Gray walls and Industrial cages

[kieta_seraphim]

I haven't posted anything fanfiction related of late and I just wanted to post this here.

Title: Gray walls and industrial cages
Original text: Crucial Band Bonding Moment by heygeorge
Fandom: The GazettE
Erased by: Mystxdeathangel

For: erasureathonThe unsightly sprawl of the city into the horizon

Comments

[zempasuchil]

I really like the first stanza especially. It read just like a poem, not like a weird postmodern experiment, and that's refreshing. I love the lines There was nothing fresh about the new season. / It smelled dirty. Great way to end a stanza, on a short punchy line like that.

It was either fall down or do something against it. - really neat line. great image of the physicality of resistance.

I like the structure you've got going on of one sentence per line. It creates a compelling rhythm.

The ending lines are particularly sweet and lovely:
This certainly hadn't been his plan but,
The weather was great, it was spring.
This was a time for a new beginning.

Yes it was all good.

nice job! I enjoyed reading this!