Grey's Anatomy - Choices (14 [Part Two]/23)
Continuation of Chapter 14, because LJ is a bitch.
***
Callie exited the elevator at a brisk walk, hands shoved into her white coat pockets. She looked like a woman on a mission, and she was.
Destination: pain.
Over at the small desk just inside the pediatric wing, Carmen Rodriguez was leaning against the countertop chatting with a few of the other nurses over coffee.
Dark brown eyes narrowed in, focusing only on Carmen.
One of the nurses just so happened to look up as the attending approached the desk. Her smile faltered a little at the rapidly approaching doctor.
“I've been looking for you.”
Carmen was still laughing as she casually glanced over at the sound of Callie’s voice. She met dark eyes as the laughter slowly died away. She turned a little against the counter, sighing. “You must be the girlfriend.”
“And you must be the slut,” Callie instantly shot back, quirking an eyebrow.
The three other nurses standing behind the desk quickly dispersed in opposite directions.
Carmen didn't look away from the anger burning in the other brunette’s eyes as she straightened up a little. “Look-”
“No, you look,” Callie interrupted. “You don’t tell me to look, I tell you to look. So…look.”
Carmen raised a slow brow, not looking even remotely intimidated. She was well aware that Dr. Torres was an attending, and that as a new staff member here, pissing off an attending would do her career no good, but…
Whatever.
Carmen sighed again. “Did you really need to come all the way up here to find me? Really?”
“Apparently,” Callie growled. Her gaze once again narrowed as she trailed her eyes up and down the woman’s form. She snorted with a disbelieving scowl. “You're not so hot.”
Carmen smirked in amusement. “I'm not?”
“Not even,” Callie scoffed again. “I'm like...way hotter.” She paused as she shifted uncomfortably, placing her hand on her hip. “Way.”
“Look, I don't want this to be a big deal,” Carmen started after a moment passed between them. “I'm not trying to hurt anyone.”
Callie's smirk was gone in an instant. “Got a funny way of showing it,” she cut in as she dropped her hand away from her hip.
Carmen rolled her eyes. “To be fair, she's not really your girlfriend anymore.”
The surgeon glowered at the nurse. “You don't know the first thing about her.” She paused. “Or me.” Another pause. “Or our relationship.”
The smile slowly returned to Carmen's lips. “I know she's a good kisser.”
That stopped Callie like a brick to the head.
Or a foot to the gut, or…whatever.
“Half the hospital knows about your relationship. Or lack-there-of.” Carmen sighed again and crossed her arms. “Look. We’re sort of friends, her and I. And I may not know the ‘first thing’ about her, but I’m not blind. She’s sad, and alone, and I was trying to cheer her up just a little. She’s a pretty girl, and I hate seeing pretty girls in pain.”
Callie bristled at the way Carmen refered to her ex-girlfriend. “It’s not your job to cheer her up,” she snapped, though she was still feeling a little numb at the thought of slutty nurse’s lips on her Zona’s.
“It’s no longer yours, either,” Carmen pointed out.
Callie's dark eyes narrowed as she took a dangerous step closer. “How dare you...”
Carmen jerked back a step.
“I don't care how 'pretty' you think she is,” Callie began again as she continued to advance on the nurse. “I know things about her you could never dream of knowing. She's not just a pretty face.”
Carmen's back collided solidly with the wall.
“And you will stay away from her,” Callie finished, her eyes pinning the other brunette to the spot.
“I work for her,” Carmen pointed out, looking a little less sure of herself. Callie Torres was kind of…scary.
Really.
“Not for much longer, if I have anything to say about it,” Callie threatened.
A part of her knew this was insane and that she was acting like a nut-job, but when it came to Arizona and another woman, Callie could barely think straight.
“This thing you’re doing? Being the crazy person and threatening me? Really don’t think it’s gonna help your chances with Dr. Robbins.” The nurse gritted her teeth.
This Callie chick was really starting to piss her off.
***
Arizona was returning from checking up on several patients when she spotted something happening down at the very far end of the hallway.
Her eyes widened and she stopped in her tracks for a moment as she watched Callie back Carmen into the wall.
“Oh…fuck.”
***
“I’m not going anywhere,” Carmen spat in Callie’s face.
“Oh,” Callie shot right back. “I think you are.”
“Calliope!”
The brunette jumped a little at the sudden, sharp sound of her name, but she never looked away from Carmen. “Stay outta this, Arizona.”
