Long entry
To do list and some musings
Get dishes out of room, also anything else that belongs downstairs should go downstairs.
Do laundry. Lots and lots of laundry. Sheets first, as well as anything that can be washed with them, then jeans and etc.
Try to figure out where to put everything in room--maybe start packing some
Take out garbage from room and bathroom
Clean bathroom
Put videos and anything else related that will fit into video cabinet. It's there for a reason.
Fold laundry and put into closet, also hang up dress clothes/pretty clothes and hang, either in closet or other room's closet (prefer my closet.)
Put dirty laundry into old laundry bag, clean laundry into new.
Find something to put knitting supplies into
Figure out what to wear on Saturday and set out--probably stretchy jeans and pink top? Pink top looks nice. So does white, but will probably be too warm that day.
Clear out junk on other side of bed, consider putting out rug.
Vacuum room!
Get plushies arranged more reasonably
Get phone back in here.
Shower, wash hair, shave, etc.
To hell with the downstairs, going to be busy enough as is! ;)
Ok, now that I've got that done...onto the heart of the entry.
Today was...odd. Mom showed up at around 11am, thank goodness I wasn't doing anything she wouldn't have approved of at the time. She decided to try to nap so I came back up here and got online. Talked to Troy and confirmed our plans for Saturday, hopefully Jeannette will be on when I get online in an hour and a half. Mom decided she couldn't sleep, so we went out looking for a dresser for their room with no luck. Decided to go to Wal-Mart and get some stuff we needed, groceries, etc. By the time we were done it was time to get Vince from work. Came home, tried to plan for dinner, when he got called back to work. So mom and I hung out for a while, not doing much of anything really. Had a very odd talk about love, sex, etc. Kind of creeped out because while I'm not supposed to understand what she was talking about as I'm not supposed to have had sex yet, I completely do understand what she said.
She was talking about a man that she was heavily involved with about ten years ago, and how she loved him. She said that one time when they were...er, intimate, something happened that she recognized, but it scared him. She said that it was a spiritual experience, something she couldn't really describe. Of course, I had to play dumb, but in all reality, I know exactly what she was talking about it. I referenced it in an earlier entry, a long time ago now. Anyway, she was saying how hurt she was when he left, totally miserable, felt like he'd cut out her heart, run it over, threw it away, etc. I do remember how miserable she was back then. The thing that scares me a little is that I know for a fact that if anything ever happened with Evan (God forbid), that's how I'd feel. But for her, it was merely evidence that I shouldn't have sex with him, because she doesn't want me to ever feel this way. She even said that she doesn't feel the same way about Vince as she did about the former guy. She said she didn't want to feel like that about him, she was never going to let that happen to her again. I know she loves Vince, but I have never felt it was quite "right," according to my expectations for a relationship, and from henceforth I'm going to stop likening or comparing their relationship to ours. I could never love halfway. She seems to be as selfish in love as she is in life. But that's her life, not mine, and another rant completely.
Now, I've always been a believer in the idea that you never love two people the same way, you cannot love two people the same way, and this supports that. But I just can't allow myself to see the risk of possible heartbreak as an excuse for never allowing yourself to be fully, truly in love, immersed and spiritually tied to another human being. I think that's one of the beautiful benefits of human life, and I could never deny myself that. No greatness is gained without at least some risk, and I think it's worth it to experience something this wonderful. The fact that the guy, who was older than her, was scared by the connection they felt that night, is somewhat helpful to me, because I know that when it happened for Evan and I that we both embraced it fully and were happy about it, exhilarated that we had connected on another, deeper level. I also truly believe and trust that Evan loves me and would never hurt me, as I know I would never hurt him because of my love for him. I think here lies the difference in her relationship and mine--while she was the only one feeling that way in that relationship, I don't think that it's just me, I don't think it could possibly be just me. Which leads me to the conclusion that Evan and I must truly be destined for each other--if we can both generate the happiness and love and completely live for our life together, then we're on the right path.
This song really fits my view on love, so I'm throwing it in here. It's one of "our" songs, and it's from "our" movie. Yes, I'm a Bohemian, what can I say? ;)
Come What May - Moulin Rouge
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you
Until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collapse
But I love you (I love you)
Until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
Oh, come what may
Come what may
I will love you (I will love you)- suddenly the world seems like such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
I'd really like to hear some opinions about this subject from you guys, whether married, single, taken, long-time partnership, whatever--do you think it's worth it to love wholly, and lose, and hurt, or would you rather only love someone halfway, never allowing yourself to become so close that if they left, you could go on without feeling devastated? Is it right to not love someone with all your heart, mind, and soul when they are promised to be your eternal partner? If you aren't in love enough to be hurt by their unfortunate departure, are you really in love? The difference between loving and being in love? I'm secure in my relationship and love for the most wonderful man in my life, but I'm still curious and pondering these ideas. Agree with me? Disagree? Let me know! :) Comments on these questions, as well as ideas/thoughts/responses are muchly appreciated. Thanks. :) Some food for thought, I suppose.
Get dishes out of room, also anything else that belongs downstairs should go downstairs.
Do laundry. Lots and lots of laundry. Sheets first, as well as anything that can be washed with them, then jeans and etc.
