The Curious Case of the Whip in Aquadon
Sucks to you. Leave me the fuck alone.
That's at least what I can hope for. This was written a couple of weeks ago for an acquantaince of mine. Go to his town and spam the hell out of him. That will simultaneously make me laugh and scream in horror.
It was a nice day in Aquadon when it happened.
The door to the large two-storey house opened and a boy with blue hair stepped out into the sun. His name was Joey - and he found to his surprise and delight that ranbow-coloured confetti were raining down from the sky. A thought suddenly occured to him - of course! Today was Festivale! How could have he forgotten that?
Well, no matter. He knew now, and was determined to make that day the best day of his life. According to the villagers' talk a couple of weeks prior, he had known that a special visitor was going to be at the front of the town hall, and he made it his priority to get there as soon as possible. Closing the door behind him, he broke into a light run as he began making his way to the hall.
And stopped.
And screamed. He sprinted back to his house and banged the door shut, awakening his neighbours and provoking a 'shut up!' from one of them.
-----
By noon, all the villagers had noticed what was going on. They were crowded around the object, peering grimly at the ground, murmuring to themselves; yet the truth was that none really knew what to do. Joey had disappeared into his house and only screamed obscenities whenever anyone even came close by, so there was no help there.
Marcel spoke up first. "Okay, but just what the hell is that thing?"
"I don't think the question of what it is really matters," Groucho said grimly, fiddling with his shovel. "more importantly, whose is it?"
Everyone looked at Genji.
"No, it isn't mine!" The rabbit shook his head frantically for a few seconds, but then stopped to gaze shrewedly at the ground. He let out a soft 'hmm' as he lapsed into deep thought. "... well, of course... if nobody wants it..."
"What's that doing in here anyway?" Gladys asked, sounding afraid and disgusted at the same time. She glanced at it once before turning away with a shudder; Cookie, who was standing nearby, patted her shoulder quietly.
"But none of you answered my question!" Marcel whined pitifully, whirling around to look at the silent villagers behind him. "What the hell is it?"
Cookie sighed. "Just... don't even ask, Marcel."
Heavy footsteps sounded behind them as Chow entered the scene with a majestic grace.
"What is this? It's a whip!" He exclaimed upon seeing the object, demonstrating his 'Captain Obvious' abilities. "to whom does this belong to and may I ask why I was not invited... erm... I mean, informed of this sooner?" He reached out for the whip as he said this.
"Don't touch it!" Cookie shrieked. "You don't know where it's been!"
"But whose is it? Genji's?"
All eyes turned to Genji once more.
"I told you, it's not mine!" he protested. "I have no use for whips! The only things remotely close to that thing that I use are nylon threads and silk - and I use it to make kimonos for Japanese girls, not satisfy my carnal desires!"
"I don't think you need nylon, silk or whips to do that." Jeremiah commented, but no one was listening.
"Well, let's get our alibis sorted," Chow said. "I cannot have left it here. I do not have any use for this whip. Besides, I wasn't here at all yesterday or this morning. Yesterday I stayed at home because I was shaking off the last of my cold, and this morning I was in the city getting my shoes shined by Kicks - ask him yourself if you don't believe me. I gave him a rather hefty tip, he should remember that."
Genji spoke up also. "And it definitely wasn't me either. Look at this-" he picked up the whip without fear, resulting a few cringe-worthy squeals from the crowd. "-it's quite short compared to some of the whips out there. Definitely not made for decoration or torture. It wasn't manufactured in this town's Nookington's - I'm guessing another town. In fact, whips made in Diety make a lovely cracking sound..."
"All whips make that sound, Genji, regardless of where it comes from." Groucho said quietly.
"Yes, but those whips crack in Dietish!"
"They crack in... Dietish? What the hell is that?"
"See?" Genji cracked the whip, creating a sharp slapping sound. "That's certainly a Dietish noise!"
"He knows how to crack a whip! He's obviously used one before!" Eunice said loudly, pointing at the rabbit. But inwardly, she was wondering if there would be a way to steal that whip and take it back to her house. And use it on... whoever she didn't like.
Her thoughts were interrupted as a large green peacock pushed his way through the crowd, looking as irritated as anything.