“The hell I will,” Arizona retorted, grabbing Callie by the upper arm. She tried to tug her back, but when she just got shrugged off, she pushed her way in between the two women.
Callie looked like she was ready to kill.
“Callie, back off, now,” the blonde demanded, placing both hands against her ex’s shoulders and forcing her to take a step back. She stared at her in disbelief. “What are you doing?”
It took a moment before Callie could tear her gaze away from the nurse to focus in on her former girlfriend. “I'm trying to protect you.” She paused as she looked back over Arizona's shoulder. “From...that.”
Carmen finally managed to push herself off of the wall. “She doesn't need it,” she shot back, anger in her voice. “She's a big girl.”
Callie growled.
She actually growled.
“I told you to stop talking about her like that!”
Arizona wanted to beat her own head against a wall, or better yet, walk away completely. But she couldn’t, because then she’d be blamed for the bloodshed and carnage left behind.
And the PEDS floor was full of children who need not witness that level of violence at their age.
“Hey,” she snapped at both women, glaring at them separately before focusing on Carmen for a second. “You, don’t help me.” Her eyes flickered back to Callie. “And you, go back downstairs. You do not get to come up here and attack members of my staff in a wing full of sick children.”
Arizona remained facing Callie, her eyes still full of disbelief and a little confusion. She didn’t see Carmen smirk at Callie over her shoulder as she spoke.
Callie jerked in the blonde's grasp, lunging at Slutty Nurse.
The bitch.
“Hey!” Arizona quickly shouted again as she struggled to hold her ex-girlfriend back.
Calliope was strong when she was pissed.
“Carmen! Go,” Arizona ordered, still holding Callie back by the shoulders. “Now.”
The nurse waited for a second, and then finally escaped from behind Arizona to stalk away, clearly annoyed by this whole thing.
The blonde was solely focused on Callie now. “You. With me. Also now.” Her left hand clamped down against Callie’s bicep, hard, and she quickly yanked her in the opposite direction.
The first empty room they came across, Arizona pulled her ex into and slammed the door shut behind them.
“You mind telling me what the hell you think you’re doing?” she demanded angrily, instantly rounding on the other woman. Her blue eyes nailed Callie to the spot, not wavering in the slightest.
The brunette sighed in return. “I told you. I'm-”
“Protecting me?” Arizona cut in with a sharp snap. “I'm not buying that crap, Calliope.” Her furious gaze burned straight through the brunette. “You're jealous.”
“I am not,” Callie denied. “I'm not jealous of...of her.” She met Arizona’s blue eyes and held them. “I...” she started again, but trailed off as her brow furrowed and her shoulders slumped.
Dammit.
“Okay,” she relented softly. “I'm jealous.”
Arizona kept her angry stance. “So you just decided to come up here and beat the crap out of one of my nurses?”
Callie glared at Arizona. “Don’t. Don’t give me that. This is about her, and she…and you…”
Heaving a sigh, Arizona crossed her arms over her chest. “Calliope. It was just a stupid bet with Mark, that’s all. We talked about this. It never once meant anything.”
“Then why did you kiss her?” Callie’s voice was suddenly much smaller.
Arizona felt her heart break a little in her chest. “Calliope…” She really wished the brunette had never had to hear about that. Closing her eyes, she sighed. “Mark shouldn’t have told you. It wasn’t anything.”
“Mark?” Callie echoed, clearly surprised. “Mark knew? Did…everyone but me know?”
Crap.
Arizona swallowed back and opened her eyes again reluctantly.
“She kissed me.” They were full of sadness as she watched Callie closely.
“Did you kiss her back?” was Callie’s instantaneous response.
Arizona thought about denying it, but she couldn’t lie. “I…yes.” Her shoulders sagged and she leaned back against the door, looking away. “I had a bad day. And she just…” Arizona sighed once more. “And I was missing you. I was sad. And it was a stupid momentary thing that meant nothing.”
“It meant something to her,” Callie said, her voice soft. She closed her eyes, turning away from the blonde as she reached up to press her palms into them. She could feel the tears burning below the surface, but wanted to hold them at bay as long as she could.
A moment of tense silence passed between them. “You're not exactly the kind of woman you just kiss and forget,” Callie added as she turned back to face her ex. She smiled sadly, the tears already glistening visibly. “I should know. One random kiss in a public bathroom, and I was hooked.”
Arizona tried to smile back, but it died rather quickly. It occurred to her that this was the first time they’d seen or spoken to each other since she’d left Callie’s apartment that night. “Tell me about it.”
