Ask Heechul - Third Edition with Siwon Guesting
Title: Ask Heechul - Third Edition
Pairing: none, appearances by Heechul and Siwon
Rating: G
Length: 1828 words
Summary: In exchange for taking Heechul shopping last week, Siwon gets a guest spot on Heechul's advice column.
Hello everyone! This is Choi Siwon, filling in for Heechul this week. I feel so blessed to be allowed to have an opportunity such as this, to be able to reach out to all of you and assist you in your time of need. I hope you can find my advice valuable! Heechul has insisted on proofreading my answers though, and said that he will leave any additional advice of his own in parenthesis.
Letter One:
Dear Siwon,
What would Jesus do about your relationship with Cinderella and Chinaman?
Signed,
Concerned Christian.
Dear Concerned,
The bible asks that we love one another and treat each other as equals, so I see nothing wrong with my friendship with both Heechul and Hangeng. We should all strive to open our hearts enough to be able to love everyone equally.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(Love everyone equally? I told you he was a slut. -Heechul)
Letter Two:
Dear Siwon,
Who is better in bed for you?
Heechul or Hangeng?
-Anon
Dear Anon,
Hangeng doesn’t steal the covers, and he doesn’t toss and turn as much so it is much easier to get a good night’s rest.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(No one ever said anything about resting, Siwon. -Heechul)
Letter Three:
ShiMa,
I'm telling to God that you do gay sex with Cinderella.
I wont tell, if you help me into Kibum's pants.
Aiden.
Donghae,
God already knows, I have asked for forgiveness, and Kibum’s pants are in the dryer.
Sincerely,
Siwon
Letter Four:
Dear Siwon,
Recently I found out I was gay. Then I realized I liked my best friend. Surprisingly, when I told him about this, he said he liked me too. So we started dating as a couple.
But now, he wants to go a step further and have sex with me... and I don't think I'm ready. This is all new for me and I'd like to get comfortable with the new situation before doing something like that.
How can I explain it to my boyfriend?
Too worried
Dear Worried,
The best way is to explain it just as you have to me. Your significant other should always have respect for your feelings, regardless of whether he agrees with them or not. Becoming intimate with someone is a very serious step in a relationship, it is a decision that should not be taken lightly. While I do understand that not all relationships last forever, I believe the decision to be intimate with someone should not be made until you are absolutely sure you are willing to be with them for the long haul. If he is unwilling to be respectful to your desire to wait, you should move on.
Sincerely,
Siwon
Letter Five:
Dear Siwon,
I think I have a crush on two guys at once! (Who are a lot like Eunhyuk and Yesung) *Cough A LOT alike Cough* I don't know what to do because if I tell my friend that I don't like Eun- I mean the one LIKE Eunhyuk anymore, that would be lying, and I hate lying to my Unni. Hence why I don't lie to her? What should I do, tell her I like Yesung and Eunhyuk, or not tell her? I mean, the ones that are LIKE them.
-Confused about love..... AKA, Sunny the were-unicorn.
Dear Sunny,
I am confused about why you would lie to her to begin with? So long as she is not dating the one that reminds you of Eunhyuk, there is no harm in admiring him, nor is there any harm in admiring more than one person at the same time. Should you chose to pursue a relationship with one of them though, then you will need to focus your attention on that person and not let your attraction to the other cause you to do anything that might damage your relationship.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(Or you could just invite them both for a threesome and solve your problem easily. -Heechul)
Letter Six:
Dear Siwon
I'm a Christian but my friends don't see my religious side. Most of my friends are atheist and don't believe me when I say I'm a Christian! Apparently I support SiHanChul too much for it to be truthful. Help me out, how do I show them that supporting SiHanChul doesn't stop me being Christian?
-Non-Believed Believer
Dear Believer,
You are merely supporting the relationship between three good friends. How is that not Christian? Even atheists have friends, so I don’t see why they would see a conflict between your religion and my friendship with Hangeng and Heechul. We should all become friends.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(I’m beginning to think ignorance is bliss when it comes to Siwon. -Heechul)
Letter Seven:
To whom this may concern, Mr. Choi Siwon,
What do you think of Sungmin in a slutty Santa costume for this Christmas? Please reply honestly.
ShiMin Shipper
Dear ShiMin,
Sungmin is old enough to dress himself, so if that is what he wants to wear to the Christmas party, then it is not my place to say anything. I think it would be slightly in appropriate, as the weather is predicted to be quite chilly and I fear he might catch a cold.
