[sailor fuku; the dying day part i]
The Dying Day, part one
Sailor Fuku to Kikajuu Izumi/Sakume centric
summary [AU leading from episode 6 onwards; explanation] Izumi is haunted by her kidnapping and all those deaths.
Part Two
Background music/Inspiration Amelie 'La Valse D'Amelie Amelie 'Comptine...' Good Bye Lenin 'Childhood 2' Good Bye Lenin 'Father and Mother'
~ Those who are dead are not dead,
They're just living in my head.
And since I fell for that spell,
I am living there are well. ~
"Hideki-san..." she says in less than a whisper. "I'm... sorry Boss. I'm really sorry," he breathes and tears are streaming down his face. They drop down onto her face and she tries to speak but the sound of fresh bullets causes him to drop against her, shielding her again. His fingers hold her tight and she can't breathe.
And then he slackens. He drops entirely onto her and she thinks that the weight in her heart is heavier still. It feels like forever here.
It feels like forever here. It feels like forever here. It feels like...
Her eyes snap open and she gasps as she awakens. It's a hospital she thinks....
"Sakuma-san," she whispers and instantly he's at her feet. "Yes Boss?"
Her eyes are half-closed and she tries to get up but he pushes her down. "Please Boss, you need to rest."
She drops back onto the bed and lets out a heavy breath as she stares up at the ceiling. "Where is everyone? ...It's just us, isn't it?"
Sakuma doesn't answer and he looks away. A tear slips down the side of her face and she doesn't wipe it away. "What do we do now?" she breathes and Sakuma stops and watches her until she falls asleep and for some time after.
***
"Boss," he whispers. She looks up at him slowly, her eyes keeping a strange hardened look behind her glasses. "Would you like to go home now?"
Sakuma waits patiently for an answer but she's silent. She hasn't spoken since then and he's almost forgotten what her voice sounds like. But still he waits, trying to read her face, mere inches away. He sighs and sits back and stares at his hands. She watches him. There's a dark purple bruise on his right cheekbone. His bottom lip is split and she knows that under his suit there's a stab wound trying to heal and dozens of cuts and bruises. She looks at her own bandaged hand and sighs.
***
She watches as he limps to the front door, taking the keys out to open the door slowly. His hands skim over the Medaka signboard and she has to look away. Sakuma pushes the door open gently and stares inside and she waits for him to move.
But he stands there, searching for something, waiting for something.
Sakuma turns around to look at her and she can't bring herself to move. "Boss," he rumbles and something pulls her in. She stands at the doorway of the main room, dust lightly settling all over. Sakuma moves inside, taking items out of a large box and wiping them clean.
"I'm home," she whispers ever so lightly but he doesn't hear.
Her eyes rest on the group photograph at the alter and something inside her drops. She wants to be sick as Sakuma removes it and looks it gently.
***
She sits by the lion overlooking the province, watching as the sun bleeds in the sky. Sakuma's footsteps patter towards her and he stops a foot away. "Boss," he says quietly. She doesn't move so he edges closer and crouches down so he can look at her face. "Boss," he says with gravity, pulling her down, pulling her down. She swallows when she realizes what he means.
She follows him downstairs and into the main room. She stops by the door, her finger nails digging into the frame.
There they lay, side by side, a white sheet covering their pale pale skin. Sakuma kneels in front of them, looking at their faces slowly. Gently he turns to look at her and the expression on his face quietens. "Boss," he whispers and gestures for her to come.
There's a rock inside of her that doesn't want to move; it causes her to push against the door and she has to force her feet to move. Sakuma watches the effort and gradually gets up, ignoring the pain, and leads her towards them. He's half-dragging her across the room and when she reaches them, she falls hard on her knees and he winces.
Her heart fills with something she can't explain as she stares at the two boys in front of her. Kenji-san, his bright blonde hair now dull.
"Get her out of here!"
And Hideki-san... "I'm... sorry Boss. I'm really sorry."
She snaps her eyes shut and she can remember different days, when they were smiling and laughing and bickering.
But when her eyes open all she can see is that dying day. And you can't even tell, she thinks as she begins to stroke Hideki's head. You can't even tell. Somewhere in her throat a sob attempts to escape but she takes a long and painful gasp to let it stop.
Nights falls and she's still there, watching over the two, Sakuma a shadow lingering in the back. And when sunlight falls and lights the two boys up and she smiles and thinks they were so handsome. Why didn't I tease them for it? Always touching their hair up or adding to the tattoos. Why didn't I...
A warm hand squeezes her shoulder. "Boss, it's time..."
She glances up at him but he's looking past her at them.
***
She watches as he grimaces in pain.
He stands up quickly and winces at the sharp pain on the left side of his abdomen. He glances down and sighs as he looks at the small drops of blood staining the white shirt. He almost ignores it when she grabs his arm and stops him from moving away. "We need to go to the hospital," she says and her voice is cracked.
She's not looking at him but her hand is tight on his wrist. "Boss, it's okay," he says in an unbelievable voice but she tugs at him.
She pulls him all the way to a taxi and asks to be taken to the hospital. Sakuma bites his lip and stares at her, her hand still holding tightly to his wrist.
And when the doctor takes him away to redo the sutures, she stands against the wall and clenches her fists. "You can come in if you like," the nurse tells her as he takes a tray of bandages inside.
