Sweet Confessions
Sweet Confessions
By xphantasm
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: GD/TOP, Gri
Warnings: None?
Summary: Once upon a time, SeungRi fell in love.
~Prologue~
SeungRi felt a bit nervous as he shopped around the store wearing a blue beanie and a plain t-shirt. He glanced around the store, wary of hidden cameras and the paparazzi amidst the crowd of cute high school girls. Under normal circumstances, he would have accepted them as part of stardom, as a mark of his fame. However, today was special. Today he was starting his preparations for his leader’s Valentine gift. He felt stupid for doing this; he knew that it was clichéd, ridiculous for a boy his age to be doing something like this. Nonetheless, he decided that he would present a basket full of his hyung’s favorite chocolates and a teddy bear for good measure and confess to him on Valentine’s Day.
Or maybe he would do it on February 13 instead, if only for a tiny twist. SeungRi smiled at that thought and looked through his purchases one last time. No dark chocolate because Jiyong hated bitter things, and lots of nutty chocolates, because Jiyong said the crunchiness was somehow fulfilling. He walked over to the cash register to pay for his purchases, smiling because if nothing else, he was sure his leader would like the gift.
.:|:.
It was February 12. SeungRi had locked himself into YoungBae’s because he was sure that if he was caught, YoungBae would be the most understanding. It really helped that YoungBae was at one of his concerts too. Satisfied with his own logic, SeungRi continued to look at his incomplete basket in frustration. He had managed to arrange the chocolate around the bear in a somewhat decorative way, and if he looked hard enough, he could almost see the bear sighing in content with his company. The problem was the wrapping. SeungRi stared at the transparent cellophane on the ground and the dark pink ribbon in his hand. He could not figure out how to wrap the cellophane around in a presentable matter. After an hour of innovative cellophane spirals and ribbon mummifications, he finally conceded defeat and went to the computer.
Five minutes later found him berating himself for his idiocy. Ten minutes later the presentation was done. Tired, though satisfied, he snuck back to his room and hid the gift deep into his closet.
Fifteen minutes later found him in his bed dreaming of tomorrow..:|:.
Today is the big day! SeungRi thought the minute he woke up. A quick glance at his calendar told him otherwise. Today they had Valentine promos that were to be aired live, three recordings, a radio show, and then practice. Walking out of his room he headed for Jiyong’s room and took a peek at the sleeping boy. Content with the image of his leader sleeping peacefully while hugging an oversized pillow, he smiled and went into the kitchen with the intention of making himself breakfast.
.:|:.
SeungRi couldn’t stop himself from looking at Jiyong all day. He felt too obvious, and that the camera would record his feelings and show them to the entire world. He wondered if his band mates noticed, though if they way they were acting was any indication, they haven’t. SeungRi looked at the clock. 5:47 PM, he decided then that he would do it at twelve o’ clock sharp. At twelve, Jiyong would know SeungRi’s feelings. With that thought in mind, he turned back to the cameras and smiled, not for them, but for himself.
.:|:.
It was 11: 53, and SeungRi was checking himself out in the mirror. He wanted this confession to be perfect. Even if Jiyong was too tired to fully grasp the situation at the moment, SeungRi would make sure Jiyong knew what was going on by the end of the day.
11:57. He walked the short distance between his room and Jiyong’s. He stood outside to collect his bearings and remember to breathe. SeungRi rubbed his hands together and realized he had forgotten the basket. He scurried back to his room to retrieve it.
11:59. SeungRi was positive he hadn’t missed anything. He counted the seconds to twelve mentally and halfway into the minute he cracked the door open and looked inside. He would’ve been fine if Jiyong was sleeping. He would have been fine if Jiyong was awake too, even if he noticed SeungRi. But when he saw SeungHyun lying on the bed with Jiyong, all his nervousness came back. SeungRi forced himself to walk through the door and thought he would just take Jiyong out on the balcony to do the confession. Eventually SeungRi came to the bed, basket in hand. He looked down, and then to the sleeping pair on the bed. Then he realized he missed something vital in his perfunctory glance from the door. He took in the pair’s state of undress, looked at SeungHyun’s arm around Jiyong’s waist, and saw the telltale marks on Jiyong’s neck and shoulders. For a few minutes, SeungRi looked, and then he saw. SeungRi almost ran back into his own room and flung the basket back into his closet and slammed himself on his bed with all the anger and frustration he had.
He whispered, “I love you, Jiyong.”
And he buried his tears into his pillow, because at 12:03 SeungRi’s heart had been broken.
.:|:.
Jiyong woke up at an unusually early hour. He wanted to stuff himself back into his bed and sleep for another 12 hours, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his brain that told him to do otherwise. Jiyong sleepily looked around his bed, and he saw SeungHyun’s arm draped across his waist. He smiled at the thought of last night’s memories and snuggled deeper into SeungHyun’s form. He glanced around the room, searching for the source of the nagging feeling. When he saw the open door he frowned at the possibility of someone seeing them like this, or even worse, the way they were last night. Dragging himself up wearily, Jiyong walked to the door and closed it.
He finally opted for another five minutes of sleep and plopped himself down on the bed, forgetting about the open door completely.
