he greeted with a warm grin. “Don’t you ever leave this place?”
Arizona smiled humorlessly. “Sometimes I wonder that myself.”
“It’s good that you’re here, I was actually hoping to talk to you.” Derek hung his coat up on a hook and sank down in his chair. He looked apprehensive.
Arizona opted to stay standing. She crossed her arms over her chest and watched her boss warily. “Is something wrong?”
Derek’s face said it all. “You should have a seat, Arizona. I got a call from the Board today.”
Stomach twisting into knots, Arizona fought the urge to scream.
Right now? Really?
She relented and pulled out the chair opposite his desk, sinking down into it with a feeling of dread churning in the bit of her stomach.
“Your lawyer will get in contact with you today, but I wanted to give you a heads up.” Derek leaned forward and folded his hands on top of the desk. “Carmen’s lawyer has filed papers for a multi-million dollar lawsuit, opting to forgo any further mediation attempts. Given your status as a world-class surgeon and your reputation in the field of medicine, he considers himself to be playing nice.”
Arizona clenched her jaw shut, staring hard at her hands.
“If this goes through, you have insurance,” Derek continued, hoping to put her mind somewhat at ease. “It would cover the vast majority but you would be responsible for a significant deductable. However, they’re still running their case on a he-said-she-said basis. Or a...she-said-she-said, I guess.”
Arizona rolled her eyes and actually laughed; a short, harsh sound filtered with disbelief. “She’s not going to back down. She’ll play the ‘evil lesbian’ story to the end and claim I’m just another doctor screwing over a nurse. What am I supposed to do about it? I have nothing other than my word.”
Derek sat back in his chair, watching her sympathetically. “And the word of every other surgeon in this hospital. We’re on your side, Arizona.”
She still didn’t want the story getting out. It was humiliating enough as it was, nobody else needed to know.
In all honesty, it was the last thing on her mind right now. She just didn’t care anymore.
“Just...settle it,” Arizona said after a long moment, shaking her head. “I’m...I’m done, I’m out. Tell the board I’ll suck it up and pay the fine.”
“Don’t be rash,” Derek interjected. “This is big, Arizona. It would remain on your permanent file and if you were to ever leave Seattle Grace, it could cause a lot of problems trying to get another job. Don’t just write it off.”
“What else am I supposed to do?” Arizona asked in exasperation. “I can’t - I can’t do this anymore, Derek. I can’t. My dad’s in the ICU a-and I-”
Derek leaned forward and covered her hand with his own. “Don’t settle with her, okay? Not right now, not yet. Given the circumstances with your father, your lawyer should be able to delay the proceedings without too much trouble. It would give you more time to sort things out. Don’t give up yet. Please.”
Arizona was at a loss for what to do or say. She wanted it to all be over already. She was done fighting the crap storm that had been sent her way. Finished.
Closing her eyes, Arizona opened her mouth to protest but no words came out. She didn’t have the energy for any.
“Take a few days,” Derek continued, seeing the utter exhaustion etched into the blonde’s features. “Spend some time with Callie and your parents; you have more important things to worry about right now. This will sort itself out and we’ll do our best to make sure you’re taken care of. Everyone is on your side,” he reiterated.
“Yeah,” Arizona breathed, nodding briefly before pushing back to her feet. “I, um...I have to go check on my dad.”
Derek watched her leave in a zombie-like state, frowning to himself.
Out of everyone in this hospital, Arizona Robbins was the last one to deserve the hand she had been dealt.
***
Callie waited for Arizona’s aunt to arrive before leaving her mom and dad in peace.
Daniel was weak, but he was hanging in there. That’s all they could ask for right now.
She reluctantly went home like Arizona had suggested, hoping the blonde got back sooner rather than later. She took a twenty minute shower, feeling pretty exhausted herself after the long night.
Everything was just so backwards. They find out they’re having a baby girl and Arizona’s dad simultaneously takes a turn for the worse. It was like the universe didn’t think they deserved to be happy.
Callie was worried sick about her partner and made a pact with herself to talk to the blonde the moment she got home. She couldn’t take any more of this emotional distance and not knowing what was going on in her head. Arizona needed to let it all out for once instead of bottling everything up inside and stewing.
Callie knew first hand how strong Arizona was. She’d been her pillar of strength numerous times, through every kind of crappy circumstance the universe had thrown her way. The woman had never left her side or so much as flinched.
But she was crumbling under the pressure and Callie was certain today had brought her dangerously close to breaking.
Emerging from the master bathroom, Callie immediately smiled upon seeing Arizona standing by the foot of their bed. “Hey, you’re back sooner than I thought you’d be.”
Her eyes drifted down to what the other woman’s hands were busy doing. A black duffel bag sat open on top of the bed sheets and various pieces of clothing were being tucked neatly inside.
Even when stressed, Arizona was obsessive-compulsive.
“What are you doing?” Callie asked dumbly, stopping short and staring at her girlfriend.
Arizona paused briefly, her hands shaking as they hovered over the open bag with a pair of pajamas clutched in them. She couldn’t bring herself to meet Callie’s eyes. “I need to...i-it’s only for a few days,” she murmured almost inaudibly before resuming packing.
Callie was shell-shocked. “Need to what, Arizona?”
Arizona tried and failed to answer her. She felt like her head was being held underwater; everything was going in slow motion and she couldn’t think through it. She couldn’t breathe.
