Ten and a half months
I don't know how to deal with it.
I was having a hard enough time coping with what's going on anyway. Now he's gone.
I didn't see it coming. I'm still not sure where it came from. And I have no idea what to do.
I've been crying for about five hours. I don't really see an end to it. I'm not sure how to make it better. I don't know what to do.
I realized a few days ago what a shitty friend I've been, and that I've lost touch with just about everyone. That he was the only one I could really talk to.
Just two days ago we were sitting on his couch, watching a crappy movie and laughing.
It seems like everything is falling apart on me. My grandma is dying, I'm stressed out and exhausted, I have to hold it together for my mom, for the family, for business. I have to be strong, or at least pretend to be when they're around. So he was the only one I could talk to about the mounting stresses of being the Good Daughter.
I've never felt more alone in my entire life.
I almost feel paralyzed. Just completely incapable of moving, talking, dealing. I have no idea what the next step is. I don't know how to just be friends with him. I don't know how to hate him. I don't know how to not just pick up the phone and call him when I'm upset, or how to talk to anyone else about what's going on. I'm not sure how to have that emotional vulnerability with other people that allowed me to talk to him about everything.
I can't remember anything about how to move on.
I was having a hard enough time coping with what's going on anyway. Now he's gone.
I didn't see it coming. I'm still not sure where it came from. And I have no idea what to do.
I've been crying for about five hours. I don't really see an end to it. I'm not sure how to make it better. I don't know what to do.
I realized a few days ago what a shitty friend I've been, and that I've lost touch with just about everyone. That he was the only one I could really talk to.
Just two days ago we were sitting on his couch, watching a crappy movie and laughing.
It seems like everything is falling apart on me. My grandma is dying, I'm stressed out and exhausted, I have to hold it together for my mom, for the family, for business. I have to be strong, or at least pretend to be when they're around. So he was the only one I could talk to about the mounting stresses of being the Good Daughter.
I've never felt more alone in my entire life.
I almost feel paralyzed. Just completely incapable of moving, talking, dealing. I have no idea what the next step is. I don't know how to just be friends with him. I don't know how to hate him. I don't know how to not just pick up the phone and call him when I'm upset, or how to talk to anyone else about what's going on. I'm not sure how to have that emotional vulnerability with other people that allowed me to talk to him about everything.
I can't remember anything about how to move on.