"What is wrong with those people?" he exclaimed loudly. "You lot! No dance? How can you stand before the epicenter that is Pave and not be shaking? Unheard of! Disgraceful! Pave needs candy, and he-" but his speech was cut off as Cookie shot him a death glare. Taken aback, he shut his mouth and glanced down at the ground - and flinched in disgust. "... Merciful Serena! What is that?"
"They won't tell me what it is," Marcel whined. "can you tell me?"
"... Go polish your Lefty Lucky Cat or something, Marcel. Just don't say anything," Gladys looked down with faint disgust at the object. "what's it doing here anyway? I'll just be honest, nobody needs that thing here."
Cookie spoke up. "Speaking of which, Pave, this thing is very suspicious. I'm not saying you own that whip, and I'm not saying that you don't own that whip, but the truth is that it turned up at the same time as you."
"That's where you're not quite right there," Pave said calmly. "I only came to Aquadon at ten thirty. This whip seems to have dew on it - which means that this thing's been here overnight," he said as he peered at the whip in Genji's hand. "if you're done accusing me, I shall return to my dance!"
And he left.
A faint sound of bells sounded as Joey peeked out of his house. He opened the door gingerly and stepped out, looking around nervously at the villagers.
"Ah, Joey, just in time!" Marcel cried, trotting up to the boy. "say, I know this is off-topic but would you mind delivering this package? It needs to get to Tiffany pretty fast-"
Joey took out a hacked lightsaber and whacked the green dog on the head, shutting him up. He gazed silently at the whip - Genji had dropped it back on the ground at that point - for a long time, saying nothing. But then suddenly, he invented the light bulb and hung it over his head.
"Joey has an idea," Gladys called out.
The boy took out a packet of SMB3 paper from his pockets and started scribbling furiously; he knew that he couldn't speak out loud to the normal villagers, and would therefore be wasting his time if he tried doing so. After a few minutes, he threw the paper on the ground and walked away.
Jeremiah picked it up and squinted at the writing. "... I... can't understand what he's saying."
"Give it here," Cookie said in an exasperated manner as she snatched the paper and peered into it. "alright, folks... Joey says that he'll invite three of his friends around. They have knowledge of other towns, don't they? He'll ask them about it personally. I think it's a good idea... I don't want that thing around any more than any of you do."
"Aww." Genji murmured softly.
"Show's over, guys. Joey and his friends will take care of it. If they ask, just tell them the truth and treat them nicely." with those words, Cookie and Gladys departed for their own homes. The crowd slowly dispersed, not knowing what to say or what to do other than to walk away. This was, certainly, very confusing.
"I hope the whip belongs to Brewster. That would be the most hilarious thing ever." Chow muttered.
Groucho sniggered.
-----
"No one's coming," Marcel complained as he kicked the dirt around the town gate. He still didn't understand what was going on; heck, he hardly knew what a whip was, let alone why he was standing guard. "honestly, why am I even here, I really don't think this is necessary..."
Suddenly, there was a sound of footsteps from the gate as a human entered the town. He was about as tall as Joey, with strong, sharp defined features; his face was lean and masculine, with mesmerizing blue eyes, and he wore a monocle and top hat. His eyes were alert and looked straight ahead, while his expression remained calm and smiling. He was carrying a silver shovel with him. Not to mention that he was wearing a tuxedo with polished patent-leather shoes.
"Hot..." Marcel muttered dreamily.
"I just heard the news from Joey." the boy said quietly, and Marcel thanked Nintendo for allowing him to understand humans online. "I must introduce myself. My name is Cierfelo Jacques Riche the Second-and-three-quarters. Feel free to call me Cierfelo."
The green dog looked around nervously before he extended his hand and stepped forwards. "Good afternoon. My name is Marcel. But I don't recall seeing you before..."
"What say you?" Cierfelo suddenly cried in shock, flinching away from the dog. "you haven't seen me before? But... I've also a resident called Marcel in my town! He even looks like you! Or is he a relation?"
"Um, no... I don't have any relatives!" Marcel shifted his feet and looked down nervously. "I - uh - look, well, I don't think this is very... um... STOP CONFUSING ME!" he finally screamed as he ran away from Cierfelo, crying.
Cierfelo blinked.
"Hi, Cierfelo. Thanks for coming at this hour - I know it must be morning at your town - but I honestly couldn't help it," Joey came up to him, dressed inpeccably in a neat Peke shirt. "we must wait for Ross and Reina as well. Hope you don't mind."
Cierfelo laughed. "Wait I shall. I guess you'll tell me what this is about when they both come over."
