The 20 dumbest rules in sports.
Intentional Walks in Baseball
Let's see: Spend $60 on a ticket to watch someone not pitch to David Ortiz? No thanks. Better to grant each team a single intentional walk per game, the way the NFL doles out limited coaches' challenges. And when the pitcher decides to chicken out, and doesn't get the ball within 3 feet of the strike zone? Give the batter two free bases.
Really, why should a meatball artist get a near-mulligan because he can't get the likes of Barry Bonds out?
Boxing Scoring
Have every fight end with either a knockout or one fighter quitting. If it takes 22 rounds, so be it. Earn that $20 Million!
NBA Late-Game Timeouts
In the NBA, each team can call two full timeouts in the final two minutes -- usually in the last 20 seconds, turning free-flowing basketball into an excruciating adult version of freeze tag. These guys are paid $10s of Millions every year for the ability. Let them play it out. May the best man win.
One more complaint: Why do 20-second timeouts last a minute or more?
The NBA's 10-Foot Rim and 94-Foot Floor
The court never changes. It's the same size we played on as YBA punks, baggy socks flapping about our ankles. Heck, it's the same size played on by James Naismith's kids.
The game has evolved. Like the Six Million Dollar Man, players are bigger, stronger, faster … and worth a heck of a lot more than $6 million. So expand the surface, raise the rim, restore flow to a game stuck in the mud. Make a dunk something special again.
Second Serves in Tennis
"Oops, sorry. I fully intended to put that one over the net and into the box. How about a do-over?"
Airborne Timeouts
How can you have possession when you're not touching anything? Shouldn't you be required to have one foot on the ground?
Consecutive Timeouts
How can you call a timeout right after a timeout. How is this fan-friendly? Would the producers of "24" decide to triple the amount of commercials right before the climactic scene of every show? Seriously, how long does a coach need to talk to his players, half of whom are thinking about things like, "Where are we going after the game?" and "Is that girl in the third row checking me out?"
Technical fouls not counting as personal fouls
Why not? They should. If players could foul out on technicals, they wouldn't complain to the referees as much. Well, except Rasheed Wallace. Also, one freethrow? WTF! it's barely a penalty in the 100+ point NBA games. In college, it's two - and you get the ball - and their games are usually only in the 70's. (1% vs 3%)
Own goals in basketball
Uh-uh. Basketball should track own goals, like soccer. What fan wouldn't want to know who leads the league in own goals at the end of each season? Sure would make you re-think that Sean Bradley deal...
Drug Testing for Athletes Only
Who's worse for business -- a stoned sixth man, or a guy in the league office with red eyes and Cheetos stains on his lapel? Sample cups for all! Hypocritical bastards!
Interference in Hockey
Be it the actual rules or their lax enforcement, the main problem with hockey is that you're all but allowed to tackle the man with the puck.
Allow the same shenanigans in basketball, and scores would dip into the teens. If knocking players off the puck resulted in trips to the penalty box (like the rules say), perhaps hockey scores would rise into the teens … and maybe, just maybe, Americans would give two shits.
Baseball Dugout Warnings
Warning both dugouts means somebody gets the last word in brushbacks. This is counter productive. If a pitcher knows the next brushback will produce a warning, he has little choice but to throw one -- because if he doesn't, the other team's hurler will. And as soon as someone does, the other guy can't. Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
As for umpires interpreting and defining the intent of a pitch? Yeah, right. Umps have a hard enough time calling a consistent strike zone. Now they're supposed to read minds?
Beanball wars might amount to frontier justice. But at least they're just.
Golf crowds being quiet
Right now, you're sitting at your desk, cube, whatever. Is there some dude a few feet away holding a sign that says "Quiet Please" while you prepare to type up your latest e-mail? Um, no. So why should we have to shut up when Tiger tees it up?
What about other sports? When A-Rod is in Fenway, do the ushers turn to face the crowd and whisper "Shh! Alex is trying to hit … please show him some respect."
Uh, no again … and they shouldn't. Say what you want, but without the fans, all Tiger would be is the coolest club pro in Windermere, Fla. So next time you see him, snap all the pictures you want and yell, "You da man!" before he hits it.
You've earned it, and he deserves it. Bring some excitement to the most boring game on earth.
Baseball Managers Wearing Uniforms
An unwritten rule, to be sure -- but no less unforgivable. Stan Van Gundy's pasty ass in a jersey and shorts, Bill Belichick in shoulder pads and a helmet, Patt Summit in a sports bra and tanktop (shudder). Silly, right? So how is Filipe Alou in a uniform any different?
Overtime Stat Keeping in College Football
For the entire game, you have to start about 60+ yards from your endzone. Then for overtime, we place you on the 25 - because get this - it increases the chance of scoring. Four years ago, Eli Manning threw for six touchdown passes in a single college game. Five of those touchdowns came over the course of seven overtimes -- and all of them counted equally in the record book.