Slowly she edges in and instantly retreats to the wall. She watches with silent tears running down her face as the doctor explains to Sakuma how to better look after the wound, not to exert himself, not to hurt himself. "Yes Doctor," Sakuma nods and when he looks up he sees her. "Boss," he says slowly. Her tears are still running and she nods.
***
It's a small house on the outer edges of Tokoyo, the last before the countryside. She doesn't ask how he got the house because she doesn't know what she wants to hear today. It really is beautiful, she thinks as she steps through the front garden and towards the house. "Boss you can have the honour," Sakuma says. She looks at him as he steps towards her. There's a hopefulness in his face, a kind that she recognises without him even showing it. Gently she takes the keys.
She looks at them in her hand and furrows her brow. Slowly she opens the door and peers inside hesitantly. There's a strong smell of wood and dust and she walks inside slowly. Sunlight from the windows blind her and she raises her hand up to her eyes to shield herself. "Welcome home," Sakuma says with a gentle voice and she turns to look at him. He smiles at her and she gives him a small nod.
***
"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier Izumi-san," Muyumi apologises in her sweet voice. "I'm really sorry," she says and bows slightly.
"It's okay Mayumi-san, I had a lot of unpacking to do," Izumi says with a smile as she passes Muyumi a bowl of rice. "I'm sorry dinner is so plain. I forgot to bring anything with me," Izumi mumbles and passes another bowl to Sakuma.
"It's okay Boss. Your rice is always delicious," Sakuma says with a smiling eyes. "Itadakimasu," he says and begins eating the rice.
"I know but Hide-san doesn't like plain rice," Izumi mutters and looks at the space next to Sakuma.
Sakuma swallow his mouthful and stares at her with wide eyes. Izumi lowers her head and clenches her jaw. "Boss..."
"It's okay Izumi-san," Mayumi says gently, glancing at Sakuma. "I'm sure Hideki-san won't mind."
Izumi pauses for a moment before nodding and she begins to tentatively eat the rice. Sakuma presses his lips together and then looks into his rice bowl. Hideki-san really hated having only plain white rice; it had reminded him of his days in debt and having only one meal a day.
"Please eat up Sakuma-san," Izumi calls out with a sing-song voice.
"Yes Boss," Sakuma nods but he looks at her a moment longer. He doesn't feel hungry anymore so he looks at his rice for a second, seeing only Hide's face and begins to eat it quickly.
***
"Mayumi-san," Izumi takes the plate Mayumi passes to her and dries it with a tea-towel. "Is it okay for you to stay here?"
"Huh? Of course it is. I can look after things from here and I'll only need to go in once or twice a week. Besides, Sakuma-san is here for a few days too. And you'll be at school soon as well..." Mayumi glances at Izumi who clutches the plate tight in her hands. "Izumi-san," Mayumi says as she leaves the dishes in the sink. "What's happened? Are you okay?"
Izumi looks up and smiles slightly. "Yes, yes, I'm fine." She continues to dry the dishes, moving the towel in small circular motions. Mayumi watches her work and can only smile hesitantly as Izumi bids her goodnight and goes to her new room.
"That girl..." Mayumi whispers. "Takashi, please look after her..."
***
She stares outside of the window, looking beyond the trees, beyond the hills and valleys towards something she can't understand. The wind shakes the house ever so slightly and instantly she thinks of the lion above the headquarters. She bites her lip at the thought and shakes her head. A knocking at the door causes her to turn and she asks them to enter. "Oh, Sakuma-san," she calls out in surprise as he steps into the room.
"I'm sorry it's very late Boss, but I need to speak to you." Sakuma shuts the door quietly and stands in the centre of the room.
"Yes?" she jumps off the window seat and looks at him expectantly.
"I think we should disband the clan."
She freezes at his words, stares at him with wide eyes. "Wh-what?"
Sakuma steps closer to her and begins to speak in a soft voice. "Boss, I think it isn't fair on you to keep the clan going." He pauses for a second, letting the words sink in. "I think it would be better if we disbanded. You can go to back to school and live a normal life. After a while you could even move back. You don't have to-"
"But I want to!" she says suddenly, cutting him off. Her hands are clenched at her sides and there's an impatience at the corners of her mouth. "I don't want to disband!"
"But Boss-"
"No. I don't want to. I refuse to. I decide whether we disband and we are not disbanding," she says with a finality that hangs in the air.
Sakuma looks to the floor and gives a deep bow. "Please forgive me for my rash words; I didn't think. Good night." He leaves the room quickly and her knees give way and she falls to the floor. "You can't leave me too," she cries to herself.
***
"Sakuma-san," Mayumi calls out to him and he stops outside her door. "Please come downstairs and talk with me."
He follows her to the kitchen and watches as he pours a glass of juice. She passes it to him and he takes with a thanks. "Is it wise to ask her to disband? We're all she's got after all."
Sakuma nods, a hesitancy in his eyes. "I know. But right now she's plagued by the memories. If I'm with her all the time she'll never be able to forget. That's why..." he pauses and shakes away a thought. "That's why I think we should disband."
"Sakuma-san, what happened?" Mayumi steps closer to him, concern in her voice and painted across her face.
But he avoids her gaze and clenches his jaw.
