Link Drops and Some Deviousness
Kiki was feeling highly pleased. All-in-all, the past month had really been quite a good one, if a bit chaotic at times, but even that carried with it some degree of predictability when one lived in a city as unusual as Tropolis.
She'd chatted with Freya in MacArthur Park a bit, and, later found some delightful news: Geoff Chaucer was back in town! Returning from London at the beginning of the month, he had spied Kiki over Hyde Park, and the one-time professor and one-time student had a long chat. Finding that he had no place to stay, Kiki brought him back to the Brownstone, which lead to a misunderstanding with her guardians that was just shy of being entirely disasterous.
Hardly a week later, Kiki awoke to find that Folks Upstairs had gone and made her the adult of the Brownstone household. Without consulting her. She was not at all equipped to handle Phale and Wilson being toddlers all by herself, so she called Lana and Phoebe for backup. With the toddlers outnumbered, they managed to haul them out to the park, where they met up with just about everybody before the toddlers escaped. Kiki tracked them down at the ice cream parlor, and Kiki began to wonder why anyone with kids ever bothered trying to stay clean. The wee pair tried to make up for it by making breakfast for Kiki which went well...sort of.
By the next day, the little boys weren't so little anymore, but neither were they adults, either. And they especially didn't dance like adults, either. Or maybe it was that they danced like adults a little too well. Either way, it was a little disturbing.
Michael agreed that dealing with teens wasn't easy when Kiki and he chatted at the Leaf the following week before Kiki met Tara for some help with divinations. After mentioning it to Tara (where Kiki also mentioned her divination troubles and chatted a bit with Dawn) and Phoebe, and hopefully soon, Tonks, Kiki and her fellow witches have agreed to form a coven for the Tropolis-based magic users.
After a bit of planning, Kiki put up a few fliers for her coffeehouse at the Tea Leaf (she rather appreciated that irony) which came off as a great success, everyone seemed to have fun and it was very well attended.
Almost a full week of leisurely, quiet days had passed since the open mike night, days spent either working at the Leaf or delivering for Jam Pony, and in that amount of time, Kiki had had a bit of time to think.
Metatron and Gabriel - well, they really weren't much better than a couble of boys themselves, were they? Pranking Papa Phale and Uncle Jimmy like that. Really, it was fine by Kiki if they wanted to have a practical joke skirmish or whatever it was with the two that lived here on Earth (Is there a term, she wondered, for two couples - male couples - whose method of double-dating involved snark, long-suffering patience, and relentless teasing?) but she rather felt they'd had very poor consideration for herself. It wasn't that she was complaining, mind you, but a heads-up might have been nice. Just like when the Voice had metatronned her magic circle across half the town, sparking off the infamous week of swapped bodies: no consideration, whatsoever.
And they were nice and safe Upstairs, where they weren't likely to feel - or have to deal with - any of the effects of their mischief. That rather sounded a bit like the actions of a bully: pick on the ones beneath you from a position of strength and invulnerability, giggle over it, and enjoy the lark all the more because there's no chance of retribution. And really, when you got to the level of Gabriel and Metatron, retribution - or a divine scolding and finger shake - could only come from just two higher powers: the Father and the Son.
Perhaps...just perhaps...it might be time to remind said Folks Upstairs that certain small witches might play a role in nudging that finger-shaking-scolding in the proper direction.
Kiki. Jiji knew that look on his mistress' face, and it was a look that did not bode well - something that was confirmed as he glanced at the words in her notebook. Kiki. BAD IDEA, KIKI. Vengeance? Is that what you're planning? I can't even begin to tell you what level of a bad idea this is.
"It's not vengeance!" Kiki protested. "Vengeance is done out of a vindictive sense of self-righteousness. I'm not doing this vindictively. And I don't feel self-righteous about it. But - "
-They need to be taught a lesson? Jiji supplied.
"Well, yes, but -"
And how, exactly, is that not vengeance? Enlighten me, please.
"That's not my motivation! I mean, a few jokes are fine, but they forcibly altered Aziraphale and Wilson's bodies! They got no say in the matter, just woke up and poof! Were little kids. One, how is that free will? Two, it's getting to the point where they're practically picking on Papa Phale and Uncle James."
So you're picking on them back.
"Nooo..." Kiki said slowly.
And I'm still missing how this isn't self-righteous, Jiji added. And by plotting something against them, aren't you stooping to their level?
"Stooping," Kiki replied drily, "to the level of two of the highest Powers of Heaven?"
Motionless, Jiji stared at her, fixing her with his large pale eyes.
"Okay, alright, fine, yes, I'm 'stooping,' I'm being self-righteous and vindictive, and maybe even vengeful."
