It's Sunday night and I feel so refreshed. Daddy and I had a great weekend. Lots of communication and even some new rituals. I love ritual in D/s. It makes me feel so safe and secure and loved. Tonight I will close my eyes, my bottom warm from the nice spanking I just got from Daddy, and drift off to a sweet slumber...

I woke up this morning feeling so much better. Daddy is treating me like his "little princess" for the entire weekend. We woke up early, drank coffee, and played with the two bloodhounds. I think that this is just what I needed. Lately, I haven't spent much time down in "little girl" space, which is part of why I have been in such a funk. I ( Read more... )

I threw up yesterday. It's scary, because I felt as if I were in a trance. In the kitchen. Four graham crackers and five spoonfuls of icecream and I found myself in the bathroom with my fingers down my throat. Afterwards..."What just happened?" Just when I feel like I've kicked this bulimia thing I feel the pull. Beckoning me. Whispers of " ( Read more... )

I am sick. Again. I swear, I have been sick more days than not this winter. Just comes with the territory of working with kids...disease mongers that they are. I know that I should be working on my paper for school but I just can't seem to get my motivation going...ugh! I just want to crawl in bed and drink juice and sleep. I kind of think ( Read more... )

So I have been interested in topping lately. I have even played a few times as the Top. But let's just say that recent events have made me think twice about it. I played with someone who turned out to not who I expected her to be. Lots of weird emails. Lots of drama. I'm pretty pissed off about it to tell you the truth because while I am the ( Read more... )

I feel so warm and safe right now. It is raining outside but I am content. Calm. Happy. I feel as if I am getting to the point in which I am going to allow myself to feel good without worrying contantly about what may or may not happen. At least I am going to try really hard to do it. Could this by my resolution for the New Year that I have ( Read more... )

Well, I'm still craving that entire day of just sleeping and watching TV, but I'm not feeling depressed like I was yesterday. I think that I am just really tired. Getting ready to move into the new house is kind of stressful. There has not been tons of time to just chill out. Relax. I think that I actually work harder on weekends instead of ( Read more... )

So as I mentioned before, I had my eating disorder support group yesterday. I love my group a lot and it helps to know that other people struggle like I do. That I am not alone. The problem is that inevitably my lifestyle comes up at some point. My 24/7, D/s Daddy/little girl relationship. My polyamory. My love of pain, how it makes me soar and ( Read more... )

The alarm goes off at 6:00 AM. Jesus fucking christ. I throw the covers over my head and tell myself, "Just five more minutes." Five more minutes turns into a half hour. Now I have to get up or I will be late for work. Maybe I am sick. "Yeah, that's it, I am sick," I tell myself over and over hoping that if I say it enough times it will come ( Read more... )

Today is a better day. I have my eating disorder group therapy later on and that usually makes me feel better. Stronger. Not so alone. I tend to forget what I was like when I was really sick. Terrified of my own shadow. Filled with way more self hatred than I am now. Unable to stick up for myself. It's easy to romanticize things and not ( Read more... )