☆ 1665 - Massive friend cut!

[kikenna]

I think I've officially just grown tired of livejournal, or at least the stress of having to entertain an audience. Nothing seems to come out of it, really. Except for music news I wouldn't be able to get otherwise, it's simply just becoming a chore to be here. Posting seems useless. Lately I've been writing less and less personal posts anymore. In

Comments

[melodybutterfly]

Sweetie, you know that I do care about you, even if I've been quiet for a while. I apologized before, and I apologize again. You know that at the moment I'm dealing with all these school issues, and now just yesterday I caught the flu, so I honestly don't have any strength in me at the moment. But you know that I love you and care for you, and I really don't want to lose you at all.

[kikenna]

I know you do! You're part of that 1%, of course! And I'd never ever ever get rid of you or even think of it.
You don't have to apologize, I know you have stuff going on. It's really okay!

[melodybutterfly]

*clings* ;w; Yayyy! ♥ I'd never ever get rid of you either, and I haven't even considered it since we first met. ksnfklsndlfsn.
I'm heading off to the doctor early in the morning because of this flu stuff (orz), butbutbut. Expect an IM spammed with love from me tomorrow as soon as I catch you on, ne?
*sends many hearts and chuns and enzyme*

[kikenna]

Dude, why would I even want to? T_T You're more like ME then anyone I've ever met...I mean that in the best way possible....XD

I hope you feel better! And you have your friend over right? So it's okay, no worries about meeee.

[lielac]

:( YUMEHITODESU.

[chocobanana]

You kept me? :'3♥
I find it so hard to write too personally on Eljay. D; I am sorry if my spam ever bothers you, but that is my way of dealing with things. I'd usually rather forego writing out this heart wrenching crap, and pretend I am fecking wonderful D; I guess, I feel no one really comments, so I am writing for myself. And when I do write for the benefit of others they don't seem to care so much anyway! |D
I suppose I am saying that if I ever say I can empathise, and you don't know why, it is because I am generally not writing about the nights I cry myself to sleep or whatever. Also, I feel like writing comments like *HUGSFORVERLUVLUVLUV* are not so productive (for me anyway), but if you really need that kind of love, let me know (>_<) I suppose everyone's different, and it isn't like I am not thinking of you.

[kikenna]

Of course I did dude.
I'm having trouble with it these days. I've either been ranting elsewhere (having a place no one knows about is so nice since you can rage without having to censor yourself) or just keeping it to myself lately. I don't want to always pretend I'm doing awesome but it's been getting harder to talk about when I'm down. Your spam doesn't bug me. It's more of the people who posted a million gifs and videos and talked about this crazy stuff that made no sense about some...I don't even know.
I mean to comment really, but I haven't been really reading anything too much lately because I've been trying to feel better and LJ makes me depressed more often then not. I was actually going to comment on your post before but I wasn't feeling well so I didn't. (was gonna ask what that food thing was.)
Yeah, I agree comments like that aren't productive. I'd rather get none then just those "awww it'll all be okay" *pat on shoulder* type comments, they don't help. I'd rather hear other things to relate to or talk about.

[chocobanana]

...|D
Yeah, I think it can be better to do that sometimes. And it is always better to one-on-one than even two people (or that's how i feel).
Ohh right, yeah, I tnd to ignore those kinds of posts, not that I get that many on my flist. And fair enough! xD I often not respond to peoples' posts even when I want to. And um, ....food?
Yes, exactly. |D It is why I often disable comments. If people really feel compelled to say something, they can email me. And they do, I don't mind. Ahh but that is why I don't often respond to your posts, i really don't know what to say most of the time. D;

[kikenna]

It's easier when you know the people who can see what you write won't be as judgmental. Or you don't have to worry about saying something wrong and them running away from you for it.
I've been disabling comments more myself. I figure if anyone strongly cares enough to need to say something they will tell me themselves in email or whatever.

[daggi_x]

So you kept me?
I always wondered if my senseless spam ever bothered anyone ^^

[kikenna]

Yeah. I didn't want to get rid of people I just recently started knowing here. Plus you've been commenting and stuff and you aren't annoying at all XD

[daggi_x]

Ah :D
I was a little shocked at first when I read your post and I'm really glad you kept me :)
It would've been sad to not get to know each other better ^^b
Looking forward to that!

[kikenna]

I'm glad you're glad XD
You seem like a cool non-judging type person too, which is another reason.

[binary_saejun]

The fact that you feel as though you have to entertain an audience isn't right, ye. It's understandable why you feel just frustrated with livejournal. It doesn't help that you seem to be going through many things as well, so... Having your feelings poured out into a public area may not be best. There's always making a private livejournal for such things, but that's really not the point.

The point is you don't have to entertain anyone, so I'm glad to hear that you're just going to be writing for yourself, as it was intended to be. So you're doing a good thing. Getting more frustrated with livejournal "audiences" just won't make things better, so it's great that you're doing this.

[kikenna]

Having to feel like I need to censor myself so people won't think anything of me also really sucks too. I do have a private journal, on a different site that's not LJ (that way I don't associate the stress with LJ as much).

It may take some time, but eventually I'm just going to write without caring at all what anyone has to say about it or what someone will think. That's why I really got rid of a LOT of people.

[binary_saejun]

Mmn, yeah it does. Oh you do? That's good -- that's good.

Yeah, it is going to take a while, but hey, go at the pace you need to. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that I'm not gone. Not that I want to be gone. -laughs- I'm just shocked.

[kikenna]

Any reason why you're shocked? :o
I wasn't going to get rid of every single person I don't talk to constantly, it was mainly people who I...NEVER talk to, they never comment me, I never comment them, or just seem to have no grasp on being sane XD