Sakuma punches the man hard in the face and pushes him to the floor. "Boss..." he scans the warehouse for them and something in him drops as he watches Hideki fall to the ground, pulling her along with him. He runs towards them, fighting back the tears as Hideki's body grows slack. With a roar of anger he attacks the men. He batters them until they're all just bloody stumps of men.
And then he sees her. Under Hideki's lifeless body, an empty look on her face. "Hideki..." Sakuma drops to his knees and gently pulls Hideki off of her, cradling him gently in his arms. "You weren't supposed to die before me..." he murmurs. He places Hideki down gently, ever so gently as if he were holding a baby and turned to her. "Boss," he whispers but he can't recognise her. There's blood everywhere. "Boss please," he whispers again but she doesn't move. Her eyes are fixed on Hideki and Sakuma swallows with difficulty, a heaviness in his chest.
"It... was difficult for Oujo-san," he says with robotic words.
Mayumi's eyes tear up and she presses her lips together to stop herself from crying. "I'm very sorry for your loss Sakuma-san," she says with a solemn bow and he doesn't know what else to do.
He merely nods and swallows as he leaves the kitchen to go to the guest room. Sitting in the darkness all alone, it all comes back to him.
***
Mayumi watches as Izumi begins to put the dishes away into the drawers. "Can't sleep?" she asks and Izumi nods with a slight smile.
"Come, let's watch a movie," Mayumi gestures and Izumi follows her into the living room. They drop down on the couch and Mayumi presses play on the video recorder. It's a comedy film and Mayumi chuckles throughout whilst Izumi just smiles. As the end credits play, Mayumi turns and looks at Izumi. "I think comedies are the best types of films; you can watch them any time and they'll take the weight of the world."
Izumi nods. "Yes, but I prefer yakuza films... I think Sakuma likes them too. I first met him there I think."
Mayumi sighs and gathers her courage to say her words.
"Izumi-san, you can't keep him forever," Mayumi whispers, looking at her intently.
"What? I know that..." she moves away from Mayumi and looks at her with confused eyes.
"Then you should disband the clan." Izumi stares at her, horrified. "Mayumi-san..."
"I'm sorry Izumi-san but you have to understand. It isn't fair on him to stay here; he should have a normal life too."
Izumi pulls away from her and stares at the floor. "A normal life?" she mutters.
"There's isn't anything for him here..."
"Yes there is! We don't have to disband!" Izumi protests but Mayumi looks her in the face with a knowingness she despises.
"Izumi-san, you have to let him go," and Mayumi's voice is loving but stern.
"If he goes he'll be just like them!" Izumi screams and Mayumi stares at her. "Izumi-san..."
Izumi stands up quickly and turns and bows to Mayumi. "I'm sorry, I have to go." She rushes up the stairs to her room and slams the door shut. "There isn't anything..." She falls onto the bed and tears begin to seep out angrily. She snatches her glasses from her face and flings them across the room. She lets out a scream of frustration and smacks the bed. She breathes heavily and stares at the photograph.
Slowly she stands up and walks to the photograph, staring hard at all of them, at Kinzo-san, at Takeshi-san, Hideki-san and Kenji-san... "You want to go too Sakuma-san?" she says and she can't look away from him.
***
When he enters the room in the dead of the night she's still staring at the photograph. "Boss, are you okay?"
She hears him approach her and stop almost a hundred feet away. "Mayumi-san was saying you were upset. Are you okay?" his voice is gruff and low and she can hear the concern at the end of the syllables.
"You can go..." she whispers.
"Eh?"
"I'm disbanding the clan; you can leave now," she says in a monotonous tone.
"Boss-"
"It's Oujo-san," she interrupts. "It's Oujo-san," she repeats in a whisper.
And he doesn't know what to do. He swallows hard, staring at the back of her head, wanting to ask her to turn around so he can look at her.
But he doesn't.
"Thank you very much Oujo-san," he says solemnly and bows deep and gratefully.
"You can go," she repeats in a hard voice and as he straightens up he realizes what she means - you can go now.
"I understand. I shall go in the morning."
He hesitates and swallows. He wants to take a step forward and tell her that it's all going to be okay, that he'll still be here. But he doesn't. Slowly, he walks further away from her and out the door, clicking it shut.
Mayumi is waiting outside and looks at him with grief in her eyes. "I don't think you should go Sakuma-san."
He doesn't tell her that he doesn't want to either, but he walks past her down the corridor and down to the guest room. She follows him closely and rushes into the room. "Don't go," she says suddenly. Mayumi drops to her knees and with pleading eyes asks him not to go. "She needs you."
He turns to look at her and his fist is clenched. "I have to. Oujo-san has decided."
"But she doesn't mean it!" Mayumi says with a passionate voice, not knowing that he doesn't either.
"Please Mayumi-san. Oujo-san will need you stay strong," he says gently. He walks to her and pulls her to her feet but she pushes his arms away in anger.
"You don't feel anything do you?!" she snaps and rushes out of the room.
His gaze is still downcast long after she leaves.
***
And when the door clicks shut she lets out a long shuddering breath. She hears him talk with Mayumi outside, and then later in his room. There are violent whispers and she tries to ignore it.
Dragging her feet across the room she lies in her bed and closes her eyes.
And there he is, Hideki-san's bloody face above hers and she opens her eyes instantly. There's nothing but darkness here and she waits for hours until the sun rises, staring at the ceiling.
