Yesterday's Feelings
As I lie in bed, typing this entry, sniffing the aroma of the food that is wafting through the house, I wished I could capture this scene in my heart forever.
My 6 months in Shanghai is coming to an end soon, and I would like to take some to reflect and to record some thought I have of these few months.
Coming to this internship was a hard decision. At that point of time when I had to decide, I had other commitments, responsibilities. It was hard for me to give it up, and l know it was utterly irresponsible of me for walking away like that and leaving everything behind. Therefore, when I told F my diecision, I am very thankful and grateful that he was supportive of it, and I remembered him saying that if I give up this opportunity, he would really get mad at me. Deciding on this was because, at that point of time, I really need to get away from Singapore. It was stifling me, I felt controlled everywhere, not by my family, but there is this silent pressure that I need to be this someone, do this something and be somewhere all the time. Furthermore, I felt that I need to grow up and though I joined my cca for some personal growth, I felt that I wasnt getting any, because I was so sheltered there, everyone was basically taking care of me, and for a lack of better word, I felt useless. And I thought internship was a good opportunity for me to show myself that I am capable of achieveing something in life without the help of others. To get this sense of self empowerment.
I guess it was because makring the decision took up so much of my mind that I didnt have any apprehension about coming here. It was only when I was on the plane to PVG that I got a little worried about surviving here. But I consoled myself by thinking that my Chinese aint that bad, I am sure I can survive this city. Furthermore, there are other interns here, so nothing will get that bad.
True enough things are really not that bad. Granted the accomodation needs some getting use to, and the area I am staying needs alot of getting use to, the other aspects of life is not bad. Work is stressful and living with a group of people you see almost 24/7 can be very trying. Homesickness didn't set in for the first month or so because the sudden liberation away which translate into FUN! makes you forget about home. But after awhile, I got a little homesick. Especailly when I started craving for Malay food, something that I can never satisfy in Shanghai, it is just different.
Then suddenly, days seem to get longer and longer, the week starts to drag on and on and work, became all I could think about. Weekends were the highlight of the week for the 3 of us and we try to plan something different and exciting to do each weekend so the weekdays would be more bearable. After that, exciting things on weekend lost its appeal and we have to add in good food and taobao to get us through the months.
Before we knew it, October came and we had a week of work to celebrate the nation's birthday. Beijing and Inner Mongolia were mad fun. Then came my birthday, which I think is the most memorable birthday so far. It started out with Kim, Mei Wei and the locals surprising me with a cake, TOUCHED! and me climbing huangshan together with my sis. I think that conquering a mountain on your 21st certainly gives you some ephiphany on life, no? If not, it certainly taught me something, not climbing any mountains anymore!!
Then came November and now December. Though a white xmas was not possible, at least I got a cold xmas and a not too bad xmas party. And soon, it will be 2010 and I would be home.
I am actually quite sad to go home because for one, I really am going to miss the locals alot. This is probably the last time I would get to see them because the next time I come back to Shanghai, I wouldn't even know if they will still be here. The locals are really wonderful people and easy to get along with. It is quite sad that we only got to be closer to them at a later date when we finally all went out together. They are really like my family in Shanghai. And because in their eyes, we are xiao mei mei, they are always taking care of us in one way or another. Like now, they are preparing a farewell dinner for me, how sweet of them.
Shanghai will always have this special place in my heart. I am grateful for this city for giving me space to learn more about myself, and it really gave me a lot of confidence and different perspective about life. And what worries me is that after I get back, the comfortable familarity of home will just make me slip back to who I was before I came.
My 6 months in Shanghai is coming to an end soon, and I would like to take some to reflect and to record some thought I have of these few months.
Coming to this internship was a hard decision. At that point of time when I had to decide, I had other commitments, responsibilities. It was hard for me to give it up, and l know it was utterly irresponsible of me for walking away like that and leaving everything behind. Therefore, when I told F my diecision, I am very thankful and grateful that he was supportive of it, and I remembered him saying that if I give up this opportunity, he would really get mad at me. Deciding on this was because, at that point of time, I really need to get away from Singapore. It was stifling me, I felt controlled everywhere, not by my family, but there is this silent pressure that I need to be this someone, do this something and be somewhere all the time. Furthermore, I felt that I need to grow up and though I joined my cca for some personal growth, I felt that I wasnt getting any, because I was so sheltered there, everyone was basically taking care of me, and for a lack of better word, I felt useless. And I thought internship was a good opportunity for me to show myself that I am capable of achieveing something in life without the help of others. To get this sense of self empowerment.
I guess it was because makring the decision took up so much of my mind that I didnt have any apprehension about coming here. It was only when I was on the plane to PVG that I got a little worried about surviving here. But I consoled myself by thinking that my Chinese aint that bad, I am sure I can survive this city. Furthermore, there are other interns here, so nothing will get that bad.
True enough things are really not that bad. Granted the accomodation needs some getting use to, and the area I am staying needs alot of getting use to, the other aspects of life is not bad. Work is stressful and living with a group of people you see almost 24/7 can be very trying. Homesickness didn't set in for the first month or so because the sudden liberation away which translate into FUN! makes you forget about home. But after awhile, I got a little homesick. Especailly when I started craving for Malay food, something that I can never satisfy in Shanghai, it is just different.
Then suddenly, days seem to get longer and longer, the week starts to drag on and on and work, became all I could think about. Weekends were the highlight of the week for the 3 of us and we try to plan something different and exciting to do each weekend so the weekdays would be more bearable. After that, exciting things on weekend lost its appeal and we have to add in good food and taobao to get us through the months.
Before we knew it, October came and we had a week of work to celebrate the nation's birthday. Beijing and Inner Mongolia were mad fun. Then came my birthday, which I think is the most memorable birthday so far. It started out with Kim, Mei Wei and the locals surprising me with a cake, TOUCHED! and me climbing huangshan together with my sis. I think that conquering a mountain on your 21st certainly gives you some ephiphany on life, no? If not, it certainly taught me something, not climbing any mountains anymore!!
Then came November and now December. Though a white xmas was not possible, at least I got a cold xmas and a not too bad xmas party. And soon, it will be 2010 and I would be home.
I am actually quite sad to go home because for one, I really am going to miss the locals alot. This is probably the last time I would get to see them because the next time I come back to Shanghai, I wouldn't even know if they will still be here. The locals are really wonderful people and easy to get along with. It is quite sad that we only got to be closer to them at a later date when we finally all went out together. They are really like my family in Shanghai. And because in their eyes, we are xiao mei mei, they are always taking care of us in one way or another. Like now, they are preparing a farewell dinner for me, how sweet of them.
Shanghai will always have this special place in my heart. I am grateful for this city for giving me space to learn more about myself, and it really gave me a lot of confidence and different perspective about life. And what worries me is that after I get back, the comfortable familarity of home will just make me slip back to who I was before I came.