She met and held her ex’s gaze for a long, silent moment, before it became too much to bear and she had to look away again. “I’m sorry. That it happened, that you heard about it…I’m just sorry.”
After a hesitation, Arizona took one step closer to Callie. “But we aren’t together anymore, Calliope. And as hard as that is to accept, we just…h-have to.” Her blue eyes once more flickered up to meet Callie’s soft brown. “You deserve to find someone who wants what you want. Who can make you happy in the long run. What we were doing before…it wasn’t healthy. For either of us. So you should…you should try to just move on.”
Arizona never wanted to sound cold and callous, not to Calliope Torres, but she wanted the brunette to be able to forget about ‘them’ and move on with her life. It was going to suck, and be hard as hell, but she wanted Callie to be happy. Even if that meant she had to hurt her by saying this as bluntly as she could.
Arizona turned to leave, but hesitated briefly again. “Bailey agreed to scrub in for me on the Connor’s kid. She can fix his spleen while you work on the leg. It’s cleared it with Shepherd.”
They’d have to work together, sooner or later, but sooner wasn’t a good idea right now, for anyone involved.
As Arizona reached for the door handle, Callie’s voice stopped her in her tracks.
“I'm sleeping with Mark.”
Those words froze the blonde in place. She paused, hoping she hadn't heard them correctly.
“What?” she asked very slowly, as she took a step back toward the brunette.
“Oh yeah,” Callie pushed on. “For a while now. He's as good as I remember, too,” she added evenly.
Arizona felt winded. Like Callie had taken a two-by-four and slammed her in the gut with it.
Beyond that, she just couldn’t think.
She could only stare at Callie for a long, painfully drawn out moment, literally rendered completely speechless as her head swam.
What could she say to that?
“Y…you’re sleeping with Mark.” It was a statement, not a question. She had to swallow back, hard, her throat feeling like it was closing up on her. “This…whole time?”
Callie kept her light smirk as she took a step forward, her eyes never leaving Arizona. “Hurts,” she finally spoke up. “Doesn’t it?” Her smile vanished as she stood, staring back at the anguish in blue eyes.
But that's how it went, right? It was only fair.
You hurt me, I hurt you. Maybe it wasn’t mature, but in that moment, Callie wanted Arizona to hurt like she did on the inside.
“Would you even care if I really was?” Callie said again after a tense moment had passed. She moved a little closer. “I'm starting to think that I should. At least then I could maybe get you out of my fucking mind for one second.”
Arizona’s head was still spinning, and it took her a second to catch up. “That’s low, Calliope,” she finally replied in a strained voice.
“And making out with your scrub nurse and then shoving it in my face isn’t?” Callie snarled, louder and angrier.
Arizona’s gaze hardened. “You broke up with me, Callie. Remember the first time? It was ‘now or never’, you never even gave me a chance to think o-or respond, or God forbid talk about it with you. You sprung it on me out of the blue and expected me to either suddenly be okay with having a kid or get gone.”
“That's bullshit,” Callie snarled right back. “It's not like I expected you to wanna start popping them out left and right. Some day,” she paused as she raised a hand towards the blonde. “That's what I said, Arizona. Some day, not right then, and not right now.”
She moved a little closer still. “You're the one that decided to 'get gone',” she went on. “I'll admit I probably didn't handle it the best, but you're just as guilty as me in that department.” Her eyes flashed with anger. “But at least I didn't jump on the first piece of ass that swayed my way.”
“That's not fair,” Arizona shot back.
“Oh it's plenty fucking fair,” Callie shouted again. “I coulda fucked Mark. But I didn't want to do that.” She paused. “I didn't want to do that to you.” She took another shaky breath as a bit of her anger seemed to ebb away. “I didn't wanna hurt you like that.”
“Oh, goodie, so you didn’t hop right back on the boy train, good for you,” Arizona yelled. “Glad to know that you cared enough about one of your experiments that you figured you’d wait an extra few days before jumping back on top of Mark Sloan!”
Callie's eyes widened. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
Arizona just glared at her.
“Experiment?,” Callie repeated harshly. “Is that what you think this last year was to me? A fucking...experiment?”
“If you're back to sleeping with Mark Sloan,” Arizona shot right back.
“I am not sleeping with Mark!” Callie shouted. “I don't want him!” she added quickly. “I only want you! But it sure doesn't look like you can say the same!”
“Callie, I was finally done!” Arizona suddenly sputtered, making them both fall silent for a moment. Callie furrowed her brow at the slightly shorter woman, waiting for her to expand.