However, even after half an hour, only one other member of the party had turned up. Ross had come through the gate, dressed in the exact same outfit as Cierfelo, only he had black eyes instead of blue; he also seemed more eager to get going than the others.
"Reina is late," Cierfelo stated calmly.
"Yes, she is," Ross replied just as calmly. Joey, however, happened to know Reina personally and was less calm - she could have been sleeping, napping, or just couldn't be asked to come. Either that, she might have been carrying out one of her many threats and hanging herself right now.
Weird geeky girl was very weird.
"Tell you what, let's go on ahead. Reina might be doing something else. This matter can't wait any longer," Joey said. The other two agreed and followed the blue-haired boy to his house, where he pointed out the object in question, warning them keep their distance.
Cierfelo squinted. "There once was a boy named Cierfelo... who was hunting for two kittens - oh, what is that monstrosity? Take it out of my sight!"
Ross was less disgusted, however, and went straight up to the whip, poking it with the handle of his net. "Is this all? I was expecting some kind of rare hybrid or pattern! Hell, even a new neighbour that you hated would have been part of my guess. But a whip... tell you what, I bet it belongs to Nook. Let's take it back."
"And get locked up in Nookingtons again? I think not!" Joey said with disgust. "look, does it belong to any one of you? That's all I want to ask."
Cierfelo walked over to the ground, and looked down at the whip for a few seconds before shaking his head and turning away. "Nope. Not mine. Mine's pink. Come along now, let us have a race."
The two boys gasped in unison, staring at Cierfelo; what race? The infamous race to the museum? Reina had raced with Joey in that ill-fated race, ultimately winning 100,000 Bells just because she happened to enter the narrow pathway to the museum first. Not only did the race confuse both of them, it also had enlightened Reina as to how much money Cierfelo had; this had put her in depression for weeks, because she knew that she still had more money to pay Tom Nook.
The souless bastard of a raccoon played for keeps.
"Not today, Cierfelo." Joey said. "I'm not going to do anything before I identify who this whip belongs to."
"I'll race you!" A voice called; out of nowhere, a rabbit wearing red and blue ran up to the three boys. She wore red lipstick and a cynical expression, and also carried a fishing rod in her hand. "where's the route? I'm bored, there isn't anything to do - I was considering moving to Germany before you lot arrived!"
"Reina!" Joey screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the sky. "You were frolicking around with this... insane creep instead of me all this time? So that's where you were during the time you had disappeared while in my town! I ought to beat you up for that!"
Although Reina was nowhere to be seen, Joey could almost hear a voice in the peanut-gallery saying: "shush, honeybun. I'll hurt you later."
During this time, however, Ross had come up to the rabbit and put an arm around her shoulders. "I'll tell you the route, Tiffany. Walk on the ocean for twenty minutes, run through all the rooms in the Museum, tell Celeste that she's cute and run back here. Time limit: half an hour. You up for it?"
Tiffany visibly squirmed; she also had noticed the whip on the ground, her imagination running off to Candy Mountain at the sight. "W-well, I.."
"We could have lunch in The Roost afterwards. Brewster's got a new type of salad available."
"But I-"
"And then we can go fish by the river. Hopefully there are char in there."
"Look-"
"If you're feeling cold, let's go to the Able Sisters. I'm pretty sure we can choose a more agreeable design than Joey's Mario shirt!"
"I HAVE TO DO THE LAUNDRY."
Ross, however, didn't seem put off at all. Knowing that words weren't going to get him anywhere, he stepped closer as if he were trying to take Tiffany by the hand. This worked very well in repelling her, and she ran off shrieking into the sun. Cierfelo and Joey watched her go.
-----
Everyone was left with the whip, and for a long time they stared at it stupidly, not knowing what to do or say. The silence lasted for ten minutes, hanging thickly in the air, before a pink dog emerged from a nearby house, smiling.
"Cookie's in the house!" she exclaimed brightly as she skipped towards them. But when she looked at the three boys - all were looking blank and clueless - even her usually unmovable smile faded away as she stared in concern. "what's going on? Didn't you dispose of it yet?"
This statement had a great effect on the boys; within seconds, they were running around in a mass panic, screaming and half crying. Neighbours joined them on the side, although it was probably fair to say that they were a hundred times worse than the humans. Groucho and Chow were actually in tears, and so was Eunice. Gladys and Genji stared glumly at the ground.
