So in the mail today i receive my school loan deferrement DECLINED letter. Great, i cant get it deferred because my father has to sign it since he is the cosigner of the loan. So i will stay awake all night crying, i do a good job at that. Why am i such a total fuck up. Can anyone tell me that. I just want to up and leave.......

i would love to update some new news but nothing is happening any differntly these days. I have been to tons of therapy appts with my nutritionist and my therapist but my mind set will just not change. I have been maintaining the same weight now for a couple of weeks which sucks and i am going to lose more.

I think i am getting my period again...i get so tired and cranky when i get it. I slept from 2-8 last night then went back to bed from 9-730 this morning. I am STILL tired. well i gotta get going, heading off to work:)

Alright word of simple common sense advice....DONT take diet pills before you go to sleep. You will NOT sleep lol. DUHHHHHHHHHH....... oh well...

I have totally been binging the past couple of days. It is going to stop NOW. I am so pissed at myself for the last couple of days.

I am tired. Hmmm thats all i can think of saying lol. I had a great couple of days...at work. Food is another whole issue. This whole thing about my dad calling me a piglet is sending me in a downward spiral. I just dont get it. I am back on the diet pills though i am not taking as many as before. I dunno. My ass hurts. I am going to bed.

This is going to be a rough day i can already tell. I know i shouldnt set my mind frame like that but i am having a hard time not doing that. I dont know what happened. I thought i was doing well. Towards the end of last week everything was going great...now its all shitty. I dont care...i am going to start taking the diet pills again. I think i am ( Read more... )

oh yeh, it was a good day because i stepped on the scale and it was down to XX again :)

I went to see the nutritionist that specializes in eating disorders today. I was all worried about nothing, she was really very nice. We set up a teeenny game plan on what i should do.
1. Drink more fluids.
2. Start taking my meds.
3. STOP taking the diet pills

so this is day one of doing this and so far so good ....lets see what tomorrow brings.

my body feels like its floating away....to many pills..to much exercise. thank God i dont have to go to work till 1230 tomorrow