***
"Sakuma-san," Mayumi says sheepishly. "I'm very sorry for my words last night. They were completely out of line," she bows deeply and he turns to look at her with a raised eyebrow.
"It's okay Mayumi-san."
"No, it's not," she says and he turns around fully to look at her. "I know you care for her more than anyone else so I shouldn't have said those words."
His face twitches slightly and he presses his lips together. "It's okay," he says.
"Please accept my apology," she says with an urgency and he smiles and nods. "Yes, of course."
And despite his smiles he knows inside what she had meant then. "Would you like breakfast?" Mayumi asks him with a grateful voice.
"No thank you, I'm going to finish packing."
"What?" her face drops and she steps towards him with wide and hurt eyes. "You're still going?"
"Yes I-"
"Please Sakuma-san. I have to ask you again, please don't leave."
His shoulders drop ever so slightly and he lets out a calm breath. "I'm sorry Mayumi-san but I must."
"You don't understand-"
"I understand very well," he interrupts and his voice is heavy and serious and Mayumi realises that even if he doesn't, he's still going to leave.
Her eyes drop and she pauses for a second before taking deep breaths. "What will you do?"
"I'm going to look for a job and try a new life," he says with a forced smile and she can hear the lies in his voice.
"You can never let go," she mutters but he hears it and he flinches. "Please, let me make you a farewell breakfast then," Mayumi looks up and says with determination.
He nods and smiles, but the heaviness in his chest still doesn't leave.
***
"Izumi-san," she breathes against the door. "Breakfast is served..." Mayumi pauses before speaking up again: "Sakuma-san is leaving soon. He would like to meet you before he goes."
Mayumi waits for a reaction but nothing happens. "Izumi-san," she calls out louder but she knows that the girl heard every word. Mayumi walks down the corridor, glancing back at the room now and then with a look of longing.
Mayumi enters the living room and stands before the breakfast table, a slump in her shoulders and a hesitant smile. He looks up at her and realises instantly. He looks back at the table and glances at the third place.
"Let's give her five minutes," Mayumi offers as she drops gracefully onto the floor. He nods and smiles ever so slightly, and yet in the light it looks like a grimace.
Fifteen minutes pass and Mayumi looks at Sakuma's solemn face. "I'm sorry Sakuma-san," she says gently and he nods, hiding the disappointment in his heart.
"Itadikimasu," he says low and soft and begins to eat despite the full feeling in his stomach.
***
"Izumi-san, Sakuma-san is leaving soon..." Mayumi calls through the door and her heart stills in her chest. She can't move just yet though. "Izumi-san," she hears Mayumi say with a despondent voice.
She hears Mayumi slowly patter down the hall and a breath tightens inside her. Slowly she heaves herself up and looks at the photograph. She sighs heavily and walks to the door. Her hand is at the doorknob when she looks back at the photograph and looks at Sakuma with a frown. She turns back to the door and with the same frown she opens the door quietly.
Soundlessly she walks down the stairs and stops against the wall of the family room. She frowns when she hears nothing. "Let's give her five minutes," she hears Mayumi say and she can even hear his nod. She tries to go in but something stops her. A tug at the bottom of her heart causes her to recoil from the room and step backwards towards the stairs. "I can't..." she begins but she can't end the sentence.
Her head hangs low as she turns and slowly walks back to the room. She clicks the door shut and goes to sit by the window. She stares out again, but this time she can see even less. She rubs her eyes and squints, realising she's not wearing her glasses. She looks about the room not thinking about finding them and sighs. There's a short knock at the door and she blinks hard in fear.
"Oujo-san," he says and she thinks his voice is like smoke - thick, rumbling and unclear. There's a strange longing in his voice and she clenches her jaw.
She thinks he's gone and she sighs. "Thank you very much Oujo-san," he says and his voice is still unclear. She flinches and holds a breath until she hears him leave. Her breaths are short and sharp until she hears the front door open and the two talking to each other. Their voices are low and solemn and she folds her arms over her chest, trying to ignore them.
And then she hears him leave. She turns away from the window but listens to every footstep and pause. She can feel him whisper something but she shudders and the sound of car driving away and the door closing causes that breath inside to become tighter still.
***
He stands outside her room, his head leaning against the door. It takes him an age to gather the strength the knock, and when he does he regrets it. "Oujo-san," he rumbles and it's strange saying it. He doesn't expect her to open the door. He steps back and bows deeply, "Thank you very much Oujo-san." He stares at the door, his jaw clenched and his hands slack at his sides.
Slowly he turns and walks down the corridor and down the stairs, past the kitchen and living room and towards the front door. Mayumi stands there, holding his over night bag and she gives him a pitiful smile.
He nods as he takes the bag. "I wish you wouldn't go," she says as he passes her and his face twitches.
"Please look after Oujo-san," he says, not looking her in the face. Mayumi nods, still staring up at him.
"You'll keep in touch won't you?" she asks hopefully and he glances at her and nods.
He bows deeply and takes his bag and walks across the gravel path towards the car. He stops half-way and turns to look at the house. At the first bedroom window he can see her shadow by the window. "I'm sorry Boss. I'm really, very sorry... please forgive me," he says in a thundery voice and lingers before he sits in the car. He gives a small smile as Mayumi waves at the door and then shuts it quickly. He glances back at the window and she's no longer there.
