An Open and Lengthy Letter to The Nerd Machine, et al.
This will be long, so I’m just starting with the tl;dr:
THANK YOU for NerdHQ! It was amazing and you changed lives this weekend.
So if you need to get back to being awesome people and doing awesome things, I’ve said the most important part. Thanks for your time!
This is about my experience at NerdHQ and what it meant to me. It’s about the amazing friendships I made, the surprising confidence I found, the constant wonder and joy I felt, and what I hope will be the lasting impression this event has made on me, as well as the lives of others. I might go on a bit too long, but HQ has stirred up all my emotions, and I’ve got to write them!
So at the beginning of June, I received a few tweets from the nerds I follow on Twitter:
Are you coming to NerdHQ?
Well, no, I hadn’t been exactly been planning on it. The first reason was that I spent a week and a half vacationing in California in March. I had a fantastic time, and one of the highlights was that I coincidentally got to meet up with eight awesome TNM nerds I casually knew from Twitter for a day in Disneyland! But it was just a little ridiculous to make two big cross-country trips in one calendar year.
The second reason I didn’t think I’d go was that I didn’t have anybody to go with. In the past few years, I’ve been drifting apart from many of the wonderful friends I’ve made in my life, for various reasons like moving, marriage, and changing interests. Friends that did want to go didn’t have the time or money. As a single girl, every day is a me party, so I like to go new places with friends to share an experience. Plus, safety in numbers, both practical safety, and also that amorphous emotional safety, of going, “yeah, I’m not the only one doing this.”
The truth is that I still occasionally struggle with my Nerdiness. While I geek right on out with people who understand the Nerdolution, I often try to hide my passions from people who don’t understand. While I know it’s what makes people interesting, sometimes it makes me uncomfortable to be the girl that likes the thing nobody else knows anything about. I still chalk this up to being picked on in the developmental years for being the crazy tall girl, who was into technology, media, science and ancient history and liked children’s books, toys and animation way past the time when I was “supposed” to stop liking them. Sometimes nerding out about the things I love around people who I’m not sure get it makes me feel like that awkward pre-teen version of myself who’s going to get bullied.
So the concept of NerdHQ, as magical as it seemed, scared me. It meant staring my insecurities in the face, owning up to them, being bold, and telling everyone, not just the like-minded nerdy people online who understand, “hi, I’m Katie, and I’m a Nerd about x, y and z.” I guess I was just concerned about being judged. Or something. Even though everyone at NerdHQ would be into some of the same kinds of things I am and everyone I know at home is already onto the fact that I’m a nerd. Who knows, irrational fears are irrational.
So I made the leap to do the thing I wanted to do. I went ahead and bought a ticket to San Diego in a slightly mad fit at two in the morning. I was going to fly across the country by myself to a city I’ve never been to before, to hang out with a bunch of people I’d only met for a day, or not at all. It was crazy. I was excited, but also a little terrified. Going to NerdHQ was pretty much doing everything I usually didn’t do. Aside from the general worries of getting in and around San Diego by myself, deciding to go without a schedule and the possibility I wouldn’t even see any panels, and the fact that it was all just a month and a half away, I was largely worried if the nerds would like me and want to spend about five days with me.
… but, YES, I was going to NerdHQ! Time to attempt to tuck away my concerns and change my attitude! Time to follow and join in the excitement on Twitter, and, sure enough, bond with the nerds during the NerdHQ Ticket Sale Crisis of 2012. In a bizarre, super stressful way, it was a good icebreaker, trying to support each other. (I was trying to send you positive vibes that whole time, TNM. As a Help Desk technician, I know what it’s like to handle the cranky messages from people when your website doesn’t work, and you’re sadly too busy trying to make it work to hold hands. I hope you felt the support.)
Then I started getting my confirmation emails. A second Chuck panel had been added, and you were working on a second Nathan Fillion panel! At that point, I knew two things: one, I was going to have an amazing time; and two, you guys were absolutely bending over backwards to give us an amazing time. You didn’t have to add more panels. The actors of Chuck didn’t have to stay, but you did. I loved you all for it.
I also got tickets to Guillermo Del Toro, squeaked into standing room for Joss (thank you again for adding that! Honestly, like I cared about standing, I’d have duct-taped myself to the ceiling for an hour to be there), Damon Lindelof and Seth Grahame-Smith, and the email address I mistyped when I ordered my ticket on my phone for the Zac panel was corrected, and I got my seat for that. Thank you, all of you, for donating your time.
When my plane landed in San Diego, I got a tweet that a Doctor Who panel had been added while I was in the air - and subsequently sold out. I got a tweet a second later that my nerd friend Andi had bought me a ticket! About half an hour later, when I got to my hotel, I got my confirmation to Nathan’s second panel. I could barely contain my excitement! Guys, I was nerding out for real, and nothing had even started yet.
I sent out a tweet that I was in the area and was going to make my way to HQ to figure out how to get there from my hotel. I met up with Kat. We got to HQ, and there were Adam Olsen and Zac Levi, real as life, outside, setting up. David Coleman was on his phone. All this was really happening, and it was all amazing! We chatted a bit with Adam, then he introduced us to Zac. I’m pleased to say I kept a fairly level head about the matter and even managed to get around the corner before freaking the heck out! (yes, I’m admitting that happened.)
