The Cl0 Bible
The Cl0 Bible
Genesis
In the beginning, there was nothing. Then God said, "Let there be car!". And there was. And it was a good car. And God named it Cl0. God sent Cl0 to the Volvo dealership, where Ryan's grandfather bought it, and passed it onto Ryan. And that was the birth of Cl0. And God said unto Ryan, "Thou shalt be thine Prophet of Cl0. Speak the holy words to thine people, and tell them that this is the way to Eternal Happiness."
The 10 Commandments
1. Thou shalt not wear a seatbelt, unless pulled over by thine Police.
2. Thou shalt obey the rules of SGFTD, or else thou shalt be smited.
3. Thou shalt obey the rules of Padiddle, or else thou shalt be dealt with by the hands of the Almighty.
4. Thou shalt not smoke in Cl0 in the presence of Ryan's grandparents.
5. Thou shalt not radio-nazi.
6. Thou shalt not say the ever-forbidden words to certain people: rape, dissapointment, whore, fat.
7. Thou shalt not mention in praise those who have been banished.
8. Thou shalt not whine about not getting a window seat.
9. Thou shalt listen to Ryan as the prophet of Cl0.
10. Thou shalt not sucketh at life.
Thine Rules of SGFTD
And the Lord said unto Ryan, "Rejoice! For now thou hast become a driver!" Ryan said unto His Holiness, "But, God, do tell. I have so many friends, and thine vehicle has only one seat next to me! How shall I overcome this treachery?" And the Lord said, "By the ways of SGFTD. At 12 o'clock midnight, when the new day has begun, thine friends shall call or texteth you and claim it by saying the sacred words, 'SGFTD'. No earlier than 12 o'clock exactly may it be claimed, and no later after it has already been claimed. Once one has claimethed it as theirs, it is theirs to own for the entire day, until it has becometh 12 o'clock midnight again. If thou hast a day-of-birth, thou may recieveth SGFTD for that day, as it is the holiest of days and must be respected as such. SGFTD is debatable if thou hast runneth off from Cl0 for over a week whether they may recieve SGFTD or not." And Ryan said unto God, "O' Holy One, how must one debateth this?" And the Lord said unto thee, "By thine sacred game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. If thou hast won the first time, it is theirs to claim."
Thine Rules of Padiddle
And so God said unto Ryan, "Playeth a game! For Cl0 is no ordinary vehicle, She is a mighty chariot of Awesome, and shall taketh you to the Promise Land." And Ryan said unto the Lord, "What game shall be played, o' Holy One?" And God said unto thee, "Padiddle, my Son. Thou shalt playeth the game of Padiddle. To play this Holy game, one must looketh for other cars with one headlight out. Only one. Then, when thou hast seen this, thou shalt punch thine roof of vehicle and shout the sacred word, 'Padiddle'. Thou may not shouteth before punching, nor may you shout and not punch. Then, once thou has spoken the word, the others playing in thine holy game may punch without shouting, or punch then shout. Thou cannot shouteth before punching, nor can one not punch." And Ryan said unto the Lord, "But Lord, what if thou has punchethed last?" And the Lord said unto thee, "Then thou must remove one article of clothing. Padiddle will last until all thine players are naked, or until thou has determined the game to be finished."