October 27th, 1982
I spent most of yesterday holed up in my flat a miserable, weeping mess. I have spent most of the month dreading the date of the twenty-sixth of October.
It's been a year since Fabian died, now. A year. I thought I had... well, not moved on, per say, but come to terms with it, of sorts. Apparently not.
I miss him. I miss him so bloody much that it still hurts. I still can't get that last hospital scene out of my head, and I imagine it'll be a memory I'll take with me to my own grave. Obviously I try to think about the good ones more, but it's the last time I ever spoke to him, and-
I see so many people out there living their lives and being happy (or at least faking it, how the hell can I really tell?) and I wonder if that will ever be me again. It's hard to watch them sometimes, it really is-
At least I have Quidditch. And we finally have a win to our name, which is something to smile about. I can't imagine how relieved Aidan must be right now. I didn't think I would have it in me mentally to start that match, but- well. Inspiration is a funny thing, you know? And I have really brilliant teammates. Tess was a wonderful distraction tonight Jamie was so cute and that's another road I'm not thinking about because, and between her and Izzy I think I might go and get that tattoo. Some change is good, yeah?
And I am glad we can celebrate the end of the war on Monday. I really am. It means that everything Fabian worked for wasn't for naught.
There's a beautiful night sky out tonight. It's good if you're an astronomer.