PoT: Rebirth - Omake
Prince of Tennis
Rebirth
OMAKE
OR
("This is what happens when you spend 12 hours on a beta session.")
Okay, the deal is that bookshop and I spent 12 hours in a beta session today, whacking this into shape, in between meals, laundry, and cooking. And in 12 hours, things are going to get a little crazy. So I decided to show a few... interesting ones.
THE KEY:
Wallace Stevens ~ bookshop
Ingrid Bergman ~ Me
Hey, look, I'm easily amused. :D
In reference to Tezuka deciding that Oishi had the subtlety of a battering ram:
Ingrid Bergman: I MADE HIM JOKE. SORT OF.
Upon reaching the half-way point:
Ingrid Bergman: we've been at this for almost six hours. *DIES*
Wallace Stevens : i know, sajdl;ksdjkdsfajlk;sa
Wallace Stevens: it is hilarious and we're not even through part 1 SAdfklsa;dfjsad;lsdfkajlsdlfjka;
Ingrid Bergman: You'll never beta for me again.
Ingrid Bergman: I mean, at this point, I'm willing to put Ryoma crossdressing to get Tezuka to come over so Nanjiroh can keep challenging him, and just think how THAT would mess up the fic/timeline/my MSWord at this point.
Okay, so the big thing was trying to get the past tenses and the past continuity right:
Wallace Stevens: you are totally going to hate me. that way works, except that i think you would create less work for yourself my way; because with your way, then you need to: 1) switch all of that whole section back into past conditional tense; 2) segue back into the present moment; and 3) make it clear that "As Echizen hands him a plate, Nanjiroh challenges him to a match" is happening TODAY and that it is the moment when things shift and ryoma decides that today (which is the same sunday, right?) is the day he is making his move. and if it's not the same sunday, then you still need to 4) show time passing in some way as tezuka begins to come over more often.
Ingrid Bergman: ....how do I do that again. *stares at scene*
Still trying to get the continuity right...:
Ingrid Bergman: okay, he comes over ocasionally before Ryoma has his coming-of-age-sexually experience?
Wallace Stevens: ASDJKFLSAJKFD
Ingrid Bergman: lol okay, his coming-of-age-almost-sexually experience
Wallace Stevens: hahahaha.
Ingrid Bergman: ....moving on.
Wallace Stevens: i think to be safe you should maybe say something like
Ingrid Bergman: (*cries*)
Finally, three hours later:
Ingrid Bergman: okay, so, basically after the match between him and Nanjiroh, Tezuka doesn't come back until the house until the sunday, and before tezuka says no Nanjiroh acts the fool and pesters him ridiculousy for matches?
Ingrid Bergman: ...wait, the challenges happen AFTER the sunday, is it?
Wallace Stevens: YESSSSS. exactly. like. in this timeline, 1) They start to jog 2) Nanjiroh challenges Tezuka and they play their match, 3) Ryoma starts feeling awkward/aroused/etc and stops jogging, 4) Tezuka confronts him sort-of, they play, they start building their relationship again. THEN 5) they play again, ryoma doesn't look at him when he gets off the train and tezuka can't sleep ; 6) ryoma invites him over to his house soon after that and tezuka finds himself inexplicably going. and then what i think should happen is: 7) tezuka comes over several times after that; each time nanjiroh pesters him. 8) NEW DAY. Tezuka reprimands Nanjiroh, gently, for not paying more attention/respect to his son. Ryoma is all *_* and is like, okay, i am making my move today.
Wallace Stevens: i just think that not only does it fit better structurally, but emotional-wise, every time tezuka says no to nanjiroh just makes ryoma's heart well up with love and admiration, right, so the whole point at which tezuka basically chides Nanjiroh is the breaking point for him.
Wallace Stevens: DOES THAT MAKE SENSE aslkdjf;sa
Ingrid Bergman: YES. FINALLY. AFTER, LIKE, TWO HOURS WE HAVE REACHED IT. OMG. *COLLAPSES*
Wallace Stevens: and it's all there, the only thing you would have to actually add in is a sentence about how it's a different day. asldjkfl;asd.
Wallace Stevens: I THINK MORE LIKE THREE HOURS ASKLDFJLASJFSADJ
Wallace Stevens: HAHAHAHA.
Still after the three hours:
Wallace Stevens: and also, remember, tezuka's had the first twinges of his own attraction to ryoma in the scene just before this.
Wallace Stevens: so that might be starting to show to someone like fuji who always pays close attention.
Ingrid Bergman: the train scene, right?
Wallace Stevens: yes
Wallace Stevens: i wanted them to kiss on the train.
Ingrid Bergman: hm, there's no 'team' scenes before this one, all tezuka or tezuka/ryoma
Ingrid Bergman: CONSDERING THE BUILD-UP TO THE OTHER KISS, IT IS NOT GETTING CHANGED
Ingrid Bergman: asdl;sdj;ajdfkahfLKHDL
Right before the kiss, and we are TezuRyo shippers at heart:
Wallace Stevens: In this moment, what does Tezuka text back to Echizen?
Ingrid Bergman: Show him.
Wallace Stevens: "show him"????