“You know what, I used to be Mark Sloan,” Arizona continued. “Maybe not in quite the same number range and unlike him I actually have taste, but yeah, I didn’t do the whole attachment thing. I was young, in med school, pretty damn smart, and then I was a surgeon, and who the hell has time for relationships when you’re a surgeon? So when I wanted to, I’d get laid, and I didn’t call the next morning, because I didn’t care.”
Arizona licked her lips and took another step closer to Callie, bringing them pretty close together. “But then I came here, and I met you. And I was done. I had found the person, the only person, that I could ever imagining spending the rest of my life with. Without question. I was done, Calliope, and now…” She trailed off, staring right into those deep brown eyes that she loved so much. “Now I can’t even tell which way is up anymore.”
Callie was stunned into silence. Arizona had never told her that before.
And with good reason.
“Are you telling me you used to be the female version of Mark Sloan?” She paused a moment as her eyes widened just slightly. “Seriously?”
Arizona hesitated as she released a deep, heavy sigh. “That was my past, Calliope,” she finally replied after a few intense seconds of the brunette's gaze pinning her to the spot. “We all have one.”
“Yeah,” Callie shot right back. “But at least mine isn't full of cheap...meaningless...” She trailed off as she waved a hand through the air. “...degrading one night...whatevers,” she finally finished. “I mean, how could you do that to another woman?”
Arizona shook her head. “You don’t get to judge me, Calliope. I was young, and I didn’t know any better at the time. But then I grew up, and I met you. I’d never met anyone like you before. Not one single person I could ever see myself ending up with in the long run, until you.”
She hated the way Callie was looking at her, but she couldn’t change it, change what the other woman thought of her. “And none of that matters anymore, apparently, because we want different things, and sooner or later we both just…have to face that fact.”
“Oh, I'm so fucking sick of hearing that,” Callie snapped once more. “I know we want different things. I know it's gonna keep coming up. I know we can't just look past it. I know all that.” She paused to swallow back as her bottom lip began to tremble. “But is it really so easy for you to just forget,” she paused as the tremble became more definite. “...us?” There was an obvious shake in her voice
It was all that she could do not to just break down in tears right then and there. She was already so tired of crying. It was fucking exhausting.
“You might not be having such a...a hard time moving on, Arizona,” Callie whispered softly, not trusting her voice. “But I can't just...” She trailed off again, finally breaking their gaze to drop her eyes to the floor. “I can't.”
“I just told you,” Arizona said quietly, “that you were the one for me. So no, I can’t just move on.” She stepped right up close to Callie this time, reaching up to gently cup her face between both hands. She leaned in and rested her forehead against Callie’s. “I don’t want to. What happened with her was a ten second lapse in judgment, and I am so sorry that it did. I never, ever wanted to hurt you. Through any of this, I never wanted to hurt you.”
She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, just taking a second to absorb the warmth and feel of the other woman’s body this close to her own.
One last time.
“I’m always going to love you, Calliope.” Arizona opened her eyes and pulled her head back just enough so she could look the other woman in the eye. “That’s never gonna change. No matter what happens. All I want is for you to be happy.”
The tears finally fell from dark eyes as Callie reached down to grab two fistfuls of the other woman's scrub top. “You made me happy,” she whispered. Her fingers gripped and released the material as she struggled to fight back the urge to just...just...
Something.
Anything to keep Arizona from walking back out that door.
Callie sniffed back. “I don't want you to kiss any other girls but me,” she added softly as she tried to smile through her tears.
“I don’t want you kissing other girls, either,” Arizona replied with a slight smile of her own. “Or boys, for that matter.”
Callie lightly smacked her on the side, which only made the blonde chuckle.
“But...now I’m not the last person you kissed anymore,” Callie pointed out sadly.
Instead of answering with words, Arizona tilted her head at just the right angle to capture Callie’s lips in a kiss.
It was slow, soft and burning.
Everything Arizona wanted to remember about kissing Callie for the rest of her life.
They held that kiss for a very long time.
“Yes, you are,” Arizona replied softly, once they finally pulled back.
More tears fell from Callie's eyes as she released a sudden, harsh sob. She reached out to pull the blonde into a tight embrace as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.
She didn't want to ever let go.
Arizona closed her eyes and buried her nose against Callie’s neck, just taking a moment to breathe her in as her arms tightened around the other woman. She held the embrace for as long as she could stand, then forcefully pried herself away.
Arizona turned and walked out that door without looking back at Callie.