Sincerely, Siwon
(He locked himself in the bathroom for an hour after this one. -Heechul)
Letter Eight:
Dear Siwon,
How does it feel taking over the parenting job in China with Han Geng? Do you really feel smacking and manhandling is the proper method to manage children? Do you know how traumatized you can make children with your ways?
Thank you,
Concerned Parents in Korea
Dear Concerned,
Henry is not a child, and should not be coddled like one. He shouldn’t be allowed to treat his surrogate parents so poorly, and I am only trying to instill discipline in him through the use of tough love. He responded much better after his time out period.
Sincerely, Siwon
(They fail to realize that Henry is a kinky devil and the spankings are only causing him to misbehave more just for the punishment. -Heechul)
Letter Nine:
Dear Siwon,
I know what you and Heechul are doing. God wouldn't approve.
-- SiChulLove
Dear SiChul,
It was Heechul’s idea. I’ve apologized.
Sincerely, Siwon
(I don’t think the apology counts when you do it more than once. -Heechul)
Letter Ten:
Dear Siwonnie
I've been having some very very very unpure thoughts about you. I’m meant to be a good catholic girl but you're far too sexy for your own good. How do you remain on God's good side while you are surrounded by some of the hottest guys on the planet?
*Cough*Siwontakeyourclothesoff*Cough*
I just can't help myself.
From your Dolly
<3
Dear Dolly,
I do apologize, but I cannot be held responsible for your impure thoughts. You must fully embrace your faith and use it to overcome your weaknesses. Perhaps regularly attending confessionals with your priest would assist you in overcoming your weakness.
Sincerely, Siwon
(If this is true, Siwon would never make it out of the confessional box. He is a weak, weak man. Trust me. -Heechul)
Letter Eleven:
Dear MR. Siwon..
I am obsessed with my group head who is younger than me.. He conducts our weekly bible study and I can't seem to focus on the scriptures since my mind wanders off with visions of him and me... [no bed scenes.. yet]
what should I do? transfer to another group?
-wandering mind..
Dear Wandering,
If you obsession has become so severe that you find it hard to focus on the scriptures at all, then yes I suggest you transfer to another group. In situations like this one must decide what is most important to them, continuing in their faith, or giving in to temptation. One must avoid temptation at all costs.
Sincerely, Siwon
(I’m beginning to think Siwon should read his own advice column. -Heechul)
Letter Twelve:
Dear Siwon-shii,
My friend, let's call him friend A, has a crush on this other guy, friend B. Friend A is short, remarkably handsome, charming and has a great voice, although others think he's weird (I totally disagree, it's a quirk!), and friend B who he's crushing on is totally meant for him cause he's tall, with dark hair and has a debonair air about him that would totally complement me friend A. A has confessed this crush to his friends but they simply laugh at him because many think A and B wouldn't go together, especially since this other equally short friend has developed quite an attachment to friend A, giving the impression that they're together, as they look quite compatible, height-wise. Furthermore, friend A has tried to get friend B's attention many times, but B's just too dense!
How can friend A get people to take him seriously, and to sum up his courage to confess to friend B!
Anxiously waiting,
Sweet Potato
Dear Sweet Potato,
Your description of friend A reminds me of my friend Yesung. He’s such a nice guy, and a lot of people think he is weird too but I think his quirks make life interesting, though his fondness for his turtle is indeed a bit odd to me. Friend A needs to stop worrying about what others think about him and do what makes him happiest. We can’t please everyone, so we need to make sure that we ourselves are happy first before we go trying to make other people happy. I would suggest the direct approach in confessing his feelings, to simply get it all off of his chest in one go, as sometimes subtle hints are hard to understand, and the message may get easily twisted into something entirely different if he is not willing to be direct. Best of luck to your friend!
Sincerely, Siwon
(…. He’s even denser than I thought. -Heechul)
Letter Thirteen:
Dear Siwon,
Let's say I have a friend. This friend is friend 1. Friend 1 is an extremely religious Christian and constantly tries to get Friend 2 to go to church. I really pity this friend when it comes to trying to convert Friend 2. However, he is in a homosexual relationship with Friends 2 and 3 and possibly Friend 4 (I hear it at night). Does this make him homosexual and can he still go to church, as he so wishes to?
Love,
StarCraft-Is-Pwnage.
Dear StarCraft,
It sounds as though your friend is very sneaky, so I think the best place for him really would be in church. He really should be repenting for his deceitful ways. While the bible does indeed say that homosexual relationships are wrong, I believe it is an even bigger sin to be unfaithful to your lover with so many other people, especially in a situation where other people may witness it or hear it. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Sincerely, Siwon
(I love you for asking this, Kyu, even though I knew he wouldn‘t get it. Let me in on the Kyumimin, please? -Heechul)
Pairing: none, appearances by Heechul and Siwon
Rating: G
Length: 1828 words
Summary: In exchange for taking Heechul shopping last week, Siwon gets a guest spot on Heechul's advice column.
