KIMOCHI: what i feel
Hi, so this is a bit personal. If you’re here im very thankful for the time you spent on reading this entry. Well this is not so much of a big deal, this is about my writing and how people see me. The truth is I feel like im being judged, I feel like im not worthy of the other people’s treatment. I know I did nothing wrong but why don’t you just talk to me and tell me you don’t like my works?
I don’t know if im just being paranoid, but I know some of you think that im boastful and snob, please don’t judge me as if you know me well.
I tried to convince everyone how I want to be friends not because im writing fics but because you want to be friends, I tried my best to be close to everyone but no one seems to notice.
I FEEL REJECTED.
Im sorry if this is over dramatic, I just don’t like the thought that im snob and cliquish which is really not me.
A moment I feel im being judged.
We have an activity in school last semester, it was a game, my professor told us to get a piece of paper and wrote our names there and the papers would roam the room and everyone would put their first impression to the person who owns the paper. I got pretty good comments but one of them caught my attention and make me realize how the things I wrote here. It wrote, “mabait sa mga kaibigan niya.” (“Good to her friends.”) it was good but the effect on me is a bit odd. It feels like she was saying that im very cliquish and close to new friendship, but im not. I welcome all people who want to be friend with me. I didn’t stop myself on being close to them. I swear, I am not cliquish, I am not snob.
And I will let you in with secrets.
I AM VERY EASY TO PLEASE.
I AM EMOTIONAL AND VERY SENTIMENTAL.
I AM AS READABLE AS AN OPEN BOOK, WHEN IM HAPPY IM HAPPY AND WHEN IM NOT, I AM NOT.
*the activity was done a few months ago but it still bothers me. If someone who could see me personally could say that to me then what are my online friends thinking about me? im pretty much worried and I haven’t talk to most of the people in my flist. I rarely comments on your entries but im reading it and if I missed your entry it’s because im at school and I can’t go online all the time. im really sorry for being such a useless friend and not helping much. ok, that’s all. Thank you for those who will read my little rant.
Ps. IM NOT BOASTING, CUT ME IF YOU WANT so it won’t be hard for me if i get crazy and cut my list.