Because if she did, she knew she’d never leave.
---
***
Callie exited the elevator at a brisk walk, hands shoved into her white coat pockets. She looked like a woman on a mission, and she was.
Destination: pain.
Over at the small desk just inside the pediatric wing, Carmen Rodriguez was leaning against the countertop chatting with a few of the other nurses over coffee.
Dark brown eyes narrowed in, focusing only on Carmen.
One of the nurses just so happened to look up as the attending approached the desk. Her smile faltered a little at the rapidly approaching doctor.
“I've been looking for you.”
Carmen was still laughing as she casually glanced over at the sound of Callie’s voice. She met dark eyes as the laughter slowly died away. She turned a little against the counter, sighing. “You must be the girlfriend.”
“And you must be the slut,” Callie instantly shot back, quirking an eyebrow.
The three other nurses standing behind the desk quickly dispersed in opposite directions.
Carmen didn't look away from the anger burning in the other brunette’s eyes as she straightened up a little. “Look-”
“No, you look,” Callie interrupted. “You don’t tell me to look, I tell you to look. So…look.”
Carmen raised a slow brow, not looking even remotely intimidated. She was well aware that Dr. Torres was an attending, and that as a new staff member here, pissing off an attending would do her career no good, but…
Whatever.
Carmen sighed again. “Did you really need to come all the way up here to find me? Really?”
“Apparently,” Callie growled. Her gaze once again narrowed as she trailed her eyes up and down the woman’s form. She snorted with a disbelieving scowl. “You're not so hot.”
Carmen smirked in amusement. “I'm not?”
“Not even,” Callie scoffed again. “I'm like...way hotter.” She paused as she shifted uncomfortably, placing her hand on her hip. “Way.”
“Look, I don't want this to be a big deal,” Carmen started after a moment passed between them. “I'm not trying to hurt anyone.”
Callie's smirk was gone in an instant. “Got a funny way of showing it,” she cut in as she dropped her hand away from her hip.
Carmen rolled her eyes. “To be fair, she's not really your girlfriend anymore.”
The surgeon glowered at the nurse. “You don't know the first thing about her.” She paused. “Or me.” Another pause. “Or our relationship.”
The smile slowly returned to Carmen's lips. “I know she's a good kisser.”
That stopped Callie like a brick to the head.
Or a foot to the gut, or…whatever.
“Half the hospital knows about your relationship. Or lack-there-of.” Carmen sighed again and crossed her arms. “Look. We’re sort of friends, her and I. And I may not know the ‘first thing’ about her, but I’m not blind. She’s sad, and alone, and I was trying to cheer her up just a little. She’s a pretty girl, and I hate seeing pretty girls in pain.”
Callie bristled at the way Carmen refered to her ex-girlfriend. “It’s not your job to cheer her up,” she snapped, though she was still feeling a little numb at the thought of slutty nurse’s lips on her Zona’s.
“It’s no longer yours, either,” Carmen pointed out.
Callie's dark eyes narrowed as she took a dangerous step closer. “How dare you...”
Carmen jerked back a step.
“I don't care how 'pretty' you think she is,” Callie began again as she continued to advance on the nurse. “I know things about her you could never dream of knowing. She's not just a pretty face.”
Carmen's back collided solidly with the wall.
“And you will stay away from her,” Callie finished, her eyes pinning the other brunette to the spot.
“I work for her,” Carmen pointed out, looking a little less sure of herself. Callie Torres was kind of…scary.
Really.
“Not for much longer, if I have anything to say about it,” Callie threatened.
A part of her knew this was insane and that she was acting like a nut-job, but when it came to Arizona and another woman, Callie could barely think straight.
“This thing you’re doing? Being the crazy person and threatening me? Really don’t think it’s gonna help your chances with Dr. Robbins.” The nurse gritted her teeth.
This Callie chick was really starting to piss her off.
***
Arizona was returning from checking up on several patients when she spotted something happening down at the very far end of the hallway.
Her eyes widened and she stopped in her tracks for a moment as she watched Callie back Carmen into the wall.
“Oh…fuck.”
***
“I’m not going anywhere,” Carmen spat in Callie’s face.
“Oh,” Callie shot right back. “I think you are.”
“Calliope!”
The brunette jumped a little at the sudden, sharp sound of her name, but she never looked away from Carmen. “Stay outta this, Arizona.”
“The hell I will,” Arizona retorted, grabbing Callie by the upper arm. She tried to tug her back, but when she just got shrugged off, she pushed her way in between the two women.
