(no subject)
"I think the thing I find most offensive about dressing up is how people respond to me. I had people go out of their way to tell me how good I looked today and I don't think they realized what they were doing. They were re-inforcing my conformity to the feminine gender role." -Annabrat
I noticed something similar happen at work today (co-worker dressed up a bit and comments kept being made - wow, you look good!! over and over all day), and it got me thinking about the times it's happened to me, e.g. every time I blow dry my hair and leave it down, EVERYone and their dog seems to say something and if I happen to be wearing my model UN clothes out running around, I get comments too. But I've never really thought the comments on looking good themselves enforced the idea of femininity so much as that there are so many more things that are seen as 'dressing up' for women than there are for men, resulting in more comments made to women, making one's appearance seem more important for woman.
The co-worker today getting comments was actually a guy who wore a tie and put gel in his hair. He normally just wears jeans and t's, but it was the fact that there was a difference, or a change in his appearance that made people notice and comment. No matter your gender, if you normally wear jeans and t's, wearing dress pants and a button down shirt makes others say, "Oh, you look good today". But those who wear dress pants and shirts everyday, in my experience, don't get comments every day, meaning that it's not the person who gets noticed and commented on but the effort one makes to be 'special' or different that is noticed. I've always felt mildly offended by this - when I 'do' my hair, it's rarely because I'm trying to look good: most likely it's because I actually had the time to dry my hair rather than having to rush off with it still wet as is usually the case (and of course such protests are seen as false modesty which is seen as insincerity which means one can't do anything right, which is a bitch for some other posting, some other time!). However, this makes sense because ordinary isn't noteworthy but new or different things are (could you imagine, "And in other news today, the sun shone, nails on a chalk board make an unpleasant sound, and carpets were found to be softer flooring than tile!").
But where the trouble really comes in is in the fact that there are so many more ways to change (and therefore be noteworthy, which is interpreted as enhancing for the benefit of others) one's appearance that are considered noteworthy for females than there are that are for males. There's make-up, hair removal, doing your hair, wearing a skirt (which, no matter how casual it is, always seems to indicate a dressier outfit for some reason), dress clothes, high heels, nice flat shoes, painted/fake nails, jewelry, accessories (purses, scarves etc) and the list goes on. For guys, there's pretty much, dress clothes, dress shoes and ties and/or jackets. Jewelry and doing ones hair for guys is usually either something they wear or do everyday so is 'ordinary' or they never do at all. Facial hair is a little in-between because the initial change, deciding to grow one's beard or shave one off, is something done to enhance/change ones appearance, but the beard or lack thereof becomes ordinary after a short time and so is no longer noteworthy. Sure, you shaved for a date, but you shave on a fairly regular basis whether you have a date or not, so it's not THAT special.
If a guy chooses to opt for wearing a sports jersey instead of a sweatshirt, that's not different or noteworthy, but if I put on my amber earrings/necklace/ring instead of my silver set, even though I tend to wear an earrings/necklace/ring combo as an everyday thing, it's interpreted as me wanting to improve my appearance, even if it really is only done because I own and like more than one piece of jewelry and feel it's a little drastic to wear them all at once. I'm not doing it to impress someone - I don't have to wear special clothes to do that, thank you, I'm impressive enough on my own (cue all the readers nodding in agreement, oh yes Ellen, you definitely are!).
On the other hand, in a little out-of-the-way backwater of my brain, I've always felt that it's unfair for men because there's less variety in what kinds of different things they can wear and still be considered 'normal'. Which is a complete paradox, I know, but there you are. My human nature is revealed yet again.
I noticed something similar happen at work today (co-worker dressed up a bit and comments kept being made - wow, you look good!! over and over all day), and it got me thinking about the times it's happened to me, e.g. every time I blow dry my hair and leave it down, EVERYone and their dog seems to say something and if I happen to be wearing my model UN clothes out running around, I get comments too. But I've never really thought the comments on looking good themselves enforced the idea of femininity so much as that there are so many more things that are seen as 'dressing up' for women than there are for men, resulting in more comments made to women, making one's appearance seem more important for woman.
The co-worker today getting comments was actually a guy who wore a tie and put gel in his hair. He normally just wears jeans and t's, but it was the fact that there was a difference, or a change in his appearance that made people notice and comment. No matter your gender, if you normally wear jeans and t's, wearing dress pants and a button down shirt makes others say, "Oh, you look good today". But those who wear dress pants and shirts everyday, in my experience, don't get comments every day, meaning that it's not the person who gets noticed and commented on but the effort one makes to be 'special' or different that is noticed. I've always felt mildly offended by this - when I 'do' my hair, it's rarely because I'm trying to look good: most likely it's because I actually had the time to dry my hair rather than having to rush off with it still wet as is usually the case (and of course such protests are seen as false modesty which is seen as insincerity which means one can't do anything right, which is a bitch for some other posting, some other time!). However, this makes sense because ordinary isn't noteworthy but new or different things are (could you imagine, "And in other news today, the sun shone, nails on a chalk board make an unpleasant sound, and carpets were found to be softer flooring than tile!").
But where the trouble really comes in is in the fact that there are so many more ways to change (and therefore be noteworthy, which is interpreted as enhancing for the benefit of others) one's appearance that are considered noteworthy for females than there are that are for males. There's make-up, hair removal, doing your hair, wearing a skirt (which, no matter how casual it is, always seems to indicate a dressier outfit for some reason), dress clothes, high heels, nice flat shoes, painted/fake nails, jewelry, accessories (purses, scarves etc) and the list goes on. For guys, there's pretty much, dress clothes, dress shoes and ties and/or jackets. Jewelry and doing ones hair for guys is usually either something they wear or do everyday so is 'ordinary' or they never do at all. Facial hair is a little in-between because the initial change, deciding to grow one's beard or shave one off, is something done to enhance/change ones appearance, but the beard or lack thereof becomes ordinary after a short time and so is no longer noteworthy. Sure, you shaved for a date, but you shave on a fairly regular basis whether you have a date or not, so it's not THAT special.
If a guy chooses to opt for wearing a sports jersey instead of a sweatshirt, that's not different or noteworthy, but if I put on my amber earrings/necklace/ring instead of my silver set, even though I tend to wear an earrings/necklace/ring combo as an everyday thing, it's interpreted as me wanting to improve my appearance, even if it really is only done because I own and like more than one piece of jewelry and feel it's a little drastic to wear them all at once. I'm not doing it to impress someone - I don't have to wear special clothes to do that, thank you, I'm impressive enough on my own (cue all the readers nodding in agreement, oh yes Ellen, you definitely are!).
On the other hand, in a little out-of-the-way backwater of my brain, I've always felt that it's unfair for men because there's less variety in what kinds of different things they can wear and still be considered 'normal'. Which is a complete paradox, I know, but there you are. My human nature is revealed yet again.