Hello everyone! This is Choi Siwon, filling in for Heechul this week. I feel so blessed to be allowed to have an opportunity such as this, to be able to reach out to all of you and assist you in your time of need. I hope you can find my advice valuable! Heechul has insisted on proofreading my answers though, and said that he will leave any additional advice of his own in parenthesis.
Letter One:
Dear Siwon,
What would Jesus do about your relationship with Cinderella and Chinaman?
Signed,
Concerned Christian.
Dear Concerned,
The bible asks that we love one another and treat each other as equals, so I see nothing wrong with my friendship with both Heechul and Hangeng. We should all strive to open our hearts enough to be able to love everyone equally.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(Love everyone equally? I told you he was a slut. -Heechul)
Letter Two:
Dear Siwon,
Who is better in bed for you?
Heechul or Hangeng?
-Anon
Dear Anon,
Hangeng doesn’t steal the covers, and he doesn’t toss and turn as much so it is much easier to get a good night’s rest.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(No one ever said anything about resting, Siwon. -Heechul)
Letter Three:
ShiMa,
I'm telling to God that you do gay sex with Cinderella.
I wont tell, if you help me into Kibum's pants.
Aiden.
Donghae,
God already knows, I have asked for forgiveness, and Kibum’s pants are in the dryer.
Sincerely,
Siwon
Letter Four:
Dear Siwon,
Recently I found out I was gay. Then I realized I liked my best friend. Surprisingly, when I told him about this, he said he liked me too. So we started dating as a couple.
But now, he wants to go a step further and have sex with me... and I don't think I'm ready. This is all new for me and I'd like to get comfortable with the new situation before doing something like that.
How can I explain it to my boyfriend?
Too worried
Dear Worried,
The best way is to explain it just as you have to me. Your significant other should always have respect for your feelings, regardless of whether he agrees with them or not. Becoming intimate with someone is a very serious step in a relationship, it is a decision that should not be taken lightly. While I do understand that not all relationships last forever, I believe the decision to be intimate with someone should not be made until you are absolutely sure you are willing to be with them for the long haul. If he is unwilling to be respectful to your desire to wait, you should move on.
Sincerely,
Siwon
Letter Five:
Dear Siwon,
I think I have a crush on two guys at once! (Who are a lot like Eunhyuk and Yesung) *Cough A LOT alike Cough* I don't know what to do because if I tell my friend that I don't like Eun- I mean the one LIKE Eunhyuk anymore, that would be lying, and I hate lying to my Unni. Hence why I don't lie to her? What should I do, tell her I like Yesung and Eunhyuk, or not tell her? I mean, the ones that are LIKE them.
-Confused about love..... AKA, Sunny the were-unicorn.
Dear Sunny,
I am confused about why you would lie to her to begin with? So long as she is not dating the one that reminds you of Eunhyuk, there is no harm in admiring him, nor is there any harm in admiring more than one person at the same time. Should you chose to pursue a relationship with one of them though, then you will need to focus your attention on that person and not let your attraction to the other cause you to do anything that might damage your relationship.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(Or you could just invite them both for a threesome and solve your problem easily. -Heechul)
Letter Six:
Dear Siwon
I'm a Christian but my friends don't see my religious side. Most of my friends are atheist and don't believe me when I say I'm a Christian! Apparently I support SiHanChul too much for it to be truthful. Help me out, how do I show them that supporting SiHanChul doesn't stop me being Christian?
-Non-Believed Believer
Dear Believer,
You are merely supporting the relationship between three good friends. How is that not Christian? Even atheists have friends, so I don’t see why they would see a conflict between your religion and my friendship with Hangeng and Heechul. We should all become friends.
Sincerely,
Siwon
(I’m beginning to think ignorance is bliss when it comes to Siwon. -Heechul)
Letter Seven:
To whom this may concern, Mr. Choi Siwon,
What do you think of Sungmin in a slutty Santa costume for this Christmas? Please reply honestly.
ShiMin Shipper
Dear ShiMin,
Sungmin is old enough to dress himself, so if that is what he wants to wear to the Christmas party, then it is not my place to say anything. I think it would be slightly in appropriate, as the weather is predicted to be quite chilly and I fear he might catch a cold.
Sincerely, Siwon
(He locked himself in the bathroom for an hour after this one. -Heechul)
Letter Eight:
Dear Siwon,
How does it feel taking over the parenting job in China with Han Geng? Do you really feel smacking and manhandling is the proper method to manage children? Do you know how traumatized you can make children with your ways?