"Nooo!" Eunice howled, not caring that her hair was messed up and tears were streaking down her face. "Now... now we'll never be rid of it! You were our last hope!"
"But what is it?" Marcel hollered.
"Go play with your cats or something!" Gladys screamed in response, now completely fed up. "This is ridiculous! I'm leaving!"
"It's all his fault!" Chow shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Genji. "He's bad luck! Just look at him - his taste in clothing is ridiculous! And he was the only one who actually handled that whip, didn't you notice?"
Genji stared. "But I don't own that whip! Really, this is getting-"
"Oh yeah? I've seen you browsing around in the Internet, looking for indecent pictures! I wouldn't be surprised if that whip was part of your fetish! Get rid of him right now!"
The rabbit huffed in anger, face rapidly reddening. "Don't make me bench-press you all the way to Germany, you little-"
"Shut up about Germany!" Joey screamed, throwing a large T. Rex skull at the rabbit's head and knocking him out. "this is stupid! It's meant to be Festivale, the brightest and the craziest day of Spring! Instead all we're doing is moping about this damned whip! Well, I'm not putting up with this. I'm going to throw this in the recycle bin and go around playing games with all of you, like I should have in the first place. Anyone disagree?"
Ross and Cierfelo nodded and stood calmly side-by-side. "Hear, hear."
"But who's going to pick up that... thing?" Cookie asked, wincing as she tried to find an alternative to the dreaded word, 'whip'. However, this question was soon answered as a human girl with brown hair sprinted towards them with a cry of delight.
"God, I was looking for that everywhere! I thought I'd lost it for good!" she exclaimed delightfully as she picked up the whip, grasped it and twirled it around expertly before turning in the direction of Nookington's. "Sorry about me being late, honeybun, I was napping. Anyway, I dropped this yesterday after I beat up Nook's little kids with it! Not fair to deny them such a privilege again, won't you agree? Thanks, guys!"
-----
The rest of the Festivale went along fine, of course. Reina beat up Tom Nook and his little kids, and then played hide-and-seek with Cierfelo, Ross and Joey. After they tired of that, they went to dance and rip off Pave's furniture.
But they never spoke of the incident again.
Amen.
That's at least what I can hope for. This was written a couple of weeks ago for an acquantaince of mine. Go to his town and spam the hell out of him. That will simultaneously make me laugh and scream in horror.
It was a nice day in Aquadon when it happened.
The door to the large two-storey house opened and a boy with blue hair stepped out into the sun. His name was Joey - and he found to his surprise and delight that ranbow-coloured confetti were raining down from the sky. A thought suddenly occured to him - of course! Today was Festivale! How could have he forgotten that?
Well, no matter. He knew now, and was determined to make that day the best day of his life. According to the villagers' talk a couple of weeks prior, he had known that a special visitor was going to be at the front of the town hall, and he made it his priority to get there as soon as possible. Closing the door behind him, he broke into a light run as he began making his way to the hall.
And stopped.
And screamed. He sprinted back to his house and banged the door shut, awakening his neighbours and provoking a 'shut up!' from one of them.
-----
By noon, all the villagers had noticed what was going on. They were crowded around the object, peering grimly at the ground, murmuring to themselves; yet the truth was that none really knew what to do. Joey had disappeared into his house and only screamed obscenities whenever anyone even came close by, so there was no help there.
Marcel spoke up first. "Okay, but just what the hell is that thing?"
"I don't think the question of what it is really matters," Groucho said grimly, fiddling with his shovel. "more importantly, whose is it?"
Everyone looked at Genji.
"No, it isn't mine!" The rabbit shook his head frantically for a few seconds, but then stopped to gaze shrewedly at the ground. He let out a soft 'hmm' as he lapsed into deep thought. "... well, of course... if nobody wants it..."
"What's that doing in here anyway?" Gladys asked, sounding afraid and disgusted at the same time. She glanced at it once before turning away with a shudder; Cookie, who was standing nearby, patted her shoulder quietly.
"But none of you answered my question!" Marcel whined pitifully, whirling around to look at the silent villagers behind him. "What the hell is it?"
Cookie sighed. "Just... don't even ask, Marcel."
Heavy footsteps sounded behind them as Chow entered the scene with a majestic grace.
