as the saying goes, you're my better half (part 2/?)

[keyhun]

rating: nc-17
pairing: yunho/jaejoong (side: yoochun/changmin)
length: ~9200 wc
summary: yunho and jaejoong have moved in together. they have a housewarming party and yoochun causes some drama, though it's nothing some confessions under the rain can't solve. yunho and jaejoong take a bus to gwangju and visit yunho's parents. jaejoong still isn't ready to talk about his own.



Moving is always a pain in the ass, even when the reason you’re moving is to begin the next chapter of your life with the one you love more than life itself. Packing every last article of clothing, every book, every piece of purposeless paraphernalia into boxes is such an exhausting and overwhelming task that it’s almost impossible to accomplish without kicking something in frustration and storming out of the room angrily at least once.

There is, however, an interesting consequence to the process. When you’re forced to dig up everything in all your drawers, all the dust-ridden spaces under your bed and the gross, neglected bottoms of your bathroom cabinets, you find things you haven’t thought of in a long time.

Old jewelry. Receipts of previous purchases. Letters.

While packing up his dorm, Jaejoong finds a ring gifted to him from his first love. It’s a cheap, fake thing, but when he was fifteen Jaejoong couldn’t tell the difference between fake and real so he loved it all the same. The boy Jaejoong loved then had also been fifteen. They’d been shy and awkward with each other-hugging behind brick walls after school let out and holding each other’s sweaty hands for a few minutes at a time in a secluded park when no one was around. There had been no bitter feelings when they’d parted ways, only good wishes and half-formed “I’ll miss you”s that died on their tongues. Jaejoong smiles warmly at the memory, and throws the ring away. He won’t be needing reminders of past loves now.

On the other side of campus, Yunho is taking his fifteenth break of the day from packing.

“It’s too frustrating! Changmin-ah! Help!!!”

Changmin can’t hear-he’s invested in noise cancelling headphones for when he’s playing his video games and doesn’t want to be bothered by a certain man-child’s whines.

Yunho sighs and digs through a pile of crap (papers), stacked high as the Empire State. They stick out every which way, and dust gathered over the months comes off in flurries as Yunho begins to disturb the pile. He sorts out the trash, which is all of it, until he happens upon something he doesn’t recognize at first, but with closer inspection realizes it to be a letter.

“What’s this..?” he mutters to himself.

To Yunho is all it says on the outside, written in brash script with dark ink. The sender’s address tells Yunho it’s from back home. He flips the envelope over and opens the flap. Inside is a dusty note with a coffee stain on the edge.

I know no one sends letters these days, but your old man is feeling a bit nostalgic, so bear with me, eh? Yunho, how are you doing in university? You know, your dad is so proud of you for taking this step toward a good future. It’s been a few months since I last saw you…I know you’re so busy studying.

There are some things I want to tell you. It’s hard for me to say them out loud, so that’s really why I’m writing this letter.

I’ve always been sorry to you. You’re such a good son. Always taking such good care of us. And I never had the means to give you the things I wanted to give you. Sometimes I see young kids these days with their own cars and nice, brand name clothes. I know you never asked for those things, but I felt bad I couldn’t give them to you.

My son…I miss you. I know Seoul is far away but try to visit us when you can, okay?

And Yunho, whoever you are, you know I could never not love you, right? I know about the boy you said was your good friend when you were in high school. When I realized, I was shocked. Not because of what your real situation was, but because I found myself questioning where it was I had gone wrong as a parent to make you think you couldn’t trust me enough to tell me. I know now, after having researched and read horror stories of parents who disown their children after having found out such things, that you must have simply been afraid…but Yunho, I would never…I could never do that to you. I love you more than anyone. Please, while I am still living healthily as your father, please continue to depend on me and lean on me.

In a lighter spirit, keep up the good work Yunho! Your first term’s grades were so stellar. Stay happy and healthy.

Sincerely,

Your father.

Yunho finishes reading the letter and realizes there are streams of tears falling down his cheeks and dripping off of his jaw onto the paper. Quickly, he moves the precious letter to safety and dabs the affected areas with a dry tissue. The tears don’t stop.

He had stored this letter away when he’d first received it, too afraid to read what might be inside. He’d avoided speaking to his dad over the phone, but even when he did his father never asked about whether or not Yunho had received the letter. It had been giving Yunho such a great deal of anxiety over the past few months that it had even caused him to have nausea and stomachaches.

He sobs freely now, chest feeling a million pounds lighter. Changmin, having taken off his headphones for a moment for whatever reason, hears Yunho crying from the next room and pads over.

“Hyung? What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”

The older boy is rendered speechless from his father’s unconditional, pure love. He can only shake his head in awe and sob. Changmin sighs dramatically and sits down next to him on the floor and pats his shoulder until the tears of joy run dry.

Later that afternoon, Yunho packs the rest of his belongings without taking another break. He tucks the letter carefully in between the cover and first page of his favorite book so that he’ll never lose it, and goes to bed, ready to greet tomorrow’s move-in to the new apartment with Jaejoong with a smile to battle the sun’s brightness.

“That box goes in the kitchen, and that one goes in the bedroom,” Jaejoong tells Yoochun and Changmin respectively. “And again guys, thanks so much for helping us move in. We really owe you.”

“Hey, what about me?” Junsu calls from behind the tall stack of heavy cardboard boxes he’s carrying into Jaejoong and Yunho’s living room.

“No one asked you to help,” Changmin mutters.

“Changmin,” Yunho scolds gently, “we’re very grateful for all the help we can get.” He turns to their friend. “Thank you so much Junsu. All of you are welcome here any time.” On the one hand, Yunho is concerned about how cold Changmin seems to be acting. He wonders if Changmin, despite all his complaints about Yunho’s messy habits and loud whining, will actually miss Yunho now that he’s going to be living with Jaejoong. On the other hand, however, Yunho feels a sense of excitement and pride at the fact that he now has a place to call home with Jaejoong. Their first apartment together. The very thought makes him giddy.

Jaejoong kicks open the door and staggers in with the very last box. Yunho moves to help him and they carry it together, placing it on top of the kitchen counter.

“That’s the last of them,” Jaejoong says.

