Christmas Without You (Wouldn't be Christmas at All) (Kyuhyun/Sungmin)
Title: After the Dust Settles, Chapter 14: Christmas Without You (Wouldn't be Christmas at All)
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, mentions of Henry/Kyuhyun and maybe Henry/Ryeowook if you squint REALLY hard.
Rating: PG-13
Length: 3939 words
Summary: Sungmin finds out where Kyuhyun has run off to, and heads off to get his questions answered.
A/N: I finally have a name for the series, After the Dust Settles, partially thanks to tees2mai. I intended for this to be smutty, but I'm sick and well medicated and can't get my brain to function well enough for smut, so that will have to come later. But I figured I had left you all hanging in regards to Sungmin and Kyuhyun long enough... hope you all enjoy.
It’d been months since Sungmin had last seen Kyuhyun, months since the younger man had simply vanished from Sungmin’s life. It left a void so big that no matter what Sungmin did to try to patch things up the wound refused to close. He tried to focus his strength and energy into his business, tried to force himself to go out with friends and carry on with his life, but no matter how much he enjoyed himself then there was always the empty house to come home to, a cold and emotionless reminder of what used to be.
It was almost Christmas, and usually by this time the tree would be up in the corner of the living room, filled to the breaking point with lights and ornaments. Garland would’ve been hung here and there, lights on the trees and bushes outside along with that hideous pink flamingo with a Santa hat that Kyuhyun had absolutely despised, but he still put it out every year for Sungmin’s sake. Sungmin had tried to decorate without Kyuhyun, he’d pulled all of the boxes out of the garage where they’d been stored, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it without Kyuhyun. Siwon and Hangeng had even offered to come over and help but Sungmin had politely declined, it just wouldn’t be the same.
With the holidays drawing even closer still Sungmin found himself falling into a depression, no matter how desperately he tried to stay afloat. He’d be lying if he said he never contemplated suicide, though thankfully those thoughts had been fleeting. He was having one of his bluer days, having chosen not to go to work at all in favor for staying at home in bed, leaving only when it became absolutely necessary. He’d drifted in and out of sleep so many times he’d lost track, and when his phone began to ring it took him a while to realize he wasn’t dreaming. He debated on just not answering it, but the ringing persisted and he finally rolled over, grabbing his cell phone from where it’d been laying on the night stand. He took a moment to glance at the ID before he flipped the phone open, putting it to his ear.
“Hey, Ryeowook.”
“You don’t sound too good, do you have a cold?”
“No, I just don’t feel good.” Sungmin rolled back onto his side, tucking the phone in between his head and the pillow. “How are you?”
“Oh, same as always really. Listen, I called because I had a question. I know it’s probably not my place to pry, but I felt I should ask anyways. I was just wondering… are you and Kyuhyun having problems, hyung?”
Sungmin swore he felt his heart stop. Everyone else who knew that Kyuhyun had left had done their best to avoid mentioning him or his name, as if that would help ease the pain any. Ryeowook was always so busy traveling though that he probably didn’t even have a clue what had happened…. Unless…
“Why are you asking, Ryeowook?”
“Well it’s just… I know you guys had an open relationship and everything but for him to spend so much time away, and he hasn’t even mentioned you-”
“Hasn’t mentioned, you mean you know where he is?!” Sungmin sat up in the bed then, pulling the phone with him. “Ryeowook where is he?!”
“Hyung, you don’t know? How could he leave and not tell you?” Ryeowook frowned on the other end of the phone, leaning over his suitcase to unzip it and begin pulling some clothes out of it. “We’re in Maui. I’m doing some Christmas Symphony thing with Henry, and he was already here with Kyuhyun when I checked in to the hotel.”
“In Maui? What on earth is he doing in… wait. He was with Henry?”
Ryeowook nodded, even though he knew Sungmin couldn’t see. “They… well… Henry said they were thinking of staying in Maui until after New Year’s, then flying to Shanghai for some other Symphony thing. I know it’s probably none of my business, it just… it doesn’t seem right him being without you. Especially over the holidays. I know how much Christmas used to mean to the two of you. I miss your Christmas parties, I really do.”