"What is this? It's a whip!" He exclaimed upon seeing the object, demonstrating his 'Captain Obvious' abilities. "to whom does this belong to and may I ask why I was not invited... erm... I mean, informed of this sooner?" He reached out for the whip as he said this.
"Don't touch it!" Cookie shrieked. "You don't know where it's been!"
"But whose is it? Genji's?"
All eyes turned to Genji once more.
"I told you, it's not mine!" he protested. "I have no use for whips! The only things remotely close to that thing that I use are nylon threads and silk - and I use it to make kimonos for Japanese girls, not satisfy my carnal desires!"
"I don't think you need nylon, silk or whips to do that." Jeremiah commented, but no one was listening.
"Well, let's get our alibis sorted," Chow said. "I cannot have left it here. I do not have any use for this whip. Besides, I wasn't here at all yesterday or this morning. Yesterday I stayed at home because I was shaking off the last of my cold, and this morning I was in the city getting my shoes shined by Kicks - ask him yourself if you don't believe me. I gave him a rather hefty tip, he should remember that."
Genji spoke up also. "And it definitely wasn't me either. Look at this-" he picked up the whip without fear, resulting a few cringe-worthy squeals from the crowd. "-it's quite short compared to some of the whips out there. Definitely not made for decoration or torture. It wasn't manufactured in this town's Nookington's - I'm guessing another town. In fact, whips made in Diety make a lovely cracking sound..."
"All whips make that sound, Genji, regardless of where it comes from." Groucho said quietly.
"Yes, but those whips crack in Dietish!"
"They crack in... Dietish? What the hell is that?"
"See?" Genji cracked the whip, creating a sharp slapping sound. "That's certainly a Dietish noise!"
"He knows how to crack a whip! He's obviously used one before!" Eunice said loudly, pointing at the rabbit. But inwardly, she was wondering if there would be a way to steal that whip and take it back to her house. And use it on... whoever she didn't like.
Her thoughts were interrupted as a large green peacock pushed his way through the crowd, looking as irritated as anything.
"What is wrong with those people?" he exclaimed loudly. "You lot! No dance? How can you stand before the epicenter that is Pave and not be shaking? Unheard of! Disgraceful! Pave needs candy, and he-" but his speech was cut off as Cookie shot him a death glare. Taken aback, he shut his mouth and glanced down at the ground - and flinched in disgust. "... Merciful Serena! What is that?"
"They won't tell me what it is," Marcel whined. "can you tell me?"
"... Go polish your Lefty Lucky Cat or something, Marcel. Just don't say anything," Gladys looked down with faint disgust at the object. "what's it doing here anyway? I'll just be honest, nobody needs that thing here."
Cookie spoke up. "Speaking of which, Pave, this thing is very suspicious. I'm not saying you own that whip, and I'm not saying that you don't own that whip, but the truth is that it turned up at the same time as you."
"That's where you're not quite right there," Pave said calmly. "I only came to Aquadon at ten thirty. This whip seems to have dew on it - which means that this thing's been here overnight," he said as he peered at the whip in Genji's hand. "if you're done accusing me, I shall return to my dance!"
And he left.
A faint sound of bells sounded as Joey peeked out of his house. He opened the door gingerly and stepped out, looking around nervously at the villagers.
"Ah, Joey, just in time!" Marcel cried, trotting up to the boy. "say, I know this is off-topic but would you mind delivering this package? It needs to get to Tiffany pretty fast-"
Joey took out a hacked lightsaber and whacked the green dog on the head, shutting him up. He gazed silently at the whip - Genji had dropped it back on the ground at that point - for a long time, saying nothing. But then suddenly, he invented the light bulb and hung it over his head.
"Joey has an idea," Gladys called out.
The boy took out a packet of SMB3 paper from his pockets and started scribbling furiously; he knew that he couldn't speak out loud to the normal villagers, and would therefore be wasting his time if he tried doing so. After a few minutes, he threw the paper on the ground and walked away.
Jeremiah picked it up and squinted at the writing. "... I... can't understand what he's saying."
"Give it here," Cookie said in an exasperated manner as she snatched the paper and peered into it. "alright, folks... Joey says that he'll invite three of his friends around. They have knowledge of other towns, don't they? He'll ask them about it personally. I think it's a good idea... I don't want that thing around any more than any of you do."
"Aww." Genji murmured softly.