“And that’s our cue to leave!” Yoochun says. “We’ll see you guys in a week for the housewarming party!”

“Oh yeah…we agreed to do that…” Jaejoong remembers.

“Yes, you did. And it better be awesome!”

“Okay guys, thanks for helping. We’ll see you then!” Yunho says with a tone of finality, very gratefully ushering his and Jaejoong’s friends out the door. He locks it after they leave and makes his way back to Jaejoong.

“Today is the first day of the rest of our lives,” he says, circling his arms around Jaejoong’s waist and pulling him in close. Jaejoong tugs at the open sides of Yunho’s jacket and touches their noses together.

“I’m glad I’m spending it with you.”

Although it was annoying packing everything up, Jaejoong doesn’t mind the unpacking. He and Yunho take their time with it, choosing places for every object in the small space together.

“The cooking utensils can go in this drawer,”

“And the eating utensils can go in this one.”

“The plates can go in this shelf of the cabinet,”

“The bowls in the one above it,”

“And the cups and glasses on the top shelf.”

“What if I can’t reach the top shelf..?” Jaejoong pouts.

Yunho gives Jaejoong a slow, soft backhug and noses his ear. “I’m here, aren’t I?”

Jaejoong shivers, enchanted by Yunho’s warmth, proximity, and low voice. “No, that’s impractical. I should be able to reach the cups in my own house! We’ll put them in the next cabinet over.” Yunho laughs and pecks Jaejoong’s lips. “Whatever you want, love.”

They arrange their clothes in the dresser and closet, put up a brand new shower curtain in the bathroom (blue, so it feels like they’re underwater), and put new sheets on their bed. Our bed Jaejoong thinks dreamily. While Yunho unpacks the very last of their belongings, Jaejoong cooks a quicky, easy meal for two.

They don’t have any furniture yet, so they eat on the floor. At the end, Jaejoong shoves their plates aside and lays down on the hard wood, resting his head in Yunho’s lap and closing his eyes. Yunho strokes Jaejoong’s hair soothingly and thanks him for the delicious meal.

“I’ll cook for you every day, if you want.” Jaejoong mumbles, already falling asleep.

“Oh Jaejoongie, I won’t let you do that. You’re not my maid.”

Jaejoong giggles. “But wouldn’t I look cute in a maid outfit?”

“Please don’t make me imagine things right now.”

Eventually, Yunho manages to haul Jaejoong into their bedroom. They quickly shower and dress in their nightclothes. They get under the covers, resting on their sides so they can face each other. It’s unclear who kisses who, but it’s very clear that several kisses are exchanged on their first night together in their new home.

“Good night, Yunho.”

“Good night Jaejoong.”

Exhausted from the day of moving, they fall into dreamless sleep, comforted by the warmth of each other’s bodies in the bed.

For several weeks, Yunho and Jaejoong remain in a state of euphoria. Living with Yunho, Jaejoong thinks, has cured his loneliness. He has someone to wake up with, someone to eat with, study with, relax with, and sleep with. Sometimes when they’re studying together at home, Jaejoong will catch Yunho just staring at him, as if the sight of Jaejoong just sitting there and taking notes is somehow interesting.

“Why are you staring at me?” Jaejoong asks out of honest curiosity.

“I like watching you.”

“Creep.”

Yunho reaches across the table to take Jaejoong’s hand (the one that’s not taking notes). And he just holds it. Such a simple thing, but it makes Jaejoong’s heart race wildly. Suddenly, taking notes is no longer possible. Jaejoong removes his glasses and saunters toward the bedroom. He spares a glance over his shoulder. “Come here,” he beckons, and Yunho follows all too willingly.

Being with Yunho brings Jaejoong out of his shell. It’s not one he knew he had, not until Yunho pointed it out. He often tells Jaejoong how much he loves to see Jaejoong laugh more freely, smile more often, and speak less cautiously.

But most of all, Yunho loves how sly and clever Jaejoong becomes in bed. He teases, taunts, and tortures with his playful demeanor. Yunho lets out long strings of curses when Jaejoong becomes like this, but it thrills him to no end. While in public, Jaejoong tends to be so reserved-always speaking softly and minimally, never doing anything to make himself stand out in a crowd-but in bed he’s the wickedest demon of all. Yunho loves every side of him.

“Oh-Jaejoong, yeah, there,” Yunho groans. Jaejoong’s indulging him tonight, perhaps as a response to his own overwhelming feelings of adoration caused by Yunho’s sweet gestures while they were studying. He kisses Yunho deeply, as if he were trying to consume Yunho’s very breath. Jaejoong’s fingers are buried to the hilt inside of Yunho, exploring and touching everywhere. The bedsheets steadily grow damp with sweat and rustle continuously as they shift around and around the bed, unable to have their fill of each other.

As Jaejoong pushes Yunho closer to his peak, Yunho decides he’ll be too tired to reciprocate after he comes, so he wraps his hand around Jaejoong’s cock and strokes him at a moderate pace. They kiss each other messily through their orgasms, milking every last drop, and fall onto the bed boneless afterwards.

As they entered their third year of college, Yunho and Jaejoong realized that the second year, which had seemed so impossibly difficult at the time, was actually a walk in the park compared to the third. Biochemistry and upper level science elective courses were the most intense, fast-paced courses offered in the entire school, and they were required for third-year science students.

Yunho thrives under the pressure. He finds strength when his studies yield positive results, and it gives him energy to continue studying like crazy. Changmin, the natural genius, seems to not have to work as hard, simply cramming at the last moment, and still aces almost everything. It infuriates Jaejoong, who has to slave away all day at the library to just barely make A’s and some B’s in the harder classes. He often complains about this to Yunho, who is so dedicated to his work ethic that he finds it hard to understand why Jaejoong is affected by Changmin so much.

“That’s how he gets good grades, and we just get good grades a different way.”

“But Yunho, it’s not fair,” Jaejoong whines. They’re back in their apartment, taking a break after studying all day and eating their very late dinner at ten at night. “His way is so much easier. He just plays video games all the time!”

