I don't want to be alone anymore
Title: I don't want to be alone anymore
Author: kimisgirl
Pairing: Jared/Richard
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Schoomp like whoa! Angst
AN: For the Sam/Gabe/RPS meme here
Prompt:Richard thinks Jared's shyness/stuttering is adorable. ('cause I love reading about a shy/stuttering Jared) :D for wolfish_willow
Jared wasn’t slow or stupid or anything else others liked to throw at him, he was actually sort of scary smart. His IQ made most people wince when he told them... which he almost never did. He didn’t really tell people much of anything ever. See Jared, he was a nice guy, friendly, kind, smart, a reasonable person in his mind. And yet, no one liked him, no one ever bothered to get to know him, try to see past his problems to the man underneath. You see Jared had a stutter, had had it since birth. He had spent years in therapy, with a speech coach, all of which had been mostly useless. He was fine when he was with people he trusted and didn’t feel nervous around, sure he still stuttered occasionally, but for the most part he was fine.
Problem was, most of the time he didn’t feel that way, and never did he feel like that around new people. Throughout high school he had been tortured by his classmates. They called him retard and idiot and other cruel names all because he couldn’t say his own last name in class without stuttering. He would turn red with shame and bow his head.
From then on, his head was always down, his eyes averted. He no longer tried to fit in, to make friends. College he hadn’t even attempted, he had simply done it online and stayed living at home where he didn’t have to face the world. It suited him; he didn’t need anything or anyone outside his little world. He really didn’t...
Ten years later and at the age of 32 Jared, who stood at 6’4” and was made of muscle thanks to the home gym he’d ordered on line, was living in his own house about twenty minutes from anywhere. He had made more than enough money from his work, he was a computer programmer. And he was happy for the most part... if but a little lonely, the most company he had was in the form of his two big dogs, Harley and Sadie. They didn’t care if he stuttered or was more shy than a five year old on there first day of kinder.
And then Jared’s nice quiet world came shattering down around him, he was still hoping it didn’t leave him torn and ruined at the end of it all.
~*~
“Jared Padalecki?” a firm voice asked over the earpiece of the phone Jared was holding up to his ear.
“Y-y-yes” He managed to get out, loud enough for it to be clearly heard.
“Mr Padalecki, I’m Dr Jensen Ackles, I’m sorry to call you so late but there’s been an accident. We have a Mr and Mrs Padalecki here with us at St John’s Hospital down town. Are you in New York sir?”
His parents?
Jared’s world felt like it was being flipped upside down. He hadn’t talked to his folks in years, not since he had managed to work up the guts to tell his Momma he would never be able to give her the daughter in law or grandkids she wanted so badly, cause he was gay. Not that it would have mattered, he would never meet anyone special anyway. He had accepted that by now.
“A-a-are, they o-o-okay?” he asked into the phone. He was about three hours away by car; he could leave right now and be there before the next morning. “I-I’m not far”
Fear was running through him, his Papa might not have been able to accept him for who he was, but he still loved them, and didn’t want to see them hurt.
“They are in the ICU right now Mr Padalecki, I would advise you to come down if at all possible. They should pull through, but we won’t know just how serious they are for a few hours.” The doctor replied, and for once Jared didn’t hear any judgment in another’s voice despite his stuttering over the line. This doctor must be very professional, Jared found himself thinking.
“Th-thank you, I’ll b-b-be down s-s-soon” With that he hung up and left for the hospital.
~*~
Richard walked into the room and checked both Padalecki’s charts to double check he had the right dosage of pain relief for them. Nodding to himself he moved from one to the other and administered the morphine. Neither had yet woken up and it wasn’t looking very good for Mr Padalecki who had swelling on his brain. Sighing Richard continued his duties, as a nurse he had seen a lot of awful things, but it never got easier, the Padalecki’s seemed like a nice couple.
Just as he was about done the door opened and a monster of a man pushed open the door, his eyes missing Richard completely and landing on the two beds behind him. His eyes widened and Richard could see tears threatening to fall. Realisation hit then and Richard moved toward the young man.