.:|:.
SeungRi hated TOP more than ever before. He hated watching him eat his breakfast so happily. He hated him and his tall height. He hated the way he made pink and red heart bandanas look manly. What’s with that? Heart bandanas should not look manly no matter who wears them. Seriously. But he hated him for having Jiyong the most.
He wanted to hate Jiyong too, but every time Seungri looked at him, he knew it was impossible to do so. It was pathetic, how Jiyong had practically slapped him in his face, even if it was unintentional, and smoothed it over by Seungri melt inside with one smile only hours after.
SeungRi hated himself too. For not confessing sooner. For letting himself get fucked over like this. He was mad, and he was sure that it showed in his silence. He knew that Daesung had noticed his negative mood soon after he woke up. He knew Youngbae glanced at him every few seconds inquisitively over his food. He knew that Jiyong was having a mental debate on whether to call out “Maknae~!” because Jiyong had stopped eating.
The only one who seemed oblivious to his inner turmoil was SeungHyun. Who dragged Jiyong’s attention away from him with petty chats and soft touches under the table.
God, he hated SeungHyun. He just hated him. For everything.
.:|:.
SeungHyun felt a bit uneasy. He had noticed SeungRi’s strange behavior as everyone else did, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that a lot of the negativity was aimed towards him. He looked at SeungRi, who was smiling at the camera happily, innocently as if all was well in the world. He noticed when SeungRi got off the set, he reverted back to his depressing state they had witnessed during breakfast. SeungHyun sighed, and got up on the set, posing for his own series of photos, completely missing the hateful glare sent his way.
.:|:.
Jiyong really wanted to talk to SeungRi. He wanted to hug SeungRi’s neck from behind and yell, “Maknae~!” in the most annoying voice he could muster. He wanted to fool around with SeungRi and give out tons of blatant fan-service the way they usually did. But SeungRi was too quiet, too calm, too normal, and if it wasn’t for his horrible mood, SeungRi might’ve passed for a normal member of society. This attitude was far too disconcerting , and Jiyong could stand the tension that SeungRi created.
Jiyong began to reach for SeungRi’s neck with the untention of hugging him from behind, but the moment Jiyong’s fingers had touched SeungRi’s skin, SeungRi had flinched. He couldn’t remember the last time SeungRi had flinched at his touch.
But seeing SeungRi’s face go from shock to revulsion after seeing Jiyong had hurt more than flinching ever could.
.:|:.
By some sort of divine intervention, Big Bang had been given the rest of the day off. Daesung and SeungHyun immediately began planning the rest of the day while running towards the van while YoungBae leisurely walked behind them. Jiyong was tempted to join the unofficial planning committee, but decided that talking to SeungRi was more important. However, before he could make his way towards the maknae, he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist. Surprised he began to turn around, but heard SeungHyun whisper, “Happy Valentine’s,” into his ear. Smiling he turned around and kissed SeungHyun’s cheek before escaping his arms and running towards Daesung to jump him.
He glanced at SeungRi one more time before deciding SeungRi could wait.
.:|:.
Jiyong wandered into SeungRi’s shared room with the full intention of talking with him. He couldn’t let this chance excape. Daesung and SeungHyun were playing video games and YoungBae had decided to go out with their seniors. It had been a very awkward day for the entire group and Jiyong felt somewhat responsible because he was the leader. But even more than that, he wanted SeungRi to smile again. He wanted Seungri to make everyone laugh at his lame jokes, even if he completely killed the mood. With this thought in mind, Jiyong pushed open the door.
.:|:.
SeungRi was almost surprised when he saw Jiyong in his doorway. Almost. However, a sneaky and sly part of him knew that Jiyong would have eventually come to talk to him if his attitude kept going. In retrospect, that may have been a contributing factor to his bratty demeanor and sullen silence. SeungRi laughed at himself. He was so pathetic. He could not believe how low he was sinking.
No, actually he could. He knew he could be a complete brat when he wanted to. He knew that it caused his band-mates to take him less seriously. He knew.
Maybe that’s why Jiyong chose SeungHyun over him.
SeungHyun was all tall, mature, and all this other shit. Even if he acted like an idiot in private, it did not detract from his sexy image at all. Fuck, what was up with that? If his childish acts lowered people’s opinions of him, why did it not affect SeungHyun’s image too?
SeungRi passively stared at Jiyong in the doorway. He wanted to pin his leader onto the wall and yell at him for picking SeungHyun. He wanted to demand answers, mainly why was SeungHyun better than he was. He wanted to kiss him, to possess Jiyong in a way that would make him forget SeungHyun had ever shared his bed.
But instead he stared at Jiyong and asked, “What do you want hyung?” in a monotonic voice he never knew he had.
.:|:.
Jiyong could feel his resolve slipping away. He ignored Seungri’s question in favor of analyzing the room. He was usually more stubborn than an ass and more determined than anyone he knew to achieve his goals. However, the look SeungRi gave him brought unpleasant feelings in his stomach. It was worse than when he originally learned that the “rude brat who failed the Shinhwa auditions” was going to be in his group. But, he’d be damned before he lost his resolve before even starting. That wasn’t Kwon Jiyong. Kwon Jiyong knew what he wanted, and he got it. This wouldn’t be an exception.