"Show's over, guys. Joey and his friends will take care of it. If they ask, just tell them the truth and treat them nicely." with those words, Cookie and Gladys departed for their own homes. The crowd slowly dispersed, not knowing what to say or what to do other than to walk away. This was, certainly, very confusing.
"I hope the whip belongs to Brewster. That would be the most hilarious thing ever." Chow muttered.
Groucho sniggered.
-----
"No one's coming," Marcel complained as he kicked the dirt around the town gate. He still didn't understand what was going on; heck, he hardly knew what a whip was, let alone why he was standing guard. "honestly, why am I even here, I really don't think this is necessary..."
Suddenly, there was a sound of footsteps from the gate as a human entered the town. He was about as tall as Joey, with strong, sharp defined features; his face was lean and masculine, with mesmerizing blue eyes, and he wore a monocle and top hat. His eyes were alert and looked straight ahead, while his expression remained calm and smiling. He was carrying a silver shovel with him. Not to mention that he was wearing a tuxedo with polished patent-leather shoes.
"Hot..." Marcel muttered dreamily.
"I just heard the news from Joey." the boy said quietly, and Marcel thanked Nintendo for allowing him to understand humans online. "I must introduce myself. My name is Cierfelo Jacques Riche the Second-and-three-quarters. Feel free to call me Cierfelo."
The green dog looked around nervously before he extended his hand and stepped forwards. "Good afternoon. My name is Marcel. But I don't recall seeing you before..."
"What say you?" Cierfelo suddenly cried in shock, flinching away from the dog. "you haven't seen me before? But... I've also a resident called Marcel in my town! He even looks like you! Or is he a relation?"
"Um, no... I don't have any relatives!" Marcel shifted his feet and looked down nervously. "I - uh - look, well, I don't think this is very... um... STOP CONFUSING ME!" he finally screamed as he ran away from Cierfelo, crying.
Cierfelo blinked.
"Hi, Cierfelo. Thanks for coming at this hour - I know it must be morning at your town - but I honestly couldn't help it," Joey came up to him, dressed inpeccably in a neat Peke shirt. "we must wait for Ross and Reina as well. Hope you don't mind."
Cierfelo laughed. "Wait I shall. I guess you'll tell me what this is about when they both come over."
However, even after half an hour, only one other member of the party had turned up. Ross had come through the gate, dressed in the exact same outfit as Cierfelo, only he had black eyes instead of blue; he also seemed more eager to get going than the others.
"Reina is late," Cierfelo stated calmly.
"Yes, she is," Ross replied just as calmly. Joey, however, happened to know Reina personally and was less calm - she could have been sleeping, napping, or just couldn't be asked to come. Either that, she might have been carrying out one of her many threats and hanging herself right now.
Weird geeky girl was very weird.
"Tell you what, let's go on ahead. Reina might be doing something else. This matter can't wait any longer," Joey said. The other two agreed and followed the blue-haired boy to his house, where he pointed out the object in question, warning them keep their distance.
Cierfelo squinted. "There once was a boy named Cierfelo... who was hunting for two kittens - oh, what is that monstrosity? Take it out of my sight!"
Ross was less disgusted, however, and went straight up to the whip, poking it with the handle of his net. "Is this all? I was expecting some kind of rare hybrid or pattern! Hell, even a new neighbour that you hated would have been part of my guess. But a whip... tell you what, I bet it belongs to Nook. Let's take it back."
"And get locked up in Nookingtons again? I think not!" Joey said with disgust. "look, does it belong to any one of you? That's all I want to ask."
Cierfelo walked over to the ground, and looked down at the whip for a few seconds before shaking his head and turning away. "Nope. Not mine. Mine's pink. Come along now, let us have a race."
The two boys gasped in unison, staring at Cierfelo; what race? The infamous race to the museum? Reina had raced with Joey in that ill-fated race, ultimately winning 100,000 Bells just because she happened to enter the narrow pathway to the museum first. Not only did the race confuse both of them, it also had enlightened Reina as to how much money Cierfelo had; this had put her in depression for weeks, because she knew that she still had more money to pay Tom Nook.
The souless bastard of a raccoon played for keeps.
"Not today, Cierfelo." Joey said. "I'm not going to do anything before I identify who this whip belongs to."
"I'll race you!" A voice called; out of nowhere, a rabbit wearing red and blue ran up to the three boys. She wore red lipstick and a cynical expression, and also carried a fishing rod in her hand. "where's the route? I'm bored, there isn't anything to do - I was considering moving to Germany before you lot arrived!"