“You much be Jared, I’m Richard, your parents nurse.” He introduced himself softly. Looking up into the man’s face, which was, he thought rather inapproriately considering the situation, incredibly beautiful.
“A-a-are they o-o-okay?” the giant of a man whispered, voice laced with fear and grief that threatened to rip Richard’s heart out. Man had he really been effected by this guy so quickly.
“At the moment they are doing as well as can be expected. I’ll go get the doctor for you and he can tell you more.” he answered softly and let himself out of the room to find Dr. Ackles.
~*~
Jared sat in his chair by his Momma’s hospital bed and silently let tears fall from his eyes. He felt more alone than he ever had before, the only people he had in the world were in the hospital unconscious and the doctor couldn’t even tell him if they would ever wake up. Dr Ackles had been kind and informative, but he’d made it clear enough that the odds of a full recovery for his folks wasn’t good.
And now Jared sat, waited, feeling frozen and cold. He had no siblings to share the burden with, he had no friends, the only people he ever talked to were business partners and that was over the net.
For the first time in his life Jared found himself hating his life and wishing that he had been more normal, not so damn shy. He wished he had someone who could be there for him while he was there for his parents. Parents he wasn’t even sure would want him there once... if they woke up. After all, he was still gay, that hadn’t changed, not even with his folks on deaths door.
Jared turned when he heard the door open behind him, it was the same nurse he’d seen a few times through the day. He seemed to be good at his job and he was always friendly to Jared, smiling at him, trying to talk to him whenever Jared was alone. Not that Jared ever really replied to him, just a few stammered words here and there. Richard, Jared had learnt his name in their first meeting, didn’t seem to mind though. Just kept on being friendly, Jared wasn’t used to it, and it made his heart ache deep inside. Like a reminder of something he would never have. He could admit to himself that he would have liked to have known Richard, liked to have him as... well anything really, friend, lover, even an enemy. Because to have an enemy, first someone had to know you well enough and care enough to bother to hate you.
But he knew he could never have any of that with Richard. Richard was simply doing his job, being professional, a good nurse.
“Hey there stretch, how you holding up?” Jared heard Richard say from behind his shoulder and he wiped quickly at his tear stained cheeks, shrugging his shoulders.
“That bad huh? Here I brought you some coffee and a sandwich, you need to eat and drink something. You’ve been here for hours and I know you’ve not left this room since you got here” Richard came around and placed a cardboard cup of coffee and a cling wrapped sandwich into his hands. He felt the nurse squeeze his wrist before he was gone and doing his routine checks on his parents.
“T-t-thank you” Jared mumbled, torn between hugging Richard for caring enough to notice he hadn’t eaten and crying again.
~*~
A week of waiting, a week of not knowing, a week of fear and pain and uncertainty. It had been the worst week of his life, and yet he seemed to have gained something through out all the shit that he never would have expected or hoped for... a friend. Two maybe if he got really lucky.
He had been getting to know Richard better and better, and had since concluded that the man wasn’t just being professional. Jared was pretty sure that he actually did care about Jared and did like him. Genuinely, which was a new sensation for him, having someone actually care about his answer to the question, ‘how are you’? And Jared, he really liked Richard. So much so that he had spent a lot of time in the last week feeling guilty over finding something that made him want to smile while his parents were still unconscious in the hospital.
Dr Ackles was a good guy also, Jared liked him, not as much as he liked Richard... which was probably good, because he had found out that Jensen was married and straight, so yeah, would have been pointless to like him as much as he liked Richard. But the two had been getting alone well also, neither Jensen or Richard even seemed to notice Jared stuttering, and if they did they never mentioned it. Never made him feel useless or stupid because of it and as a result he found himself relaxing around them more.