While he was looking around the room, he spotted a huge Valentine basket filled with chocolate. Happy to have found a starting topic he asked Seungri, “Is that from your fangirls?” while pointing to the large basket.
Seungri stared at the basket before answering, “Yeah, so?”
Jiyong smiled. It was a start.
.:|:.
“Is that from your fangirls?”
SeungRi followed his hyung’s finger and stared at the basket contemplatively before answering, “Yeah, so?”
SeungRi had forgotten about that. He was surprised that Jiyong noticed it. This was like one of those “situational irony” things he learned about in school. Not that it mattered. He sat while Jiyong cautiously walked towards the basket and picked up. He wondered if the leader had noticed the contents. He was infinitely grateful to his own logic that had decided against a matching card now more than ever. SeungRi’s eyes followed his leader as Jiyong sat down in front of SeungRi with the basket.
Jiyong nearly shoved the basket into SeungRi’s face and smiled expectedly. Now Seungri felt confused. Cautiously moving the basket closer to him, he watched as Jiyong’s smile got bigger. Unable to decipher the meaning of the smile, he finally asked, “What do you want me to do with this?”
Jiyong smiled grew bigger and replied, “You’re supposed to open it, stupid! Since you’re feeling so depressed, you should eat some of your fans’ love while we talk, right?”
“…”
“What? Is there too much in there? I’ll help too!”
Seungri decided he would only believe in one truth from now on.
God had perfected the skill of torturing people in a way that should be impossible.
.:|:.
Jiyong’s plan was not going as well as he planned. But he had started, which meant that he could finish. He smiled winningly at SeungRi, who made no attempt to unwrap the basket. Sighing, Jiyong reached for the basket himself.
“Do you mind if I open it?” he asked, still smiling.
Seungri turned away and replied, “Whatever.”
Jiyong sighed. His so-called plan was not working. He unwrapped the gift, while mentally noting the unusual crinkled state of it. It looked as if it hadn’t been handled with care. What he imagined was a carefully made arrangement within the basket was now a mess. It was strange. His gifts from his fangirls were usually impeccable, but maybe one of Seungri’s girls had gotten sloppy.
He glanced back at Seungri, who was passively watching him unwrap his gift. Jiyong sighed and decided to try again.
“Can I eat one?”
“Whatever.”
“…Can I keep the bear?”
“Whatever.”
“Can I keep the entire basket?”
“Whatever.”
An idea dawned on Jiyong. He smirked at Seungri and asked, “Did you get dumped today? Is that why you’re so mad?”
And the next thing he knew, Seungri had him pinned up on the closest wall and had yelled, “So what if I did?! Why does it matter to you? Huh?!”
.:|:.
The heavy tension in the air created a sense of pressure. Seungri didn’t know what to do anymore. He wanted so much, he wanted to have all of his selfish wants catered to him on a silver dish, but life didn’t work that way. Wouldn’t work that way. And it was horrifically embarrassing to know that he had lost Jiyong before he could even try for him.
He had to confess now. If he didn’t, he’d never get the chance again. The “maybe’s” would haunt him for the rest of his life. He had to do it. Now.
His resolve deteriorated the second he looked into Jiyong’s shocked eyes. Seungri wasn’t even sure if Jiyong had processed anything yet. It’d be so unfair to just dump his frustrations on Jiyong like this, because technically Jiyong didn’t do anything wrong, and technically it was all his fault for not beating the older Seunghyun, and technically…he didn’t give fuck.
But he couldn’t lose Jiyong now. If he confessed now, Jiyong would probably ban him from the group, and where would he be then?
He sighed internally before staring straight into Jiyong’s eyes, “GIVE BACK MY CHOCOLATE! How am I going to comfort myself now?” he ceremoniously dropped Jiyong’s hands and exaggeratedly covered his eyes with his arm before continuing, “Here I was, reminiscing about my lovely girl back in the countryside. She was so pure, so beautiful. To think that in the middle of recording my beautiful memoirs with her, my horrible hyung comes waltzing into my room, stealing my chocolates! That was her favorite! Omona…what should I do?” He collapsed on his bed, his arm still covering his face. He could vaguely hear Jiyong shift around uncomfortably.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nah, but you know what would make me feel better? Cacao, 75% cacao. Think you could get me some?” He grinned from his bed.
Jiyong laughed, “Get it yourself, brat,” he turned to the door and said over his shoulder before he walked out, “Want some choco-pies with that? I think we’re out.”
Seungri made an uncommitted noise. When he finally heard the door close, he sighed and silently let the tears he thought he shed already make finally their grand appearance.
.:|:.
Daesung felt…strange about the situation. He wasn’t even sure if there was a situation anymore, because Seungri was being weird again and really that was the norm for him. But sometimes Seungri did things that he didn’t know what to make of, like the fact that Xiah Junsu had replaced their own band on Seungri’s computer or his sudden interest in learning Japanese instead of English. There were other details too, like the fact that Seungri was practicing more. Not just dancing and singing, but rapping too.
