For the Good of Starfleet
Title: For the Good of Starfleet
Author's name: Star Trek XI
Rating: PG
Length: 1,175
Pairings: None (Gen)
Summary: "Kirk gets the crew to pose for an Enterprise Swimsuit Calendar."
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and am making no profit.
Author's Note: So I really did want to continue to the actual picture taking, but I don't think I could do it justice with only words and I can't draw. I apologize. Originally posted on nutrekexchange.
----
Kirk was so excited it made him giddy. He managed to temper it fairly well as his senior crew were gathering in the conference room, but by the suspicious look Bones gave him as he sat down, he wasn't completely successful.
When everyone was present and seated, Kirk cleared his throat to bring the attention to him. "I called this meeting today, because Starfleet has contacted me and given us one final obligation before we can begin our deep space mission," Kirk explained. "While I've had no problems with helping out the new Vulcan colony with supply runs, I think everyone is itching to start on our five-year mission." They did manage to have a few scuffles with some Romulan 'rebels' who were trying to finish what Nero started, but other than that, they had just been moving people and supplies around for six months.
"Starfleet has asked us to aid in promotion." And when he said 'ask' he meant ordered. "There are two main options. The first would be to go on a tour of the quadrant to show off the flagship to the Federation's main allies. The second option, which was the one I chose," -- and man did Pike facepalm for this so bad -- "The Enterprise crew will pose for a swimsuit calendar."
They all stared at him as if his head suddenly fell off onto the table and his body got up to go work out in the gym. Even Spock, who usually waited to convey incredibility until at least after Kirk explained himself, looked like he was going to resign his post.
"You are joking, right?" Uhura asked. "Starfleet would not ask for something so sexist--"
"Hey," Kirk defended. "This is going to be an equal opportunity calendar. It's going to get as many aliens in as we can, and make the male-female ratio as close to equal as we can, although that depends on how many of each volunteers."
"Women buy firemen calendars," Sulu said pointedly to Uhura. Kirk always knew Sulu would have his back.
"You're not serious," Uhura pressed to Kirk, as if her forceful statement was going to make it true.
"Given that glint in his eye, yeah the bastard is," Bones said, his grumbling muffled by his hands on his face.
"I think it is a good idea," Chekov suddenly said with a smirk that Kirk found creepy on his boyish face. "I will wolunteer."
Kirk moved his jaw a bit before clearing his throat. "Uh, only people of legal age are allowed to pose for the calendar."
Chekov looked disappointed, and Kirk was thankful he didn't press the issue since he probably would be eighteen by the time they got the pictures taken. Kirk really didn't need to see the kid he was equating with a baby brother pose in a sexy swimsuit calendar.
Kirk said, "Trust me. This is really the best way to fulfill this obligation."
"How?" Uhura asked incredulously.
Kirk grinned. He had been waiting for someone to ask for his reasoning. They always assume he never thinks these things through. Luckily (or unluckily since he found it fun) the crew were slowly beginning to trust him enough not to question his crazy ideas until after they were out of danger.
"First," he began, his grin dimming a little. "Because so many of our fellow cadets were killed and the recruitment rates have decreased slightly, there is a huge push for positive Starfleet publicity. Given that most the people on the ship are young and attractive," -- and wow, he's actually keeping his smile in check -- "it'll update the image of Starfleet from a bunch of old anti-social nerds to be full of beautiful people."
"Starfleet's main purpose is exploration and scientific study," Spock suddenly spoke. "How exactly do pictures of aesthetically pleasing people promote intellectual studies? Especially considering swimsuits are rarely, if ever, used in Starfleet outside of the gymnasium."
Kirk shrugged. "Sex sells."
With only a twitch of his eyebrow, Spock managed to look horrified. "Am I to understand--"
Kirk laughed and gave a dismissed hand gesture. "No, no. There won't be any actual sex in the calendar. People just usually equate attractive people to mean attractive jobs. Why do you think there was such a high demand for sanitation jobs on Earth back in the 2100s? It was that amazing advertisement campaign."
"I like that campaign," Sulu said with a grin.