Well except where he wasn’t relaxed around Richard at all. He had been going great, talking more, and feeling comfortable with the nurse. Then Richard had mentioned he was gay, and that had been when Jared’s brain had kicked in and let him join the ‘I really like Richard’ party that was going on in his heart.
Of course as soon as he’d realised how he felt he’d been so shy and nervous around Richard he could barely speak in front of him any more at all. Which he could see hurt Richard and promptly led them to where they were right now, having a conversation that Jared was certain was going to cost him any chance he had of Richard ever wanting to be friends with him. Who knows though, maybe he’d get the enemy label after all...
~*~
“Look Jared, I know you’re from Texas, I get that ‘my sort’” he even used the air quotes when he said that, and his tone was sharp and hurtful, “aren’t looked on highly there. But I really thought you were a good guy, we were getting along well enough. I just never took you for a bigot man”
Richard was glaring at him and it made Jared’s heart feel like breaking. Richard thought he was a homophobe, oh god that was so far from the truth it made Jared want to cry. Which is what he did, mortifyingly, right there in front of his parents nurse, in their hospital room, he started silently sobbing, shaking his head emphatically.
“N-n-n-not a b-b-b-bigot” he whimpered, head bowed, long bangs hiding his eyes and hopefully his tears. He felt like running but his legs were to heavy to move.
“Jesus Jared” Richard gasped as he rushed to his side and wrapped Jared in his arms, which only served to make the sobs wrecking his body to intensify. “What is it then? Why’d you stop talking to me after I told you I was gay?”
“I-I’m g-gay too” he sobbed into Richard’s neck as he clung to the smaller man like a life line. All the emotions he’d kept locked inside since he’d gotten Dr Ackles call were coming out of the broken dam and he felt like Richard in his arms was the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely. “Like you” Jared whispered, not stuttering over the two words at all. Inside he felt like that meant something important, but he was too emotional to think about what right now.
“Christ Jared” Richard murmured, his hands stroking Jared’s back and arm comfortingly. “Okay, shh, just breath baby, it’s gonna be ok I promise. We can talk about this later, when you’ve had a good night sleep and some food ok. I’m taking you back to my place, I have a guest room and it’s yours tonight. You can’t sleep on the cot again, it’s killing you.
Jared stood shaking in Richard’s arms for another five minutes or so, slowly pulling himself together. He uncurled himself from the nurse and looked around for some tissues. His face was wet and his nose was running, he blushed brightly when he noticed just how wet Richard’s shoulder was, his shirt sticking to him, wet and gross from Jared’s tears. “S-s-sorry” he whispered as he tried to pat out the wetness with one of his hands. It didn’t work... which almost had him crying again.
“Hey, hey, come on, don’t worry about it stretch, it’s only a shirt, I got heaps of em. Now you coming with me?” Richard gave him a smile and Jared nodded dumbly. With one last look at his parents, he followed Richard out of the room.
~*~
“Morning man, how’d you sleep?” Jared looked up as he walked into the kitchen and smiled at Richard. He felt so much better after sleeping in a real bed for the night and after a good meal that Richard had insisted on feeding him.
“I’m good” he murmured softly, a shy smile on his face. “Thank you... for e-everything”
“It’s nothing dude, don’t even worry about it, I like having you here” And he sounded honest to Jared’s ears, which made him grin.
“Hey, you hardly stuttered at all just then” Richard said with a smile so genuine it stopped Jared from getting defensive like he normally does when anyone talks about his problem and withdrawing into himself. Instead he just grinned right back at Richard and shrugged his shoulders. Not really ready to tell Richard the reasons behind his ability to talk without stammering as much with him.
“The hospital called” Richard said carefully, worry crossing his face and Jared felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. “Your parents are awake; they both woke within minutes of each other.”
Ok so that wasn’t such bad news, so why did Richard still look so nervous.
“What’s w-w-wrong, why do you l-l-look so worried.” He asked, his hands shaking around the coffee he was holding.