He stopped his contemplations when Seungri poked his head into their shared room and asked, “Want to get crepes with me? Youngbae-hyung said he was buying~~!” He grinned widely for extra effect.
Daesung simply nodded and got up from his bed. While he was watching Seungri actively describe his sudden cravings for strawberry and chocolate crepes, he recognized that familiar smile on his face and thought that Seungri was just probably at late bloomer. Maybe puberty hit him.
.:|:.
Seunghyun felt perfectly content with his life as he lied on the bed. He had money, fame, music, and Jiyong on his lap. He smiled has Jiyong rambled about their latest album while bouncing on his lap excitedly. Absentmindedly, he ran his hand down Jiyong’s back before sitting up. Taking advantage of his larger frame, he wrapped himself around Jiyong and kissed him smoothly. He smiled when Jiyong responded and parted his lips to let Jiyong explore his mouth.
They panted slightly when they came up for air. The casual mood between them had changed into sexual tension and it was killing Seunghyun. He really could think of some more pleasant scenarios that included Jiyong on his lap. With a seductive smile, he tilted his head towards Jiyong’s ear, “Isn’t this an interesting position we’re in?”
Jiyong grinned, playing along with his lover’s whims, “Hmm…I don’t know, maybe.” He almost shivered when he felt Seunghyun’s rough tongue trace his ear. He waited for Seunghyun to continue while letting the older man feel his body leisurely, enjoying the soft touches.
Finally, Seunghyun continued after what seemed to be an eternity, “You’re not on top of me very often, are you?” He let the implications sink in for a few seconds, watching Jiyong’s eyes light up.
“Do you want me to stay like this then?” Jiyong made a pleased noise at the back of his throat when he felt Seunghyun lightly grope his bottom. Unable to take his lover’s teasing any longer, he pushed Seunghyun down and kissed him thoroughly.
“Show me what you can do, Jiyong-ah.” Seunghyun smirked. He simply laid himself back as Jiyong explored his new privileges. He lightly traced Jiyong’s thighs as Jiyong began working his neck with his tongue.
Life was good indeed.
.:|:.
Seungri really did have a nice country girl back at his hometown. She was soft, not at all like the bony females of Seoul who starved themselves day after day in hopes of becoming “beautiful”. She was happy too, easy-going and endlessly cheerful much like Seungri himself. When he thought about her and her delicate, feminine qualities, he wondered why he traded that softness for someone like Jiyong.
He frowned. When he thought about it, Jiyong looked just as anorexic as those female celebrities.
Jiyong should be soft too.
He sighed heavily. There was a pressing issue at hand, but he wanted to avoid desperately, even if in his own mind. He didn’t know what to do about it.
He could always forget Jiyong and move on. There was a plan. A good one even.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
Seungri lifted himself of the bed. He had spent a good week moping around and he was starting to piss himself off. Therefore the best thing to do would go out and party like mad.
No one had to know that he wasn’t 21 yet.
That’s what money was for.
.:|:.
Clubs were always ridiculously loud. The music practically boomed into his ears in the most irritating fashion and the people were far too grabby.
Clubs were addicting.
Seungri weaved himself through the crowd to the bar and ordered a weak martini. He didn’t want to go home drunk or cause any scandals. Or maybe he did, it’d make an interesting experience if nothing else.
His eyes scanned the crowd casually, looking for a viable companion for the night. He had to admit that most of the women on the floor looked sexy, and he was sure he could persuade a guy to dance with him for one song if it came down to that.
He fixed his gaze on one girl in surprise.
Yoona.
Now that he hadn’t expected. He thought Tiffany might pull something like that off, but he never thought of Yoona as a party girl.
Then again not many thought he was the type to drink, no matter how weak the drink.
He smiled when Yoona’s gaze stopped on him by chance. Her eyes were wide, almost scared. It was ironic really, but who cared? Lately his whole life seemed ironic.
He got up and made his way towards the girl. He could have fun if nothing else.
.:|:.
Yoona didn’t know what to make of the situation. She internally cursed herself for being curious when she overheard her older band mates raving about the hot guys at the new club.
When were they ever right anyway?
It just suited her so well that the one time she deviated from her sweet image that one of Korea’s most popular boys should catch her in the act.
She occupied herself by feeling miserable about her bad luck when she heard a soft whisper by her ear.
“Hey.”
Yoona nearly jumped when she heard Seungri’s lips next to her ear. She glanced at his old seat in panic, only to discover that another man had occupied it. With nervousness, Yoona turned to Seungri and pasted on a hopefully confident smile on her face.
“Hey yourself,” she couldn’t have laughed at her own lameness if she wasn’t so busy panicking.
Seungri smiled broadly at her, “You’re a little young to be in here, aren’t you,” he said with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
“Like you’re any older?” Yoona huffed, and pouted sullenly. She wouldn’t stand for his jabs at her age when he was born in the same year as her.
Seungri grinned even wider than before, “You’re right. Why don’t we get out of here before that bouncer throws us out?” He took Yoona’s hand and hauled her out of the club before she could ask about the fictional bouncer.
.:|TBC|:.