Sungmin sighed softly, letting his shoulders slump, head hanging forward. “He left months ago, Ryeowook. He took off while I was gone, he just left me a note. But he never said anything about leaving me for someone else. I thought… I thought we were okay. He never said anything about being unhappy.”
“But hyung, I don’t think he’s happy now. Henry’s made every decision for him, even ordered his lunch for him. Kyuhyun just follows him around like a puppy, it just doesn’t seem right.” Ryeowook finished pulling his clothes from his suitcase, zipping it back up and dragging it onto the floor before he moved to sit on the side of the bed.
“He used to smile so brightly when he was with you, his eyes would sparkle. He smiles now, but it almost seems forced. Maybe… he saw that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”
“Serves him right then. It’s not like I made him stay, you know?! If he wanted to go to Maui he could’ve gone…”
“He wouldn’t have gone without you and you know that, Sungmin. Not without… encouragement. You two are suppose to be together, you know that? I’m sure it’s written down in a rulebook somewhere.”
Sungmin sniffled, bringing his hand up to wipe at the tears that he didn’t realize had been welling in his eyes until one of them fell. “It’s been so hard without him, Ryeowook. It’s like everything that was ever important just… got up and left right along with him.”
“I know what you do with your life is your business, Sungmin… but… I always thought your open relationship was just a way for you two to avoid admitting how much you really feel for each other. You know you love him, Sungmin. And I know he loves you too, regardless of whatever foolish things he did. Don’t give up so easily, hyung. Don’t make yourself suffer like Hangeng did.”
“What, are you saying I should fly out there to Maui?” Sungmin sniffled once more, wiping at his face again.
“Why not? You have vacation time, don’t you? If nothing else you can be my date and make him jealous. Besides, you probably need a tan. You were rather pasty the last time I saw you.”
Sungmin couldn’t help but to laugh at that, smiling a little. “We all don’t get to travel to exotic locations and lounge on the beaches like you do, Ryeowook.”
“That’s a lie and you know it, Sungmin. You could do anything you wanted to. You just let yourself get too settled into a routine. Regardless of what you’re doing now, don’t ever forget who you used to be. You’re still just as talented as you always were, Sungmin. You can still do anything you put your mind to.”
Sungmin blinked then, glancing over to the letter that he still kept folded neatly on the nightstand, right next to the lamp and his alarm clock. Hadn’t Kyuhyun said something along those lines? Maybe Ryeowook was right, maybe a vacation was exactly what Sungmin needed. Regardless of the outcome, at least then he could put things behind him one way or the other and move on.
He packed that night, and sent out a brief e-mail to his friends letting them know where he was headed just moments before he boarded the plane. Ryeowook had made him a reservation at the same hotel he was staying at, and by the time he arrived and got checked in he was almost tired enough to head straight to his room to sleep a bit before he bothered with anything else. He was just sliding the key in the door when a door opened up just a little ways down the hall and Henry’s head popped out, smiling as he took the two bottles of wine from the bellhop that had brought them up, slipping some money into the man’s hand afterwards for a tip. Sungmin was tired, yes, but seeing Henry’s face, seeing him smile like that when Kyuhyun, his Kyuhyun, was in the room somewhere made Sungmin angry all over again. He’d gone through the whole range of emotions on the plane ride over. He’d cried, he’d gotten angry, he’d been happy for a bit at the thought of seeing Kyuhyun again, then he’d cried again. He was exhausted both mentally and physically, but all of that had been forgotten the moment he’d seen Henry’s face.
He left the key in the door, left his luggage in the hall as he turned to head towards Henry’s room, pausing for a moment in front of the door. He leaned in close, ear almost pressing to the door, and sure enough he could hear the faint sounds of Kyuhyun’s voice, nearly drowned out by whatever was playing on the television in the room. He knocked on the door before he even took time to think of what he was going to do, what he was going to say. He heard the lock being flipped on the door, saw Henry’s face as he began to open the door, and before he knew it the fingers of his right hand had curled into a fist. He took a swing at Henry and hit him dead on, causing the Chinese man to cry out in both surprise and pain, stumbling a few steps back into the room before he fell completely, landing right on his behind.