"Reina!" Joey screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the sky. "You were frolicking around with this... insane creep instead of me all this time? So that's where you were during the time you had disappeared while in my town! I ought to beat you up for that!"
Although Reina was nowhere to be seen, Joey could almost hear a voice in the peanut-gallery saying: "shush, honeybun. I'll hurt you later."
During this time, however, Ross had come up to the rabbit and put an arm around her shoulders. "I'll tell you the route, Tiffany. Walk on the ocean for twenty minutes, run through all the rooms in the Museum, tell Celeste that she's cute and run back here. Time limit: half an hour. You up for it?"
Tiffany visibly squirmed; she also had noticed the whip on the ground, her imagination running off to Candy Mountain at the sight. "W-well, I.."
"We could have lunch in The Roost afterwards. Brewster's got a new type of salad available."
"But I-"
"And then we can go fish by the river. Hopefully there are char in there."
"Look-"
"If you're feeling cold, let's go to the Able Sisters. I'm pretty sure we can choose a more agreeable design than Joey's Mario shirt!"
"I HAVE TO DO THE LAUNDRY."
Ross, however, didn't seem put off at all. Knowing that words weren't going to get him anywhere, he stepped closer as if he were trying to take Tiffany by the hand. This worked very well in repelling her, and she ran off shrieking into the sun. Cierfelo and Joey watched her go.
-----
Everyone was left with the whip, and for a long time they stared at it stupidly, not knowing what to do or say. The silence lasted for ten minutes, hanging thickly in the air, before a pink dog emerged from a nearby house, smiling.
"Cookie's in the house!" she exclaimed brightly as she skipped towards them. But when she looked at the three boys - all were looking blank and clueless - even her usually unmovable smile faded away as she stared in concern. "what's going on? Didn't you dispose of it yet?"
This statement had a great effect on the boys; within seconds, they were running around in a mass panic, screaming and half crying. Neighbours joined them on the side, although it was probably fair to say that they were a hundred times worse than the humans. Groucho and Chow were actually in tears, and so was Eunice. Gladys and Genji stared glumly at the ground.
"Nooo!" Eunice howled, not caring that her hair was messed up and tears were streaking down her face. "Now... now we'll never be rid of it! You were our last hope!"
"But what is it?" Marcel hollered.
"Go play with your cats or something!" Gladys screamed in response, now completely fed up. "This is ridiculous! I'm leaving!"
"It's all his fault!" Chow shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Genji. "He's bad luck! Just look at him - his taste in clothing is ridiculous! And he was the only one who actually handled that whip, didn't you notice?"
Genji stared. "But I don't own that whip! Really, this is getting-"
"Oh yeah? I've seen you browsing around in the Internet, looking for indecent pictures! I wouldn't be surprised if that whip was part of your fetish! Get rid of him right now!"
The rabbit huffed in anger, face rapidly reddening. "Don't make me bench-press you all the way to Germany, you little-"
"Shut up about Germany!" Joey screamed, throwing a large T. Rex skull at the rabbit's head and knocking him out. "this is stupid! It's meant to be Festivale, the brightest and the craziest day of Spring! Instead all we're doing is moping about this damned whip! Well, I'm not putting up with this. I'm going to throw this in the recycle bin and go around playing games with all of you, like I should have in the first place. Anyone disagree?"
Ross and Cierfelo nodded and stood calmly side-by-side. "Hear, hear."
"But who's going to pick up that... thing?" Cookie asked, wincing as she tried to find an alternative to the dreaded word, 'whip'. However, this question was soon answered as a human girl with brown hair sprinted towards them with a cry of delight.
"God, I was looking for that everywhere! I thought I'd lost it for good!" she exclaimed delightfully as she picked up the whip, grasped it and twirled it around expertly before turning in the direction of Nookington's. "Sorry about me being late, honeybun, I was napping. Anyway, I dropped this yesterday after I beat up Nook's little kids with it! Not fair to deny them such a privilege again, won't you agree? Thanks, guys!"
-----
The rest of the Festivale went along fine, of course. Reina beat up Tom Nook and his little kids, and then played hide-and-seek with Cierfelo, Ross and Joey. After they tired of that, they went to dance and rip off Pave's furniture.
But they never spoke of the incident again.
Amen.