Kirk smiled back knowing exactly what Sulu meant before speaking again. "I really do think an Enterprise Swimsuit Calendar will increase recruitment rates. We're already considered heroes. This can only increase our, and by proxy Starfleet's, popularity."
"Might as well change Starfleet's motto to 'Join our brothel,'" Bones said.
Kirk ignored him. "Second, this option will only take two weeks maximum while the tour would take about four to five months."
Kirk could see many winces.
"Five months is a long time," Uhura pointed out hesitantly.
"Relative to the universe, five months is not, in fact 'a long time,'" Spock spoke up. "Also compared to our five-year mission, an average of four-point-five months is a small fraction of time."
"Says the Vulcan who will live at least twice as long as the rest of us," Bones muttered.
Kirk sent Bones a quick warning look before continuing. "I agree with Sulu; I'd rather we actually start for what this ship was made. All of that science equipment would be covered in cobwebs if we had spiders." That seemed to mollify Spock, who, Kirk was sure, wanted more to scan than known space.
"Third, this calendar will sell like hotcakes, believe me, and make Starfleet a lot of money. The more money Starfleet has, the more money we can get for our budget for requisitions." Kirk gave Scotty, Spock and Bones pointed looks. "I know you guys will want to requisition a lot of nice high tech equipment and if we do this, Starfleet may be less inclined to be stingy with us. We might be the most advanced now, but in the next five years, I'm sure there will still be many improvements developed."
Scotty perked up at that. "Aye, we'll want the best equipment t'keep this lady going, I can tell you that."
"And for my final point," Kirk began, grinning widely, "these pictures will be taken both aboard the Enterprise and at other locations. To be present at these lovely locations, the Enterprise will be given one week's shore leave on Risa, and for all the volunteers who are selected to get their pictures taken, Starfleet has offered to cover their hotel fees."
Everyone was quiet for a long moment, communicating to each other through quick glances.
"Hell," Sulu suddenly said, breaking the silence, "if it's for the good of Starfleet, right?"
There were many mumbled agreements that were trying to hide excitement behind reluctance.
Kirk grinned widely and leaned back in his chair, his hands joined behind his head. He already had the perfect spot on his wall for this calendar.
Author's name: Star Trek XI
Rating: PG
Length: 1,175
Pairings: None (Gen)
Summary: "Kirk gets the crew to pose for an Enterprise Swimsuit Calendar."
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek and am making no profit.
Author's Note: So I really did want to continue to the actual picture taking, but I don't think I could do it justice with only words and I can't draw. I apologize. Originally posted on nutrekexchange.
----
Kirk was so excited it made him giddy. He managed to temper it fairly well as his senior crew were gathering in the conference room, but by the suspicious look Bones gave him as he sat down, he wasn't completely successful.
When everyone was present and seated, Kirk cleared his throat to bring the attention to him. "I called this meeting today, because Starfleet has contacted me and given us one final obligation before we can begin our deep space mission," Kirk explained. "While I've had no problems with helping out the new Vulcan colony with supply runs, I think everyone is itching to start on our five-year mission." They did manage to have a few scuffles with some Romulan 'rebels' who were trying to finish what Nero started, but other than that, they had just been moving people and supplies around for six months.
"Starfleet has asked us to aid in promotion." And when he said 'ask' he meant ordered. "There are two main options. The first would be to go on a tour of the quadrant to show off the flagship to the Federation's main allies. The second option, which was the one I chose," -- and man did Pike facepalm for this so bad -- "The Enterprise crew will pose for a swimsuit calendar."
They all stared at him as if his head suddenly fell off onto the table and his body got up to go work out in the gym. Even Spock, who usually waited to convey incredibility until at least after Kirk explained himself, looked like he was going to resign his post.
"You are joking, right?" Uhura asked. "Starfleet would not ask for something so sexist--"
"Hey," Kirk defended. "This is going to be an equal opportunity calendar. It's going to get as many aliens in as we can, and make the male-female ratio as close to equal as we can, although that depends on how many of each volunteers."
"Women buy firemen calendars," Sulu said pointedly to Uhura. Kirk always knew Sulu would have his back.
"You're not serious," Uhura pressed to Kirk, as if her forceful statement was going to make it true.