By xphantasm
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: GD/TOP, Gri
Warnings: None?
Summary: Once upon a time, SeungRi fell in love.
~Prologue~
SeungRi felt a bit nervous as he shopped around the store wearing a blue beanie and a plain t-shirt. He glanced around the store, wary of hidden cameras and the paparazzi amidst the crowd of cute high school girls. Under normal circumstances, he would have accepted them as part of stardom, as a mark of his fame. However, today was special. Today he was starting his preparations for his leader’s Valentine gift. He felt stupid for doing this; he knew that it was clichéd, ridiculous for a boy his age to be doing something like this. Nonetheless, he decided that he would present a basket full of his hyung’s favorite chocolates and a teddy bear for good measure and confess to him on Valentine’s Day.
Or maybe he would do it on February 13 instead, if only for a tiny twist. SeungRi smiled at that thought and looked through his purchases one last time. No dark chocolate because Jiyong hated bitter things, and lots of nutty chocolates, because Jiyong said the crunchiness was somehow fulfilling. He walked over to the cash register to pay for his purchases, smiling because if nothing else, he was sure his leader would like the gift.
.:|:.
It was February 12. SeungRi had locked himself into YoungBae’s because he was sure that if he was caught, YoungBae would be the most understanding. It really helped that YoungBae was at one of his concerts too. Satisfied with his own logic, SeungRi continued to look at his incomplete basket in frustration. He had managed to arrange the chocolate around the bear in a somewhat decorative way, and if he looked hard enough, he could almost see the bear sighing in content with his company. The problem was the wrapping. SeungRi stared at the transparent cellophane on the ground and the dark pink ribbon in his hand. He could not figure out how to wrap the cellophane around in a presentable matter. After an hour of innovative cellophane spirals and ribbon mummifications, he finally conceded defeat and went to the computer.
Five minutes later found him berating himself for his idiocy. Ten minutes later the presentation was done. Tired, though satisfied, he snuck back to his room and hid the gift deep into his closet.
Fifteen minutes later found him in his bed dreaming of tomorrow..:|:.
Today is the big day! SeungRi thought the minute he woke up. A quick glance at his calendar told him otherwise. Today they had Valentine promos that were to be aired live, three recordings, a radio show, and then practice. Walking out of his room he headed for Jiyong’s room and took a peek at the sleeping boy. Content with the image of his leader sleeping peacefully while hugging an oversized pillow, he smiled and went into the kitchen with the intention of making himself breakfast.
.:|:.
SeungRi couldn’t stop himself from looking at Jiyong all day. He felt too obvious, and that the camera would record his feelings and show them to the entire world. He wondered if his band mates noticed, though if they way they were acting was any indication, they haven’t. SeungRi looked at the clock. 5:47 PM, he decided then that he would do it at twelve o’ clock sharp. At twelve, Jiyong would know SeungRi’s feelings. With that thought in mind, he turned back to the cameras and smiled, not for them, but for himself.
.:|:.
It was 11: 53, and SeungRi was checking himself out in the mirror. He wanted this confession to be perfect. Even if Jiyong was too tired to fully grasp the situation at the moment, SeungRi would make sure Jiyong knew what was going on by the end of the day.
11:57. He walked the short distance between his room and Jiyong’s. He stood outside to collect his bearings and remember to breathe. SeungRi rubbed his hands together and realized he had forgotten the basket. He scurried back to his room to retrieve it.
11:59. SeungRi was positive he hadn’t missed anything. He counted the seconds to twelve mentally and halfway into the minute he cracked the door open and looked inside. He would’ve been fine if Jiyong was sleeping. He would have been fine if Jiyong was awake too, even if he noticed SeungRi. But when he saw SeungHyun lying on the bed with Jiyong, all his nervousness came back. SeungRi forced himself to walk through the door and thought he would just take Jiyong out on the balcony to do the confession. Eventually SeungRi came to the bed, basket in hand. He looked down, and then to the sleeping pair on the bed. Then he realized he missed something vital in his perfunctory glance from the door. He took in the pair’s state of undress, looked at SeungHyun’s arm around Jiyong’s waist, and saw the telltale marks on Jiyong’s neck and shoulders. For a few minutes, SeungRi looked, and then he saw. SeungRi almost ran back into his own room and flung the basket back into his closet and slammed himself on his bed with all the anger and frustration he had.
He whispered, “I love you, Jiyong.”
And he buried his tears into his pillow, because at 12:03 SeungRi’s heart had been broken.
.:|:.
Jiyong woke up at an unusually early hour. He wanted to stuff himself back into his bed and sleep for another 12 hours, but there was a nagging feeling in the back of his brain that told him to do otherwise. Jiyong sleepily looked around his bed, and he saw SeungHyun’s arm draped across his waist. He smiled at the thought of last night’s memories and snuggled deeper into SeungHyun’s form. He glanced around the room, searching for the source of the nagging feeling. When he saw the open door he frowned at the possibility of someone seeing them like this, or even worse, the way they were last night. Dragging himself up wearily, Jiyong walked to the door and closed it.
He finally opted for another five minutes of sleep and plopped himself down on the bed, forgetting about the open door completely.
.:|:.