Thank you,
Concerned Parents in Korea
Dear Concerned,
Henry is not a child, and should not be coddled like one. He shouldn’t be allowed to treat his surrogate parents so poorly, and I am only trying to instill discipline in him through the use of tough love. He responded much better after his time out period.
Sincerely, Siwon
(They fail to realize that Henry is a kinky devil and the spankings are only causing him to misbehave more just for the punishment. -Heechul)
Letter Nine:
Dear Siwon,
I know what you and Heechul are doing. God wouldn't approve.
-- SiChulLove
Dear SiChul,
It was Heechul’s idea. I’ve apologized.
Sincerely, Siwon
(I don’t think the apology counts when you do it more than once. -Heechul)
Letter Ten:
Dear Siwonnie
I've been having some very very very unpure thoughts about you. I’m meant to be a good catholic girl but you're far too sexy for your own good. How do you remain on God's good side while you are surrounded by some of the hottest guys on the planet?
*Cough*Siwontakeyourclothesoff*Cough*
I just can't help myself.
From your Dolly
<3
Dear Dolly,
I do apologize, but I cannot be held responsible for your impure thoughts. You must fully embrace your faith and use it to overcome your weaknesses. Perhaps regularly attending confessionals with your priest would assist you in overcoming your weakness.
Sincerely, Siwon
(If this is true, Siwon would never make it out of the confessional box. He is a weak, weak man. Trust me. -Heechul)
Letter Eleven:
Dear MR. Siwon..
I am obsessed with my group head who is younger than me.. He conducts our weekly bible study and I can't seem to focus on the scriptures since my mind wanders off with visions of him and me... [no bed scenes.. yet]
what should I do? transfer to another group?
-wandering mind..
Dear Wandering,
If you obsession has become so severe that you find it hard to focus on the scriptures at all, then yes I suggest you transfer to another group. In situations like this one must decide what is most important to them, continuing in their faith, or giving in to temptation. One must avoid temptation at all costs.
Sincerely, Siwon
(I’m beginning to think Siwon should read his own advice column. -Heechul)
Letter Twelve:
Dear Siwon-shii,
My friend, let's call him friend A, has a crush on this other guy, friend B. Friend A is short, remarkably handsome, charming and has a great voice, although others think he's weird (I totally disagree, it's a quirk!), and friend B who he's crushing on is totally meant for him cause he's tall, with dark hair and has a debonair air about him that would totally complement me friend A. A has confessed this crush to his friends but they simply laugh at him because many think A and B wouldn't go together, especially since this other equally short friend has developed quite an attachment to friend A, giving the impression that they're together, as they look quite compatible, height-wise. Furthermore, friend A has tried to get friend B's attention many times, but B's just too dense!
How can friend A get people to take him seriously, and to sum up his courage to confess to friend B!
Anxiously waiting,
Sweet Potato
Dear Sweet Potato,
Your description of friend A reminds me of my friend Yesung. He’s such a nice guy, and a lot of people think he is weird too but I think his quirks make life interesting, though his fondness for his turtle is indeed a bit odd to me. Friend A needs to stop worrying about what others think about him and do what makes him happiest. We can’t please everyone, so we need to make sure that we ourselves are happy first before we go trying to make other people happy. I would suggest the direct approach in confessing his feelings, to simply get it all off of his chest in one go, as sometimes subtle hints are hard to understand, and the message may get easily twisted into something entirely different if he is not willing to be direct. Best of luck to your friend!
Sincerely, Siwon
(…. He’s even denser than I thought. -Heechul)
Letter Thirteen:
Dear Siwon,
Let's say I have a friend. This friend is friend 1. Friend 1 is an extremely religious Christian and constantly tries to get Friend 2 to go to church. I really pity this friend when it comes to trying to convert Friend 2. However, he is in a homosexual relationship with Friends 2 and 3 and possibly Friend 4 (I hear it at night). Does this make him homosexual and can he still go to church, as he so wishes to?
Love,
StarCraft-Is-Pwnage.
Dear StarCraft,
It sounds as though your friend is very sneaky, so I think the best place for him really would be in church. He really should be repenting for his deceitful ways. While the bible does indeed say that homosexual relationships are wrong, I believe it is an even bigger sin to be unfaithful to your lover with so many other people, especially in a situation where other people may witness it or hear it. I hope he gets the help he needs.
Sincerely, Siwon
(I love you for asking this, Kyu, even though I knew he wouldn‘t get it. Let me in on the Kyumimin, please? -Heechul)