Ingrid Bergman: uh, show them
Ingrid Bergman: oops
Wallace Stevens: asdjfsd;lkssldjf
Ingrid Bergman: but, y'know, Tezuka's a smart boy.
Wallace Stevens: tezuka has balls.
Wallace Stevens: and he's already made that choice when he texts, right? so why not let echizen know it?
Ingrid Bergman: *chokes on food*
Wallace Stevens: okay
Wallace Stevens: so
Ingrid Bergman: okay.... okay... so.... I add in 'show him'?;
Wallace Stevens: OOH. YOU SHOULD.
Walllace Stevens: YOU TOTALLY SHOULD.
Ingrid Bergman: LOLOLOL
Wallace Stevens: AND I AM TOTALLY BIASED :X
When Aja decided writing the scene between Tezuka and Fuji was a good thing:
Ingrid Bergman: AJA. I CAN'T WRITE FUJI. I'M ON EPISODE 15,
Wallace Stevens: SURE YOU CAN.
Wallace Stevens: *TWISTS ARM*
Ingrid Bergman: HOW?
Wallace Stevens: FUCK, MK has written fucking brilliant fuji and she's never even seen pot skdafj;as
Wallace Stevens: just make him cryptic and omniscient and beautiful.
Ingrid Bergman: HOW.
Wallace Stevens: she's sort of brilliant anyway, though.
Ingrid Bergman: HAHAHAHA OH GOD.
Ingrid Bergman: I'm not brilliant, so we have a problem.
Uh. In which I vent:
Ingrid Bergman: If there's a fourth part to this, I will kill myself. (um. kidding, but you get the idea)
Before it was decided Fuji got left in:
Ingrid Bergman: Haha, it was originally going to be Fuji talking to Tezuka instead of Oishi, but I was like, "NO. HARD ENOUGH ALREADY. FUJI TOO CRAZY FOR BRAIN TO COPE."
When we got to the end:
Ingrid Bergman: I think I've unofficially called this "Labour of Blood, Sweat, Tears and Much Head-Desking."
Wallace Stevens:Love's Labour Reborn?
Wallace Stevens: also The Fic In Which Aja Drove Me To Drink
Ingrid Bergman: *FACEPALMS* X 100
Ingrid Bergman: X 1,000
On writing author's notes:
Ingrid Bergman: I'm trying to write the author's notes and all that's coming out is THIS TOOK 12 HOURS OF BETA AND TITLE BRAINSTORMING. LOVE IT, PLEASE, OR I WILL CRY.
THE END
(Well, if you want more, just ask bookshop. She has the pretty-name transcripts. :D)
Rebirth
OMAKE
OR
("This is what happens when you spend 12 hours on a beta session.")
Okay, the deal is that bookshop and I spent 12 hours in a beta session today, whacking this into shape, in between meals, laundry, and cooking. And in 12 hours, things are going to get a little crazy. So I decided to show a few... interesting ones.
THE KEY:
Wallace Stevens ~ bookshop
Ingrid Bergman ~ Me
Hey, look, I'm easily amused. :D
In reference to Tezuka deciding that Oishi had the subtlety of a battering ram:
Ingrid Bergman: I MADE HIM JOKE. SORT OF.
Upon reaching the half-way point:
Ingrid Bergman: we've been at this for almost six hours. *DIES*
Wallace Stevens : i know, sajdl;ksdjkdsfajlk;sa
Wallace Stevens: it is hilarious and we're not even through part 1 SAdfklsa;dfjsad;lsdfkajlsdlfjka;
Ingrid Bergman: You'll never beta for me again.
Ingrid Bergman: I mean, at this point, I'm willing to put Ryoma crossdressing to get Tezuka to come over so Nanjiroh can keep challenging him, and just think how THAT would mess up the fic/timeline/my MSWord at this point.
Okay, so the big thing was trying to get the past tenses and the past continuity right:
Wallace Stevens: you are totally going to hate me. that way works, except that i think you would create less work for yourself my way; because with your way, then you need to: 1) switch all of that whole section back into past conditional tense; 2) segue back into the present moment; and 3) make it clear that "As Echizen hands him a plate, Nanjiroh challenges him to a match" is happening TODAY and that it is the moment when things shift and ryoma decides that today (which is the same sunday, right?) is the day he is making his move. and if it's not the same sunday, then you still need to 4) show time passing in some way as tezuka begins to come over more often.
Ingrid Bergman: ....how do I do that again. *stares at scene*
Still trying to get the continuity right...:
Ingrid Bergman: okay, he comes over ocasionally before Ryoma has his coming-of-age-sexually experience?
Wallace Stevens: ASDJKFLSAJKFD
Ingrid Bergman: lol okay, his coming-of-age-almost-sexually experience
Wallace Stevens: hahahaha.
Ingrid Bergman: ....moving on.
Wallace Stevens: i think to be safe you should maybe say something like
Ingrid Bergman: (*cries*)
Finally, three hours later:
Ingrid Bergman: okay, so, basically after the match between him and Nanjiroh, Tezuka doesn't come back until the house until the sunday, and before tezuka says no Nanjiroh acts the fool and pesters him ridiculousy for matches?
