Stepsister

[kianaaaaa]

I'm always super cautious about starting a new multi-chapter story, but I have a good feeling about this one.

Title: Stepsister
Rating: PG-13/R-ish for heavy drug use and kissing between step-siblings if that squicks you.
Genre: Romance/General.
Summary: Aric's almost nonexistent relationship with his stepsister takes a sharp turn when she stumbles

Comments

[scratchcase]

Aric paused in the middle of silently entering the house, looking at his dad sitting on the couch with his new wife.

This sentence is odd. It makes it sound like he's in the middle of the house or something. Perhaps he paused in the doorway?

His face was stern and Aric mumbled a "sorry" before letting the door creak as it closed and hastily escaping to the kitchen.

Once again, a slightly confusing sentence. Did he let the door creak, or did he let it close?

A loud noise broke the cozy atmosphere of the suburban home as the door was opened and slammed shut.

Was the cozy atmosphere ever present in this home? After Aric walked in late I'm thinking that the atmosphere would have been tense. This is also another sentence that she be reworded. It's the door that's making the loud noise, so why not just say 'The door opened and slammed shut and broke the cozy atmosphere of the cozy suburban home'? That really wasn't a good example, but do you get where I'm going?

Everyone's eyes widened at her slurred voice.Did their eyes widen at her

[kianaaaaa]

Thanks so much for the feedback. I've edited it a bit, but, to be honest, the reasons their names are so similar is simply because I thought of the two characters separately and I couldn't really imagine their names any differently. But I'm probably going to change one of their names at some point to avoid any confusion.

Thanks again.

[scratchcase]

You're welcome, and good luck!