(no subject)
Kevin, Ben, Gwen, Mike Morninstarforsomereason, Trixy, Alysshia, Jancissia, Star, Apple, Nataly, Elyzabyth, Leeeeysa, Chrystynya, Optimous Prime, the Ghostbusters, the Ghost Hunters, the Jonas brothers, the Chipmunks, Hanson, and half of the X-men, BUT NOT JULIE were walking.
"Hey," Ben said femininely, his long but closed-cropped lucious locks dancing on a wafting breeze. "There's an alien over there!"
And then he burst into tears and swooned, his sneakers skipping loquaciously 'gainst the blacktop. The alien fiend slathered.
"You cannot hope to defeat me, Ben Ten," the alien said.
Then it was defeated.
"Hey," said Kevin. The Raven looked around. "Where did that bird just come from? And also I wanted to kick some butt!"
"Just like you, always talking about the butt."
The Alien Force looked around. Across a sunned-appled parkinglot that they were standing in in the middle of the day in full view of the entire town who were ignoring them except for some rednecks who were eyeing Ben in a rape sort of way was a girl smirking. She had black hair that was down to her ass, with white streaks and green streaks and purple streaks in it in different places even though in real life that would look totally stupid. Her long slender but somehow curvy legs were clad in fishnet thigh-highs, and cut off daisy duke shorts from The Limited. Her slender but somehow curvy waste was tightly bound in a leopard print corset from Hot Topic that still had the tags on because she was going to wear it a couple of times and then return it because THAT's how bad-ass she is. Over the knee rubber boots completed the volumptuous picture. She was 5'3, except when levitating, because she can do everything Gwen can do but sluttier. (She's NOT a Mary Sue, you guys.)
"Oh my god," The Raven said. And then Kevin shot it because a bird made fun of him when he was a child. "Oh my god," Kevin said. "You guys," Kevin said. "I think that's MY SUPER EX-GIRLFRIEND."
Ben wept a ubiqutous single tear, rolling crossed the hills and valleys of his scultped features, cleansing musk of summers gone past, a track singularity in form.
"She sort of looks like she could be your sister because everyone with black hair and similar facial expressions is related," the miniature said.
Then he crumpled delicately to the Earth, rose tinting the apples, his broad flaring hips shoving his pert hind view far assunder where it was noticed by a passing Lacrosse team who gang raped him on the spot while he protested but didn't mean it.
"My name is Elyzabyth Levin," said the girl, attractively. "And Kevin is my space lover, where I met him, in the Null Void. I know all about you, and the plot already so you don't have to explain it to me because my father was a Plumber and I'm also a Plumber and also a bounty hunter. Kevin and I met having sex with each other in the Null Void, which incidentally, is my nickname for my vagina, but right now what I mean is that we literally had sex in the Null Void. And also my vagina."
"But MY last name IS Levin," The Crow-headed ruffian crowed ruffly.
"That is so weird," said the strange new woman, "because I do have a long lost brother named Kevin. Maybe that should have come up while we were having all that sex?"
"SHE'S YOUR LOVER AND YOUR SISTER???" Ben outraged, bottom lip trembling weakly as his pale skin glittered in the sunlight.
"Looks like we've got a new member of the team, Tennsyon," the elder said.
As Kevin looked at Ben, he couldn't help but realize that looking at someone meant you were deeply in love with them, and not that you were making eye contact with them because it's a normal part of social interaction to do so while speaking. He gazed up at Ben's tall, willowy form, and wished that Ben would make love with him in his Null Void. And also maybe Mike Morningstar too. But only if he was hot, not all gross and zombie-like. Because it's totally not even physically possible to have sex with anyone who doesn't have six-pack abs or is over the age of 30. And it's illeagal in Massachusetts.
Gwen oppened her mouth to say something stupid and was hit by a bus.
"Ben," Kevin said, knowingly. "I know I've raped you at least 17 times since last Friday, but I just want you to know that suddenly: and without any further character development: I love you."
Ben's blue eyes trembled with girlish glee.
"Oh Kevin!" She squealed. "Are you asking if you can stick it in my butt?"
Kevin smirked smirkily.
"It would be my honor, My Lady."
But Ben turned from him because you see: he was beloved of another.
"Kevin, you are a stupid prick who is violent and written out of character because you can never understand the deep love and sexual relationship I have with the one person who has been by my side this whole time."
"Dude, Gwen got hit by a bus," The Woodpecker pointed out.
"No," Ben sang. "Kevin, I can't let you stick it in me consenually because you don't know the truth about incest and how it is a godly and righteous caring thing that could never be looked down on by enlightened people or be emotionally damaging to those involved."
"Dude, Gwen got hit by a bus," The Bluebird of Happiness pointed out.
"Ben means he's marrying me!"
Everyone turned and looked. It was Grandpa Max!
"That's right," Ben's mom who has no first name said as she crawled out from under a near by car. "My son is marrying my father-in-law and I couldn't be more happier or supportive or fangirling of it. Squee!"
"Me too!" Said her husband, who I'll name Jonathan. "But...name isn't Jonathan..."
"Shut up, dad!" Scream Ben PMSingly. "I'm a fanfic writer! I don't have the precious seconds it would take to look your name up on google or wikipedia!"
"I also have a confession to make," Kevin's long-lost sister/lover declared volumptuously. "My name is actually Devlin Levin. I'm Kevin and Ben's son somehow, defying all logic and physics, from the future. I had a sex change operation and traveled to the past because of my love for Ben's other son, Kenny, who is gay, but in that realistic way that isn't hot."
Everyone nodded sadly. It was so true.
"So Ben's marrying his grandpa, and my sister/lover is ACTUALLY my son," Kevin said, "then who could ever learn to love...a BREAST?"
Gwen's corpse was then mauled by wolves and werewolves and Benmummies.
"I can," said Mike Morningstar, who had been there that whole time.
"Darklekins," Kevy gasped. "You're...you're totally hot again! But: how?"
"I just took the face off of Gwen's corpse and wear it on my own face," Mike laughed, uproariously. "And my hair? Just a cat I wear."
"Meow," said Darkstar's hair.
And so a tripple wedding was had that day: Ben to his grandpa, Kevin and Mike Morningstar, and Ben's mom to a videotape she had secretly taken of Ben making out with the soccer team.
And they all lived happily. Never. At April Fools, you guys. Shoot me now.