Try to figure out where to put everything in room--maybe start packing some
Take out garbage from room and bathroom
Clean bathroom
Put videos and anything else related that will fit into video cabinet. It's there for a reason.
Fold laundry and put into closet, also hang up dress clothes/pretty clothes and hang, either in closet or other room's closet (prefer my closet.)
Put dirty laundry into old laundry bag, clean laundry into new.
Find something to put knitting supplies into
Figure out what to wear on Saturday and set out--probably stretchy jeans and pink top? Pink top looks nice. So does white, but will probably be too warm that day.
Clear out junk on other side of bed, consider putting out rug.
Vacuum room!
Get plushies arranged more reasonably
Get phone back in here.
Shower, wash hair, shave, etc.
To hell with the downstairs, going to be busy enough as is! ;)
Ok, now that I've got that done...onto the heart of the entry.
Today was...odd. Mom showed up at around 11am, thank goodness I wasn't doing anything she wouldn't have approved of at the time. She decided to try to nap so I came back up here and got online. Talked to Troy and confirmed our plans for Saturday, hopefully Jeannette will be on when I get online in an hour and a half. Mom decided she couldn't sleep, so we went out looking for a dresser for their room with no luck. Decided to go to Wal-Mart and get some stuff we needed, groceries, etc. By the time we were done it was time to get Vince from work. Came home, tried to plan for dinner, when he got called back to work. So mom and I hung out for a while, not doing much of anything really. Had a very odd talk about love, sex, etc. Kind of creeped out because while I'm not supposed to understand what she was talking about as I'm not supposed to have had sex yet, I completely do understand what she said.
She was talking about a man that she was heavily involved with about ten years ago, and how she loved him. She said that one time when they were...er, intimate, something happened that she recognized, but it scared him. She said that it was a spiritual experience, something she couldn't really describe. Of course, I had to play dumb, but in all reality, I know exactly what she was talking about it. I referenced it in an earlier entry, a long time ago now. Anyway, she was saying how hurt she was when he left, totally miserable, felt like he'd cut out her heart, run it over, threw it away, etc. I do remember how miserable she was back then. The thing that scares me a little is that I know for a fact that if anything ever happened with Evan (God forbid), that's how I'd feel. But for her, it was merely evidence that I shouldn't have sex with him, because she doesn't want me to ever feel this way. She even said that she doesn't feel the same way about Vince as she did about the former guy. She said she didn't want to feel like that about him, she was never going to let that happen to her again. I know she loves Vince, but I have never felt it was quite "right," according to my expectations for a relationship, and from henceforth I'm going to stop likening or comparing their relationship to ours. I could never love halfway. She seems to be as selfish in love as she is in life. But that's her life, not mine, and another rant completely.
Now, I've always been a believer in the idea that you never love two people the same way, you cannot love two people the same way, and this supports that. But I just can't allow myself to see the risk of possible heartbreak as an excuse for never allowing yourself to be fully, truly in love, immersed and spiritually tied to another human being. I think that's one of the beautiful benefits of human life, and I could never deny myself that. No greatness is gained without at least some risk, and I think it's worth it to experience something this wonderful. The fact that the guy, who was older than her, was scared by the connection they felt that night, is somewhat helpful to me, because I know that when it happened for Evan and I that we both embraced it fully and were happy about it, exhilarated that we had connected on another, deeper level. I also truly believe and trust that Evan loves me and would never hurt me, as I know I would never hurt him because of my love for him. I think here lies the difference in her relationship and mine--while she was the only one feeling that way in that relationship, I don't think that it's just me, I don't think it could possibly be just me. Which leads me to the conclusion that Evan and I must truly be destined for each other--if we can both generate the happiness and love and completely live for our life together, then we're on the right path.
This song really fits my view on love, so I'm throwing it in here. It's one of "our" songs, and it's from "our" movie. Yes, I'm a Bohemian, what can I say? ;)
Come What May - Moulin Rouge
Never knew I could feel like this
Like I've never seen the sky before
Want to vanish inside your kiss
Every day I love you more and more
Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I love you
Until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
Suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
It all revolves around you
And there's no mountain too high, no river too wide
Sing out this song and I'll be there by your side
Storm clouds may gather and stars may collapse
But I love you (I love you)
Until the end of time
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
Oh, come what may
Come what may
I will love you (I will love you)- suddenly the world seems like such a perfect place
Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day
I'd really like to hear some opinions about this subject from you guys, whether married, single, taken, long-time partnership, whatever--do you think it's worth it to love wholly, and lose, and hurt, or would you rather only love someone halfway, never allowing yourself to become so close that if they left, you could go on without feeling devastated? Is it right to not love someone with all your heart, mind, and soul when they are promised to be your eternal partner? If you aren't in love enough to be hurt by their unfortunate departure, are you really in love? The difference between loving and being in love? I'm secure in my relationship and love for the most wonderful man in my life, but I'm still curious and pondering these ideas. Agree with me? Disagree? Let me know! :) Comments on these questions, as well as ideas/thoughts/responses are muchly appreciated. Thanks. :) Some food for thought, I suppose.