Those people are trying their best to be helpful. And since they have never been through anything like this, they have no idea what else to say. Even having been through something sort of (but not even remotely) what you've been through, I still have no idea what the right thing to say is. Except to say that it just sucks. But it helps me a little, to hear what you're sharing.
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It irritates me that people feel they can tell you what's the "right" way to go about this.
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