(no subject)
I haven't seen Jesse today, but we did talk some this morning. He was going to come over to watch Gran Torino tonight, but he's feeling very tired. I'm feeling disappointed and sad about that. My insecurities want to think it has something to do with me, but I'm really trying to just believe that he's just tired. That is totally NOT unlike him (to be tired and just want to crash on the couch or whatever).
He's certainly being the stronger, more confident Jesse that I fell in love with. I've shared a few things with him in the last few days that I've NEVER shared with anyone, ever. Not even girlfriends. It's part of my attempt to be more open and become a better communicator. One of the things my mom said is that I have to learn to trust myself; I have to learn that I can trust myself to take care of my "inner child." Sharing sensitive things with my husband (whoever it happens to be) is important and a good way to gain trust in them. He didn't laugh at what I shared; he actually liked it and appreciated it.
I'm taking some really huge risks right now; and though I know these are changes I'm making for myself, I know I'll just be devastated if this doesn't work because of all my effort. Jesse did tell me today that he's liked me more over the past few days then he has over the past 2 years or so.... and I just think he meant that he can tell I'm being myself; I'm communicating; and I'm showing him that I love him. I'm not trying to pick fights; be defensive or hide my feelings.
He still won't call me "honey" like he used to; and he's not saying the "I love you"'s either. It's still only been 4 days, so I need to give it more time - more time for him to open that emotional door again.
**Deep breath** This still sucks, but I actually feel stronger and more confident as a person as each moment passes. I find myself speaking up more - in fact: I pretty much told off my boss today on an issue that completely deserved it. He backed down and even came to my office later to tell me I was doing the right thing (in his own weird way). I did speak to my old boss at the State office about coming back.... If I want her to, she'd find me a place to work if I really wanted to get out of the PD's office. How cool is that?
After the soccer tourney this weekend, I took the today and yesterday off for working out. I am signed up for a boot camp in the morning (the one I didn't go to on Monday) - should be interesting!
I took the pups to the dog park today. Rusty, our 2 year old Aussie, was BAD! A couple of times we've noticed that he's developed some aggression towards other dogs. He was socialized with other dogs at a very young age, so I have no idea what's going on. Jesse has been bugging me about getting him out for exercise, I just haven't been able to. So, I made a point to take them today.
What a friggin' disaster!! We were there less than 3 minutes when he started 3 different fights with 3 different dogs. I leashed him and we went on our way. Luckily, the fights were bad nor did they last long, but WTF?!?! He really is a sweet, sweet dog. I would say it might be because Jesse's gone, but he started this long before Jesse moved out. He actually attacked his best friend Bailey (Paul's border Collie) awhile ago. I wasn't here for that, but apparently it was completely random. I wish we had money for some dog training right now.....
NEway...
I'm feeling better now. Feels good to write things out re: Jesse. The wine also helps! ;) he he
OH! My Dad is flying me out to see him over Father's Day weekend - totally his suggestion. He's going to take me to Atlantic City! Sweet stuff! I can't wait!
He's certainly being the stronger, more confident Jesse that I fell in love with. I've shared a few things with him in the last few days that I've NEVER shared with anyone, ever. Not even girlfriends. It's part of my attempt to be more open and become a better communicator. One of the things my mom said is that I have to learn to trust myself; I have to learn that I can trust myself to take care of my "inner child." Sharing sensitive things with my husband (whoever it happens to be) is important and a good way to gain trust in them. He didn't laugh at what I shared; he actually liked it and appreciated it.
I'm taking some really huge risks right now; and though I know these are changes I'm making for myself, I know I'll just be devastated if this doesn't work because of all my effort. Jesse did tell me today that he's liked me more over the past few days then he has over the past 2 years or so.... and I just think he meant that he can tell I'm being myself; I'm communicating; and I'm showing him that I love him. I'm not trying to pick fights; be defensive or hide my feelings.
He still won't call me "honey" like he used to; and he's not saying the "I love you"'s either. It's still only been 4 days, so I need to give it more time - more time for him to open that emotional door again.
**Deep breath** This still sucks, but I actually feel stronger and more confident as a person as each moment passes. I find myself speaking up more - in fact: I pretty much told off my boss today on an issue that completely deserved it. He backed down and even came to my office later to tell me I was doing the right thing (in his own weird way). I did speak to my old boss at the State office about coming back.... If I want her to, she'd find me a place to work if I really wanted to get out of the PD's office. How cool is that?
After the soccer tourney this weekend, I took the today and yesterday off for working out. I am signed up for a boot camp in the morning (the one I didn't go to on Monday) - should be interesting!
I took the pups to the dog park today. Rusty, our 2 year old Aussie, was BAD! A couple of times we've noticed that he's developed some aggression towards other dogs. He was socialized with other dogs at a very young age, so I have no idea what's going on. Jesse has been bugging me about getting him out for exercise, I just haven't been able to. So, I made a point to take them today.
What a friggin' disaster!! We were there less than 3 minutes when he started 3 different fights with 3 different dogs. I leashed him and we went on our way. Luckily, the fights were bad nor did they last long, but WTF?!?! He really is a sweet, sweet dog. I would say it might be because Jesse's gone, but he started this long before Jesse moved out. He actually attacked his best friend Bailey (Paul's border Collie) awhile ago. I wasn't here for that, but apparently it was completely random. I wish we had money for some dog training right now.....
NEway...
I'm feeling better now. Feels good to write things out re: Jesse. The wine also helps! ;) he he
OH! My Dad is flying me out to see him over Father's Day weekend - totally his suggestion. He's going to take me to Atlantic City! Sweet stuff! I can't wait!