Part Two
♥♥♥
Sailor Fuku to Kikajuu Izumi/Sakume centric
summary [AU leading from episode 6 onwards; explanation] Izumi is haunted by her kidnapping and all those deaths.
Part Two
Background music/Inspiration Amelie 'La Valse D'Amelie Amelie 'Comptine...' Good Bye Lenin 'Childhood 2' Good Bye Lenin 'Father and Mother'
~ Those who are dead are not dead,
They're just living in my head.
And since I fell for that spell,
I am living there are well. ~
"Hideki-san..." she says in less than a whisper. "I'm... sorry Boss. I'm really sorry," he breathes and tears are streaming down his face. They drop down onto her face and she tries to speak but the sound of fresh bullets causes him to drop against her, shielding her again. His fingers hold her tight and she can't breathe.
And then he slackens. He drops entirely onto her and she thinks that the weight in her heart is heavier still. It feels like forever here.
It feels like forever here. It feels like forever here. It feels like...
Her eyes snap open and she gasps as she awakens. It's a hospital she thinks....
"Sakuma-san," she whispers and instantly he's at her feet. "Yes Boss?"
Her eyes are half-closed and she tries to get up but he pushes her down. "Please Boss, you need to rest."
She drops back onto the bed and lets out a heavy breath as she stares up at the ceiling. "Where is everyone? ...It's just us, isn't it?"
Sakuma doesn't answer and he looks away. A tear slips down the side of her face and she doesn't wipe it away. "What do we do now?" she breathes and Sakuma stops and watches her until she falls asleep and for some time after.
***
"Boss," he whispers. She looks up at him slowly, her eyes keeping a strange hardened look behind her glasses. "Would you like to go home now?"
Sakuma waits patiently for an answer but she's silent. She hasn't spoken since then and he's almost forgotten what her voice sounds like. But still he waits, trying to read her face, mere inches away. He sighs and sits back and stares at his hands. She watches him. There's a dark purple bruise on his right cheekbone. His bottom lip is split and she knows that under his suit there's a stab wound trying to heal and dozens of cuts and bruises. She looks at her own bandaged hand and sighs.
***
She watches as he limps to the front door, taking the keys out to open the door slowly. His hands skim over the Medaka signboard and she has to look away. Sakuma pushes the door open gently and stares inside and she waits for him to move.
But he stands there, searching for something, waiting for something.
Sakuma turns around to look at her and she can't bring herself to move. "Boss," he rumbles and something pulls her in. She stands at the doorway of the main room, dust lightly settling all over. Sakuma moves inside, taking items out of a large box and wiping them clean.
"I'm home," she whispers ever so lightly but he doesn't hear.
Her eyes rest on the group photograph at the alter and something inside her drops. She wants to be sick as Sakuma removes it and looks it gently.
***
She sits by the lion overlooking the province, watching as the sun bleeds in the sky. Sakuma's footsteps patter towards her and he stops a foot away. "Boss," he says quietly. She doesn't move so he edges closer and crouches down so he can look at her face. "Boss," he says with gravity, pulling her down, pulling her down. She swallows when she realizes what he means.
She follows him downstairs and into the main room. She stops by the door, her finger nails digging into the frame.
There they lay, side by side, a white sheet covering their pale pale skin. Sakuma kneels in front of them, looking at their faces slowly. Gently he turns to look at her and the expression on his face quietens. "Boss," he whispers and gestures for her to come.
There's a rock inside of her that doesn't want to move; it causes her to push against the door and she has to force her feet to move. Sakuma watches the effort and gradually gets up, ignoring the pain, and leads her towards them. He's half-dragging her across the room and when she reaches them, she falls hard on her knees and he winces.
Her heart fills with something she can't explain as she stares at the two boys in front of her. Kenji-san, his bright blonde hair now dull.
"Get her out of here!"
And Hideki-san... "I'm... sorry Boss. I'm really sorry."
She snaps her eyes shut and she can remember different days, when they were smiling and laughing and bickering.
But when her eyes open all she can see is that dying day. And you can't even tell, she thinks as she begins to stroke Hideki's head. You can't even tell. Somewhere in her throat a sob attempts to escape but she takes a long and painful gasp to let it stop.
Nights falls and she's still there, watching over the two, Sakuma a shadow lingering in the back. And when sunlight falls and lights the two boys up and she smiles and thinks they were so handsome. Why didn't I tease them for it? Always touching their hair up or adding to the tattoos. Why didn't I...
A warm hand squeezes her shoulder. "Boss, it's time..."
She glances up at him but he's looking past her at them.
***
She watches as he grimaces in pain.
He stands up quickly and winces at the sharp pain on the left side of his abdomen. He glances down and sighs as he looks at the small drops of blood staining the white shirt. He almost ignores it when she grabs his arm and stops him from moving away. "We need to go to the hospital," she says and her voice is cracked.
She's not looking at him but her hand is tight on his wrist. "Boss, it's okay," he says in an unbelievable voice but she tugs at him.
She pulls him all the way to a taxi and asks to be taken to the hospital. Sakuma bites his lip and stares at her, her hand still holding tightly to his wrist.
And when the doctor takes him away to redo the sutures, she stands against the wall and clenches her fists. "You can come in if you like," the nurse tells her as he takes a tray of bandages inside.