“Your Father, when Jensen told him you’d been there the entire week... he um, Jared he told Jensen he didn’t have a son and there was no need to call you. Jensen said your Mom started crying but didn’t say anything. I’m so sorry baby”
Jared hung his head, he’d been expecting it, and he didn’t know why it was hurting so bad. He don’t know why he’d convinced himself that they would wake up and suddenly love him again, even though he was still gay. He felt Richard wrap his arms around him and he lent into the warmth.
~*~
Jared was wrapped up in a warm blanket reading a book on Richard’s couch when the man got home from work that day. It had been three days since his parents had woken. Jared still hadn’t gone to see them, even though Jensen and Richard both thought he should. He really didn’t think he could handle his father’s small minded hatred right now. And he really didn’t want Richard to see how his father talked to him like he was nothing.
They still hadn’t talked about what had started to happen between them, Jared knew Richard was giving him time. He knew it was up to him to say he was ready for that conversation, all Richard seemed to need was to know that Jared was going to talk to him some day. And as long as Jared was still staying at his place that seemed to be enough for the other man. Jared appreciated that more than he could describe. It meant more to him than it maybe should that Richard already understood him enough to know that rushing him would only freak him out and he’d run and hide like he always did. He really didn’t want to do that this time.
So when Richard came home that night he smiled at him and waved him over to join him on the couch. He was ready now to say what he needed to say, to tell Richard what he needed to hear. His parents were going to be fine, and even if they didn’t want to see him, that still made him happy.
“Hi” he said softly.
“Hi yourself” Richard replied, laughter dancing in his eyes, he had amazing eyes Jared thought again for the hundredth time since they met. “How was your day?”
“Good, it w-was good” Jared replied, proud of himself for hardly stuttering at all. He grinned widely, dimples on full display. Apparently Richard really liked his dimples, he’d said so the other night over dinner, Jared had blushed crimson and muttered a thank you.
“You look better, happy” Richard said with a careful smile and Jared could see the hope in his eyes.
“Yeah, I-I’m getting t-there” he agreed, reaching out to take Richard’s hand. “Not q-quite there yet t-though” He gave Richard a meaningful look and moved closer to him on the couch. “I really like you Richard” He had been practicing saying the line aloud all day, desperate not to stutter through the declaration.
“Jared” Richard breathed and moved closer, the hand Jared wasn’t holding coming to rest against Jared’s cheek gently. “I like you too, so much. God you’ve no idea how much” he whispered as he leaned closer. “Can I kiss you?”
Jared didn’t bother to answer, just leaned in and closed the inches between them, kissing Richard soft and it was like nothing Jared had ever known. He gasped and pulled back in shock, he hadn’t expected the rush of emotion racing through him at that first kiss. His first kiss... ever.
Richard blinked at him, concern written all over his face. Jared rushed to reassure him by pressing back in and kissing him again. Deeper this time, but not much. He really didn’t know much about what he was doing.
“I-I don’t... n-n-never kissed... s-s-sorry” he whispered, sure that he was terrible at kissing and convinced he’d scared Richard by his reaction.
He heard Richard whimper and felt him grip him tighter.
“You’ve never kissed anyone before?” Richard asked, clearly shocked and a little... excited? By the fact.
Jared shook his head as he looked at Richard and wondered what was going to happen next. He really hoped it involved more kissing and possibly being naked. He was certain he was going love Richard naked.
“Christ, I think I love you” Richard breathed before leaning in and kissing Jared in a way that took all his breath from his lungs and made his toes tingle.
“Love you too” he murmured, couldn’t help himself, he knew it was true, he also knew that Richard probably wasn’t serious and that it was to soon to be saying stuff like that. But he also knew he needed to say it, and that he meant it and that Richard was just going to have to accept him as he was, in all his clingy, over sappy, giant puppy dogness or it would just never work out. Something told him that Richard already knew that and was pretty happy to oblige. If the way he just growled and kissed Jared harder was anything to go by. Jared was also pretty sure he was going to be moving to the city some time pretty soon. Three hours away was two and a half hours too far away in his mind.
