Grey's Anatomy - My Greatest Mistake
My Greatest Mistake
Author: Faith kennedysbitch
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Summary: Spoilers for within the 7x09-7x10 episode region. Arizona realizes what a huge, life-altering mistake she has made and tries to fix it before it’s too late. One-shot.
Disclaimer:All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Possible spoilers for 707-709. Based on this promo shot because I felt it.
A/N: Because I got bored after classes last night and was pouting over the newly released promotional shots. I bestow my inner-angst on to you people to suffer with me.
Of course, the sneak peaks came out an hour after I finished this. I think things might turn out a little different as far as who leaves whom, but...whatever.
---
Why she left Seattle in the first place was completely beyond Arizona Robbins from the moment she set foot in the elevator. An elevator she had become so accustomed to taking over the last two and a half years, regardless of the fact that she only moved in to this building a few weeks ago. The refurbished carpet pattern, the faint odor of damp mildew and crusted on food stains, the soft lighting, and the faded number four that used to mark one of the buttons were all familiar. Not to mention the fact that it takes six seconds longer for the doors to close if you press the ‘close door’ button as opposed to just waiting for them to do it on their own.
An impromptu red eye flight back and an atrociously expensive cab ride later, she felt as though her heart had all but bruised the inside of her ribs from pounding so hard and so steady, for so long. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Calliope since the incident at the airport, and every minute since then she regretted leaving on such shattered terms.
Terms that left them pretty much nowhere. Ones she had since concluded were not acceptable, given that the woman of her dreams was on the line. Terms that she had been so fucking set on ignoring, she hadn’t realized her mistake until eight hours into the flight, by which point it was too late to turn back. Terms that, another twenty hours later, had made her too ashamed to pick up a damn phone and call when she landed.
“I don’t know where this leaves us,” Callie had said.
“I don’t think it leaves us anywhere,” had been her response.
I don’t think it leaves us anywhere. What the fuck kind of answer had that been?
Never in her life had her overly stubborn and somewhat selfish personality bitten her in the ass so hard before. This wasn’t some stupid tiff over a mutual patient, or who’s turn it was to take out the garbage, or which one of them was always the person to change the freakin’ toilet paper roll. (Callie never did, it was always her, her girlfriend just refused to admit that fact.)
Girlfriend. Was she even allowed to call her that anymore?
They hadn’t...‘broken up’, as far as Arizona was concerned. Or maybe she was letting herself be blissfully ignorant and naive. They had only exchanged a deep, sad and longing glance before Arizona had turned and walked through those security gates without looking back. Feeling as though a hole had been punched in her chest, and like her heart and lungs were suddenly missing from her body.
Whether or not that constituted as a break-up didn’t matter. She was here now, and she was going to make things right. The Carter Madison grant was a huge achievement, pretty much establishing her reputation for the rest of her career. But she was done choosing her professional life over her personal one. She had a flight scheduled back to Malawi at the end of the week, but if Callie would just talk to her...she would find a way to make sure someone else in Pediatrics got the money to continue on. Hell, she would settle for flying out every few months to check on things, even if she wasn’t running the operation like she had planned to. Those kids and the good that the money was doing were too important for her to give it away to the next lucky contestant that wanted to design nuclear-resistant rats or build a bigger bomb.
Deep down, Arizona was still hurt and more than frustrated that Callie had lied to her. For almost five weeks, she had pretended to be on board and gung-ho about coming with her to start on this incredible journey. Arizona herself was thrilled beyond the telling of it - her whole life was about to change, and the best part of it was coming with her. The packing, the talking, the planning of all the adventures they would have...
Maybe she should have seen it coming. Maybe deep down she already knew. But she hadn’t allowed that thought to cross to the forefront of her mind, choosing instead to hold her breath until the plane would leave the ground with two of them on it.
So when Callie stood there in that airport and told her ‘I can’t do this’, Arizona had been mad. Furious, even. But most of all she was hurt, not only because it became plain as day that Calliope would not be coming with her, but because she had lied about wanting to in the first place. After everything they had been through, that hurt.
