December 24th, 1982
This Christmas is not as painful as last year, but I still wish I could just go to sleep for a few days and wake up and it'll be 1983. I don't have any decorations up in the flat. It's going to take me a long time to get to feeling happy this time of year again, even though I have some wonderful distractions (namely my nieces and nephews and Tommy). I think I'm going to pay Molly and her brood a nice long visit tomorrow.
It's been nearly fourteen months and some days (like today) I feel like I'm right back at square one. I think it might always be this way. Some days are just going to be dark and angsty and I just wish I was stronger.
I think I'm going to sell the flat in the new year and move back to Ireland. There are too many memories here and I need a fresh start. I still can't bring myself to move many of Fabian's things, but if I go ahead and move, I'll obviously need to do that. I just feel like I'm dishonouring him if I do that, though. He was a very important part of my life for so long and I owe quite a bit of who I am to him and I can't just... forget that, you know?
I just didn't think I would still be like this so long after.
Well, the Kestrels had a brilliant December! I hope we keep this up in the new year. I hope we can
Nate, thank you for all your help in the past couple of weeks... honestly, I don't know what I did before you were around. Things are very much less overwhelming now.
Hogsmeade is beautiful this time of year. The village is all decorated and there's lots of snow on the ground... Very Christmasy if you're into that sort of thing.