Author: kimisgirl
Pairing: Jared/Richard
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: Schoomp like whoa! Angst
AN: For the Sam/Gabe/RPS meme here
Prompt:Richard thinks Jared's shyness/stuttering is adorable. ('cause I love reading about a shy/stuttering Jared) :D for wolfish_willow
Jared wasn’t slow or stupid or anything else others liked to throw at him, he was actually sort of scary smart. His IQ made most people wince when he told them... which he almost never did. He didn’t really tell people much of anything ever. See Jared, he was a nice guy, friendly, kind, smart, a reasonable person in his mind. And yet, no one liked him, no one ever bothered to get to know him, try to see past his problems to the man underneath. You see Jared had a stutter, had had it since birth. He had spent years in therapy, with a speech coach, all of which had been mostly useless. He was fine when he was with people he trusted and didn’t feel nervous around, sure he still stuttered occasionally, but for the most part he was fine.
Problem was, most of the time he didn’t feel that way, and never did he feel like that around new people. Throughout high school he had been tortured by his classmates. They called him retard and idiot and other cruel names all because he couldn’t say his own last name in class without stuttering. He would turn red with shame and bow his head.
From then on, his head was always down, his eyes averted. He no longer tried to fit in, to make friends. College he hadn’t even attempted, he had simply done it online and stayed living at home where he didn’t have to face the world. It suited him; he didn’t need anything or anyone outside his little world. He really didn’t...
Ten years later and at the age of 32 Jared, who stood at 6’4” and was made of muscle thanks to the home gym he’d ordered on line, was living in his own house about twenty minutes from anywhere. He had made more than enough money from his work, he was a computer programmer. And he was happy for the most part... if but a little lonely, the most company he had was in the form of his two big dogs, Harley and Sadie. They didn’t care if he stuttered or was more shy than a five year old on there first day of kinder.
And then Jared’s nice quiet world came shattering down around him, he was still hoping it didn’t leave him torn and ruined at the end of it all.
~*~
“Jared Padalecki?” a firm voice asked over the earpiece of the phone Jared was holding up to his ear.
“Y-y-yes” He managed to get out, loud enough for it to be clearly heard.
“Mr Padalecki, I’m Dr Jensen Ackles, I’m sorry to call you so late but there’s been an accident. We have a Mr and Mrs Padalecki here with us at St John’s Hospital down town. Are you in New York sir?”
His parents?
Jared’s world felt like it was being flipped upside down. He hadn’t talked to his folks in years, not since he had managed to work up the guts to tell his Momma he would never be able to give her the daughter in law or grandkids she wanted so badly, cause he was gay. Not that it would have mattered, he would never meet anyone special anyway. He had accepted that by now.
“A-a-are, they o-o-okay?” he asked into the phone. He was about three hours away by car; he could leave right now and be there before the next morning. “I-I’m not far”
Fear was running through him, his Papa might not have been able to accept him for who he was, but he still loved them, and didn’t want to see them hurt.
“They are in the ICU right now Mr Padalecki, I would advise you to come down if at all possible. They should pull through, but we won’t know just how serious they are for a few hours.” The doctor replied, and for once Jared didn’t hear any judgment in another’s voice despite his stuttering over the line. This doctor must be very professional, Jared found himself thinking.
“Th-thank you, I’ll b-b-be down s-s-soon” With that he hung up and left for the hospital.
~*~
Richard walked into the room and checked both Padalecki’s charts to double check he had the right dosage of pain relief for them. Nodding to himself he moved from one to the other and administered the morphine. Neither had yet woken up and it wasn’t looking very good for Mr Padalecki who had swelling on his brain. Sighing Richard continued his duties, as a nurse he had seen a lot of awful things, but it never got easier, the Padalecki’s seemed like a nice couple.
Just as he was about done the door opened and a monster of a man pushed open the door, his eyes missing Richard completely and landing on the two beds behind him. His eyes widened and Richard could see tears threatening to fall. Realisation hit then and Richard moved toward the young man.