SeungRi hated TOP more than ever before. He hated watching him eat his breakfast so happily. He hated him and his tall height. He hated the way he made pink and red heart bandanas look manly. What’s with that? Heart bandanas should not look manly no matter who wears them. Seriously. But he hated him for having Jiyong the most.
He wanted to hate Jiyong too, but every time Seungri looked at him, he knew it was impossible to do so. It was pathetic, how Jiyong had practically slapped him in his face, even if it was unintentional, and smoothed it over by Seungri melt inside with one smile only hours after.
SeungRi hated himself too. For not confessing sooner. For letting himself get fucked over like this. He was mad, and he was sure that it showed in his silence. He knew that Daesung had noticed his negative mood soon after he woke up. He knew Youngbae glanced at him every few seconds inquisitively over his food. He knew that Jiyong was having a mental debate on whether to call out “Maknae~!” because Jiyong had stopped eating.
The only one who seemed oblivious to his inner turmoil was SeungHyun. Who dragged Jiyong’s attention away from him with petty chats and soft touches under the table.
God, he hated SeungHyun. He just hated him. For everything.
.:|:.
SeungHyun felt a bit uneasy. He had noticed SeungRi’s strange behavior as everyone else did, but he couldn’t shake off the feeling that a lot of the negativity was aimed towards him. He looked at SeungRi, who was smiling at the camera happily, innocently as if all was well in the world. He noticed when SeungRi got off the set, he reverted back to his depressing state they had witnessed during breakfast. SeungHyun sighed, and got up on the set, posing for his own series of photos, completely missing the hateful glare sent his way.
.:|:.
Jiyong really wanted to talk to SeungRi. He wanted to hug SeungRi’s neck from behind and yell, “Maknae~!” in the most annoying voice he could muster. He wanted to fool around with SeungRi and give out tons of blatant fan-service the way they usually did. But SeungRi was too quiet, too calm, too normal, and if it wasn’t for his horrible mood, SeungRi might’ve passed for a normal member of society. This attitude was far too disconcerting , and Jiyong could stand the tension that SeungRi created.
Jiyong began to reach for SeungRi’s neck with the untention of hugging him from behind, but the moment Jiyong’s fingers had touched SeungRi’s skin, SeungRi had flinched. He couldn’t remember the last time SeungRi had flinched at his touch.
But seeing SeungRi’s face go from shock to revulsion after seeing Jiyong had hurt more than flinching ever could.
.:|:.
By some sort of divine intervention, Big Bang had been given the rest of the day off. Daesung and SeungHyun immediately began planning the rest of the day while running towards the van while YoungBae leisurely walked behind them. Jiyong was tempted to join the unofficial planning committee, but decided that talking to SeungRi was more important. However, before he could make his way towards the maknae, he felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around his waist. Surprised he began to turn around, but heard SeungHyun whisper, “Happy Valentine’s,” into his ear. Smiling he turned around and kissed SeungHyun’s cheek before escaping his arms and running towards Daesung to jump him.
He glanced at SeungRi one more time before deciding SeungRi could wait.
.:|:.
Jiyong wandered into SeungRi’s shared room with the full intention of talking with him. He couldn’t let this chance excape. Daesung and SeungHyun were playing video games and YoungBae had decided to go out with their seniors. It had been a very awkward day for the entire group and Jiyong felt somewhat responsible because he was the leader. But even more than that, he wanted SeungRi to smile again. He wanted Seungri to make everyone laugh at his lame jokes, even if he completely killed the mood. With this thought in mind, Jiyong pushed open the door.
.:|:.
SeungRi was almost surprised when he saw Jiyong in his doorway. Almost. However, a sneaky and sly part of him knew that Jiyong would have eventually come to talk to him if his attitude kept going. In retrospect, that may have been a contributing factor to his bratty demeanor and sullen silence. SeungRi laughed at himself. He was so pathetic. He could not believe how low he was sinking.
No, actually he could. He knew he could be a complete brat when he wanted to. He knew that it caused his band-mates to take him less seriously. He knew.
Maybe that’s why Jiyong chose SeungHyun over him.
SeungHyun was all tall, mature, and all this other shit. Even if he acted like an idiot in private, it did not detract from his sexy image at all. Fuck, what was up with that? If his childish acts lowered people’s opinions of him, why did it not affect SeungHyun’s image too?
SeungRi passively stared at Jiyong in the doorway. He wanted to pin his leader onto the wall and yell at him for picking SeungHyun. He wanted to demand answers, mainly why was SeungHyun better than he was. He wanted to kiss him, to possess Jiyong in a way that would make him forget SeungHyun had ever shared his bed.
But instead he stared at Jiyong and asked, “What do you want hyung?” in a monotonic voice he never knew he had.
.:|:.
Jiyong could feel his resolve slipping away. He ignored Seungri’s question in favor of analyzing the room. He was usually more stubborn than an ass and more determined than anyone he knew to achieve his goals. However, the look SeungRi gave him brought unpleasant feelings in his stomach. It was worse than when he originally learned that the “rude brat who failed the Shinhwa auditions” was going to be in his group. But, he’d be damned before he lost his resolve before even starting. That wasn’t Kwon Jiyong. Kwon Jiyong knew what he wanted, and he got it. This wouldn’t be an exception.