So long as you see that. Don't go into this with any romantic ideals or notions of being justified, because that's a sure-fire way to get yourself in trouble.
Kiki paused. "So you're not stopping me?"
Jiji sighed. As if you'd listen if I tried. I just want you to have your eyes open before you do anything that could be, dare I say, stupid. Or dangerous.
"It's not going to be anything drastic. Or wicked. Or permanant. Just a little bit of turning about being fair play and all."
Better. Jiji sounded encouraged.
"Like this: during all of these jokes and whatever that have been flying back and forth - mostly forth, because I don't see Phale or James in much of a position to be able to do much of the back part - I've been pretty much a neutral observer. Watching everything that goes on, and cleaning up the mess afterwards. Observing, and largely unobserved by Metatron or Gabriel, so far as I know. Metatron didn't even bother to check where he was landing before he blew apart that magic circle, so you can see how high I rate on their radar."
So you want attention.
"Not really. If I can avoid their trickery, I will - but I can't, because I'm the one usually cleaning up. I mean, where was Gabriel with his broom and mop when I had to scrub the kitchen five times in two days? I'm still indirectly affected and involved, and so are many many others, and I'm not sure Metatron and Gabriel take that into account - what of all the people in town?"
What of anyone who might be affected by what you do to Metatron? Jiji pointed out sensibly.
"True," Kiki sighed. "That is a point - but based on what Aziraphale says, it sounds like Metatron spends almost no time dealing with mortals or anything down here on Earth, and pestering Phale and Wilson is a sort of pet obsession of his. I don't think inconvenincing Metatron for a day or two will really have much impact, except in this household."
Jiji looked a little dubious.
"So," continued Kiki, "It's time for me to stop being a neutrally-observing member of the clean-up crew. This little witch is entering the fray, on the side of the Earth-dwellers. It's sort of like the prank war that went on between Harry and I and Draco back in high school, remember?"
All too well. So, what do you have in mind?
"The same thing that Metatron did to Uncle James and Papa Phale. I'm going to transform him for a day or two. Give him a little forced vacation from Elysium down here on the material plane."
You'll need an awfully powerful spell for that. But transformation is one of your specialties, Jiji conceded. And just what do you have in mind?
"I was thinking," Kiki answered, "a guinea pig."
Jiji held very still for a second, staring at Kiki, and then his tail twitched in wild excitement. Kiki? You have, now, my whole-hearted, absolute, complete, utter, and entire support.
With something of a snicker, Kiki flipped open her spellbooks and got to work.
She'd chatted with Freya in MacArthur Park a bit, and, later found some delightful news: Geoff Chaucer was back in town! Returning from London at the beginning of the month, he had spied Kiki over Hyde Park, and the one-time professor and one-time student had a long chat. Finding that he had no place to stay, Kiki brought him back to the Brownstone, which lead to a misunderstanding with her guardians that was just shy of being entirely disasterous.
Hardly a week later, Kiki awoke to find that Folks Upstairs had gone and made her the adult of the Brownstone household. Without consulting her. She was not at all equipped to handle Phale and Wilson being toddlers all by herself, so she called Lana and Phoebe for backup. With the toddlers outnumbered, they managed to haul them out to the park, where they met up with just about everybody before the toddlers escaped. Kiki tracked them down at the ice cream parlor, and Kiki began to wonder why anyone with kids ever bothered trying to stay clean. The wee pair tried to make up for it by making breakfast for Kiki which went well...sort of.
By the next day, the little boys weren't so little anymore, but neither were they adults, either. And they especially didn't dance like adults, either. Or maybe it was that they danced like adults a little too well. Either way, it was a little disturbing.
Michael agreed that dealing with teens wasn't easy when Kiki and he chatted at the Leaf the following week before Kiki met Tara for some help with divinations. After mentioning it to Tara (where Kiki also mentioned her divination troubles and chatted a bit with Dawn) and Phoebe, and hopefully soon, Tonks, Kiki and her fellow witches have agreed to form a coven for the Tropolis-based magic users.
After a bit of planning, Kiki put up a few fliers for her coffeehouse at the Tea Leaf (she rather appreciated that irony) which came off as a great success, everyone seemed to have fun and it was very well attended.
Almost a full week of leisurely, quiet days had passed since the open mike night, days spent either working at the Leaf or delivering for Jam Pony, and in that amount of time, Kiki had had a bit of time to think.
Metatron and Gabriel - well, they really weren't much better than a couble of boys themselves, were they? Pranking Papa Phale and Uncle Jimmy like that. Really, it was fine by Kiki if they wanted to have a practical joke skirmish or whatever it was with the two that lived here on Earth (Is there a term, she wondered, for two couples - male couples - whose method of double-dating involved snark, long-suffering patience, and relentless teasing?) but she rather felt they'd had very poor consideration for herself. It wasn't that she was complaining, mind you, but a heads-up might have been nice. Just like when the Voice had metatronned her magic circle across half the town, sparking off the infamous week of swapped bodies: no consideration, whatsoever.