Callie looked like she was ready to kill.
“Callie, back off, now,” the blonde demanded, placing both hands against her ex’s shoulders and forcing her to take a step back. She stared at her in disbelief. “What are you doing?”
It took a moment before Callie could tear her gaze away from the nurse to focus in on her former girlfriend. “I'm trying to protect you.” She paused as she looked back over Arizona's shoulder. “From...that.”
Carmen finally managed to push herself off of the wall. “She doesn't need it,” she shot back, anger in her voice. “She's a big girl.”
Callie growled.
She actually growled.
“I told you to stop talking about her like that!”
Arizona wanted to beat her own head against a wall, or better yet, walk away completely. But she couldn’t, because then she’d be blamed for the bloodshed and carnage left behind.
And the PEDS floor was full of children who need not witness that level of violence at their age.
“Hey,” she snapped at both women, glaring at them separately before focusing on Carmen for a second. “You, don’t help me.” Her eyes flickered back to Callie. “And you, go back downstairs. You do not get to come up here and attack members of my staff in a wing full of sick children.”
Arizona remained facing Callie, her eyes still full of disbelief and a little confusion. She didn’t see Carmen smirk at Callie over her shoulder as she spoke.
Callie jerked in the blonde's grasp, lunging at Slutty Nurse.
The bitch.
“Hey!” Arizona quickly shouted again as she struggled to hold her ex-girlfriend back.
Calliope was strong when she was pissed.
“Carmen! Go,” Arizona ordered, still holding Callie back by the shoulders. “Now.”
The nurse waited for a second, and then finally escaped from behind Arizona to stalk away, clearly annoyed by this whole thing.
The blonde was solely focused on Callie now. “You. With me. Also now.” Her left hand clamped down against Callie’s bicep, hard, and she quickly yanked her in the opposite direction.
The first empty room they came across, Arizona pulled her ex into and slammed the door shut behind them.
“You mind telling me what the hell you think you’re doing?” she demanded angrily, instantly rounding on the other woman. Her blue eyes nailed Callie to the spot, not wavering in the slightest.
The brunette sighed in return. “I told you. I'm-”
“Protecting me?” Arizona cut in with a sharp snap. “I'm not buying that crap, Calliope.” Her furious gaze burned straight through the brunette. “You're jealous.”
“I am not,” Callie denied. “I'm not jealous of...of her.” She met Arizona’s blue eyes and held them. “I...” she started again, but trailed off as her brow furrowed and her shoulders slumped.
Dammit.
“Okay,” she relented softly. “I'm jealous.”
Arizona kept her angry stance. “So you just decided to come up here and beat the crap out of one of my nurses?”
Callie glared at Arizona. “Don’t. Don’t give me that. This is about her, and she…and you…”
Heaving a sigh, Arizona crossed her arms over her chest. “Calliope. It was just a stupid bet with Mark, that’s all. We talked about this. It never once meant anything.”
“Then why did you kiss her?” Callie’s voice was suddenly much smaller.
Arizona felt her heart break a little in her chest. “Calliope…” She really wished the brunette had never had to hear about that. Closing her eyes, she sighed. “Mark shouldn’t have told you. It wasn’t anything.”
“Mark?” Callie echoed, clearly surprised. “Mark knew? Did…everyone but me know?”
Crap.
Arizona swallowed back and opened her eyes again reluctantly.
“She kissed me.” They were full of sadness as she watched Callie closely.
“Did you kiss her back?” was Callie’s instantaneous response.
Arizona thought about denying it, but she couldn’t lie. “I…yes.” Her shoulders sagged and she leaned back against the door, looking away. “I had a bad day. And she just…” Arizona sighed once more. “And I was missing you. I was sad. And it was a stupid momentary thing that meant nothing.”
“It meant something to her,” Callie said, her voice soft. She closed her eyes, turning away from the blonde as she reached up to press her palms into them. She could feel the tears burning below the surface, but wanted to hold them at bay as long as she could.
A moment of tense silence passed between them. “You're not exactly the kind of woman you just kiss and forget,” Callie added as she turned back to face her ex. She smiled sadly, the tears already glistening visibly. “I should know. One random kiss in a public bathroom, and I was hooked.”
Arizona tried to smile back, but it died rather quickly. It occurred to her that this was the first time they’d seen or spoken to each other since she’d left Callie’s apartment that night. “Tell me about it.”
She met and held her ex’s gaze for a long, silent moment, before it became too much to bear and she had to look away again. “I’m sorry. That it happened, that you heard about it…I’m just sorry.”
