(no subject)
I am up at five in the morning.
That's horrible! Why am I doing that? I have tons of shit to do tomorrow and I just can't do it on this amount of sleep.
Things I have to do tomorrow:
Drive to school
Make it through all my classes
With no lunch period, because I have middle school speech
Take a Chinese quiz?
Callbacks (in accent. Ha ha)
Finish my painting
Do all my homework
HS and R
Drive home
At this point, the painting is definitely a lost cause. That takes tons of time and thinking and emotional energy and even if I work my ass off, it's not going to be done. But the rest of the things I could sort of almost do? If I had gotten sleep.
Things that, for all intensive purposes, staying home tomorrow would entirely fuck me over for:
-Wanting to be on SECS board. (I've already skipped one HS and R class; you aren't allowed to skip more than one).
-Being in the play - although that's not a bad thing. I need someone to tell me I can't be in that play, really; it's suicide.
-Getting my homework done in painting and Chinese. I would be behind in both classes. And Ms Neely might try to make me finish the painting over break, which is unacceptable because work is NOT allowed to bleed into this vacation, for my own sanity.
What if I bag callbacks.
Why bother? I would still have to be doing stuff during that time anyway. I couldn't like go to bed. Even if I decide not to work on my painting at all, I still have to be at school for HS and R and that's so late.
What if I didn't drive to school?
I still might explode. If I don't get sleep this whole night, my decision is sort of made for me. It would be totally crazy to still go to school, right? That's not even an option?
It's not an option if I tell my mom when I went to bed. Although the fact that I didn't sleep might be terribly obvious anyway. So going to school at this point requires my getting an hour of sleep or less, lying to my mother about it, convincing her to drive me home because I'm too tired to drive even though I'm not too tired to go to school, apparently, doing all my shit...
Actually that wouldn't be so bad, right? I've been that tired before and everything. Probably. I pulled an all-nighter like a month ago anyway.
I really don't know why I can't fall asleep when I need it most. Last time this happened was at the end of exam week, and I think maybe I was on my period then too? Maybe it's hormonal. Haha how much does that suck. Every time I get my period I stay up all night? That blows. Especially because I'm so stressed.
Maybe it's just because of stress, too. I actually think that's what it is. But that blows! Because I want to be able to handle it (I can't handle it I need to drop the play I'm crazy I can't do a play junior spring when I'm already like this) and like maybe I even can.
I think I'm so incredibly exhausted and stressed that I can't even see how bad it is and I keep putting shit on my plate because I'm not lucid enough to say no.
Okay. So. We are going to go with that assumption for one sec even though I really want to think it's not true.
If I am so exhausted that this is the most stressed out I've ever been in my life and this is the breaking point and I am at it and it's five in the morning, and I don't even fully know it, then:
-you cannot be in this play.
-you are just not going to get art finished on time.
-China might be too much. But you still have until Saturday to decide. Don't think about it too much right now.
-Spring break: whatever whatever don't think about it planes never drop out of the sky you're going to be fine
So the thing to salvage would be HS and R, if you can. It's late at night, so maybe you can do it. God and it would be nice to work on the painting too because Ms Neely is just not going to get it. Myabe you can make her get it through Mr Fricke. Good plan.
I came in late yesterday morning to sleep. If I need to sleep today too, something's really up with me. Maybe my issue is I don't want to say that something's really up with me.
Well okay yeah I think that's a big part of it but another big part is that it really would fuck me over for SECS which bloooows because I wanted to be on it so much and it in and of itself is not stressful and I'm good at it. It's fair that I have to give the play up. And that I have to be behind in art. But it's not fair that I have to give up my whole shot at that board because of all this other wacky shit.
On the other hand, it's weird of me to skip school and just come for HS and R. But coming to school seems like the craziest, most detrimental, five-o'clock-in-the-morningest conclusion I could come to.
There is a solution here. What is it. Think.