Composed of alternating possessions that start just outside the red zone, college football's extra periods resemble parlor games; as such, lumping regulation and overtime statistics together is absurd. Should FIFA count penalty kick shootout goals toward individual totals? Should post season home runs toward the chase of 61*?
Face it: the current college system makes as much sense as counting points scored in layup lines.
*61 home runs in a single season - the legitimate record set by Rodger Marris. He took performance decreasing drugs (alcohol and cigarettes) where as Bonds, McGuire, and Sosa took something totally different.
Sudden-Death Overtime in the NFL
As bad as it is for the regular season, a team getting bounced out of the playoffs without ever touching the ball is criminal. Apologies to the Pitsburgh Stealers, and the 'deaf official'
Alternating Possession in College Basketball
We've said it before and we'll say it again: Jump it. Every time. Are we not men?
Signing your scorecard in golf
You've just shot a 62. You're going to change out of your FootJoys with the lead in the Masters, and you can't wait for Jim Nantz to talk to you. Wait, you didn't sign your scorecard. You're disqualified.
That's right, you're done. Go home. You didn't use the rough on 14 as a portapotty. You didn't knock back a six pack of beer at the turn. You didn't chant "Miss it, Noonan! Miss!" when your playing partner was putting. All you did was take a piece of paper with your score and forget to sign it.
It's the age of live Internet scoring, scrolling results on TV and a leaderboard the size of Montana near the 18th hole, and someone is still wondering what you shot?
Leave the scorecards for mini golf and your hole-in-one glory on the talking whale, and if the guys in the tourney office still want an autograph, all they have to do is ask.
Down over for Offensive Penalty in Football
How is this fair. You gain an unfair advantage over the defense, but as your punnishment, we are going to move you back an extra couple of yards and let you try to whale on the defense one extra time.
Non-unified NCAA college baseball season
University of Florida can start playing baseball on January 1st, just try to do that at Michigain. College baseball institutes rules to unbalance the league, yet wonders why they don't have a more national following. Have a unified start date, something where the snow will be melted in most states. March 1st? March 15th? - The college world series isn't till June - But make it fair for everyone.
Skip Bayless, DJ Gallo, Alan Grant, Kevin Jackson, Scoop Jackson, Larry Johnson, Bomani Jones, Michael Knisley, Paul Lukas, Jeff Merron, Eric Neel, Mike Philbrick, David Schoenfield, Bill Simmons and Kurt Snibbe contributed to this article.
Let's see: Spend $60 on a ticket to watch someone not pitch to David Ortiz? No thanks. Better to grant each team a single intentional walk per game, the way the NFL doles out limited coaches' challenges. And when the pitcher decides to chicken out, and doesn't get the ball within 3 feet of the strike zone? Give the batter two free bases.
Really, why should a meatball artist get a near-mulligan because he can't get the likes of Barry Bonds out?
Boxing Scoring
Have every fight end with either a knockout or one fighter quitting. If it takes 22 rounds, so be it. Earn that $20 Million!
NBA Late-Game Timeouts
In the NBA, each team can call two full timeouts in the final two minutes -- usually in the last 20 seconds, turning free-flowing basketball into an excruciating adult version of freeze tag. These guys are paid $10s of Millions every year for the ability. Let them play it out. May the best man win.
One more complaint: Why do 20-second timeouts last a minute or more?
The NBA's 10-Foot Rim and 94-Foot Floor
The court never changes. It's the same size we played on as YBA punks, baggy socks flapping about our ankles. Heck, it's the same size played on by James Naismith's kids.
The game has evolved. Like the Six Million Dollar Man, players are bigger, stronger, faster … and worth a heck of a lot more than $6 million. So expand the surface, raise the rim, restore flow to a game stuck in the mud. Make a dunk something special again.
Second Serves in Tennis
"Oops, sorry. I fully intended to put that one over the net and into the box. How about a do-over?"
Airborne Timeouts
How can you have possession when you're not touching anything? Shouldn't you be required to have one foot on the ground?
Consecutive Timeouts
How can you call a timeout right after a timeout. How is this fan-friendly? Would the producers of "24" decide to triple the amount of commercials right before the climactic scene of every show? Seriously, how long does a coach need to talk to his players, half of whom are thinking about things like, "Where are we going after the game?" and "Is that girl in the third row checking me out?"
Technical fouls not counting as personal fouls
Why not? They should. If players could foul out on technicals, they wouldn't complain to the referees as much. Well, except Rasheed Wallace. Also, one freethrow? WTF! it's barely a penalty in the 100+ point NBA games. In college, it's two - and you get the ball - and their games are usually only in the 70's. (1% vs 3%)
Own goals in basketball
Uh-uh. Basketball should track own goals, like soccer. What fan wouldn't want to know who leads the league in own goals at the end of each season? Sure would make you re-think that Sean Bradley deal...