“S…Sungmin!”
Kyuhyun’s head snapped up from the computer screen he’d been focusing on, eyes wide as his head whipped around to focus his attention on Sungmin. Sungmin swore he saw Kyuhyun’s skin grow a few shades paler, and though his lips parted no words came out. It made him look like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and that alone made Sungmin even angrier. If Kyuhyun had known what he was doing was wrong, he shouldn’t have done it in the first place.
Sungmin stepped into the room then, nudging the door shut with the heel of his foot before stepping over Henry’s legs, ignoring him in favor for heading right towards Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun scrambled up from the chair he’d been in, backing away from Sungmin slowly.
“Listen… I… I can explain! I can explain everything.”
Sungmin’s face was void of emotion, continuing to advance towards Kyuhyun in a slow fashion reminiscent of a predator stalking it’s prey. “Go on, I’m listening.”
“Well it’s just… I… I…” When it came down to it, Kyuhyun was realizing that he couldn’t explain why he did what he did. It’d been a momentary lapse in judgment caused by too many glasses of wine, soft kisses, and sweet nothings whispered in his ear. “It’s not what you think!”
“Oh? It’s not? The man I’ve spent the past six years of my life with just up and leaves to shack up with some other guy, and it’s not what I think? What else could I think, Kyuhyun!?” Sungmin continued to advance, even when Kyuhyun had himself literally backed into a corner. It was then that the tears came flooding back into his eyes, half from emotion and half from sheer frustration. He was tired and drained, and so unbearably upset that all he wanted to do was flop in the middle of the floor and throw a tantrum, regardless of how childish it might have seemed. He lifted a hand once more, skin cracking against skin as he slapped Kyuhyun hard across the face, a red handprint quickly forming on the side of Kyuhyun’s face.
“I didn’t even know if you were alive or dead! Do you have any idea how much I worried? How many nights I stayed awake wondering what happened to you?! Do you even CARE?!”
“Of course I care!” Kyuhyun bit his lip, bringing a hand up to cup the side of his face that was beginning to throb. “It’s just… I was so tired of doing the same thing over and over again, and I knew if I told you, you’d still want me to stay… and…”
“What the hell makes you think I’d want you to stay if it made you unhappy?! I wouldn’t give a shit if you ran off to join the circus if that’s what you wanted to do, so long as I knew where you were and knew you were okay!”
“But… I told you once before… and you didn’t listen. You said I needed to stay and focus on my education…”
Sungmin sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his forehead in hopes it would ease the headache that had been brewing for the better part of that day. “Kyuhyun, you were a month away from graduating with your college degree. I don’t see what was wrong with saying you should focus on graduating, considering how much time and effort you put into your studies. That’s all I meant. If you wanted to move we could have moved. If you wanted another career that would have been fine, but considering you had invested YEARS into getting a college degree, I don’t think I was wrong to ask you to tough it out another month.”
“But… you were already settled and-”
“-and I could have unsettled and resettled again. Where I lived wasn’t important, Kyuhyun, just so long as it was with you. But apparently you missed that part.”
Sungmin glanced back over his shoulder as Henry began to move again, one hand holding the front of his face, the other being used to push himself up. “Look, he obviously didn’t want to stay with you. He thought you were boring anyways…”
Kyuhyun’s eyes widened a bit, looking from Sungmin to Henry. “That’s not what I said! I said my life was boring!”
“Same thing, since he was such a big part of your life.” Henry sneered at Sungmin a bit, one hand coming up to wipe at the bit of blood that had begun to trickle from his nose. “You must not be that good, you know. It’s not like I had to twist that hard to pry him away from you this time.”
Sungmin blinked, looking from Henry back to Kyuhyun. “….this time?”