“Jaejoong…” Yunho sighs. The poor guy looks exhausted. He’s been up since 5:30, because his shifts at the university gym start at six in the morning, right when it opens, and end at noon so he can go to his classes which are all scheduled in the afternoon. His schedule is so tight that he has to eat lunch as he walks from work to class. “I understand how that could be frustrating, but we aren’t Changmin. What some people have, others just don’t.”

“I wish I had what he has.”

“If you were Changmin, you wouldn’t have me.” Yunho pouts.

“…Okay, I like being Jaejoong.”

Yunho’s tiredness melts off his face as a goofy smile spreads across it. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Thanks for listening to my stupid whining.”

“It’s not stupid, and I’ll always be here to listen to you. Whether you’re happy or sad or frustrated, I’m all ears. But right now, I am really exhausted, so if you keep talking and I fall asleep right here, just know you’ve been warned.”

Jaejoong chuckles and hauls Yunho up from the dining table seat to drag him to bed. “I hate seeing you work so hard…” he mumbles, stroking Yunho’s hair as they settle in for sleeping.

“It’s what keeps me going…”

“I know baby, I know.” Jaejoong kisses Yunho’s cheek sweetly, then reaches over him to switch off the lamp. He curls into Yunho’s chest and they fall asleep immediately, exhausted after another long day of being students.

Eventually, the workload proves to be just a bit too much for Jaejoong. He’s not Yunho, who thrives under pressure, and he’s definitely not Changmin, who barely has to study. He’s reviewing at home one day when he just snaps. Throwing his books and notebooks into the corner, Jaejoong cries out in frustration.

“I can’t do it.”

Yunho rushes to his side and cradles him on the couch. “Let’s take a break.”

“I don’t want a break. I just don’t want to do this anymore, Yunho, it’s too hard.”

Yunho wants to argue and tell Jaejoong that he’s being dramatic and that he’ll feel better once he gets a good night’s sleep, but he keeps his mouth shut because he knows that’s insensitive.

“Jaejoongie, I’ve been wanting to ask you this but didn’t know when a good time was to ask you.”

“What is it?”

“I want to go visit my family in Gwangju soon. Will you come with me?”

“I-sure, of course I’d like to meet your family. We’ll have to hide our relationship, right?”

“Actually, no, we won’t. They’ve accepted me, and I’m sure once they meet you, they’ll accept you too.”

“Wait, really?” Jaejoong asks, totally astonished. He hasn’t heard of many families being accepting of gay people.

“Yeah.” Yunho sighs a little dreamily, then hugs Jaejoong closer. “I’ll be really happy to see them. It’s been a while.”

“When should we go?”

“Next weekend. There’s a bus that goes there. It’s kind of a long ride, so we should pack some snacks for the way.”

“I’ve never been to Gwangju…” Jaejoong realizes.

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you around. You’ll love it. Or at least, I hope you will.”

“I’m sure I will as long as you’re with me.”

Yunho laughs. “Hmm, is that so?” he coos, stroking Jaejoong’s back.

“I’d go anywhere with you.” Jaejoong says, finally relaxing and breathing in Yunho’s scent. It calms him immensely.

Two nights before they leave for Gwangju, Yunho and Jaejoong throw their housewarming party. It’s a bit late, considering they’d moved into the apartment nearly two months ago, but the timing had never been right. They keep it small, inviting Yoochun, Changmin, Junsu and Junsu’s girlfriend, Jangmi, who went to high school with Yunho.

It’s no surprise that Junsu and Jangmi arrive together, but what sends everyone reeling is when Jaejoong opens the door to find Yoochun and Changmin have come together as well. Jaejoong lets them in and gratefully accepts their housewarming gift of flowers and booze (courtesy of Yoochun) and a nice silverware set and quick meals cookbook (courtesy of Changmin). Typical of both of them.

After ushering his guests in and telling them to have a seat in the living area with Junsu and Jangmi, Jaejoong goes into the kitchen to set down the gifts and finish putting the food on the table. Yunho is already there, sprinkling the garnishing on top of the dishes and taking the hot ones out of the oven.

“Hey, did you see that?” Jaejoong whispers excitedly. “Yoochun and Changmin came here together. I wonder what’s up with that.”

“Oh, do you think they’re…?”

“I’m not sure, but I do know that Changmin was always staring at Yoochun in high school.”

“What was Yoochun doing?”

“He was always reading books. A new one almost every day. I don’t think he noticed, but everyone else did.”

“Did Changmin ever try to talk to him?” Yunho finishes sprinkling greens on the soup and looks out toward the living room. The four guests are chatting happily, and Changmin seems especially pleased with his shoulder pressed tightly against Yoochun’s.

“I think he did a few times, but as much of an asshole as he is now, he was even worse in high school. He probably didn’t come off as too friendly. Yoochun’s really sensitive, too, you know, so…yeah.”

Yunho nods and then sighs dreamily because Jaejoong looks really cute when he’s excited and curious like this. Also, he’s been wearing Yunho’s jacket since the afternoon.

“Okay, I guess we should call them to come get food,” Jaejoong says.

“Gimme a kiss first,” Yunho pouts and Jaejoong laughs.

“Not in front of the guests, Yunho!”

“They’re not looking,” Yunho says, and pecks Jaejoong lightly on the lips. He tastes like the strawberries they’d snacked on earlier. Yunho’s favorite.

Jaejoong draws back, blushing hard and trying not to smile. “Come on guys, food’s ready!”

Three hours later, they’re all sprawled across the couches and floor, finishing up dessert and laughing the night away. Having relaxed considerably, Changmin is comfortably leaning his head on Yoochun’s shoulder. Junsu has his head on his girlfriend’s lap and Yunho has his arm around Jaejoong’s waist.

“I’ll admit,” Jaejoong says, “I was kind of surprised when I saw the two of you arrive together.”

“Huh? Why wouldn’t I arrive with Jangmi?” Junsu asks, totally puzzled.

“Not you! Yoochun and Changmin, obviously.”

“Oh, uh, about that…we um, uh, I…”

“Changmin are you okay?” Yunho asks.

Yoochun laughs loudly. “Changmin asked me to come with him to pick up a gift, so we went shopping together this afternoon.”