While he was looking around the room, he spotted a huge Valentine basket filled with chocolate. Happy to have found a starting topic he asked Seungri, “Is that from your fangirls?” while pointing to the large basket.
Seungri stared at the basket before answering, “Yeah, so?”
Jiyong smiled. It was a start.
.:|:.
“Is that from your fangirls?”
SeungRi followed his hyung’s finger and stared at the basket contemplatively before answering, “Yeah, so?”
SeungRi had forgotten about that. He was surprised that Jiyong noticed it. This was like one of those “situational irony” things he learned about in school. Not that it mattered. He sat while Jiyong cautiously walked towards the basket and picked up. He wondered if the leader had noticed the contents. He was infinitely grateful to his own logic that had decided against a matching card now more than ever. SeungRi’s eyes followed his leader as Jiyong sat down in front of SeungRi with the basket.
Jiyong nearly shoved the basket into SeungRi’s face and smiled expectedly. Now Seungri felt confused. Cautiously moving the basket closer to him, he watched as Jiyong’s smile got bigger. Unable to decipher the meaning of the smile, he finally asked, “What do you want me to do with this?”
Jiyong smiled grew bigger and replied, “You’re supposed to open it, stupid! Since you’re feeling so depressed, you should eat some of your fans’ love while we talk, right?”
“…”
“What? Is there too much in there? I’ll help too!”
Seungri decided he would only believe in one truth from now on.
God had perfected the skill of torturing people in a way that should be impossible.
.:|:.
Jiyong’s plan was not going as well as he planned. But he had started, which meant that he could finish. He smiled winningly at SeungRi, who made no attempt to unwrap the basket. Sighing, Jiyong reached for the basket himself.
“Do you mind if I open it?” he asked, still smiling.
Seungri turned away and replied, “Whatever.”
Jiyong sighed. His so-called plan was not working. He unwrapped the gift, while mentally noting the unusual crinkled state of it. It looked as if it hadn’t been handled with care. What he imagined was a carefully made arrangement within the basket was now a mess. It was strange. His gifts from his fangirls were usually impeccable, but maybe one of Seungri’s girls had gotten sloppy.
He glanced back at Seungri, who was passively watching him unwrap his gift. Jiyong sighed and decided to try again.
“Can I eat one?”
“Whatever.”
“…Can I keep the bear?”
“Whatever.”
“Can I keep the entire basket?”
“Whatever.”
An idea dawned on Jiyong. He smirked at Seungri and asked, “Did you get dumped today? Is that why you’re so mad?”
And the next thing he knew, Seungri had him pinned up on the closest wall and had yelled, “So what if I did?! Why does it matter to you? Huh?!”
.:|:.
The heavy tension in the air created a sense of pressure. Seungri didn’t know what to do anymore. He wanted so much, he wanted to have all of his selfish wants catered to him on a silver dish, but life didn’t work that way. Wouldn’t work that way. And it was horrifically embarrassing to know that he had lost Jiyong before he could even try for him.
He had to confess now. If he didn’t, he’d never get the chance again. The “maybe’s” would haunt him for the rest of his life. He had to do it. Now.
His resolve deteriorated the second he looked into Jiyong’s shocked eyes. Seungri wasn’t even sure if Jiyong had processed anything yet. It’d be so unfair to just dump his frustrations on Jiyong like this, because technically Jiyong didn’t do anything wrong, and technically it was all his fault for not beating the older Seunghyun, and technically…he didn’t give fuck.
But he couldn’t lose Jiyong now. If he confessed now, Jiyong would probably ban him from the group, and where would he be then?
He sighed internally before staring straight into Jiyong’s eyes, “GIVE BACK MY CHOCOLATE! How am I going to comfort myself now?” he ceremoniously dropped Jiyong’s hands and exaggeratedly covered his eyes with his arm before continuing, “Here I was, reminiscing about my lovely girl back in the countryside. She was so pure, so beautiful. To think that in the middle of recording my beautiful memoirs with her, my horrible hyung comes waltzing into my room, stealing my chocolates! That was her favorite! Omona…what should I do?” He collapsed on his bed, his arm still covering his face. He could vaguely hear Jiyong shift around uncomfortably.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Nah, but you know what would make me feel better? Cacao, 75% cacao. Think you could get me some?” He grinned from his bed.
Jiyong laughed, “Get it yourself, brat,” he turned to the door and said over his shoulder before he walked out, “Want some choco-pies with that? I think we’re out.”
Seungri made an uncommitted noise. When he finally heard the door close, he sighed and silently let the tears he thought he shed already make finally their grand appearance.
.:|:.
Daesung felt…strange about the situation. He wasn’t even sure if there was a situation anymore, because Seungri was being weird again and really that was the norm for him. But sometimes Seungri did things that he didn’t know what to make of, like the fact that Xiah Junsu had replaced their own band on Seungri’s computer or his sudden interest in learning Japanese instead of English. There were other details too, like the fact that Seungri was practicing more. Not just dancing and singing, but rapping too.