“You much be Jared, I’m Richard, your parents nurse.” He introduced himself softly. Looking up into the man’s face, which was, he thought rather inapproriately considering the situation, incredibly beautiful.
“A-a-are they o-o-okay?” the giant of a man whispered, voice laced with fear and grief that threatened to rip Richard’s heart out. Man had he really been effected by this guy so quickly.
“At the moment they are doing as well as can be expected. I’ll go get the doctor for you and he can tell you more.” he answered softly and let himself out of the room to find Dr. Ackles.
~*~
Jared sat in his chair by his Momma’s hospital bed and silently let tears fall from his eyes. He felt more alone than he ever had before, the only people he had in the world were in the hospital unconscious and the doctor couldn’t even tell him if they would ever wake up. Dr Ackles had been kind and informative, but he’d made it clear enough that the odds of a full recovery for his folks wasn’t good.
And now Jared sat, waited, feeling frozen and cold. He had no siblings to share the burden with, he had no friends, the only people he ever talked to were business partners and that was over the net.
For the first time in his life Jared found himself hating his life and wishing that he had been more normal, not so damn shy. He wished he had someone who could be there for him while he was there for his parents. Parents he wasn’t even sure would want him there once... if they woke up. After all, he was still gay, that hadn’t changed, not even with his folks on deaths door.
Jared turned when he heard the door open behind him, it was the same nurse he’d seen a few times through the day. He seemed to be good at his job and he was always friendly to Jared, smiling at him, trying to talk to him whenever Jared was alone. Not that Jared ever really replied to him, just a few stammered words here and there. Richard, Jared had learnt his name in their first meeting, didn’t seem to mind though. Just kept on being friendly, Jared wasn’t used to it, and it made his heart ache deep inside. Like a reminder of something he would never have. He could admit to himself that he would have liked to have known Richard, liked to have him as... well anything really, friend, lover, even an enemy. Because to have an enemy, first someone had to know you well enough and care enough to bother to hate you.
But he knew he could never have any of that with Richard. Richard was simply doing his job, being professional, a good nurse.
“Hey there stretch, how you holding up?” Jared heard Richard say from behind his shoulder and he wiped quickly at his tear stained cheeks, shrugging his shoulders.
“That bad huh? Here I brought you some coffee and a sandwich, you need to eat and drink something. You’ve been here for hours and I know you’ve not left this room since you got here” Richard came around and placed a cardboard cup of coffee and a cling wrapped sandwich into his hands. He felt the nurse squeeze his wrist before he was gone and doing his routine checks on his parents.
“T-t-thank you” Jared mumbled, torn between hugging Richard for caring enough to notice he hadn’t eaten and crying again.
~*~
A week of waiting, a week of not knowing, a week of fear and pain and uncertainty. It had been the worst week of his life, and yet he seemed to have gained something through out all the shit that he never would have expected or hoped for... a friend. Two maybe if he got really lucky.
He had been getting to know Richard better and better, and had since concluded that the man wasn’t just being professional. Jared was pretty sure that he actually did care about Jared and did like him. Genuinely, which was a new sensation for him, having someone actually care about his answer to the question, ‘how are you’? And Jared, he really liked Richard. So much so that he had spent a lot of time in the last week feeling guilty over finding something that made him want to smile while his parents were still unconscious in the hospital.
Dr Ackles was a good guy also, Jared liked him, not as much as he liked Richard... which was probably good, because he had found out that Jensen was married and straight, so yeah, would have been pointless to like him as much as he liked Richard. But the two had been getting alone well also, neither Jensen or Richard even seemed to notice Jared stuttering, and if they did they never mentioned it. Never made him feel useless or stupid because of it and as a result he found himself relaxing around them more.
Well except where he wasn’t relaxed around Richard at all. He had been going great, talking more, and feeling comfortable with the nurse. Then Richard had mentioned he was gay, and that had been when Jared’s brain had kicked in and let him join the ‘I really like Richard’ party that was going on in his heart.