Ingrid Bergman: ...wait, the challenges happen AFTER the sunday, is it?
Wallace Stevens: YESSSSS. exactly. like. in this timeline, 1) They start to jog 2) Nanjiroh challenges Tezuka and they play their match, 3) Ryoma starts feeling awkward/aroused/etc and stops jogging, 4) Tezuka confronts him sort-of, they play, they start building their relationship again. THEN 5) they play again, ryoma doesn't look at him when he gets off the train and tezuka can't sleep ; 6) ryoma invites him over to his house soon after that and tezuka finds himself inexplicably going. and then what i think should happen is: 7) tezuka comes over several times after that; each time nanjiroh pesters him. 8) NEW DAY. Tezuka reprimands Nanjiroh, gently, for not paying more attention/respect to his son. Ryoma is all *_* and is like, okay, i am making my move today.
Wallace Stevens: i just think that not only does it fit better structurally, but emotional-wise, every time tezuka says no to nanjiroh just makes ryoma's heart well up with love and admiration, right, so the whole point at which tezuka basically chides Nanjiroh is the breaking point for him.
Wallace Stevens: DOES THAT MAKE SENSE aslkdjf;sa
Ingrid Bergman: YES. FINALLY. AFTER, LIKE, TWO HOURS WE HAVE REACHED IT. OMG. *COLLAPSES*
Wallace Stevens: and it's all there, the only thing you would have to actually add in is a sentence about how it's a different day. asldjkfl;asd.
Wallace Stevens: I THINK MORE LIKE THREE HOURS ASKLDFJLASJFSADJ
Wallace Stevens: HAHAHAHA.
Still after the three hours:
Wallace Stevens: and also, remember, tezuka's had the first twinges of his own attraction to ryoma in the scene just before this.
Wallace Stevens: so that might be starting to show to someone like fuji who always pays close attention.
Ingrid Bergman: the train scene, right?
Wallace Stevens: yes
Wallace Stevens: i wanted them to kiss on the train.
Ingrid Bergman: hm, there's no 'team' scenes before this one, all tezuka or tezuka/ryoma
Ingrid Bergman: CONSDERING THE BUILD-UP TO THE OTHER KISS, IT IS NOT GETTING CHANGED
Ingrid Bergman: asdl;sdj;ajdfkahfLKHDL
Right before the kiss, and we are TezuRyo shippers at heart:
Wallace Stevens: In this moment, what does Tezuka text back to Echizen?
Ingrid Bergman: Show him.
Wallace Stevens: "show him"????
Ingrid Bergman: uh, show them
Ingrid Bergman: oops
Wallace Stevens: asdjfsd;lkssldjf
Ingrid Bergman: but, y'know, Tezuka's a smart boy.
Wallace Stevens: tezuka has balls.
Wallace Stevens: and he's already made that choice when he texts, right? so why not let echizen know it?
Ingrid Bergman: *chokes on food*
Wallace Stevens: okay
Wallace Stevens: so
Ingrid Bergman: okay.... okay... so.... I add in 'show him'?;
Wallace Stevens: OOH. YOU SHOULD.
Walllace Stevens: YOU TOTALLY SHOULD.
Ingrid Bergman: LOLOLOL
Wallace Stevens: AND I AM TOTALLY BIASED :X
When Aja decided writing the scene between Tezuka and Fuji was a good thing:
Ingrid Bergman: AJA. I CAN'T WRITE FUJI. I'M ON EPISODE 15,
Wallace Stevens: SURE YOU CAN.
Wallace Stevens: *TWISTS ARM*
Ingrid Bergman: HOW?
Wallace Stevens: FUCK, MK has written fucking brilliant fuji and she's never even seen pot skdafj;as
Wallace Stevens: just make him cryptic and omniscient and beautiful.
Ingrid Bergman: HOW.
Wallace Stevens: she's sort of brilliant anyway, though.
Ingrid Bergman: HAHAHAHA OH GOD.
Ingrid Bergman: I'm not brilliant, so we have a problem.
Uh. In which I vent:
Ingrid Bergman: If there's a fourth part to this, I will kill myself. (um. kidding, but you get the idea)
Before it was decided Fuji got left in:
Ingrid Bergman: Haha, it was originally going to be Fuji talking to Tezuka instead of Oishi, but I was like, "NO. HARD ENOUGH ALREADY. FUJI TOO CRAZY FOR BRAIN TO COPE."
When we got to the end:
Ingrid Bergman: I think I've unofficially called this "Labour of Blood, Sweat, Tears and Much Head-Desking."
Wallace Stevens:Love's Labour Reborn?
Wallace Stevens: also The Fic In Which Aja Drove Me To Drink
Ingrid Bergman: *FACEPALMS* X 100
Ingrid Bergman: X 1,000
On writing author's notes:
Ingrid Bergman: I'm trying to write the author's notes and all that's coming out is THIS TOOK 12 HOURS OF BETA AND TITLE BRAINSTORMING. LOVE IT, PLEASE, OR I WILL CRY.
THE END
(Well, if you want more, just ask bookshop. She has the pretty-name transcripts. :D)