“If it was me, I would have turned it down.” That was another thing Arizona wasn’t okay with. It was all fine and dandy for Calliope to throw that in her face, but circumstances weren’t the same for her. Callie fixed broken bones for a living - she was a rockstar, a Goddess, and the best in her field beyond a shadow of a doubt, and Arizona was proud to call Dr. Torres her woman, but it wasn’t the same as Pediatrics. It didn’t mean peds was better, or more important, but...a grant like this would change the lives of so many children in a third world country where they had no access to the surgeries some of them so desperately needed to survive. That was why she had applied for this grant in the first place. If it was just about herself and advancing her own career, Arizona liked to believe she maybe could have turned it down. Probably would have turned it down. Yeah, she definitely would have turned it down.
But it wasn’t all about her. It was about the mission, something she had committed to years ago, and something that she couldn’t choose to be selfish about. Or so she had thought.
It had changed her, though, meeting Callie. It changed her for the better. She realized just how much when she was already halfway over the Atlantic Ocean.
Things were different now. This grant was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Callie came first. She was the opportunity of a lifetime, and that’s all that mattered. Arizona knew she should have told her that before walking away, but she would make sure it was the first thing out of her mouth the second she saw her. Perhaps after ‘I love you’ and a kiss, if showing up unannounced didn’t earn her a slap in the face.
Someone else could take the wheel on the grant project and get all the credit. She didn’t want it, not if it meant she could have another chance with the woman she was thoroughly convinced was her soulmate.
All of this ran through Arizona’s mind as she stood in silence in that elevator. The first time it reached the fifth floor, she hit ‘Ground’ once more to buy herself some time. The second, she stopped and stared at the open doors, on the verge of tipping over that threshold. Held back by her anxiety, but finally propelled forward by need the moment they started to close.
Arizona jammed her arm between the two panels before they could meet, briefly flashing back to Final Destination 2 and the elevator massacre Callie had forced her to endure last Halloween. But the doors opened, no limbs were lost, and she stepped out onto the familiar landing.
She pulled in a deep, steadying breath, stood up straight, and marched down the hallway, pushing her fear and anxiety to the back of her mind. As she rounded the corner, a smile came to her face, thoughts of only being moments away from seeing her beautiful girl again filling the empty void that had manifested itself inside of her chest. The only person who mattered right now was Calliope, and Arizona would get down on her knees and beg if it was required. She would dance naked, do the dishes for a year, rub Callie’s feet on a daily basis, and fly her to Paris for a romantic weekend full of five-star hotels and expensive wine within the next five seconds if that’s what it took to get her back.
Most of all, she would promise to stop running away and always, without any exception, put her first, one hundred and fifty percent of the time.
Callie was the love of her life.
And she was kissing another woman.
That was the first thought that popped into Arizona’s mind as she stopped dead in her tracks, barely stepping two feet beyond the corner wall before her line of vision reached the door at the end of the hall.
Callie had her, whoever she was, pressed against the wall, and she was laughing. While her tongue was in the redhead’s mouth, she made that sexy, husky little sound that resonated from deep within her chest, the one that always made Arizona’s knees go weak and her head spin.
The emptiness she had felt on the plane ride to Africa was nothing compared to the hole inside of her now.
Too preoccupied to hear approaching footsteps, Callie pulled away from the kiss, saying something to the girl pressed against her body. She gave a slight nudge with her hips, grinding her into the wall, and the redhead moaned softly while smirking in a way that made Arizona’s blood boil.
Callie’s fingertips slid the apartment key from her back pocket and easily popped it into the lock, at the same time dipping her head down to press her lips against the redhead’s neck. Evidently, she said something maybe just a little bit naughty, because as she pulled back, Arizona recognized the hunger in her eyes and that patented smirk on her face.
Her ‘I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop’ look.
Arizona knew it well. Or at least, she used to.
Completely unaware of her audience, Callie pushed the door open and grabbed the lapels of the new woman’s jacket, stepping back and tugging her past the threshold of the apartment. Stumbling a bit and rebounding off of the door frame in their haste, their lips met in a passionate kiss just as they moved out of Arizona’s line of sight.
The door closed. A shrill giggle sounded from behind it. And then there was silence.
Arizona didn’t know how long she stood there for. She was unaware when her feet decided to start moving on their own, and somehow she found herself back in the elevator and on the ground floor.
“Are you getting off?”
She looked up at the sound of a deep voice, eyes empty as she stepped past the older gentleman holding open the door while he waited impatiently. She ignored him and everyone else she passed, until she was out on the streets and in the rain.