“Oh, I see,” Jaejoong smirks, “well thank you for the gifts. They were wonderful.”

“I was hesitant to go along with Changmin because I had to study for my classic lit exam next week but I haven’t hung out with this kid a lot, I thought it would be nice.”

Changmin scoffs. “Please, as if your major requires any studying. You were desperate to come along with me.”

“Changmin…” Yunho warns.

“Excuse me?” Yoochun says.

“I-I mean…” Changmin stutters.

“No, I know what you meant. You think that the only field worth a damn is science. You think the only people with brains are people in your department and you think anything I do with my field of interest is useless.” Yoochun shoves Changmin away and gets off the sofa, heading towards the door. “I’m tired of people looking down on me like that. Sorry for causing a scene, Yunho, Jaejoong, but I’m out of here.”

“Yoochun!” Changmin calls.

Yoochun jams his feet into his boots and puts his sweater on forcefully. “And for the record, I was not ‘desperate’ to hang out with you. I noticed that you barely have any friends since all you do is study and play video games so I felt bad for you. I thought I would charitably give you some company.” He storms out, slamming the door behind him.

Changmin stands there in silent shock. Sighing, Yunho goes to him and slings an arm around his shoulder, steering him back toward the living area. Junsu, somehow, has fallen asleep during all the racket and Jangmi sighs. “I’ll take him home.”

“Thank you.” Jaejoong nods. “Please go home safely,” he says, and sees her and her drowsy boyfriend out the door.

“Changmin…”

“I messed up. I really fucked up, didn’t I?”

Jaejoong shuts the door after seeing Junsu and Jangmi off. “Yeah, you did, you asshole.”

“Jaejoong, please,” says Yunho.

“What, am I supposed to say nothing? He just fucking called Yoochun’s life pointless, basically.”

“That’s not what he said. And Yoochun said some pretty harsh things too.”

“Oh, so now you’re on hisside?” Jaejoong scoffs.

“Guys, please,” Changmin groans. “The last thing I want is for the two of you to fight over my mistake.”

“At least you admit it was your mistake.” Jaejoong mutters.

“Yes, I do. God, I’m so stupid, I didn’t even mean what I said. I just-I’m so bad at this. Ugh.” Changmin sighs, burying his face in his hands.

Jaejoong stares at Changmin for a moment - taking in his slouched back and slumped shoulders - then heaves a sigh. “Listen, Changmin…just give Yoochun some time to cool down. He’s sensitive, so he gets hurt easily and gets worked up easily. Give him some time and then go talk to him. It’ll be okay.”

“I’m scared to face him. He’ll be angry.”

“Yeah, he will be, because he has every right to be angry.” Jaejoong states.

“You can do it.” Yunho says. “It’ll be okay.”

One hour later, Yoochun is sitting on a swing in a park a few blocks away from his home. He feels the first drop of rain on the back of his neck, because he’s looking down at the ground. He feels the next drop on the top of his hand as it’s curled around the chain holding the swing up, and then he feels the next ten, twenty, hundred drops all over his head and back and legs. It’s cold. He’s freezing. He shivers incessantly under the raindrops that fall fatter and harder onto him.

“Yoochun?” calls Changmin’s voice.

Yoochun doesn’t want to look up. He keeps his head lowered and allows the rain to soak his hair.

“Yoochun…it’s freezing out here, why don’t we get you home?” Changmin pleads, but Yoochun still doesn’t move. “Please, Yoochun, look at me.”

Slowly, Yoochun raises his head. He keeps his eyes cast toward the side, but eventually Changmin walks closer and Yoochun is forced to meet his gaze. Changmin is drenched. His hair is sticking to his head, making his already big ears look even bigger. His long eyelashes are dripping and he’s clearly cold as well.

“I’m sorry about what I said. I don’t think what you study is useless. I was getting ahead of myself, trying to alleviate my own nerves by cracking joke after joke, but I ended up saying something I didn’t mean.”

Yoochun sobs. “You just don’t understand.”

“What don’t I understand, Yoochun? Tell me, because-because I want to.”

“The reason that what you said hurt me so bad. You just don’t know.”

Changmin kneels in front of Yoochun. He reaches forward and takes Yoochun’s freezing hands in his own. “I’d like to know.”

And so, taking a leap of faith, deciding that he wants to trust someone again, Yoochun tells Changmin the whole story. About how his parents always favored his younger brother who was more inclined to becoming an engineer. About how Yoochun grew up feeling like he was inadequate because he liked to read long, beautifully written stories about love and adventures and friendship. And about how his parents used to burn and shred his books in front of his eyes because he’d spend too much time reading fiction and not enough time doing math and science assignments. So hearing one of his friends say that what he studied was useless made Yoochun feel like all the progress he’d made in college-finding friends, gathering the courage to pursue his own interests, trying to find a way to prove to his parents that he could be successful without an engineering degree-it felt like it was all for nothing.

Changmin listens with all his heart. He doesn’t speak a word until Yoochun finishes.

“I’m so sorry, Yoochun. Can you forgive me?”

Yoochun looks at him, soaking wet and eyes wide with sincerity. He laughs past his tears and threads his fingers through Changmin’s hair.

“Only if you forgive me for the things I said. I didn’t mean them either. I know you have a lot of friends.”

“Of course I forgive you. From now on, let’s both try to say what we mean and mean what we say.”

Yoochun nods. He traces his fingers down the side of Changmin’s cold cheek. “I really do mean what I’m about to say.”

Changmin catches Yoochun’s hand in his. His breath stutters. “And what’s that?”

Leaning in close, pressing their rain-drenched bangs together, Yoochun whispers: “I have feelings for you.”

At that, Changmin surges forward, cupping Yoochun’s face in both hands, and kisses him. For all their shivering limbs and freezing fingers, Changmin’s mouth is hot, and Yoochun is drawn to it like a moth to flame. He closes his eyes and kisses back, curling his arms around Changmin’s waist as they stand up to press closer together.

“I’ve had feelings for you since we were in high school, Yoochun.”

“I…I didn’t even know you were gay.”

“Probably because the only person I ever expressed interest in was you, and you never seemed to notice me.”