Kyuhyun bit his lip, lowering his eyes to the floor. Henry snickered, wiping at his nose yet again. “Oh, he didn’t tell you? And here I thought you two shared everything. We’ve fucked before, you know. I almost got him to leave you years ago. Almost.”
It was Sungmin’s turn to bite down on his lower lip, simply because he knew if he didn’t it would begin to tremble. “We promised no secrets, Kyuhyun.”
“I know, but I thought… “ He sighed, letting his head hang even further. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Sungmin took a deep, shaky breath, fingers clenching into fists once more, though he forced them to relax. “As much as I want to beat the both of you senseless right now… I’m not going to stoop to your level. Not anymore. I love you, Kyuhyun, and you out to fucking know that by now. I sat awake at night for so long trying to figure out just what I did wrong, what I did to make you want to leave. I blamed myself for so long, thinking maybe I didn’t love you enough, or that I didn’t treat you well enough. But now I know I did everything I could have. It’s not my fault you’re stupid enough to believe his bullshit. So don’t you sit for one more fucking second and tell yourself your life was boring because I made you live it a certain way. All I did was encourage you to succeed and finish your damn degree. If you were so unhappy with things but didn’t have the balls to tell me then that is not my fault. I’m not psychic.”
Kyuhyun had seen Sungmin angry before, but rarely did he ever have a chance to see this side of him, the side where Sungmin grew a backbone and stood up for himself in a manner that wasn’t all meek and timid like before. Though he hated to see the tears in Sungmin’s eyes, and hated himself even more for being the cause of them, in a way he sort’ve admired him for that because even after all this time Kyuhyun still tried to be a manly man and keep his emotions and feelings to himself, which was exactly what got them into this situation in the first place.
“So you know what, you fucking stay here, on the beach with your fake ass Christmas tree in the lobby and enjoy your fake ass Christmas with your new fake ass boyfriend. I’m going to go home, to the home you never once told me you hated, I’m going to go back to the snow and have a real Christmas with people who actually care enough about me not to lie to me. I can’t… I can’t believe I let you put me through so much shit! I can’t believe you had me thinking it was me that was the awful boyfriend. So what if I’m a damn idiot for it, I never once lied to you. And I never once tried to deny you happiness. I don’t care what sort’ve bullshit comes out of his mouth, you know that’s the truth!”
Sungmin took another deep breath then, turning abruptly on his heels, shoulder colliding with Henry’s none too gently as he stormed right on out of the room. A small part of him hated being mean to Kyuhyun like that, but the vast majority of him felt so much better for getting that off of his chest. Even if nothing more came out of his trip to Maui, he knew at least from now on he’d be able to sleep peacefully at night, knowing it was not a mistake of his own that drove Kyuhyun away.
Henry snorted, glancing to the door after Sungmin slammed it shut, rolling his eyes as he looked back to Kyuhyun. “Can you believe that shit? Always the drama queen. Came all this way to throw a little hissy fit.”
Kyuhyun didn’t say a word, but instead found his feet carrying him towards the door in a sprint, breezing right past Henry. “Hey.. Hey! Where are you going!? We have a show to rehearse for!” Kyuhyun didn’t here a word of it, bolting out the door and into the hall. He paused there, looking to one end of the hall, then the other, dashing to where Sungmin had paused to gather up the bags he’d left in front of his room. He was spun around and enveloped in a warm, tight hug before he even had a chance to see who those arms belonged to, but the scent of cologne lingering on the man’s shirt was more than familiar to him. He stood still for a moment, not bothering to lift his arms to wrap them around Kyuhyun.
“If you think this is going to make me stay…”
“I don’t want you to stay. I don’t want to stay. I… I want to go home, Sungmin. I don’t have an excuse, I don’t have a good reason for doing what I did and I’m not even going to try and pretend I do. I was stupid, I made a foolish decision. I knew that the day I left, but by then I was already so far gone I was afraid to come back. I wanted to come back, believe me I did. But I didn’t even know what I’d say. I didn’t think ‘oops, my mistake’ was going to cover it.” Kyuhyun’s grip tightened on Sungmin, even though the shorter man still wasn’t returning it. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you how I felt, but you seemed so happy with everything and I didn’t want you to think you had to give up on the things that made you happy just for me.”
