(no subject)
So... I haven't written fanfiction in a long time. I need to get this on paper.
It had been weeks since their return from the Crystal Empire, and Twilight still couldn't sleep through the night without her mind taking the recollection of some event from the day and mangling it with hatred. Whether it was levitating Applejack off a cliff over some failure to communicate, or transmuting one of Rarity's ridiculous hats to corrosive acid, and watching it eat through her mane, the nightmares... the urges kept coming.
One of them plagued her even as she stepped out of the train at Canterlot station and found her way to the palace. Two pegasus guards nodded and admitted her, and a unicorn guard raised the gate with a flurry of grey/white magic to let her in. She announced she had business that was, by royal decree, only for the ears of the Princess. A lie... she hated lying, but she couldn't tell them "I'm having bad dreams, now let me see the Princess!" She worried too much about not being taken seriously.
Princess Celestia was in her private study, where the Twilight had learned techniques for focus and how to control the power that surged within her. Twilight was grateful she didn't need to talk to her in the vast throne room. The study was warm, safe... one of the few places she had nothing but positive associations to in her mind. She hoped that being there would be enough to banish the urges.
It didn't. Her mind traveled back to when the unicorn guard had hesitated just a moment to raise the gate. In reality it had just been a tense beat before he let her in. In Twilight's mind, his hesitation lingered longer, and in frustration she reached out with a surge of purple magic and snapped his horn in half, leaving him stunned and unconscious from the shock.
"Twlight Sparkle," intoned Celestia in formal greeting as she levitated the book before her back onto the nearby shelf. "It's very late, my student. What has you..." Celestia's voice faltered as Twilight's expression registered. "What's wrong?"
"Princess Celestia... I need.... I need..." Twilight breathed. Even after everything she learned about friendship and needing to count on other ponies sometimes, and even though Celestia was committed to being her mentor and helping her, she still choked anytime she had to ask for help. She forced her mind to focus on the lessons she'd learned. "I need your help."
Celestia nodded sagely "Go on, Twilight."
"I remembered how you showed me what would happen if hate and fear ruled the crystal empire..." Twilight replayed the scene in her mind as if observing from outside it. "Your eyes glowed green and you sent dark energy towards the crystal... it was so scary and even though you didn't teach me... I learned. I learned how that magic felt and that's what let me find the heart. I used the same spell to show me what the castle looked like when Sombra was in power. And.... and since then... When I've practiced, my spells... they come from that place sometimes, even when I don't think about it. And... I... I've had visions. I see myself... I want to..." Twilight choked again.
"Say it," a suddenly forceful Celestia belted. "If you can't say it there's no way you'll be able to fight it."
Twilight breathed again and the words emerged. "... my friends.... ponies I see on the street... I want to hurt them."
The rest spilled out in a tumult as she broke down. "I don't actually want to hurt anypony I KNOW I don't want to hurt anypony but It feels like I want to hurt them and I can't stop the feelings." She panted, hyperventilating between sobs. "It's got to be King Sombra, I knew he couldn't be gone, It's got to be King Sombra inside me making me want this, I'm not like and I feel like I'm going crazy and--" and incoherent cries drowned out her speech.
Celestia stood and walked over to Twilight, and enfolded her in one enormous wing. "This is how you need to feel right now... I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, but you did the right thing, my student."
Twilight blinked tears from her eyes. "Princess... you... you knew?"
The princess continued. "There are two ponies inside each of us, Twilight. One that pushes you towards good, and one that pushes you towards evil. One that pushes you towards love and one that pushes you towards hate. One that guides you to the light and one that guides you into darkness. One that uses happiness and joy, and one that commands hatred and fear. The one serves good was stronger in you when you needed her, and that's why you came to me."
Celestia left Twilight's side and stood before her. "I showed you that spell because you needed to learn how to access that part of yourself with your magic. You can avoid your dark side for a long time, but unless you confront it and learn to master it, you will never reach your full potential."
Twilight bowed her head, and watched her tears collect on the dark wood floor, of the study. "Then that means I'm..." she managed.
"That's right my student. It's not Sombra, those are your thoughts." Celestia's mane flowed gently in the apparent breeze that always surrounded her. "They don't rule you and I suspect they never will, but they're so loud now because you've never let yourself practice your magic from that place before. You cannot let them rule you, but you must acknowledge them."
At that moment, something inside Twlight snapped, and she lifted her head. "Why did you do this to me?" Bitterness crept into the words behind the sadness. "You made me hurt this way." Her eyes flashed green. "You were supposed to protect me! Not turn me into a monster!" She stamped her forehoof, rattling the nearest bookcase, and bared her teeth. Celestia remained impassive, which seemed only to raise Twilight's anger further.
"HOW COULD YOU---" and a black crack of magic spluttered out of her horn, throwing her backwards against the study's heavy door.
Twilight lifted her head from the heap she'd fallen in, and opened her eyes, clear again. "Oh... oh no... nonononono..." and the sobs began anew.
Princess Celestia came close and spoke in her soothing tones "Do you know what your name means, Twilight?"
The best Twilight could offer was a dehydrated "My... name?"
"Twilight is the light between the dark of night and the break of dawn," Celestia informed as she drew herself to her full height. "You, Twilight Sparkle, paved the way for my return, the return of the sun when Nightmare Moon threatened Equestria with eternal night." Twilight nodded, not quite understanding. "However, Twilight cannot exist without the darkness."
"This," said Celestia, her words heavy in the air, "is the next level of your study."