Slowly she edges in and instantly retreats to the wall. She watches with silent tears running down her face as the doctor explains to Sakuma how to better look after the wound, not to exert himself, not to hurt himself. "Yes Doctor," Sakuma nods and when he looks up he sees her. "Boss," he says slowly. Her tears are still running and she nods.
***
It's a small house on the outer edges of Tokoyo, the last before the countryside. She doesn't ask how he got the house because she doesn't know what she wants to hear today. It really is beautiful, she thinks as she steps through the front garden and towards the house. "Boss you can have the honour," Sakuma says. She looks at him as he steps towards her. There's a hopefulness in his face, a kind that she recognises without him even showing it. Gently she takes the keys.
She looks at them in her hand and furrows her brow. Slowly she opens the door and peers inside hesitantly. There's a strong smell of wood and dust and she walks inside slowly. Sunlight from the windows blind her and she raises her hand up to her eyes to shield herself. "Welcome home," Sakuma says with a gentle voice and she turns to look at him. He smiles at her and she gives him a small nod.
***
"I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier Izumi-san," Muyumi apologises in her sweet voice. "I'm really sorry," she says and bows slightly.
"It's okay Mayumi-san, I had a lot of unpacking to do," Izumi says with a smile as she passes Muyumi a bowl of rice. "I'm sorry dinner is so plain. I forgot to bring anything with me," Izumi mumbles and passes another bowl to Sakuma.
"It's okay Boss. Your rice is always delicious," Sakuma says with a smiling eyes. "Itadakimasu," he says and begins eating the rice.
"I know but Hide-san doesn't like plain rice," Izumi mutters and looks at the space next to Sakuma.
Sakuma swallow his mouthful and stares at her with wide eyes. Izumi lowers her head and clenches her jaw. "Boss..."
"It's okay Izumi-san," Mayumi says gently, glancing at Sakuma. "I'm sure Hideki-san won't mind."
Izumi pauses for a moment before nodding and she begins to tentatively eat the rice. Sakuma presses his lips together and then looks into his rice bowl. Hideki-san really hated having only plain white rice; it had reminded him of his days in debt and having only one meal a day.
"Please eat up Sakuma-san," Izumi calls out with a sing-song voice.
"Yes Boss," Sakuma nods but he looks at her a moment longer. He doesn't feel hungry anymore so he looks at his rice for a second, seeing only Hide's face and begins to eat it quickly.
***
"Mayumi-san," Izumi takes the plate Mayumi passes to her and dries it with a tea-towel. "Is it okay for you to stay here?"
"Huh? Of course it is. I can look after things from here and I'll only need to go in once or twice a week. Besides, Sakuma-san is here for a few days too. And you'll be at school soon as well..." Mayumi glances at Izumi who clutches the plate tight in her hands. "Izumi-san," Mayumi says as she leaves the dishes in the sink. "What's happened? Are you okay?"
Izumi looks up and smiles slightly. "Yes, yes, I'm fine." She continues to dry the dishes, moving the towel in small circular motions. Mayumi watches her work and can only smile hesitantly as Izumi bids her goodnight and goes to her new room.
"That girl..." Mayumi whispers. "Takashi, please look after her..."
***
She stares outside of the window, looking beyond the trees, beyond the hills and valleys towards something she can't understand. The wind shakes the house ever so slightly and instantly she thinks of the lion above the headquarters. She bites her lip at the thought and shakes her head. A knocking at the door causes her to turn and she asks them to enter. "Oh, Sakuma-san," she calls out in surprise as he steps into the room.
"I'm sorry it's very late Boss, but I need to speak to you." Sakuma shuts the door quietly and stands in the centre of the room.
"Yes?" she jumps off the window seat and looks at him expectantly.
"I think we should disband the clan."
She freezes at his words, stares at him with wide eyes. "Wh-what?"
Sakuma steps closer to her and begins to speak in a soft voice. "Boss, I think it isn't fair on you to keep the clan going." He pauses for a second, letting the words sink in. "I think it would be better if we disbanded. You can go to back to school and live a normal life. After a while you could even move back. You don't have to-"
"But I want to!" she says suddenly, cutting him off. Her hands are clenched at her sides and there's an impatience at the corners of her mouth. "I don't want to disband!"
"But Boss-"
"No. I don't want to. I refuse to. I decide whether we disband and we are not disbanding," she says with a finality that hangs in the air.
Sakuma looks to the floor and gives a deep bow. "Please forgive me for my rash words; I didn't think. Good night." He leaves the room quickly and her knees give way and she falls to the floor. "You can't leave me too," she cries to herself.
***
"Sakuma-san," Mayumi calls out to him and he stops outside her door. "Please come downstairs and talk with me."
He follows her to the kitchen and watches as he pours a glass of juice. She passes it to him and he takes with a thanks. "Is it wise to ask her to disband? We're all she's got after all."
Sakuma nods, a hesitancy in his eyes. "I know. But right now she's plagued by the memories. If I'm with her all the time she'll never be able to forget. That's why..." he pauses and shakes away a thought. "That's why I think we should disband."
"Sakuma-san, what happened?" Mayumi steps closer to him, concern in her voice and painted across her face.
But he avoids her gaze and clenches his jaw.