And they were nice and safe Upstairs, where they weren't likely to feel - or have to deal with - any of the effects of their mischief. That rather sounded a bit like the actions of a bully: pick on the ones beneath you from a position of strength and invulnerability, giggle over it, and enjoy the lark all the more because there's no chance of retribution. And really, when you got to the level of Gabriel and Metatron, retribution - or a divine scolding and finger shake - could only come from just two higher powers: the Father and the Son.
Perhaps...just perhaps...it might be time to remind said Folks Upstairs that certain small witches might play a role in nudging that finger-shaking-scolding in the proper direction.
Kiki. Jiji knew that look on his mistress' face, and it was a look that did not bode well - something that was confirmed as he glanced at the words in her notebook. Kiki. BAD IDEA, KIKI. Vengeance? Is that what you're planning? I can't even begin to tell you what level of a bad idea this is.
"It's not vengeance!" Kiki protested. "Vengeance is done out of a vindictive sense of self-righteousness. I'm not doing this vindictively. And I don't feel self-righteous about it. But - "
-They need to be taught a lesson? Jiji supplied.
"Well, yes, but -"
And how, exactly, is that not vengeance? Enlighten me, please.
"That's not my motivation! I mean, a few jokes are fine, but they forcibly altered Aziraphale and Wilson's bodies! They got no say in the matter, just woke up and poof! Were little kids. One, how is that free will? Two, it's getting to the point where they're practically picking on Papa Phale and Uncle James."
So you're picking on them back.
"Nooo..." Kiki said slowly.
And I'm still missing how this isn't self-righteous, Jiji added. And by plotting something against them, aren't you stooping to their level?
"Stooping," Kiki replied drily, "to the level of two of the highest Powers of Heaven?"
Motionless, Jiji stared at her, fixing her with his large pale eyes.
"Okay, alright, fine, yes, I'm 'stooping,' I'm being self-righteous and vindictive, and maybe even vengeful."
So long as you see that. Don't go into this with any romantic ideals or notions of being justified, because that's a sure-fire way to get yourself in trouble.
Kiki paused. "So you're not stopping me?"
Jiji sighed. As if you'd listen if I tried. I just want you to have your eyes open before you do anything that could be, dare I say, stupid. Or dangerous.
"It's not going to be anything drastic. Or wicked. Or permanant. Just a little bit of turning about being fair play and all."
Better. Jiji sounded encouraged.
"Like this: during all of these jokes and whatever that have been flying back and forth - mostly forth, because I don't see Phale or James in much of a position to be able to do much of the back part - I've been pretty much a neutral observer. Watching everything that goes on, and cleaning up the mess afterwards. Observing, and largely unobserved by Metatron or Gabriel, so far as I know. Metatron didn't even bother to check where he was landing before he blew apart that magic circle, so you can see how high I rate on their radar."
So you want attention.
"Not really. If I can avoid their trickery, I will - but I can't, because I'm the one usually cleaning up. I mean, where was Gabriel with his broom and mop when I had to scrub the kitchen five times in two days? I'm still indirectly affected and involved, and so are many many others, and I'm not sure Metatron and Gabriel take that into account - what of all the people in town?"
What of anyone who might be affected by what you do to Metatron? Jiji pointed out sensibly.
"True," Kiki sighed. "That is a point - but based on what Aziraphale says, it sounds like Metatron spends almost no time dealing with mortals or anything down here on Earth, and pestering Phale and Wilson is a sort of pet obsession of his. I don't think inconvenincing Metatron for a day or two will really have much impact, except in this household."
Jiji looked a little dubious.
"So," continued Kiki, "It's time for me to stop being a neutrally-observing member of the clean-up crew. This little witch is entering the fray, on the side of the Earth-dwellers. It's sort of like the prank war that went on between Harry and I and Draco back in high school, remember?"
All too well. So, what do you have in mind?
"The same thing that Metatron did to Uncle James and Papa Phale. I'm going to transform him for a day or two. Give him a little forced vacation from Elysium down here on the material plane."
You'll need an awfully powerful spell for that. But transformation is one of your specialties, Jiji conceded. And just what do you have in mind?
"I was thinking," Kiki answered, "a guinea pig."
Jiji held very still for a second, staring at Kiki, and then his tail twitched in wild excitement. Kiki? You have, now, my whole-hearted, absolute, complete, utter, and entire support.
With something of a snicker, Kiki flipped open her spellbooks and got to work.