Drug Testing for Athletes Only
Who's worse for business -- a stoned sixth man, or a guy in the league office with red eyes and Cheetos stains on his lapel? Sample cups for all! Hypocritical bastards!
Interference in Hockey
Be it the actual rules or their lax enforcement, the main problem with hockey is that you're all but allowed to tackle the man with the puck.
Allow the same shenanigans in basketball, and scores would dip into the teens. If knocking players off the puck resulted in trips to the penalty box (like the rules say), perhaps hockey scores would rise into the teens … and maybe, just maybe, Americans would give two shits.
Baseball Dugout Warnings
Warning both dugouts means somebody gets the last word in brushbacks. This is counter productive. If a pitcher knows the next brushback will produce a warning, he has little choice but to throw one -- because if he doesn't, the other team's hurler will. And as soon as someone does, the other guy can't. Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah.
As for umpires interpreting and defining the intent of a pitch? Yeah, right. Umps have a hard enough time calling a consistent strike zone. Now they're supposed to read minds?
Beanball wars might amount to frontier justice. But at least they're just.
Golf crowds being quiet
Right now, you're sitting at your desk, cube, whatever. Is there some dude a few feet away holding a sign that says "Quiet Please" while you prepare to type up your latest e-mail? Um, no. So why should we have to shut up when Tiger tees it up?
What about other sports? When A-Rod is in Fenway, do the ushers turn to face the crowd and whisper "Shh! Alex is trying to hit … please show him some respect."
Uh, no again … and they shouldn't. Say what you want, but without the fans, all Tiger would be is the coolest club pro in Windermere, Fla. So next time you see him, snap all the pictures you want and yell, "You da man!" before he hits it.
You've earned it, and he deserves it. Bring some excitement to the most boring game on earth.
Baseball Managers Wearing Uniforms
An unwritten rule, to be sure -- but no less unforgivable. Stan Van Gundy's pasty ass in a jersey and shorts, Bill Belichick in shoulder pads and a helmet, Patt Summit in a sports bra and tanktop (shudder). Silly, right? So how is Filipe Alou in a uniform any different?
Overtime Stat Keeping in College Football
For the entire game, you have to start about 60+ yards from your endzone. Then for overtime, we place you on the 25 - because get this - it increases the chance of scoring. Four years ago, Eli Manning threw for six touchdown passes in a single college game. Five of those touchdowns came over the course of seven overtimes -- and all of them counted equally in the record book.
Composed of alternating possessions that start just outside the red zone, college football's extra periods resemble parlor games; as such, lumping regulation and overtime statistics together is absurd. Should FIFA count penalty kick shootout goals toward individual totals? Should post season home runs toward the chase of 61*?
Face it: the current college system makes as much sense as counting points scored in layup lines.
*61 home runs in a single season - the legitimate record set by Rodger Marris. He took performance decreasing drugs (alcohol and cigarettes) where as Bonds, McGuire, and Sosa took something totally different.
Sudden-Death Overtime in the NFL
As bad as it is for the regular season, a team getting bounced out of the playoffs without ever touching the ball is criminal. Apologies to the Pitsburgh Stealers, and the 'deaf official'
Alternating Possession in College Basketball
We've said it before and we'll say it again: Jump it. Every time. Are we not men?
Signing your scorecard in golf
You've just shot a 62. You're going to change out of your FootJoys with the lead in the Masters, and you can't wait for Jim Nantz to talk to you. Wait, you didn't sign your scorecard. You're disqualified.
That's right, you're done. Go home. You didn't use the rough on 14 as a portapotty. You didn't knock back a six pack of beer at the turn. You didn't chant "Miss it, Noonan! Miss!" when your playing partner was putting. All you did was take a piece of paper with your score and forget to sign it.
It's the age of live Internet scoring, scrolling results on TV and a leaderboard the size of Montana near the 18th hole, and someone is still wondering what you shot?
Leave the scorecards for mini golf and your hole-in-one glory on the talking whale, and if the guys in the tourney office still want an autograph, all they have to do is ask.
Down over for Offensive Penalty in Football
How is this fair. You gain an unfair advantage over the defense, but as your punnishment, we are going to move you back an extra couple of yards and let you try to whale on the defense one extra time.
Non-unified NCAA college baseball season
University of Florida can start playing baseball on January 1st, just try to do that at Michigain. College baseball institutes rules to unbalance the league, yet wonders why they don't have a more national following. Have a unified start date, something where the snow will be melted in most states. March 1st? March 15th? - The college world series isn't till June - But make it fair for everyone.
Skip Bayless, DJ Gallo, Alan Grant, Kevin Jackson, Scoop Jackson, Larry Johnson, Bomani Jones, Michael Knisley, Paul Lukas, Jeff Merron, Eric Neel, Mike Philbrick, David Schoenfield, Bill Simmons and Kurt Snibbe contributed to this article.