I went on to meet oodles of new people at Mark Christopher Lawrence’s hilarious comedy show at the House of Blues, both people I knew on Twitter and people I’d never met. We then moved en masse to Nerdioke down the street, where I met even more people, laughed, sang, and knew this was all the beginning of something special. These were my people. Shout-out to everyone I’m now friends with, please insert your @ and real name here -- where have you been all my life, nerds?!
Thursday, I’m chatting away with my new friends at HQ, when Adam Baldwin comes and sits down next to me before the Chuck panel! At that point, I decide to camp out in that corner bar stool as much as possible over the next four days. The Chuck panel was incredible, and it honestly passed me by in a bit of an excited blur - I can’t wait to rewatch the stream. Trekked on over to the Chuck script read, which was the closest I got to Comic-Con. I realized I wasn’t missing it. NerdHQ was all I needed or wanted.
And then there was the Nerd Party. Oh my goodness, the Nerd Party. I am not a party girl. I try pretty hard not to make a fool of myself. But on talking to Shannon, I realized that, if there was ever a time to do the kind of silly singing and dancing you do in your own home when nobody is watching, it’s at a NERD Party, where everybody else might feel at least a little bit as ridiculous as you do, and you’re among friends who aren’t judging you. So there I was, on the stage, dancing with people I’d known for 24 hours, in front of Zachary Levi, who, let’s be honest, I have a mad crush on. What was even happening?
Every subsequent day got more and more amazing. Guillermo Del Toro was fascinating, talking about his artistic inspirations. I got into the Mystery Panel at the last possible second (thanks, Wendy! Volunteers, you were all so fantastic!) Scott Wolf’s quick story about wishing he could be as cool as nerds really resonated with me. AND I met David Blue in the HQ bar for a moment!
Joss Whedon was as absolutely hilarious and awesome as I ever could have hoped. Damon Lindelof and Seth Grahame-Smith really did have an excellent conversation about writing. Holy crap, I sang Bohemian Rhapsody with the cast of Doctor Who.
Nathan Fillion, wow. I chipped in some money to help a girl I didn’t even know win a shirt. The feeling of community in that room was incredible. I want to live in a world like that room all the time. And Zac’s panel, of course, was just phenomenal. Maybe because there were lols for underwear, there were fewer tears than I expected. “Seek truth” brought them. I continued loving everyone giving their hushed respect to Zac and the crew when they were filming their Day 4 wrap-up. I am so happy that I got to say thank you in person.
Oh, and hey, I got a kiss on the cheek from Mr. Zac Levi, that’s not bad.
Not quite understanding how it could all be over, I was happy when I went with more than a dozen nerds I’d met to grab dinner before we all went our separate ways. It felt like graduating college, when I was separating from all my friends, but I knew we’d still stay in touch on social media. NerdHQ was something special. Something amazing. Something I’d never been a part of before, and I’m so glad I was there.
I can’t wait for 2013. You’ve got my overstimulated brain bubbling with ideas to help.
Thank you for streaming the panels. Last year, I was watching as many live streams as my schedule allowed. Even though I was 2500 miles away, I still felt involved enough that I had to donate to Operation Smile. It was my own little Nerd Outpost. I’d love to help organize some Nerd Outposts or Nerd Forts (if you have an HQ and an army, you really need to have more things around the world, right?) Set up gatherings in New York City, London, my city of Pittsburgh, all the places where NerdHQ isn’t, so fans can get together, make new friends, watch a live stream, make a donation, and maybe get a poster or a button and be able to say, “yeah, I was there. I was a part of it!” It would be cool to keep an eye on a live chat during the HQ stream and ask the panelist a popular question on behalf of those following at home. Even help get the live streams working in the HQ bar for real-time overflow viewing!
I want to join the volunteer corps, to help answer questions, direct people, calm folks down as we wait for the schedule to be released; and while I’m sure you’ll have a handle on the tickets next year, help keep the peace should something crazy happen. Just reassure people that you’re working on things and you’ll make it right. (holy crap, did you ever make it right!) As briefly discussed with Jeff, you have a Nerd Army at your disposal - we’re ready and waiting to help you with anything you need. You’ve done so much for us, I, for one, want to give back!
Finally, and really most importantly, when I went back to my room to pack up on Sunday, I took some time going through my pictures. So much happiness, so many new friends, so many instant memories. When I got to my kiss picture, with my giant involuntary grin, it finally hit me-
Between all the panels I attended and the photos I took and the money I donated, I gave a child a smile.
For all that I smiled, there is going to be at least one boy or girl somewhere in the world who will be able to smile too, because of me, because of The Nerd Machine, because of Operation Smile. Because all of us there, together, having this incredible time, you changed not only the lives of every person present at NerdHQ, but the lives of more than 580 children.
It transcends the entire experience.
So from my whole being, THANK YOU, everyone involved with the Nerd Machine. I had the time of my life at NerdHQ and it allowed me to be the person that I want to be. I dearly hope I can bring the joy and energy I had at HQ to my everyday life here at home, start conversations, make things happen, change lives. I will absolutely be back in 2013. In the meantime, I’ll see you and all my wonderful nerd friends around the web!
Viva la Nerdolution!
Sincerely,
~ Katie Hughes
~ @MsKatieHughes
~ Nerd #10457