Sakuma punches the man hard in the face and pushes him to the floor. "Boss..." he scans the warehouse for them and something in him drops as he watches Hideki fall to the ground, pulling her along with him. He runs towards them, fighting back the tears as Hideki's body grows slack. With a roar of anger he attacks the men. He batters them until they're all just bloody stumps of men.
And then he sees her. Under Hideki's lifeless body, an empty look on her face. "Hideki..." Sakuma drops to his knees and gently pulls Hideki off of her, cradling him gently in his arms. "You weren't supposed to die before me..." he murmurs. He places Hideki down gently, ever so gently as if he were holding a baby and turned to her. "Boss," he whispers but he can't recognise her. There's blood everywhere. "Boss please," he whispers again but she doesn't move. Her eyes are fixed on Hideki and Sakuma swallows with difficulty, a heaviness in his chest.
"It... was difficult for Oujo-san," he says with robotic words.
Mayumi's eyes tear up and she presses her lips together to stop herself from crying. "I'm very sorry for your loss Sakuma-san," she says with a solemn bow and he doesn't know what else to do.
He merely nods and swallows as he leaves the kitchen to go to the guest room. Sitting in the darkness all alone, it all comes back to him.
***
Mayumi watches as Izumi begins to put the dishes away into the drawers. "Can't sleep?" she asks and Izumi nods with a slight smile.
"Come, let's watch a movie," Mayumi gestures and Izumi follows her into the living room. They drop down on the couch and Mayumi presses play on the video recorder. It's a comedy film and Mayumi chuckles throughout whilst Izumi just smiles. As the end credits play, Mayumi turns and looks at Izumi. "I think comedies are the best types of films; you can watch them any time and they'll take the weight of the world."
Izumi nods. "Yes, but I prefer yakuza films... I think Sakuma likes them too. I first met him there I think."
Mayumi sighs and gathers her courage to say her words.
"Izumi-san, you can't keep him forever," Mayumi whispers, looking at her intently.
"What? I know that..." she moves away from Mayumi and looks at her with confused eyes.
"Then you should disband the clan." Izumi stares at her, horrified. "Mayumi-san..."
"I'm sorry Izumi-san but you have to understand. It isn't fair on him to stay here; he should have a normal life too."
Izumi pulls away from her and stares at the floor. "A normal life?" she mutters.
"There's isn't anything for him here..."
"Yes there is! We don't have to disband!" Izumi protests but Mayumi looks her in the face with a knowingness she despises.
"Izumi-san, you have to let him go," and Mayumi's voice is loving but stern.
"If he goes he'll be just like them!" Izumi screams and Mayumi stares at her. "Izumi-san..."
Izumi stands up quickly and turns and bows to Mayumi. "I'm sorry, I have to go." She rushes up the stairs to her room and slams the door shut. "There isn't anything..." She falls onto the bed and tears begin to seep out angrily. She snatches her glasses from her face and flings them across the room. She lets out a scream of frustration and smacks the bed. She breathes heavily and stares at the photograph.
Slowly she stands up and walks to the photograph, staring hard at all of them, at Kinzo-san, at Takeshi-san, Hideki-san and Kenji-san... "You want to go too Sakuma-san?" she says and she can't look away from him.
***
When he enters the room in the dead of the night she's still staring at the photograph. "Boss, are you okay?"
She hears him approach her and stop almost a hundred feet away. "Mayumi-san was saying you were upset. Are you okay?" his voice is gruff and low and she can hear the concern at the end of the syllables.
"You can go..." she whispers.
"Eh?"
"I'm disbanding the clan; you can leave now," she says in a monotonous tone.
"Boss-"
"It's Oujo-san," she interrupts. "It's Oujo-san," she repeats in a whisper.
And he doesn't know what to do. He swallows hard, staring at the back of her head, wanting to ask her to turn around so he can look at her.
But he doesn't.
"Thank you very much Oujo-san," he says solemnly and bows deep and gratefully.
"You can go," she repeats in a hard voice and as he straightens up he realizes what she means - you can go now.
"I understand. I shall go in the morning."
He hesitates and swallows. He wants to take a step forward and tell her that it's all going to be okay, that he'll still be here. But he doesn't. Slowly, he walks further away from her and out the door, clicking it shut.
Mayumi is waiting outside and looks at him with grief in her eyes. "I don't think you should go Sakuma-san."
He doesn't tell her that he doesn't want to either, but he walks past her down the corridor and down to the guest room. She follows him closely and rushes into the room. "Don't go," she says suddenly. Mayumi drops to her knees and with pleading eyes asks him not to go. "She needs you."
He turns to look at her and his fist is clenched. "I have to. Oujo-san has decided."
"But she doesn't mean it!" Mayumi says with a passionate voice, not knowing that he doesn't either.
"Please Mayumi-san. Oujo-san will need you stay strong," he says gently. He walks to her and pulls her to her feet but she pushes his arms away in anger.
"You don't feel anything do you?!" she snaps and rushes out of the room.
His gaze is still downcast long after she leaves.
***
And when the door clicks shut she lets out a long shuddering breath. She hears him talk with Mayumi outside, and then later in his room. There are violent whispers and she tries to ignore it.
Dragging her feet across the room she lies in her bed and closes her eyes.
And there he is, Hideki-san's bloody face above hers and she opens her eyes instantly. There's nothing but darkness here and she waits for hours until the sun rises, staring at the ceiling.