After a hesitation, Arizona took one step closer to Callie. “But we aren’t together anymore, Calliope. And as hard as that is to accept, we just…h-have to.” Her blue eyes once more flickered up to meet Callie’s soft brown. “You deserve to find someone who wants what you want. Who can make you happy in the long run. What we were doing before…it wasn’t healthy. For either of us. So you should…you should try to just move on.”
Arizona never wanted to sound cold and callous, not to Calliope Torres, but she wanted the brunette to be able to forget about ‘them’ and move on with her life. It was going to suck, and be hard as hell, but she wanted Callie to be happy. Even if that meant she had to hurt her by saying this as bluntly as she could.
Arizona turned to leave, but hesitated briefly again. “Bailey agreed to scrub in for me on the Connor’s kid. She can fix his spleen while you work on the leg. It’s cleared it with Shepherd.”
They’d have to work together, sooner or later, but sooner wasn’t a good idea right now, for anyone involved.
As Arizona reached for the door handle, Callie’s voice stopped her in her tracks.
“I'm sleeping with Mark.”
Those words froze the blonde in place. She paused, hoping she hadn't heard them correctly.
“What?” she asked very slowly, as she took a step back toward the brunette.
“Oh yeah,” Callie pushed on. “For a while now. He's as good as I remember, too,” she added evenly.
Arizona felt winded. Like Callie had taken a two-by-four and slammed her in the gut with it.
Beyond that, she just couldn’t think.
She could only stare at Callie for a long, painfully drawn out moment, literally rendered completely speechless as her head swam.
What could she say to that?
“Y…you’re sleeping with Mark.” It was a statement, not a question. She had to swallow back, hard, her throat feeling like it was closing up on her. “This…whole time?”
Callie kept her light smirk as she took a step forward, her eyes never leaving Arizona. “Hurts,” she finally spoke up. “Doesn’t it?” Her smile vanished as she stood, staring back at the anguish in blue eyes.
But that's how it went, right? It was only fair.
You hurt me, I hurt you. Maybe it wasn’t mature, but in that moment, Callie wanted Arizona to hurt like she did on the inside.
“Would you even care if I really was?” Callie said again after a tense moment had passed. She moved a little closer. “I'm starting to think that I should. At least then I could maybe get you out of my fucking mind for one second.”
Arizona’s head was still spinning, and it took her a second to catch up. “That’s low, Calliope,” she finally replied in a strained voice.
“And making out with your scrub nurse and then shoving it in my face isn’t?” Callie snarled, louder and angrier.
Arizona’s gaze hardened. “You broke up with me, Callie. Remember the first time? It was ‘now or never’, you never even gave me a chance to think o-or respond, or God forbid talk about it with you. You sprung it on me out of the blue and expected me to either suddenly be okay with having a kid or get gone.”
“That's bullshit,” Callie snarled right back. “It's not like I expected you to wanna start popping them out left and right. Some day,” she paused as she raised a hand towards the blonde. “That's what I said, Arizona. Some day, not right then, and not right now.”
She moved a little closer still. “You're the one that decided to 'get gone',” she went on. “I'll admit I probably didn't handle it the best, but you're just as guilty as me in that department.” Her eyes flashed with anger. “But at least I didn't jump on the first piece of ass that swayed my way.”
“That's not fair,” Arizona shot back.
“Oh it's plenty fucking fair,” Callie shouted again. “I coulda fucked Mark. But I didn't want to do that.” She paused. “I didn't want to do that to you.” She took another shaky breath as a bit of her anger seemed to ebb away. “I didn't wanna hurt you like that.”
“Oh, goodie, so you didn’t hop right back on the boy train, good for you,” Arizona yelled. “Glad to know that you cared enough about one of your experiments that you figured you’d wait an extra few days before jumping back on top of Mark Sloan!”
Callie's eyes widened. “Are you fucking serious right now?”
Arizona just glared at her.
“Experiment?,” Callie repeated harshly. “Is that what you think this last year was to me? A fucking...experiment?”
“If you're back to sleeping with Mark Sloan,” Arizona shot right back.
“I am not sleeping with Mark!” Callie shouted. “I don't want him!” she added quickly. “I only want you! But it sure doesn't look like you can say the same!”
“Callie, I was finally done!” Arizona suddenly sputtered, making them both fall silent for a moment. Callie furrowed her brow at the slightly shorter woman, waiting for her to expand.