He stopped his contemplations when Seungri poked his head into their shared room and asked, “Want to get crepes with me? Youngbae-hyung said he was buying~~!” He grinned widely for extra effect.
Daesung simply nodded and got up from his bed. While he was watching Seungri actively describe his sudden cravings for strawberry and chocolate crepes, he recognized that familiar smile on his face and thought that Seungri was just probably at late bloomer. Maybe puberty hit him.
.:|:.
Seunghyun felt perfectly content with his life as he lied on the bed. He had money, fame, music, and Jiyong on his lap. He smiled has Jiyong rambled about their latest album while bouncing on his lap excitedly. Absentmindedly, he ran his hand down Jiyong’s back before sitting up. Taking advantage of his larger frame, he wrapped himself around Jiyong and kissed him smoothly. He smiled when Jiyong responded and parted his lips to let Jiyong explore his mouth.
They panted slightly when they came up for air. The casual mood between them had changed into sexual tension and it was killing Seunghyun. He really could think of some more pleasant scenarios that included Jiyong on his lap. With a seductive smile, he tilted his head towards Jiyong’s ear, “Isn’t this an interesting position we’re in?”
Jiyong grinned, playing along with his lover’s whims, “Hmm…I don’t know, maybe.” He almost shivered when he felt Seunghyun’s rough tongue trace his ear. He waited for Seunghyun to continue while letting the older man feel his body leisurely, enjoying the soft touches.
Finally, Seunghyun continued after what seemed to be an eternity, “You’re not on top of me very often, are you?” He let the implications sink in for a few seconds, watching Jiyong’s eyes light up.
“Do you want me to stay like this then?” Jiyong made a pleased noise at the back of his throat when he felt Seunghyun lightly grope his bottom. Unable to take his lover’s teasing any longer, he pushed Seunghyun down and kissed him thoroughly.
“Show me what you can do, Jiyong-ah.” Seunghyun smirked. He simply laid himself back as Jiyong explored his new privileges. He lightly traced Jiyong’s thighs as Jiyong began working his neck with his tongue.
Life was good indeed.
.:|:.
Seungri really did have a nice country girl back at his hometown. She was soft, not at all like the bony females of Seoul who starved themselves day after day in hopes of becoming “beautiful”. She was happy too, easy-going and endlessly cheerful much like Seungri himself. When he thought about her and her delicate, feminine qualities, he wondered why he traded that softness for someone like Jiyong.
He frowned. When he thought about it, Jiyong looked just as anorexic as those female celebrities.
Jiyong should be soft too.
He sighed heavily. There was a pressing issue at hand, but he wanted to avoid desperately, even if in his own mind. He didn’t know what to do about it.
He could always forget Jiyong and move on. There was a plan. A good one even.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done.
Seungri lifted himself of the bed. He had spent a good week moping around and he was starting to piss himself off. Therefore the best thing to do would go out and party like mad.
No one had to know that he wasn’t 21 yet.
That’s what money was for.
.:|:.
Clubs were always ridiculously loud. The music practically boomed into his ears in the most irritating fashion and the people were far too grabby.
Clubs were addicting.
Seungri weaved himself through the crowd to the bar and ordered a weak martini. He didn’t want to go home drunk or cause any scandals. Or maybe he did, it’d make an interesting experience if nothing else.
His eyes scanned the crowd casually, looking for a viable companion for the night. He had to admit that most of the women on the floor looked sexy, and he was sure he could persuade a guy to dance with him for one song if it came down to that.
He fixed his gaze on one girl in surprise.
Yoona.
Now that he hadn’t expected. He thought Tiffany might pull something like that off, but he never thought of Yoona as a party girl.
Then again not many thought he was the type to drink, no matter how weak the drink.
He smiled when Yoona’s gaze stopped on him by chance. Her eyes were wide, almost scared. It was ironic really, but who cared? Lately his whole life seemed ironic.
He got up and made his way towards the girl. He could have fun if nothing else.
.:|:.
Yoona didn’t know what to make of the situation. She internally cursed herself for being curious when she overheard her older band mates raving about the hot guys at the new club.
When were they ever right anyway?
It just suited her so well that the one time she deviated from her sweet image that one of Korea’s most popular boys should catch her in the act.
She occupied herself by feeling miserable about her bad luck when she heard a soft whisper by her ear.
“Hey.”
Yoona nearly jumped when she heard Seungri’s lips next to her ear. She glanced at his old seat in panic, only to discover that another man had occupied it. With nervousness, Yoona turned to Seungri and pasted on a hopefully confident smile on her face.
“Hey yourself,” she couldn’t have laughed at her own lameness if she wasn’t so busy panicking.
Seungri smiled broadly at her, “You’re a little young to be in here, aren’t you,” he said with a twinkle of amusement in his eyes.
“Like you’re any older?” Yoona huffed, and pouted sullenly. She wouldn’t stand for his jabs at her age when he was born in the same year as her.
Seungri grinned even wider than before, “You’re right. Why don’t we get out of here before that bouncer throws us out?” He took Yoona’s hand and hauled her out of the club before she could ask about the fictional bouncer.
.:|TBC|:.