This is my biggest birthday ever.  I mean that quite literally.  I am the biggest I have ever been.  I am gargantuan.  I look like I've eaten birthday cake every single day last year, when in actuality I have yet to have any birthday cake.  It's probably for the best that my belly button ring was forcefully ripped out of my flesh, since the rolls ( Read more... )

There are men on my roof.

Men.  As in, more than one.

Multiple men are on my roof, making lots of noise.

I didn't expect to find even one man on my roof when I came home, and now I see that there are quite a few of them up there.

They bang with their hammers and throw their garbage in my flowers and I am pissed as fucking hell

I have a certain sweatshirt ( Read more... )

I am cursed, technology-wise ( Read more... )

I lurk on the 'net and I read the hints
of who will soon be our next president.
Right now, Obama's got 77 projected wins,
and I smile because I really like him.
I watch the states become red or blue,
and it's getting harder to type, let me tell you.
'Cause my head's a bit fuzzy from all this beer,
but if Obama wins, I'll drunkenly cheer.

What should I be for Halloween ( Read more... )

Fuck.
How many years' bad luck
have I got
for breaking my beloved coffee pot?

In a million gazillion pieces on the floor.

There was a loud crash.
Now it's in the trash.
Alas, my coffee pot, no more.

There's gonna be trouble, I thought when I spied ( Read more... )

My coffee pot ( Read more... )

Suspicion squeaks against my teeth in a green half-moon smile.   Particles of sand wedge ( Read more... )