Arizona flipped the collar up on her jacket and stepped out into the drizzle. She didn’t hale a cab for six whole blocks, walking with her head down and a vacant expression carefully masking her features. By the time she climbed into the back of a yellow taxi and gave the driver an address, she had yet to notice a man jogging after her, calling her name. She didn’t see Mark Sloan stop on the sidewalk as the car pulled away from the curb, watching as it drove away into the darkness.
***
On any other day, Teddy Altman’s surprise upon opening her door to find Arizona Robbins standing there, soaked to the bone, fresh from halfway across the world, would have been followed by a loud cheer and perhaps a hug or a word of welcome.
But the look on the blonde’s face was so far removed from showing an actual emotion, Teddy froze, holding the door open and meeting those piercing blue eyes with her own.
“I don’t...” Arizona swallowed thickly, something passing over her features; a ripple of pain showing through her carefully composed exterior. It was gone in almost an instant, and the mask slid carefully back into place, but Teddy knew her well enough by now to be able to catch the look before it disappeared completely.
“I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Arizona’s voice was hoarse, and the amount of effort it took to even force those words passed the lump in her throat was as plain as day.
The look of comprehension on Teddy’s face barely registered in Arizona’s mind; it was obvious she knew something about the reason she had showed up on her doorstep nearly in tears. Arizona had no way of knowing she was there that night at Joe’s bar when Callie had given her number to the unnamed redhead. No way of knowing she had knowledge of the date Callie had set up for earlier this evening. No way of knowing Teddy had been dreading this would happen all along.
Teddy moved back from the door, not even caring that it was almost midnight and that she was wrapped in her bath robe, hair tussled from a recent nap on the couch. She gestured Arizona inside.
Arizona stepped in, and it was as though passing over the threshold cracked the strong, solid foundation she had just spent the twenty minute cab ride over trying to build up. Her resolve began to crumble almost instantly, and she all but fell into Teddy’s arms as her new best friend pulled her into a tight hug.
Teddy’s shock at seeing the other woman wore off as the first sob wracked Arizona’s body, and she felt hot tears splash against her neck. The only thing she could think to say was “Shh, everything will be okay”, even though she hated saying ‘that thing’ you say when something terrible happens. ‘Okay’ was vague, generic, and downright untrue.
Everything wasn’t going to be okay. It might never be okay again.
---
Author: Faith kennedysbitch
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Arizona/Callie
Summary: Spoilers for within the 7x09-7x10 episode region. Arizona realizes what a huge, life-altering mistake she has made and tries to fix it before it’s too late. One-shot.
Disclaimer:All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Possible spoilers for 707-709. Based on this promo shot because I felt it.
A/N: Because I got bored after classes last night and was pouting over the newly released promotional shots. I bestow my inner-angst on to you people to suffer with me.
Of course, the sneak peaks came out an hour after I finished this. I think things might turn out a little different as far as who leaves whom, but...whatever.
---
Why she left Seattle in the first place was completely beyond Arizona Robbins from the moment she set foot in the elevator. An elevator she had become so accustomed to taking over the last two and a half years, regardless of the fact that she only moved in to this building a few weeks ago. The refurbished carpet pattern, the faint odor of damp mildew and crusted on food stains, the soft lighting, and the faded number four that used to mark one of the buttons were all familiar. Not to mention the fact that it takes six seconds longer for the doors to close if you press the ‘close door’ button as opposed to just waiting for them to do it on their own.
An impromptu red eye flight back and an atrociously expensive cab ride later, she felt as though her heart had all but bruised the inside of her ribs from pounding so hard and so steady, for so long. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Calliope since the incident at the airport, and every minute since then she regretted leaving on such shattered terms.
Terms that left them pretty much nowhere. Ones she had since concluded were not acceptable, given that the woman of her dreams was on the line. Terms that she had been so fucking set on ignoring, she hadn’t realized her mistake until eight hours into the flight, by which point it was too late to turn back. Terms that, another twenty hours later, had made her too ashamed to pick up a damn phone and call when she landed.
“I don’t know where this leaves us,” Callie had said.
“I don’t think it leaves us anywhere,” had been her response.
I don’t think it leaves us anywhere. What the fuck kind of answer had that been?
Never in her life had her overly stubborn and somewhat selfish personality bitten her in the ass so hard before. This wasn’t some stupid tiff over a mutual patient, or who’s turn it was to take out the garbage, or which one of them was always the person to change the freakin’ toilet paper roll. (Callie never did, it was always her, her girlfriend just refused to admit that fact.)