Yoochun bites his lip in an attempt to hold back his laughter. “I’m sorry, there was a lot going on in high school. I always had my nose in a book, didn’t I? They helped.”

“Is there still a lot going on?” Changmin asks, hopeful.

Yoochun breathes a chuckle and kisses Changmin’s cheek, warming it with his lips. “There is, and there always will be, but the books won’t be able to distract me from how much I want you.”

“Oh, Yoochun,” Changmin grins. He kisses his lips again. “We’re both drenched. Let’s get you home.”

“It’s raining hard out there, huh? I hope they’ll be alright,” Jaejoong says, looking out the window.

“Jaejoongie, they’ll be fine. We’ll text them later, ask if they got home okay.” Yunho circles his arms around Jaejoong’s waist. “Now let’s get some sleep. Our bus leaves at nine in the morning tomorrow.”

Jaejoong turns around to twirl his arms around Yunho’s neck. “I love you.”

That earns Jaejoong a peck on the lips. “I do too, babe, but why all of a sudden?”

“You’re so kind to me. You never say things that hurt me. I’m just grateful, is all.”

Yunho presses a warm kiss to the top of Jaejoong’s head. “I hope I never do, but if, for any reason, in the future we’re arguing and I say something hurtful, please tell me directly and immediately, so that I can apologize and we can move forward. I don’t want us to be stuck on old grudges for months, always bringing up old arguments every time we have a disagreement. I don’t want that for us. I love you.”

Jaejoong squeezes Yunho tight and then pats his backside. “Let’s go clean up and go to bed.”

They put on music as they gather everyone’s used cups and dishes. Jaejoong sings along as he loads the dishwasher and Yunho hums as he wipes down the counters and puts the leftover food inside the refrigerator. Before long, the house looks brand new.

Afterwards, Jaejoong steps into the shower and is joined by Yunho a few minutes after. They almost always shower together, save for when either one of them is busy and will be sleeping later than the other. It’s Jaejoong’s favorite part of his day. Getting to be close to Yunho like this is something he thinks he’ll never tire of. He feels safe and loved here, while Yunho lathers soap onto his skin and massages his scalp. Yunho likes to shower quickly but Jaejoong likes to take his time. More often than not, Jaejoong gets distracted from his need to go sleep by Yunho’s presence. He can’t help but to press his lips to Yunho’s chest, his jaw, his shoulder.

“I love you, Jae.”

“Yunho…you’re so beautiful.”

“Stop it, you’re embarrassing me.”

“Kiss me.” Jaejoong demands. Yunho obeys. They get lost in it, the kiss. It’s fiery, it’s all-encompassing, and it’s born of the purest feelings of love. Yunho turns the shower off and they stumble out, trying their best not to slip on the tile floor. Jaejoong grabs a towel hanging on a hook and uses it to pull Yunho closer to him. Yunho mimics Jaejoong but uses his towel to dry Jaejoong’s hair as they make their way toward the bed.

The back of Jaejoong’s knees hit the edge of the bed and he falls backward onto it, pulling Yunho down with him. Yunho pulls back for a moment, a silent question in his eyes: you’re not too tired?, and Jaejoong’s response is his hand around Yunho’s cock.

Yunho presses Jaejoong into the bed, one hand in Jaejoong’s hair and the other on his hip. He licks deep into Jaejoong’s mouth and Jaejoong moans under him. When Yunho moves mouth at Jaejoong’s neck, Jaejoong gasps and moves his hands to roam over Yunho’s broad, sexy back.

“Yunho-tonight, I want-I want that.”

Raising his head slightly, Yunho looks into Jaejoong’s eyes. “Are you sure, Jaejoong? We have to get up early tomorrow. I don’t want you to get too tired.”

“I’m sure,” Jaejoong says with a shiver. “I want it.” Yunho kisses him and then pulls a cock ring out of a box from underneath their bed. And as he pulls it out, he dons a different persona.

“Are you going to be good for me tonight, Jaejoongie?”

“Yeah,” Jaejoong sighs. “I’ll be good.” He can’t control his cock swelling at just the thought of how Yunho’s about to go down on him.

“You remember the safe-word, right?”

“Yup, ‘plush’.”

Yunho nods and then kisses Jaejoong’s stomach once before he slides the ring onto Jaejoong’s half-hard cock. He takes out the lube from their side drawer and has Jaejoong turn over so that he’s on all fours and his ass is in the air.

“Stick it out for me, nice and pretty.” Jaejoong feels his cheeks burn with humiliation but he does so anyways. He sticks his ass up into the air and spreads his legs so that he’s open for Yunho to do with him as he pleases. Then he feels Yunho’s tongue taking licks at his hole and Jaejoong groans.

“More,” he begs. “I want more.”

Yunho licks all around Jaejoong’s hole. He feels it getting excited under his tongue, fluttering and trying to accommodate his tongue’s tip. He licks up and down and gropes Jaejoong’s cheeks as he does. Then, he pulls back and snaps open the bottle of lubricant. “Stick your ass up nice and high for me.”

Jaejoong whimpers and complies. Yunho holds the bottle up high and pours lube right onto Jaejoong’s crack. It trails down toward his balls and it makes him shiver. Yunho rubs it around Jaejoong’s hole with his fingers and slowly presses one in. Jaejoong’s jaw drops open and he moans wantonly. They’re different like this on some nights. Sometimes when they have sex it’s all giggles and sweet kisses and other times-like tonight-Jaejoong feels like he’s a cheap slut and though at first Yunho was averse to the idea they’ve since grown into their pseudo role play.

His eyes roll back and he thrusts back against Yunho’s finger. Another is added and Jaejoong relishes the stretch. Yunho covers Jaejoong’s back with his body and whispers horribly filthy things in Jaejoong’s ear-red from the thrill of shame.

Take it, take it like the whore you are for me, only me and let me fill you up and stretch you…

Fill me up, Yunho, make me yours and only yours

I love your sweet, tight ass. Yunho adds a third finger. You have a greedy little hole, don’t you? You want my cock in it.

It’s hard to recognize Yunho when he gets like this, but Jaejoong barely recognizes himself, too, the way he’s moaning and gasping for breath, twisting his neck around to catch Yunho’s lips in the messiest of kisses.