Zipping the bag shut, she glanced up at her girlfriend and bit her bottom lip, eventually turning and retreating into the living room.
It took a moment before Callie’s feet agreed to move after her. “Arizona,” she called out, following her over to the couch. “What the hell are you doing? Where are you going?”
Arizona set her bag on the coffee table next to her jacket and sank down onto the couch, releasing a ragged sigh.
Callie immediately sat next to her, fearful of what she was going to hear next.
“I just need some time,” Arizona started in a soft, raspy voice, finally holding Callie’s dark brown eyes with her own. “A few days at most, I promise.”
Close to tears, Callie shook her head, taken completely off guard. “Why can’t you take some time here?” she pleaded, struggling to hold back her emotions. “With me?”
It broke Arizona’s heart to see the pain in her girlfriend’s features. She hated being the cause of it, but she’d convinced herself that it was better this way.
Better than staying and letting Callie see her fall apart. Better than seeing the disappointment in her eyes when she learned the truth.
“I can’t,” Arizona whispered. “I can’t stay here, I need to...I need to figure everything out, and I can’t think when I’m here.”
“Why are you leaving?” Callie repeated, desperate a clearer answer, something that made sense.
“Because, I-I...” Arizona trailed off, unsure of what to say.
Because her father was going to die. Because her career was about to tank. Because after she’d lost her brother, she’d had a complete meltdown and didn’t want Callie to see her like that again.
Because she felt like an epic failure and couldn’t bear to see the other woman look at her with disappointment.
“I’m so sorry,” Arizona choked out, eyes watering dangerously as she tried to hold it together for just a little while longer. “It’s not you, baby, I swear it’s not you.” She reached out for Callie’s hand and immediately pressed a hard kiss to the back of it. “I just need to be alone right now, I need to process everything and I can’t do that here.”
Tears fell unhindered from Callie’s dark eyes. “I don’t understand,” she whispered hoarsely. “I know your dad had a close call, but h-he’s okay. He’s gonna be okay now, baby. He’ll be okay.”
Arizona felt a sharp pain in her chest and she sighed heavily. “Calliope-”
“No,” Callie cut in as anger suddenly flooded through her system. “This is such bullshit,” she snapped, ripping her hand away from her girlfriend’s grasp and jumping up from the couch. “Why won’t you just talk to me?”
Arizona stood up, hoping to calm her pregnant lover down. “Calliope, please, sit down,” she urged, reaching out for her hand again.
Callie jerked it away and took a step back, pointing a finger in the blonde’s face. “Do not ‘Calliope’ me right now, Arizona. I swear to God I’ll kick your ass if you do.”
Under normal circumstances, that would have made Arizona smile. She felt physically incapable of making the gesture right now. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry,” she murmured.
Callie just snorted in disbelief, swiping a hand across her cheeks. The tears kept falling no matter how hard she tried to stop them.
“I know you don’t understand, but it’s just something I have to do,” Arizona said again. She stooped over to grab a pen and paper from the coffee table and jotted down a hotel name and phone number.
“If you need to get ahold of me, I’ll leave your name at the front desk so they’ll let you in. But Callie, please,” she begged, “just give me some space to sort though my head. I know it’s completely unfair and that you’re angry with me, but it’s something that I need right now.”
“You need space from me?” Callie’s voice had changed, meek and uncertain.
“No,” Arizona replied quickly, “not from you. Not from you. From everything else. I’m falling apart and I can’t...I can’t stay here. I need to go.”
Callie just stood there, motionless and silent.
What else could she say? Arizona had made up her mind and Callie just knew she wouldn’t be able to change it.
She felt her bottom lip quiver as she stared helplessly back into Arizona’s strained blue eyes. “I love you,” she whispered softly, her voice cracking.
Arizona barely managed to hold back a broken sob at the gently spoken words. “Oh, honey,” she murmured, stepping up to brush a ghost of a kiss across her girlfriend’s lips. “I love you, too.”
She stroked the side of Callie’s face with her fingers, stealing a deeper kiss and lingering for as long as she could hold herself together.
Just as Callie opened her mouth to beg Arizona not to go, the blonde grabbed her bag and turned away, heading for the door without looking back.
The brunette stood there in silence, barely holding it together. The silent ‘click’ of the apartment door set off a fresh wave of tears.
***
Once again she was failing.
She was failing at her job, letting her personal life effect her work.
She had failed her top resident, too busy dealing with her own life to see him self-destruct right before her very eyes.
She had failed Callie more than once. First in her one-night-stand with Carmen and now the consequences that were burying her because of it.
She was failing her right now by being a coward and running away because it was easier.
If she lost her job, she’d be failing her family, unable to provide for them like she’d always sworn to do.
She had failed her father, unable to be the strong, confident woman he had raised her to be. She couldn’t stay strong for him any more than she could stay strong for Callie. For herself.
And she had failed their baby girl, who wasn’t even born yet.
Arizona started to crack as she neared the elevators, blue eyes shining with tears as her breath came in hollow, short gasps. She hated running out on Callie like this, hated it. She knew it wasn’t making matters better, but she just couldn’t do this right now. She needed time alone in order to pull herself together and she couldn’t do that in front of her partner.
I’m a coward, Arizona thought to herself as she stepped into the elevator. I’m a coward who doesn’t deserve a woman like her in the first place.
As the doors to the fifth floor slid shut, Arizona closed her eyes and sagged back against the elevator wall.
She’d never felt so lost before. Never.
---