“You know what, I used to be Mark Sloan,” Arizona continued. “Maybe not in quite the same number range and unlike him I actually have taste, but yeah, I didn’t do the whole attachment thing. I was young, in med school, pretty damn smart, and then I was a surgeon, and who the hell has time for relationships when you’re a surgeon? So when I wanted to, I’d get laid, and I didn’t call the next morning, because I didn’t care.”
Arizona licked her lips and took another step closer to Callie, bringing them pretty close together. “But then I came here, and I met you. And I was done. I had found the person, the only person, that I could ever imagining spending the rest of my life with. Without question. I was done, Calliope, and now…” She trailed off, staring right into those deep brown eyes that she loved so much. “Now I can’t even tell which way is up anymore.”
Callie was stunned into silence. Arizona had never told her that before.
And with good reason.
“Are you telling me you used to be the female version of Mark Sloan?” She paused a moment as her eyes widened just slightly. “Seriously?”
Arizona hesitated as she released a deep, heavy sigh. “That was my past, Calliope,” she finally replied after a few intense seconds of the brunette's gaze pinning her to the spot. “We all have one.”
“Yeah,” Callie shot right back. “But at least mine isn't full of cheap...meaningless...” She trailed off as she waved a hand through the air. “...degrading one night...whatevers,” she finally finished. “I mean, how could you do that to another woman?”
Arizona shook her head. “You don’t get to judge me, Calliope. I was young, and I didn’t know any better at the time. But then I grew up, and I met you. I’d never met anyone like you before. Not one single person I could ever see myself ending up with in the long run, until you.”
She hated the way Callie was looking at her, but she couldn’t change it, change what the other woman thought of her. “And none of that matters anymore, apparently, because we want different things, and sooner or later we both just…have to face that fact.”
“Oh, I'm so fucking sick of hearing that,” Callie snapped once more. “I know we want different things. I know it's gonna keep coming up. I know we can't just look past it. I know all that.” She paused to swallow back as her bottom lip began to tremble. “But is it really so easy for you to just forget,” she paused as the tremble became more definite. “...us?” There was an obvious shake in her voice
It was all that she could do not to just break down in tears right then and there. She was already so tired of crying. It was fucking exhausting.
“You might not be having such a...a hard time moving on, Arizona,” Callie whispered softly, not trusting her voice. “But I can't just...” She trailed off again, finally breaking their gaze to drop her eyes to the floor. “I can't.”
“I just told you,” Arizona said quietly, “that you were the one for me. So no, I can’t just move on.” She stepped right up close to Callie this time, reaching up to gently cup her face between both hands. She leaned in and rested her forehead against Callie’s. “I don’t want to. What happened with her was a ten second lapse in judgment, and I am so sorry that it did. I never, ever wanted to hurt you. Through any of this, I never wanted to hurt you.”
She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, just taking a second to absorb the warmth and feel of the other woman’s body this close to her own.
One last time.
“I’m always going to love you, Calliope.” Arizona opened her eyes and pulled her head back just enough so she could look the other woman in the eye. “That’s never gonna change. No matter what happens. All I want is for you to be happy.”
The tears finally fell from dark eyes as Callie reached down to grab two fistfuls of the other woman's scrub top. “You made me happy,” she whispered. Her fingers gripped and released the material as she struggled to fight back the urge to just...just...
Something.
Anything to keep Arizona from walking back out that door.
Callie sniffed back. “I don't want you to kiss any other girls but me,” she added softly as she tried to smile through her tears.
“I don’t want you kissing other girls, either,” Arizona replied with a slight smile of her own. “Or boys, for that matter.”
Callie lightly smacked her on the side, which only made the blonde chuckle.
“But...now I’m not the last person you kissed anymore,” Callie pointed out sadly.
Instead of answering with words, Arizona tilted her head at just the right angle to capture Callie’s lips in a kiss.
It was slow, soft and burning.
Everything Arizona wanted to remember about kissing Callie for the rest of her life.
They held that kiss for a very long time.
“Yes, you are,” Arizona replied softly, once they finally pulled back.
More tears fell from Callie's eyes as she released a sudden, harsh sob. She reached out to pull the blonde into a tight embrace as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly.
She didn't want to ever let go.
Arizona closed her eyes and buried her nose against Callie’s neck, just taking a moment to breathe her in as her arms tightened around the other woman. She held the embrace for as long as she could stand, then forcefully pried herself away.
Arizona turned and walked out that door without looking back at Callie.
Because if she did, she knew she’d never leave.
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