Want it. Put it in me, you devil.

You’re the only devil here. You taste like the sweetest sin.

Yunho coats himself with lubricant and pushes into Jaejoong all the way to the hilt in one swift thrust. Jaejoong screams.

You asked for it. How is it?

H-hurts, but oh, oh Yunho, you’re so big. Ugh. Come on, move!

You’re so bossy. Yunho slaps Jaejoong’s ass, leaving it red. But I’ll give you what you want.

Jaejoong curses himself for asking for the cock ring now because Yunho speaking those filthy words in his ear is turning Jaejoong on like crazy. He can’t keep up the persona anymore, or rather he doesn’t need to, because he’s as needy as the role he plays is.

“Harder, Yunho!”

“Shh, baby. I got you.”

“Harder,” Jaejoong whines.

Yunho picks up the pace, ramming into Jaejoong as fast as his hips will allow him-which is very fast. Jaejoong meets him halfway, pushing his ass back with every thrust.

“I love you, Yunho.” Jaejoong gasps, and it’s so unexpected in the middle of sex-the way he says it, like he’s helpless. Like that’s the only thing he’s sure of. Yunho thrusts once more, burying himself in to the hilt, and he comes, long and hard.

“Oh, oh,” Jaejoong cries. Yunho kisses his face a million times because his heart is swelling with affection. He knows Jaejoong loves this part-that he likes the feeling of Yunho inside him, likes feeling filthy and full of Yunho’s release. Yunho pulls out and Jaejoong moves onto his back again. His eyebrows are furrowed and he’s covered in sweat. His whole body and his face are flushed pink, and his cock is red and hard and throbbing.

“G-get it off,” he chokes out.

Yunho lowers his head and takes Jaejoong into his mouth. Then, he changes his mind and lies down on his back next to Jaejoong. “Fuck my face first. Then I’ll take it off.”

“Oh god,” Jaejoong whimpers, and then he scrambles to get on his knees. He scoots up the bed, straddling Yunho’s chest positioning himself so he’s just over Yunho’s mouth. He leans his hands onto the wall behind the bed for support and lowers himself, inch by inch into Yunho’s mouth.

That silky, wet heat is extraordinary. Jaejoong moans loudly and begins to move-slowly at first, but when Yunho taps Jaejoong’s hip to let him know he’s okay Jaejoong speeds up. Yunho takes it so well, sucking like he’s drinking something from a straw. He gropes Jaejoong’s behind while he does it, kneading the flesh none too gently. Soon, Jaejoong loses his rhythm. His thrusts become erratic and his legs burn with the exertion. His pace stutters and just at that moment Yunho takes the ring off and Jaejoong comes in ropes that land all over Yunho’s mouth, chin, and neck.

Jaejoong collapses onto the bed beside Yunho. He catches his breath for a moment and then reaches to grab a tissue from the bedside table and cleans Yunho’s face up.

“That was amazing.”

“Agreed,” Yunho giggles. He checks his alarm clock on the side table, makes sure it’s set for seven a.m., then curls into Jaejoong and kisses him good night.

“Excited to see your family, Yunho-yah?” Jaejoong croons, stroking Yunho’s hair lovingly.

“Yes. And I’m excited to show you off to them.”

“Oh, I don’t know if I’m anything to show off.”

Yunho kisses his chest. “You have no idea how wrong you are. You’re amazing, and I love you. Now let’s get some sleep.”

In the morning, Jaejoong checks his text messages.

Yes, I got home safely, hyung, don’t worry your pretty little head about it ^^ -Yoochun

Of course I got home safely, what do you think I am, five years old? -Changmin

He laughs, satisfied. He sets his phone down and turns over in the bed, watching Yunho sleep. Any minute now, his alarm will go off, and he’ll flail about to turn it off. Jaejoong decides he’d rather wake Yunho up himself. Quietly, he reaches over Yunho to switch off Yunho’s alarm and notes the time-five minutes until it’s time for it to go off.

Softly, Jaejoong traces Yunho’s features with his fingertips. It’s cheesy, it’s cliché, and it’s not something Jaejoong’s ever thought he’d do, but he does it now. He touches Yunho’s eyes, his nose, his jaw, traces his shoulders, every perfect curve and edge of him. He wakes Yunho with a kiss.

“Jaejoongie? Good morning.”

Yunho’s voice is so hoarse and croaky in the morning. It’s incredibly sexy. “Good morning.”

“What time is it? Did I miss my alarm?”

“No, there’s a few minutes ‘till seven. I turned it off, though. Wanted to wake you up myself.”

Yunho pulls Jaejoong into his arms so that Jaejoong is half on top of him. “Best way to wake up is to your beautiful face.”

Jaejoong giggles and kisses Yunho again. “Yoochun and Changmin texted me. They both got home safely.”

“Mm, that’s good.” Yunho taps his lips for another peck. Jaejoong laughs and obliges. “I wonder what ended up happening between the two of them last night.”

“I guess we’ll find out when we get back, huh?”

“I guess so.” Another kiss. Jaejoong giggles into it and feels Yunho’s arms winding around his waist.

“Mmm, Yunho…wait, no!” He laughs, shoving Yunho away playfully. “Come on, get up! We have a bus to catch. I’ll make breakfast.”

Yunho blinks. “Naked?”

Jaejoong slaps his arm. “No!”

“…Please?”

“Maybe for your next birthday. Now come on, hop in the shower! We’re kind of gross from last night and we need to be at the station in an hour and a half.”

“Fiiine. One more kiss?”

Jaejoong is only too happy to oblige.

“Thanks for letting me stay the night at your place.”

“Changmin, don’t act like such a stranger. You know you’re welcome any time, now that we know how we feel about each other. Seriously, why’d you even take the couch last night?”

Changmin clears his throat as he dons his coat (now dry) and hands back the folded pile of Yoochun’s pajamas he’d borrowed last night. “Because I didn’t want things to escalate to a point where I’d ask you to do…certain things with me.”

Yoochun laughs and puts his clothes back in his drawers. “I’m no stranger to sex, Changmin-ah.”

“I-I, uh, that’s not the point.”

“Then what is?”