It had been weeks since their return from the Crystal Empire, and Twilight still couldn't sleep through the night without her mind taking the recollection of some event from the day and mangling it with hatred. Whether it was levitating Applejack off a cliff over some failure to communicate, or transmuting one of Rarity's ridiculous hats to corrosive acid, and watching it eat through her mane, the nightmares... the urges kept coming.
One of them plagued her even as she stepped out of the train at Canterlot station and found her way to the palace. Two pegasus guards nodded and admitted her, and a unicorn guard raised the gate with a flurry of grey/white magic to let her in. She announced she had business that was, by royal decree, only for the ears of the Princess. A lie... she hated lying, but she couldn't tell them "I'm having bad dreams, now let me see the Princess!" She worried too much about not being taken seriously.
Princess Celestia was in her private study, where the Twilight had learned techniques for focus and how to control the power that surged within her. Twilight was grateful she didn't need to talk to her in the vast throne room. The study was warm, safe... one of the few places she had nothing but positive associations to in her mind. She hoped that being there would be enough to banish the urges.
It didn't. Her mind traveled back to when the unicorn guard had hesitated just a moment to raise the gate. In reality it had just been a tense beat before he let her in. In Twilight's mind, his hesitation lingered longer, and in frustration she reached out with a surge of purple magic and snapped his horn in half, leaving him stunned and unconscious from the shock.
"Twlight Sparkle," intoned Celestia in formal greeting as she levitated the book before her back onto the nearby shelf. "It's very late, my student. What has you..." Celestia's voice faltered as Twilight's expression registered. "What's wrong?"
"Princess Celestia... I need.... I need..." Twilight breathed. Even after everything she learned about friendship and needing to count on other ponies sometimes, and even though Celestia was committed to being her mentor and helping her, she still choked anytime she had to ask for help. She forced her mind to focus on the lessons she'd learned. "I need your help."
Celestia nodded sagely "Go on, Twilight."
"I remembered how you showed me what would happen if hate and fear ruled the crystal empire..." Twilight replayed the scene in her mind as if observing from outside it. "Your eyes glowed green and you sent dark energy towards the crystal... it was so scary and even though you didn't teach me... I learned. I learned how that magic felt and that's what let me find the heart. I used the same spell to show me what the castle looked like when Sombra was in power. And.... and since then... When I've practiced, my spells... they come from that place sometimes, even when I don't think about it. And... I... I've had visions. I see myself... I want to..." Twilight choked again.
"Say it," a suddenly forceful Celestia belted. "If you can't say it there's no way you'll be able to fight it."
Twilight breathed again and the words emerged. "... my friends.... ponies I see on the street... I want to hurt them."
The rest spilled out in a tumult as she broke down. "I don't actually want to hurt anypony I KNOW I don't want to hurt anypony but It feels like I want to hurt them and I can't stop the feelings." She panted, hyperventilating between sobs. "It's got to be King Sombra, I knew he couldn't be gone, It's got to be King Sombra inside me making me want this, I'm not like and I feel like I'm going crazy and--" and incoherent cries drowned out her speech.
Celestia stood and walked over to Twilight, and enfolded her in one enormous wing. "This is how you need to feel right now... I'm sorry I couldn't tell you, but you did the right thing, my student."
Twilight blinked tears from her eyes. "Princess... you... you knew?"
The princess continued. "There are two ponies inside each of us, Twilight. One that pushes you towards good, and one that pushes you towards evil. One that pushes you towards love and one that pushes you towards hate. One that guides you to the light and one that guides you into darkness. One that uses happiness and joy, and one that commands hatred and fear. The one serves good was stronger in you when you needed her, and that's why you came to me."
Celestia left Twilight's side and stood before her. "I showed you that spell because you needed to learn how to access that part of yourself with your magic. You can avoid your dark side for a long time, but unless you confront it and learn to master it, you will never reach your full potential."
Twilight bowed her head, and watched her tears collect on the dark wood floor, of the study. "Then that means I'm..." she managed.
"That's right my student. It's not Sombra, those are your thoughts." Celestia's mane flowed gently in the apparent breeze that always surrounded her. "They don't rule you and I suspect they never will, but they're so loud now because you've never let yourself practice your magic from that place before. You cannot let them rule you, but you must acknowledge them."
At that moment, something inside Twlight snapped, and she lifted her head. "Why did you do this to me?" Bitterness crept into the words behind the sadness. "You made me hurt this way." Her eyes flashed green. "You were supposed to protect me! Not turn me into a monster!" She stamped her forehoof, rattling the nearest bookcase, and bared her teeth. Celestia remained impassive, which seemed only to raise Twilight's anger further.
"HOW COULD YOU---" and a black crack of magic spluttered out of her horn, throwing her backwards against the study's heavy door.
Twilight lifted her head from the heap she'd fallen in, and opened her eyes, clear again. "Oh... oh no... nonononono..." and the sobs began anew.
Princess Celestia came close and spoke in her soothing tones "Do you know what your name means, Twilight?"
The best Twilight could offer was a dehydrated "My... name?"
"Twilight is the light between the dark of night and the break of dawn," Celestia informed as she drew herself to her full height. "You, Twilight Sparkle, paved the way for my return, the return of the sun when Nightmare Moon threatened Equestria with eternal night." Twilight nodded, not quite understanding. "However, Twilight cannot exist without the darkness."
"This," said Celestia, her words heavy in the air, "is the next level of your study."