The solution is: try to go to sleep
That's horrible! Why am I doing that? I have tons of shit to do tomorrow and I just can't do it on this amount of sleep.
Things I have to do tomorrow:
Drive to school
Make it through all my classes
With no lunch period, because I have middle school speech
Take a Chinese quiz?
Callbacks (in accent. Ha ha)
Finish my painting
Do all my homework
HS and R
Drive home
At this point, the painting is definitely a lost cause. That takes tons of time and thinking and emotional energy and even if I work my ass off, it's not going to be done. But the rest of the things I could sort of almost do? If I had gotten sleep.
Things that, for all intensive purposes, staying home tomorrow would entirely fuck me over for:
-Wanting to be on SECS board. (I've already skipped one HS and R class; you aren't allowed to skip more than one).
-Being in the play - although that's not a bad thing. I need someone to tell me I can't be in that play, really; it's suicide.
-Getting my homework done in painting and Chinese. I would be behind in both classes. And Ms Neely might try to make me finish the painting over break, which is unacceptable because work is NOT allowed to bleed into this vacation, for my own sanity.
What if I bag callbacks.
Why bother? I would still have to be doing stuff during that time anyway. I couldn't like go to bed. Even if I decide not to work on my painting at all, I still have to be at school for HS and R and that's so late.
What if I didn't drive to school?
I still might explode. If I don't get sleep this whole night, my decision is sort of made for me. It would be totally crazy to still go to school, right? That's not even an option?
It's not an option if I tell my mom when I went to bed. Although the fact that I didn't sleep might be terribly obvious anyway. So going to school at this point requires my getting an hour of sleep or less, lying to my mother about it, convincing her to drive me home because I'm too tired to drive even though I'm not too tired to go to school, apparently, doing all my shit...
Actually that wouldn't be so bad, right? I've been that tired before and everything. Probably. I pulled an all-nighter like a month ago anyway.
I really don't know why I can't fall asleep when I need it most. Last time this happened was at the end of exam week, and I think maybe I was on my period then too? Maybe it's hormonal. Haha how much does that suck. Every time I get my period I stay up all night? That blows. Especially because I'm so stressed.
Maybe it's just because of stress, too. I actually think that's what it is. But that blows! Because I want to be able to handle it (I can't handle it I need to drop the play I'm crazy I can't do a play junior spring when I'm already like this) and like maybe I even can.
I think I'm so incredibly exhausted and stressed that I can't even see how bad it is and I keep putting shit on my plate because I'm not lucid enough to say no.
Okay. So. We are going to go with that assumption for one sec even though I really want to think it's not true.
If I am so exhausted that this is the most stressed out I've ever been in my life and this is the breaking point and I am at it and it's five in the morning, and I don't even fully know it, then:
-you cannot be in this play.
-you are just not going to get art finished on time.
-China might be too much. But you still have until Saturday to decide. Don't think about it too much right now.
-Spring break: whatever whatever don't think about it planes never drop out of the sky you're going to be fine
So the thing to salvage would be HS and R, if you can. It's late at night, so maybe you can do it. God and it would be nice to work on the painting too because Ms Neely is just not going to get it. Myabe you can make her get it through Mr Fricke. Good plan.
I came in late yesterday morning to sleep. If I need to sleep today too, something's really up with me. Maybe my issue is I don't want to say that something's really up with me.
Well okay yeah I think that's a big part of it but another big part is that it really would fuck me over for SECS which bloooows because I wanted to be on it so much and it in and of itself is not stressful and I'm good at it. It's fair that I have to give the play up. And that I have to be behind in art. But it's not fair that I have to give up my whole shot at that board because of all this other wacky shit.
On the other hand, it's weird of me to skip school and just come for HS and R. But coming to school seems like the craziest, most detrimental, five-o'clock-in-the-morningest conclusion I could come to.
There is a solution here. What is it. Think.
The solution is: try to go to sleep