“Kyuhyun, YOU made me happy. Yes, I liked running the gym, I liked playing soccer, but there’s a gym in every city and soccer balls are quite portable. But it’s not about that, Kyuhyun. I don’t have to go wherever you go, I don’t want you to think that. I trusted you, and if you wanted to go on the road singing again, that would’ve been perfectly okay, so long as I knew… so long as I knew you were okay. You have no idea how much I worried.”
Kyuhyun sighed softly, leaning to let his head rest against Sungmin’s, and it was then that he felt the others arms lift enough to loop lightly around his waist. Kyuhyun brought a hand up, fingers threading into Sungmin’s hair in order to smooth through it, rubbing the back of his scalp lightly. “You’re too good, Sungmin, I don’t deserve you.”
“No, you don’t. But if you thought I’d just let you slip away after so many years you’re even dumber than I thought. Besides…” He sniffled slightly, tilting his head enough to press his face into the crook of Kyuhyun’s neck. “With Siwon and Hangeng back together we’re in danger of losing our title of the sappiest couple.” He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Kyuhyun’s cologne deep into his being. “Come back with me, please. I know I said I’d be okay without you, but I won’t. You don’t have to keep teaching, I don’t care what we do… just so long as you’re still a part of my life.”
Both of Kyuhyun’s hands came up to cup Sungmin’s cheeks, tilting the older man’s head upwards until their lips met in a sweet and tender kiss. Sungmin’s grip on Kyuhyun tightened then, fingers curling into the material of the younger man’s clothes, pulling his body even closer, tilting his head just enough to deepen the kiss.
Ryeowook, stealthy as he’d always been, crept up to where Henry had been leaning against the door frame, a frown playing upon his lips as he watched the two lovers in the hall. He jumped when Ryeowook swatted his arm with some sheet music he’d rolled up. Henry’s frown deepened then, looking at the older man. “You called him, didn’t you?”
“Yes I did. And it serves you right. You’re lucky all you got out of it was a broken nose. You shouldn’t ever mess with other people’s relationships like that, it’s none of your business. If he wasn’t happy with him he wouldn’t have stayed with him for so long. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I don’t need your lectures, Ryeowook. I didn’t have to twist his arm-”
“-You didn’t have to twist his arm, Henry, because you got him drunk, and that’s not fair. And then to brag about what you did behind his back… but you’re right. You’re a grown man, you don’t need a lecture. I only hope some day you find someone you care about as much as they care about each other, then maybe you’ll understand.” Ryeowook thwapped Henry’s arm with the rolled up sheet music once more before heading on down the hall. “Rehearsal’s in half an hour. Don’t be late, and clean the blood off of your nose, you look like Rudolph!”
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Sungmin, mentions of Henry/Kyuhyun and maybe Henry/Ryeowook if you squint REALLY hard.
Rating: PG-13
Length: 3939 words
Summary: Sungmin finds out where Kyuhyun has run off to, and heads off to get his questions answered.
A/N: I finally have a name for the series, After the Dust Settles, partially thanks to tees2mai. I intended for this to be smutty, but I'm sick and well medicated and can't get my brain to function well enough for smut, so that will have to come later. But I figured I had left you all hanging in regards to Sungmin and Kyuhyun long enough... hope you all enjoy.
It’d been months since Sungmin had last seen Kyuhyun, months since the younger man had simply vanished from Sungmin’s life. It left a void so big that no matter what Sungmin did to try to patch things up the wound refused to close. He tried to focus his strength and energy into his business, tried to force himself to go out with friends and carry on with his life, but no matter how much he enjoyed himself then there was always the empty house to come home to, a cold and emotionless reminder of what used to be.