***
"Sakuma-san," Mayumi says sheepishly. "I'm very sorry for my words last night. They were completely out of line," she bows deeply and he turns to look at her with a raised eyebrow.
"It's okay Mayumi-san."
"No, it's not," she says and he turns around fully to look at her. "I know you care for her more than anyone else so I shouldn't have said those words."
His face twitches slightly and he presses his lips together. "It's okay," he says.
"Please accept my apology," she says with an urgency and he smiles and nods. "Yes, of course."
And despite his smiles he knows inside what she had meant then. "Would you like breakfast?" Mayumi asks him with a grateful voice.
"No thank you, I'm going to finish packing."
"What?" her face drops and she steps towards him with wide and hurt eyes. "You're still going?"
"Yes I-"
"Please Sakuma-san. I have to ask you again, please don't leave."
His shoulders drop ever so slightly and he lets out a calm breath. "I'm sorry Mayumi-san but I must."
"You don't understand-"
"I understand very well," he interrupts and his voice is heavy and serious and Mayumi realises that even if he doesn't, he's still going to leave.
Her eyes drop and she pauses for a second before taking deep breaths. "What will you do?"
"I'm going to look for a job and try a new life," he says with a forced smile and she can hear the lies in his voice.
"You can never let go," she mutters but he hears it and he flinches. "Please, let me make you a farewell breakfast then," Mayumi looks up and says with determination.
He nods and smiles, but the heaviness in his chest still doesn't leave.
***
"Izumi-san," she breathes against the door. "Breakfast is served..." Mayumi pauses before speaking up again: "Sakuma-san is leaving soon. He would like to meet you before he goes."
Mayumi waits for a reaction but nothing happens. "Izumi-san," she calls out louder but she knows that the girl heard every word. Mayumi walks down the corridor, glancing back at the room now and then with a look of longing.
Mayumi enters the living room and stands before the breakfast table, a slump in her shoulders and a hesitant smile. He looks up at her and realises instantly. He looks back at the table and glances at the third place.
"Let's give her five minutes," Mayumi offers as she drops gracefully onto the floor. He nods and smiles ever so slightly, and yet in the light it looks like a grimace.
Fifteen minutes pass and Mayumi looks at Sakuma's solemn face. "I'm sorry Sakuma-san," she says gently and he nods, hiding the disappointment in his heart.
"Itadikimasu," he says low and soft and begins to eat despite the full feeling in his stomach.
***
"Izumi-san, Sakuma-san is leaving soon..." Mayumi calls through the door and her heart stills in her chest. She can't move just yet though. "Izumi-san," she hears Mayumi say with a despondent voice.
She hears Mayumi slowly patter down the hall and a breath tightens inside her. Slowly she heaves herself up and looks at the photograph. She sighs heavily and walks to the door. Her hand is at the doorknob when she looks back at the photograph and looks at Sakuma with a frown. She turns back to the door and with the same frown she opens the door quietly.
Soundlessly she walks down the stairs and stops against the wall of the family room. She frowns when she hears nothing. "Let's give her five minutes," she hears Mayumi say and she can even hear his nod. She tries to go in but something stops her. A tug at the bottom of her heart causes her to recoil from the room and step backwards towards the stairs. "I can't..." she begins but she can't end the sentence.
Her head hangs low as she turns and slowly walks back to the room. She clicks the door shut and goes to sit by the window. She stares out again, but this time she can see even less. She rubs her eyes and squints, realising she's not wearing her glasses. She looks about the room not thinking about finding them and sighs. There's a short knock at the door and she blinks hard in fear.
"Oujo-san," he says and she thinks his voice is like smoke - thick, rumbling and unclear. There's a strange longing in his voice and she clenches her jaw.
She thinks he's gone and she sighs. "Thank you very much Oujo-san," he says and his voice is still unclear. She flinches and holds a breath until she hears him leave. Her breaths are short and sharp until she hears the front door open and the two talking to each other. Their voices are low and solemn and she folds her arms over her chest, trying to ignore them.
And then she hears him leave. She turns away from the window but listens to every footstep and pause. She can feel him whisper something but she shudders and the sound of car driving away and the door closing causes that breath inside to become tighter still.
***
He stands outside her room, his head leaning against the door. It takes him an age to gather the strength the knock, and when he does he regrets it. "Oujo-san," he rumbles and it's strange saying it. He doesn't expect her to open the door. He steps back and bows deeply, "Thank you very much Oujo-san." He stares at the door, his jaw clenched and his hands slack at his sides.
Slowly he turns and walks down the corridor and down the stairs, past the kitchen and living room and towards the front door. Mayumi stands there, holding his over night bag and she gives him a pitiful smile.
He nods as he takes the bag. "I wish you wouldn't go," she says as he passes her and his face twitches.
"Please look after Oujo-san," he says, not looking her in the face. Mayumi nods, still staring up at him.
"You'll keep in touch won't you?" she asks hopefully and he glances at her and nods.
He bows deeply and takes his bag and walks across the gravel path towards the car. He stops half-way and turns to look at the house. At the first bedroom window he can see her shadow by the window. "I'm sorry Boss. I'm really, very sorry... please forgive me," he says in a thundery voice and lingers before he sits in the car. He gives a small smile as Mayumi waves at the door and then shuts it quickly. He glances back at the window and she's no longer there.
Part Two
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