Girlfriend. Was she even allowed to call her that anymore?
They hadn’t...‘broken up’, as far as Arizona was concerned. Or maybe she was letting herself be blissfully ignorant and naive. They had only exchanged a deep, sad and longing glance before Arizona had turned and walked through those security gates without looking back. Feeling as though a hole had been punched in her chest, and like her heart and lungs were suddenly missing from her body.
Whether or not that constituted as a break-up didn’t matter. She was here now, and she was going to make things right. The Carter Madison grant was a huge achievement, pretty much establishing her reputation for the rest of her career. But she was done choosing her professional life over her personal one. She had a flight scheduled back to Malawi at the end of the week, but if Callie would just talk to her...she would find a way to make sure someone else in Pediatrics got the money to continue on. Hell, she would settle for flying out every few months to check on things, even if she wasn’t running the operation like she had planned to. Those kids and the good that the money was doing were too important for her to give it away to the next lucky contestant that wanted to design nuclear-resistant rats or build a bigger bomb.
Deep down, Arizona was still hurt and more than frustrated that Callie had lied to her. For almost five weeks, she had pretended to be on board and gung-ho about coming with her to start on this incredible journey. Arizona herself was thrilled beyond the telling of it - her whole life was about to change, and the best part of it was coming with her. The packing, the talking, the planning of all the adventures they would have...
Maybe she should have seen it coming. Maybe deep down she already knew. But she hadn’t allowed that thought to cross to the forefront of her mind, choosing instead to hold her breath until the plane would leave the ground with two of them on it.
So when Callie stood there in that airport and told her ‘I can’t do this’, Arizona had been mad. Furious, even. But most of all she was hurt, not only because it became plain as day that Calliope would not be coming with her, but because she had lied about wanting to in the first place. After everything they had been through, that hurt.
“If it was me, I would have turned it down.” That was another thing Arizona wasn’t okay with. It was all fine and dandy for Calliope to throw that in her face, but circumstances weren’t the same for her. Callie fixed broken bones for a living - she was a rockstar, a Goddess, and the best in her field beyond a shadow of a doubt, and Arizona was proud to call Dr. Torres her woman, but it wasn’t the same as Pediatrics. It didn’t mean peds was better, or more important, but...a grant like this would change the lives of so many children in a third world country where they had no access to the surgeries some of them so desperately needed to survive. That was why she had applied for this grant in the first place. If it was just about herself and advancing her own career, Arizona liked to believe she maybe could have turned it down. Probably would have turned it down. Yeah, she definitely would have turned it down.
But it wasn’t all about her. It was about the mission, something she had committed to years ago, and something that she couldn’t choose to be selfish about. Or so she had thought.
It had changed her, though, meeting Callie. It changed her for the better. She realized just how much when she was already halfway over the Atlantic Ocean.
Things were different now. This grant was the opportunity of a lifetime, but Callie came first. She was the opportunity of a lifetime, and that’s all that mattered. Arizona knew she should have told her that before walking away, but she would make sure it was the first thing out of her mouth the second she saw her. Perhaps after ‘I love you’ and a kiss, if showing up unannounced didn’t earn her a slap in the face.
Someone else could take the wheel on the grant project and get all the credit. She didn’t want it, not if it meant she could have another chance with the woman she was thoroughly convinced was her soulmate.
All of this ran through Arizona’s mind as she stood in silence in that elevator. The first time it reached the fifth floor, she hit ‘Ground’ once more to buy herself some time. The second, she stopped and stared at the open doors, on the verge of tipping over that threshold. Held back by her anxiety, but finally propelled forward by need the moment they started to close.
Arizona jammed her arm between the two panels before they could meet, briefly flashing back to Final Destination 2 and the elevator massacre Callie had forced her to endure last Halloween. But the doors opened, no limbs were lost, and she stepped out onto the familiar landing.
She pulled in a deep, steadying breath, stood up straight, and marched down the hallway, pushing her fear and anxiety to the back of her mind. As she rounded the corner, a smile came to her face, thoughts of only being moments away from seeing her beautiful girl again filling the empty void that had manifested itself inside of her chest. The only person who mattered right now was Calliope, and Arizona would get down on her knees and beg if it was required. She would dance naked, do the dishes for a year, rub Callie’s feet on a daily basis, and fly her to Paris for a romantic weekend full of five-star hotels and expensive wine within the next five seconds if that’s what it took to get her back.