It was almost Christmas, and usually by this time the tree would be up in the corner of the living room, filled to the breaking point with lights and ornaments. Garland would’ve been hung here and there, lights on the trees and bushes outside along with that hideous pink flamingo with a Santa hat that Kyuhyun had absolutely despised, but he still put it out every year for Sungmin’s sake. Sungmin had tried to decorate without Kyuhyun, he’d pulled all of the boxes out of the garage where they’d been stored, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it without Kyuhyun. Siwon and Hangeng had even offered to come over and help but Sungmin had politely declined, it just wouldn’t be the same.
With the holidays drawing even closer still Sungmin found himself falling into a depression, no matter how desperately he tried to stay afloat. He’d be lying if he said he never contemplated suicide, though thankfully those thoughts had been fleeting. He was having one of his bluer days, having chosen not to go to work at all in favor for staying at home in bed, leaving only when it became absolutely necessary. He’d drifted in and out of sleep so many times he’d lost track, and when his phone began to ring it took him a while to realize he wasn’t dreaming. He debated on just not answering it, but the ringing persisted and he finally rolled over, grabbing his cell phone from where it’d been laying on the night stand. He took a moment to glance at the ID before he flipped the phone open, putting it to his ear.
“Hey, Ryeowook.”
“You don’t sound too good, do you have a cold?”
“No, I just don’t feel good.” Sungmin rolled back onto his side, tucking the phone in between his head and the pillow. “How are you?”
“Oh, same as always really. Listen, I called because I had a question. I know it’s probably not my place to pry, but I felt I should ask anyways. I was just wondering… are you and Kyuhyun having problems, hyung?”
Sungmin swore he felt his heart stop. Everyone else who knew that Kyuhyun had left had done their best to avoid mentioning him or his name, as if that would help ease the pain any. Ryeowook was always so busy traveling though that he probably didn’t even have a clue what had happened…. Unless…
“Why are you asking, Ryeowook?”
“Well it’s just… I know you guys had an open relationship and everything but for him to spend so much time away, and he hasn’t even mentioned you-”
“Hasn’t mentioned, you mean you know where he is?!” Sungmin sat up in the bed then, pulling the phone with him. “Ryeowook where is he?!”
“Hyung, you don’t know? How could he leave and not tell you?” Ryeowook frowned on the other end of the phone, leaning over his suitcase to unzip it and begin pulling some clothes out of it. “We’re in Maui. I’m doing some Christmas Symphony thing with Henry, and he was already here with Kyuhyun when I checked in to the hotel.”
“In Maui? What on earth is he doing in… wait. He was with Henry?”
Ryeowook nodded, even though he knew Sungmin couldn’t see. “They… well… Henry said they were thinking of staying in Maui until after New Year’s, then flying to Shanghai for some other Symphony thing. I know it’s probably none of my business, it just… it doesn’t seem right him being without you. Especially over the holidays. I know how much Christmas used to mean to the two of you. I miss your Christmas parties, I really do.”
Sungmin sighed softly, letting his shoulders slump, head hanging forward. “He left months ago, Ryeowook. He took off while I was gone, he just left me a note. But he never said anything about leaving me for someone else. I thought… I thought we were okay. He never said anything about being unhappy.”
“But hyung, I don’t think he’s happy now. Henry’s made every decision for him, even ordered his lunch for him. Kyuhyun just follows him around like a puppy, it just doesn’t seem right.” Ryeowook finished pulling his clothes from his suitcase, zipping it back up and dragging it onto the floor before he moved to sit on the side of the bed.
“He used to smile so brightly when he was with you, his eyes would sparkle. He smiles now, but it almost seems forced. Maybe… he saw that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.”
“Serves him right then. It’s not like I made him stay, you know?! If he wanted to go to Maui he could’ve gone…”
“He wouldn’t have gone without you and you know that, Sungmin. Not without… encouragement. You two are suppose to be together, you know that? I’m sure it’s written down in a rulebook somewhere.”