Of course as soon as he’d realised how he felt he’d been so shy and nervous around Richard he could barely speak in front of him any more at all. Which he could see hurt Richard and promptly led them to where they were right now, having a conversation that Jared was certain was going to cost him any chance he had of Richard ever wanting to be friends with him. Who knows though, maybe he’d get the enemy label after all...
~*~
“Look Jared, I know you’re from Texas, I get that ‘my sort’” he even used the air quotes when he said that, and his tone was sharp and hurtful, “aren’t looked on highly there. But I really thought you were a good guy, we were getting along well enough. I just never took you for a bigot man”
Richard was glaring at him and it made Jared’s heart feel like breaking. Richard thought he was a homophobe, oh god that was so far from the truth it made Jared want to cry. Which is what he did, mortifyingly, right there in front of his parents nurse, in their hospital room, he started silently sobbing, shaking his head emphatically.
“N-n-n-not a b-b-b-bigot” he whimpered, head bowed, long bangs hiding his eyes and hopefully his tears. He felt like running but his legs were to heavy to move.
“Jesus Jared” Richard gasped as he rushed to his side and wrapped Jared in his arms, which only served to make the sobs wrecking his body to intensify. “What is it then? Why’d you stop talking to me after I told you I was gay?”
“I-I’m g-gay too” he sobbed into Richard’s neck as he clung to the smaller man like a life line. All the emotions he’d kept locked inside since he’d gotten Dr Ackles call were coming out of the broken dam and he felt like Richard in his arms was the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely. “Like you” Jared whispered, not stuttering over the two words at all. Inside he felt like that meant something important, but he was too emotional to think about what right now.
“Christ Jared” Richard murmured, his hands stroking Jared’s back and arm comfortingly. “Okay, shh, just breath baby, it’s gonna be ok I promise. We can talk about this later, when you’ve had a good night sleep and some food ok. I’m taking you back to my place, I have a guest room and it’s yours tonight. You can’t sleep on the cot again, it’s killing you.
Jared stood shaking in Richard’s arms for another five minutes or so, slowly pulling himself together. He uncurled himself from the nurse and looked around for some tissues. His face was wet and his nose was running, he blushed brightly when he noticed just how wet Richard’s shoulder was, his shirt sticking to him, wet and gross from Jared’s tears. “S-s-sorry” he whispered as he tried to pat out the wetness with one of his hands. It didn’t work... which almost had him crying again.
“Hey, hey, come on, don’t worry about it stretch, it’s only a shirt, I got heaps of em. Now you coming with me?” Richard gave him a smile and Jared nodded dumbly. With one last look at his parents, he followed Richard out of the room.
~*~
“Morning man, how’d you sleep?” Jared looked up as he walked into the kitchen and smiled at Richard. He felt so much better after sleeping in a real bed for the night and after a good meal that Richard had insisted on feeding him.
“I’m good” he murmured softly, a shy smile on his face. “Thank you... for e-everything”
“It’s nothing dude, don’t even worry about it, I like having you here” And he sounded honest to Jared’s ears, which made him grin.
“Hey, you hardly stuttered at all just then” Richard said with a smile so genuine it stopped Jared from getting defensive like he normally does when anyone talks about his problem and withdrawing into himself. Instead he just grinned right back at Richard and shrugged his shoulders. Not really ready to tell Richard the reasons behind his ability to talk without stammering as much with him.
“The hospital called” Richard said carefully, worry crossing his face and Jared felt the bottom drop out of his stomach. “Your parents are awake; they both woke within minutes of each other.”
Ok so that wasn’t such bad news, so why did Richard still look so nervous.
“What’s w-w-wrong, why do you l-l-look so worried.” He asked, his hands shaking around the coffee he was holding.