Most of all, she would promise to stop running away and always, without any exception, put her first, one hundred and fifty percent of the time.
Callie was the love of her life.
And she was kissing another woman.
That was the first thought that popped into Arizona’s mind as she stopped dead in her tracks, barely stepping two feet beyond the corner wall before her line of vision reached the door at the end of the hall.
Callie had her, whoever she was, pressed against the wall, and she was laughing. While her tongue was in the redhead’s mouth, she made that sexy, husky little sound that resonated from deep within her chest, the one that always made Arizona’s knees go weak and her head spin.
The emptiness she had felt on the plane ride to Africa was nothing compared to the hole inside of her now.
Too preoccupied to hear approaching footsteps, Callie pulled away from the kiss, saying something to the girl pressed against her body. She gave a slight nudge with her hips, grinding her into the wall, and the redhead moaned softly while smirking in a way that made Arizona’s blood boil.
Callie’s fingertips slid the apartment key from her back pocket and easily popped it into the lock, at the same time dipping her head down to press her lips against the redhead’s neck. Evidently, she said something maybe just a little bit naughty, because as she pulled back, Arizona recognized the hunger in her eyes and that patented smirk on her face.
Her ‘I’m going to fuck you until you beg me to stop’ look.
Arizona knew it well. Or at least, she used to.
Completely unaware of her audience, Callie pushed the door open and grabbed the lapels of the new woman’s jacket, stepping back and tugging her past the threshold of the apartment. Stumbling a bit and rebounding off of the door frame in their haste, their lips met in a passionate kiss just as they moved out of Arizona’s line of sight.
The door closed. A shrill giggle sounded from behind it. And then there was silence.
Arizona didn’t know how long she stood there for. She was unaware when her feet decided to start moving on their own, and somehow she found herself back in the elevator and on the ground floor.
“Are you getting off?”
She looked up at the sound of a deep voice, eyes empty as she stepped past the older gentleman holding open the door while he waited impatiently. She ignored him and everyone else she passed, until she was out on the streets and in the rain.
Arizona flipped the collar up on her jacket and stepped out into the drizzle. She didn’t hale a cab for six whole blocks, walking with her head down and a vacant expression carefully masking her features. By the time she climbed into the back of a yellow taxi and gave the driver an address, she had yet to notice a man jogging after her, calling her name. She didn’t see Mark Sloan stop on the sidewalk as the car pulled away from the curb, watching as it drove away into the darkness.
***
On any other day, Teddy Altman’s surprise upon opening her door to find Arizona Robbins standing there, soaked to the bone, fresh from halfway across the world, would have been followed by a loud cheer and perhaps a hug or a word of welcome.
But the look on the blonde’s face was so far removed from showing an actual emotion, Teddy froze, holding the door open and meeting those piercing blue eyes with her own.
“I don’t...” Arizona swallowed thickly, something passing over her features; a ripple of pain showing through her carefully composed exterior. It was gone in almost an instant, and the mask slid carefully back into place, but Teddy knew her well enough by now to be able to catch the look before it disappeared completely.
“I don’t have anywhere else to go.” Arizona’s voice was hoarse, and the amount of effort it took to even force those words passed the lump in her throat was as plain as day.
The look of comprehension on Teddy’s face barely registered in Arizona’s mind; it was obvious she knew something about the reason she had showed up on her doorstep nearly in tears. Arizona had no way of knowing she was there that night at Joe’s bar when Callie had given her number to the unnamed redhead. No way of knowing she had knowledge of the date Callie had set up for earlier this evening. No way of knowing Teddy had been dreading this would happen all along.
Teddy moved back from the door, not even caring that it was almost midnight and that she was wrapped in her bath robe, hair tussled from a recent nap on the couch. She gestured Arizona inside.
Arizona stepped in, and it was as though passing over the threshold cracked the strong, solid foundation she had just spent the twenty minute cab ride over trying to build up. Her resolve began to crumble almost instantly, and she all but fell into Teddy’s arms as her new best friend pulled her into a tight hug.
Teddy’s shock at seeing the other woman wore off as the first sob wracked Arizona’s body, and she felt hot tears splash against her neck. The only thing she could think to say was “Shh, everything will be okay”, even though she hated saying ‘that thing’ you say when something terrible happens. ‘Okay’ was vague, generic, and downright untrue.
Everything wasn’t going to be okay. It might never be okay again.
---