"Given that glint in his eye, yeah the bastard is," Bones said, his grumbling muffled by his hands on his face.
"I think it is a good idea," Chekov suddenly said with a smirk that Kirk found creepy on his boyish face. "I will wolunteer."
Kirk moved his jaw a bit before clearing his throat. "Uh, only people of legal age are allowed to pose for the calendar."
Chekov looked disappointed, and Kirk was thankful he didn't press the issue since he probably would be eighteen by the time they got the pictures taken. Kirk really didn't need to see the kid he was equating with a baby brother pose in a sexy swimsuit calendar.
Kirk said, "Trust me. This is really the best way to fulfill this obligation."
"How?" Uhura asked incredulously.
Kirk grinned. He had been waiting for someone to ask for his reasoning. They always assume he never thinks these things through. Luckily (or unluckily since he found it fun) the crew were slowly beginning to trust him enough not to question his crazy ideas until after they were out of danger.
"First," he began, his grin dimming a little. "Because so many of our fellow cadets were killed and the recruitment rates have decreased slightly, there is a huge push for positive Starfleet publicity. Given that most the people on the ship are young and attractive," -- and wow, he's actually keeping his smile in check -- "it'll update the image of Starfleet from a bunch of old anti-social nerds to be full of beautiful people."
"Starfleet's main purpose is exploration and scientific study," Spock suddenly spoke. "How exactly do pictures of aesthetically pleasing people promote intellectual studies? Especially considering swimsuits are rarely, if ever, used in Starfleet outside of the gymnasium."
Kirk shrugged. "Sex sells."
With only a twitch of his eyebrow, Spock managed to look horrified. "Am I to understand--"
Kirk laughed and gave a dismissed hand gesture. "No, no. There won't be any actual sex in the calendar. People just usually equate attractive people to mean attractive jobs. Why do you think there was such a high demand for sanitation jobs on Earth back in the 2100s? It was that amazing advertisement campaign."
"I like that campaign," Sulu said with a grin.
Kirk smiled back knowing exactly what Sulu meant before speaking again. "I really do think an Enterprise Swimsuit Calendar will increase recruitment rates. We're already considered heroes. This can only increase our, and by proxy Starfleet's, popularity."
"Might as well change Starfleet's motto to 'Join our brothel,'" Bones said.
Kirk ignored him. "Second, this option will only take two weeks maximum while the tour would take about four to five months."
Kirk could see many winces.
"Five months is a long time," Uhura pointed out hesitantly.
"Relative to the universe, five months is not, in fact 'a long time,'" Spock spoke up. "Also compared to our five-year mission, an average of four-point-five months is a small fraction of time."
"Says the Vulcan who will live at least twice as long as the rest of us," Bones muttered.
Kirk sent Bones a quick warning look before continuing. "I agree with Sulu; I'd rather we actually start for what this ship was made. All of that science equipment would be covered in cobwebs if we had spiders." That seemed to mollify Spock, who, Kirk was sure, wanted more to scan than known space.
"Third, this calendar will sell like hotcakes, believe me, and make Starfleet a lot of money. The more money Starfleet has, the more money we can get for our budget for requisitions." Kirk gave Scotty, Spock and Bones pointed looks. "I know you guys will want to requisition a lot of nice high tech equipment and if we do this, Starfleet may be less inclined to be stingy with us. We might be the most advanced now, but in the next five years, I'm sure there will still be many improvements developed."
Scotty perked up at that. "Aye, we'll want the best equipment t'keep this lady going, I can tell you that."
"And for my final point," Kirk began, grinning widely, "these pictures will be taken both aboard the Enterprise and at other locations. To be present at these lovely locations, the Enterprise will be given one week's shore leave on Risa, and for all the volunteers who are selected to get their pictures taken, Starfleet has offered to cover their hotel fees."
Everyone was quiet for a long moment, communicating to each other through quick glances.
"Hell," Sulu suddenly said, breaking the silence, "if it's for the good of Starfleet, right?"
There were many mumbled agreements that were trying to hide excitement behind reluctance.
Kirk grinned widely and leaned back in his chair, his hands joined behind his head. He already had the perfect spot on his wall for this calendar.