Job? and: Kempo!

[kevspace]

I just got back from an "interview" with the video game store. You know... the one where I worked before, in 2006, and quit just before Christmas. Looks like I'll have the chance to pick up where I left off, almost exactly a year later, because the reason I put "interview" in quotes is that it mostly consisted of me being asked when I can start.

Comments

No way would I post this comment non-anonymously

[anonymous]

A couple of years ago I think I might have teared up a bit. Not in happiness, mind you, but pure jealousy. It happened to me when I rented Amelie based on the recommendations of several people and started uncontrollably crying in anger at the end because my life didn't have that kind of love in it.

I'm coming to terms with the idea that I might just end up alone forever, so I don't get upset about that kind of thing anymore. But you are inspiring! You can go to places, and meet people, and then have the good times with them. I hope I am not so jaded that I won't learn to do that too someday.

Re: No way would I post this comment non-anonymously

[kevspace]

Normally this is the point where I would go on a no-holds barred rant about how much I hate, hate hate hate it when people leave me anonymous comments. I am an intensely curious person and I end up wasting a lot of brain cycles trying to figure out who might be the author. But... your comment is sad, and heartfelt, so I don't know what to do

Re: No way would I post this comment non-anonymously

[kevspace]

It's funny, thinking back now about the hours I spent alone in my room, wondering why I was never meeting people. It's because I spent most of my time alone in my room! (Frankly, my high school love life is lucky that so many people liked hanging out at my house, close as it was to the school.) As an adult, you probably do have to go places and be willing to say words to strangers. It's a skill, which (like any skill) gets better with practice. I used to be cripplingly shy with people I didn't know. I wouldn't even respond verbally to direct questions or look people in the eye when they talked to me. Parties and dances were hell for me, because I saw everyone as a potentially embarrassing social disaster. The only disaster was that I wasted some of my youth not going to parties and dances. I was so sure that "nobody would like me, I'm too weird" and now (sometimes, like, in conversation at a nightclub) I find out that people I had crushes on back then were actually interested in me and probably would have liked to talk to me. Ha

[nevarren]

First off, congratulations.

Secondly, well, there are so many things I could say, seeing as how I don't seem to fit in any of the friend categories you described, or dating categories for that matter. I think, however, such things would be better suited to a 'live' conversation, or even a letter. Pretty much just not an LJ comment.

The short version is I don't think you're that complicated, and I'm not sure that others want to complicate you so much as they need types of affirmation that you are unable or unwilling to provide, and either they fill in the 'why' part themselves or they ask you to fill it in for them (or some combination). I also think that, for all your introspection, well, it's your outward behaviors that define you to others. Motives count, but they are invisible. So it's very good you've found someone who seems to know yours, and I hope things always remain that way.

[kevspace]

You're right, it's outward behaviors that people see. And people have outright told me that I'm complicated, that they don't understand me, or that they thought I'd be something I wasn't. All I really know is what people have told me. And it never seemed to line up with my own motivations, my own feelings, which were usually simple. That's all I was trying to say.

I'm not sure what "types of affirmation that I am unable or unwilling to provide" refers to, but I suspect you're talking about all those romantic, manly gestures that I'm so notoriously bad at. If somebody wants me to be the sort of person who uses "I love you" for "goodbye" in every phone conversation, I'll never be that guy. And that's fine by me... somebody who's right for me will understand that, and understand why I'm this way.

It's still too early to make predictions about Kempo specifically... but it's encouraging that not only can I make her happy, I can actually SEE that she is happy, and it goes both ways. She can tell I'm happy too. That's a big deal for me.

[nevarren]

I didn't even realize how cryptic that sounded until I re-read it. You'll have to forgive me, as I am in the middle of doing a shitload of schoolwork and my brain is just DEAD. The main point is good for you for finding someone who gets you and makes you happy!

[shucks]

I know I don't know you well enough to qualify any of your statements, so all I can suggest is a hope that we will all be as happy. Eventually.

this is marika

[anonymous]

kevin

ive been reading your journal for a long time now and i will be very honest - i've never been able to pinpoint what exactly it is about you that got me so angry in the past. i hope you don't take that in a negative way. i know that our relationship had many faults - you were going through a difficult time and i was childish and hey - 16.

i still haven't pinpointed what it was but i am able to say that it no longer matters to me. reading about how happy you are and how you feel about this girl really makes proud of you and happy that i had known you and about what happened between us although at times it was painful, awkward, fun, exciting, confusing, and/or irrelavent (sometimes all at once!).

i apologize for the mean words i've said before and i honestly wish you the best of luck and hope you two are very happy for a long time.

somehow your entry has given me closure on what happened so long ago and i thank you for that.

marika

Re: this is marika

[kevspace]

Wow... thank you. That means a lot to me. I used to get a sinking feeling thinking about you, wondering what I must have done, how I could have handled it better... losing friends, especially to my own stupid behavior, ESPECIALLY when I don't know exactly what I did wrong, is the worst feeling I can think of. I was hesitant even to respond when you'd leave comments in my journal because I was terrified of offending you further and losing even this tiny connection you and I still have. I don't know what I wrote that gave you closure, but closure is always good. I almost didn't post this entry... I'm glad I did.

So yeah... thanks. I hope you're happy too!

Re: this is marika

[anonymous]

thanks kevin!

yes i'm very happy.. i'll just give you a brief update heh..me and my boyfriend (a mechanic) are coming up on our 4 year(!) anniversary in march and he's a really wonderful person. ive been an accountant for 3 years(!) in july and i really really enjoy that too.

i have my deviantart page that if you're curious you can check up on me through: http://marikasprettyart.deviantart.com/ - it has just reached over 10,000 pageviews which im excited about.

i'm in a comedy improv performing troup (think "whos line is it anyway") and we perform every first saturday of every month. i've been doing that for about a year and a half and i seem to have the knack for it! we have a website/blog too: http://www.sbimprov.com/blog/

anyway.. i'm not really sure how to finish this comment sooo "have a good summer and stay crazy"!

marika

[forkgirl]

I think the fact that you aren't someone that hides your true self is precisely why I liked you when I met you. I guess that most people are so used to hiding who they really are that they don't understand when there's no reason for them to dig to be able to know you. It isn't a fault on you; in fact, it's sad for them, really, that they go through their lives like that.

Having said that, my point is that I dig you, Kevin, just the way you are and I am incredibly thrilled that you have found someone just as awesome as you. (Though I don't actually know her, I know that she MUST be awesome for two reasons: 1- you think she's awesome and 2- she looks fun and quirky in your pictures.)

Rock on, superstar, rock on.

P.S. On a completely unrelated note, David mentioned that he thought you had a Neo Geo system. Is this true? And if so, is it a home version or arcade cabinet? I ask because I found a stack of old MVS cartridges at work yesterday. :)

[kevspace]

Aww, thank you! Yes, she IS awesome. And ha, yeah, my flickr photostream kind of tells the story better than I ever could.

I WISH I had a Neo Geo! Its rabid fans, high demand and refusal to die (as a platform) mean that it'll probably be too expensive for my collection until the end of time. Luckily, it's perfectly emulated in a lot of places, heh heh.

Where the heck do you just find a stack of MVS cartridges? Those command a pretty penny, even today, even when they're crappy. What games are they?