“Your Father, when Jensen told him you’d been there the entire week... he um, Jared he told Jensen he didn’t have a son and there was no need to call you. Jensen said your Mom started crying but didn’t say anything. I’m so sorry baby”
Jared hung his head, he’d been expecting it, and he didn’t know why it was hurting so bad. He don’t know why he’d convinced himself that they would wake up and suddenly love him again, even though he was still gay. He felt Richard wrap his arms around him and he lent into the warmth.
~*~
Jared was wrapped up in a warm blanket reading a book on Richard’s couch when the man got home from work that day. It had been three days since his parents had woken. Jared still hadn’t gone to see them, even though Jensen and Richard both thought he should. He really didn’t think he could handle his father’s small minded hatred right now. And he really didn’t want Richard to see how his father talked to him like he was nothing.
They still hadn’t talked about what had started to happen between them, Jared knew Richard was giving him time. He knew it was up to him to say he was ready for that conversation, all Richard seemed to need was to know that Jared was going to talk to him some day. And as long as Jared was still staying at his place that seemed to be enough for the other man. Jared appreciated that more than he could describe. It meant more to him than it maybe should that Richard already understood him enough to know that rushing him would only freak him out and he’d run and hide like he always did. He really didn’t want to do that this time.
So when Richard came home that night he smiled at him and waved him over to join him on the couch. He was ready now to say what he needed to say, to tell Richard what he needed to hear. His parents were going to be fine, and even if they didn’t want to see him, that still made him happy.
“Hi” he said softly.
“Hi yourself” Richard replied, laughter dancing in his eyes, he had amazing eyes Jared thought again for the hundredth time since they met. “How was your day?”
“Good, it w-was good” Jared replied, proud of himself for hardly stuttering at all. He grinned widely, dimples on full display. Apparently Richard really liked his dimples, he’d said so the other night over dinner, Jared had blushed crimson and muttered a thank you.
“You look better, happy” Richard said with a careful smile and Jared could see the hope in his eyes.
“Yeah, I-I’m getting t-there” he agreed, reaching out to take Richard’s hand. “Not q-quite there yet t-though” He gave Richard a meaningful look and moved closer to him on the couch. “I really like you Richard” He had been practicing saying the line aloud all day, desperate not to stutter through the declaration.
“Jared” Richard breathed and moved closer, the hand Jared wasn’t holding coming to rest against Jared’s cheek gently. “I like you too, so much. God you’ve no idea how much” he whispered as he leaned closer. “Can I kiss you?”
Jared didn’t bother to answer, just leaned in and closed the inches between them, kissing Richard soft and it was like nothing Jared had ever known. He gasped and pulled back in shock, he hadn’t expected the rush of emotion racing through him at that first kiss. His first kiss... ever.
Richard blinked at him, concern written all over his face. Jared rushed to reassure him by pressing back in and kissing him again. Deeper this time, but not much. He really didn’t know much about what he was doing.
“I-I don’t... n-n-never kissed... s-s-sorry” he whispered, sure that he was terrible at kissing and convinced he’d scared Richard by his reaction.
He heard Richard whimper and felt him grip him tighter.
“You’ve never kissed anyone before?” Richard asked, clearly shocked and a little... excited? By the fact.
Jared shook his head as he looked at Richard and wondered what was going to happen next. He really hoped it involved more kissing and possibly being naked. He was certain he was going love Richard naked.
“Christ, I think I love you” Richard breathed before leaning in and kissing Jared in a way that took all his breath from his lungs and made his toes tingle.
“Love you too” he murmured, couldn’t help himself, he knew it was true, he also knew that Richard probably wasn’t serious and that it was to soon to be saying stuff like that. But he also knew he needed to say it, and that he meant it and that Richard was just going to have to accept him as he was, in all his clingy, over sappy, giant puppy dogness or it would just never work out. Something told him that Richard already knew that and was pretty happy to oblige. If the way he just growled and kissed Jared harder was anything to go by. Jared was also pretty sure he was going to be moving to the city some time pretty soon. Three hours away was two and a half hours too far away in his mind.