“The point is I wanted to ask you on a real date before we got further. I wanted to take it slow. I want to do things properly.”

Yoochun stops moving. His heart is suddenly beating twice as fast.

“Yoochun? What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing, it’s just, uh. Um. I guess I’d really like that.”

Changmin smiles. It’s the most perfect smile Yoochun’s ever seen. Yoochun thinks he’s just a little in love. “Then, Yoochun, will you go out with me next Friday evening?”

“Yes. I’d love to. Where will we go?”

“I was thinking a café for coffee and sweets. And then we could walk around that lake nearby campus.”

Yoochun’s quickened heart is not slowing down. “Sounds wonderful. I’ll see you then.”

“You’ll see me before then, too, Yoochun. We always see each other in the library.”

“Oh yeah.”

Changmin laughs again. He’s got the most beautiful eyes. “Okay, I’m going now. See you later.”

Yoochun desperately wants to keep him in his apartment forever and get him in his bed right this instant but Changmin simply leans forward, places a tender kiss on Yoochun’s cheek, and leaves. His heart doesn’t return to a normal pace for the next ten minutes, and unbeknownst to Yoochun, neither does Changmin’s.

When they get off the bus in Gwangju, Yunho smiles and Jaejoong takes in his surroundings. The bus station isn’t nearly as big or as busy as the one in Seoul, but it’s well-maintained.

“Come on, let’s take the city bus to my area and then it’s just a five minute walk to my parents’ house.”

Jaejoong doesn’t mind walking a bit since it’s not like either of them packed any heavy luggage. Jaejoong just had a backpack and a tote bag, which Yunho offered to carry for him. Yunho had a bus card that worked for the city of Gwangju, but Jaejoong had to pay the fare of 2,000 won, which was cheaper than Seoul. There were plenty of open seats, so they sat down and enjoyed the view. Jaejoong was sort of tired from having woken so early, and he wanted to put his head on Yunho’s shoulder, but they were in public, so Jaejoong held back.

Yunho looked out the windows excitedly, pointing at something every once in a while and telling Jaejoong about his childhood memories. He looked so happy that Jaejoong couldn’t tell him what he was feeling inside his heart: jealousy and pain.

Another five minutes later, Yunho grabbed Jaejoong’s wrist and together they stepped off the bus in a beautiful suburb. One story houses dotted the quaint streets, and flowers lined the front and sides of the homes.

“Almost there. You tired?”

“Just a bit. Let’s go.” Jaejoong said with a squeeze to Yunho’s hand.

They turn a corner and walk to the end of the street. The fragrance of early summertime blossoms hangs in the air. At the last house on the block Yunho stops and squeezes Jaejoong’s hand. “We’re here.”

Jaejoong puts aside his fears and nods. “Time for me to meet your parents, then.”

Yunho rings the bell and lets go of Jaejoong’s hand. They’re not hiding their relationship, but it is an older couples’ home, so they want to be modest and respectful.

It seems like Mr. and Mrs. Jung were excited to receive the two of the, because only a few seconds pass before the door swing opens and Yunho and Jaejoong are met with the smiling faces of Yunho’s parents.

“Yunho! We’re so glad to see you,” his father says, hugging his son and then pulling back so his wife could do the same. “And you must be Jaejoong. It’s nice to meet you. Please, come in.”

Jaejoong bows. “Thank you. It’s very nice to meet you too.” When he steps into the house, he notices that the house looks like the kind of small home seen in his mom’s favorite dramas: modest, light wood floors, tables with cushions surrounding them for sitting, a small kitchen and just enough space for the people who live in the home to be comfortable. In one word, it’s positively charming. It feels like a real home.

Yunho’s mother suggests that the two of them set their belongings down and freshen up before lunch. Yunho kisses his mother’s cheek and guides Jaejoong to his old bedroom. This room, too, looks picturesque for a young boy. He can easily imagine a teenaged Yunho lying on his stomach on the bed, reading some mindless comic, or sitting at his narrow wooden desk trying to study for an exam. And he can definitely picture Yunho looking out his bedroom window, waving to his neighborhood friends and signaling them that he’ll come right out to play and ride bikes.

“Hey, you okay?” Yunho asks, interrupting Jaejoong’s run-off imagination.

“Yeah, fine. You have a beautiful home.”

“Oh, thank you Boojae. I didn’t realized how much I missed it. It’s nice to be back, but I’m glad you’re with me this time.”

Jaejoong forces a smile. He sets down his bag and kisses Yunho’s cheek. “Let’s wash up for lunch, yeah?”

Lunch with the Jungs is perfect. Yunho’s mother has made all of Yunho’s favorites, and his father had cooked a few things too that happened to be more to Jaejoong’s liking.

“You’re both really good cooks. Yunho must have had a happy childhood in your home.” Jaejoong says.

“Oh, you flatter me,” his mom responds. “And yes, our Yunho was such a good kid.”

“Then why’d you yell at me so much?!” Yunho asks, exasperated.

“Why do you think you turned out so good? It’s because we didn’t let you get away with being lazy!”

“Fair enough.”

“So, Jaejoong,” Yunho’s father begins, “I don’t really know if Yunho told you this, but he never formally came out to us. I knew, because I figured it out, and I told my wife.”

Jaejoong is stunned. He doesn’t really know how to respond, but he doesn’t have a chance to anyways because Yunho’s father continues on.

“She was surprised when I told her, though I was surprised she hadn’t figured it out, too.” He laughs in the middle of his anecdote.

“How did you know, sir?” Jaejoong asks.

The greying man smiles. “He had a friend he spent a lot of time with in high school. That friend would come over quite a bit, and Yunho would go over to his house a lot, too. One day, I was coming home from work and I saw Yunho saying goodbye to him in front of the house. They were holding each other’s hands tightly, and then Yunho hugged him for a long time.”

Yunho’s expression is neutral, though his eyes seem to twinkle, as though he’s remembering something fondly but hasn’t thought of it in a while.

“Anyways, I thought it might have just been friendly. Maybe something scary or sad had happened in his life and Yunho was simply comforting him. But then I heard them talking to each other on the phone late into the night, saying endearing things and confessing heartfelt feelings.”

