I've come to the realization that I no longer have any idea what I want out of my life.

A particularily dangerous situation for someone in my position...

It's been too long
You never sleep
Don't need to
You should
It keeps us awake
The Abyss
It's always there
Watching
Waiting
We can feel time
Ebbing away
No one sees us
Why should they
Some do
Does it matter?
Not really
All alone now
Feels like we've always been
Have we?
For some time now anyways
You got burned
Twice actually
We've had our victories
Small though they may ( Read more... )

Still can't sleep. At this rate it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to. Took some pills for the headache and I think my body is having a reaction to them. At least the headache has dulled. I wish I could make myself care more about this final in four hours. Alas.

The previous entry raises some obvious questions that need to be addressed, the ( Read more... )

Reflecting during yet another period of prolonged insomnia.  I have my toughest final in five hours.  I really need to call Melissa and get back on top of this.  Mixed states are not fun.

While lying awake in bed (with a crushing migraine; at least two or three of the voices in my head are solely dedicated to saying "ow" at the moment) I was ( Read more... )

Reflecting on my personal life, I was attempting to find a common denominator in all the women I've been attracted to. It has often been noted that I don't really have a niche; I don't fit into any specific clique and tend to be difficult to quantify in a sociological context. Similarly, I've noticed that the same can be said for the women in my ( Read more... )

I feel that I have to admit to something I've been unwilling to own up to for quite some time now.  I've been battling bipolar and borderline and all of that shit for years now and I had been doing pretty well.  But I am certainly not anymore.  I've come to the realization that with the breakup I was dealt a crippling psychological blow, and my ( Read more... )

Understand this: just because I'm a nice guy doesn't mean I intend to finish last ( Read more... )

I've decided that the reason we fell apart was that she's changed.  In the beginning, we cared deeply for one another; more about the other, in fact, than we did about ourselves.  It was that selfless devotion to one another that strengthened us.  Then she changed.  Gradually, she became more selfish, and less interested in my problems.  Perhaps it ( Read more... )

I hate her.  It's a strange feeling but at the same time, it seems so fitting.  I hate her.  I resent what she's done to me.  For three years I fought for this relationship and finally I'm forced to give up on it.  Forced.  I honestly have nothing left to give her that she hasn't already consumed.  My trust, my respect, my pride...

In the beginning ( Read more... )

Something happened on Thursday that everyone's been waiting for since April 23rd.  I got over her.  After five months of being painfully and awkwardly still in love with my ex-girlfriend.  No one was suprised that it was taking me so long but it was beggining to become tiresome nonetheless.

Last Saturday we attempted to remedy the situation by ( Read more... )