“Dad, did you eavesdrop?” Yunho laughs. He seems to be at peace with his past.

Yunho’s father shrugs. “These walls are thin, what can I say? And so I knew. And I realized that it didn’t matter to me. Yunho was happy with that boy, and seeing him happy made me happy. His mother, my wife, agreed. We waited for the day Yunho would tell us, but he never did. And then he went off to college. We were worried. That boy had stopped coming over, and it pained us to think our son had gone through a painful separation all alone. We wanted to comfort him, but we didn’t want to rush him into telling us something he wasn’t ready to say.”

Jaejoong finds himself tearing up at the story.

“Jaejoong, are you okay? What’s wrong?” Yunho fusses, rubbing Jaejoong’s back and holding his arm.

“No, I’m sorry, it’s just…you two are amazing parents. Yunho is a lucky boy.” Jaejoong sniffs again and then forces another smile. “Your family is very kind, Yunho. If they don’t mind, I’d like to visit more often.”

“We’d love to have you anytime, Jaejoong. You’re such a sweet child,” Yunho’s mother says. “Thank you for accompanying Yunho this weekend, we were really glad to be able to see both of you.”

After lunch, Yunho’s parents go to their room for a nap. Yunho suggests that he and Jaejoong do the same, since they were both tired from the travel and being up late the previous night. Jaejoong acquiesces, and he and Yunho get comfy in Yunho’s bed. It’s just big enough for the both of them.

“Okay, now tell me what’s been bothering you since we got here.” Yunho insists. They lie on their sides, facing each other, and Yunho has an arm around Jaejoong, gently stroking his back. “Are you homesick? Are you uncomfortable because we’re in a new place?”

“How’d you know something was bothering me?” Jaejoong mutters.

Yunho takes Jaejoong’s chin in his hand and forces Jaejoong to meet his eyes. “Because I can tell when your smile is real and when it’s forced. And today, most of your smiles were most definitely forced.”

For a moment, Jaejoong can’t formulate a response. He just looks into Yunho’s eyes-those warm brown eyes that he’s come to love more than anything-and wonders what he did right in life to find someone who cares so sincerely about him. “Damn it Yunho, why do you know me so well?” Jaejoong presses his face into Yunho’s chest and breathes him in.

“I love you. And I’m so happy to see you happy. I love your parents, they’re so nice. And your hometown is gorgeous and lively and your home is amazing and I-I just…”

“Shh, baby, it’s okay, you can tell me,” Yunho murmurs soothingly. He keeps stroking Jaejoong’s back and kissing his hair.

“I wish I had a family like yours.”

Yunho goes still. They’ve never talked about this. Every time Yunho asked, Jaejoong would make something up and change the subject.

“Tell me about your family, Jaejoong.”

“I-I can’t. It’s too hard.”

“Baby, what happened?” Yunho pulls back so he can look at Jaejoong properly and search his teary eyes. “I love you, okay? No matter what happened in your past, you and I are together now.”

“Yunho, oh, they’re awful. Your family gave you everything I wish I could have had and I-I feel so terrible because as happy as I am for you I’m so horribly jealous of what you had growing up.”

“Oh, baby, it’s okay. It’s okay. Let it out.”

Jaejoong sobs quietly, face buried in the crook of Yunho’s warm neck. They fall asleep like that, curled together under the covers, still wearing day clothes. They don’t wake until a few hours later, when Yunho’s father gently wakes them after having felt his heart warm at their innocent faces during sleep.

“Yunho, Jaejoong, wake up, let’s have some tea and catch up before dinner.”

The following morning, Jaejoong goes on a walk with Yunho’s father while Yunho sleeps the morning away. It’s a peaceful morning. The birds are singing and the air feels crisp. And yet, Jaejoong can’t help the shadow of sadness that is covering part of his heart.

“What’s on your mind, Jaejoong?”

“Oh, it’s nothing…the weather is wonderful this morning, isn’t it?”

“Jaejoong, please. I know we’ve only just met, but I’d like to think you’re going to be in my son’s life for a while, and therefore mine. I’d like to get to know you. Tell me your worries. You’ll find that an old man like me can be quite wise,” he says with a wink.

Jaejoong laughs briefly. “Well, to be honest, your family is beautiful. I’m a little jealous. Mine is not so great.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t know the whole story, but at least let me say this. As long as you don’t hurt Yunho, you are a part of our family, too. And you are always welcome.”

“Thank you. I’m grateful.”

“Does Yunho treat you well, Jaejoong?”

The question catches Jaejoong a bit off-guard. “Yes, he does. He’s wonderful to me. I don’t know what I did to deserve him.”

“Good, good,” Yunho’s father sighs. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“He works so hard. He’s a role model for everyone my age.”

“Thank you for saying that, Jaejoong. It makes me feel great pride as a father.”

They round a corner and end up back on the street where Yunho’s home is. From a distance, they can see Yunho’s mother waving to them, signaling them to come in for breakfast.

“I think she made pancakes. Let’s hurry!” says Yunho’s father, and Jaejoong laughs and speed-walks with him all the way home.

Yunho and Jaejoong take the 5:00 p.m. bus back to Seoul and don’t reach their apartment until nearly nine at night. They’re both exhausted from the travel and their long talk on the bus.

I will tell you about my family, Yunho, someday. I’ll tell you soon. Just not tonight.

It’s okay, Jaejoong, there’s no rush. I want you tell me when you’re ready.

Thank you, love.

Of course. So, what did you and my dad talk about?

Oh, nothing much. He asked me if you treat me well.

And? What did you say?

I said I don’t know what I did to deserve you.

Oh, Jae, you have no idea. It’s the other way around.

“Good night, Yunho.”

“Good night, Jaejoong.” Yunho reaches over to turn off their lamp and slings an arm around Jaejoong’s waist and closes his eyes.

“You have work tomorrow morning again?”

“Mm-hmm.”

Jaejoong strokes his hair lovingly. “You’re amazing, Yunho. So hard-working. So driven. I love you with all my heart.”

Yunho kisses Jaejoong sweetly. “I love you more. Good night.”

part 1

a/n: here's part two. tell me what you think? :)

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