Sungmin sniffled, bringing his hand up to wipe at the tears that he didn’t realize had been welling in his eyes until one of them fell. “It’s been so hard without him, Ryeowook. It’s like everything that was ever important just… got up and left right along with him.”
“I know what you do with your life is your business, Sungmin… but… I always thought your open relationship was just a way for you two to avoid admitting how much you really feel for each other. You know you love him, Sungmin. And I know he loves you too, regardless of whatever foolish things he did. Don’t give up so easily, hyung. Don’t make yourself suffer like Hangeng did.”
“What, are you saying I should fly out there to Maui?” Sungmin sniffled once more, wiping at his face again.
“Why not? You have vacation time, don’t you? If nothing else you can be my date and make him jealous. Besides, you probably need a tan. You were rather pasty the last time I saw you.”
Sungmin couldn’t help but to laugh at that, smiling a little. “We all don’t get to travel to exotic locations and lounge on the beaches like you do, Ryeowook.”
“That’s a lie and you know it, Sungmin. You could do anything you wanted to. You just let yourself get too settled into a routine. Regardless of what you’re doing now, don’t ever forget who you used to be. You’re still just as talented as you always were, Sungmin. You can still do anything you put your mind to.”
Sungmin blinked then, glancing over to the letter that he still kept folded neatly on the nightstand, right next to the lamp and his alarm clock. Hadn’t Kyuhyun said something along those lines? Maybe Ryeowook was right, maybe a vacation was exactly what Sungmin needed. Regardless of the outcome, at least then he could put things behind him one way or the other and move on.
He packed that night, and sent out a brief e-mail to his friends letting them know where he was headed just moments before he boarded the plane. Ryeowook had made him a reservation at the same hotel he was staying at, and by the time he arrived and got checked in he was almost tired enough to head straight to his room to sleep a bit before he bothered with anything else. He was just sliding the key in the door when a door opened up just a little ways down the hall and Henry’s head popped out, smiling as he took the two bottles of wine from the bellhop that had brought them up, slipping some money into the man’s hand afterwards for a tip. Sungmin was tired, yes, but seeing Henry’s face, seeing him smile like that when Kyuhyun, his Kyuhyun, was in the room somewhere made Sungmin angry all over again. He’d gone through the whole range of emotions on the plane ride over. He’d cried, he’d gotten angry, he’d been happy for a bit at the thought of seeing Kyuhyun again, then he’d cried again. He was exhausted both mentally and physically, but all of that had been forgotten the moment he’d seen Henry’s face.
He left the key in the door, left his luggage in the hall as he turned to head towards Henry’s room, pausing for a moment in front of the door. He leaned in close, ear almost pressing to the door, and sure enough he could hear the faint sounds of Kyuhyun’s voice, nearly drowned out by whatever was playing on the television in the room. He knocked on the door before he even took time to think of what he was going to do, what he was going to say. He heard the lock being flipped on the door, saw Henry’s face as he began to open the door, and before he knew it the fingers of his right hand had curled into a fist. He took a swing at Henry and hit him dead on, causing the Chinese man to cry out in both surprise and pain, stumbling a few steps back into the room before he fell completely, landing right on his behind.
“S…Sungmin!”
Kyuhyun’s head snapped up from the computer screen he’d been focusing on, eyes wide as his head whipped around to focus his attention on Sungmin. Sungmin swore he saw Kyuhyun’s skin grow a few shades paler, and though his lips parted no words came out. It made him look like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and that alone made Sungmin even angrier. If Kyuhyun had known what he was doing was wrong, he shouldn’t have done it in the first place.
Sungmin stepped into the room then, nudging the door shut with the heel of his foot before stepping over Henry’s legs, ignoring him in favor for heading right towards Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun scrambled up from the chair he’d been in, backing away from Sungmin slowly.
“Listen… I… I can explain! I can explain everything.”
Sungmin’s face was void of emotion, continuing to advance towards Kyuhyun in a slow fashion reminiscent of a predator stalking it’s prey. “Go on, I’m listening.”
“Well it’s just… I… I…” When it came down to it, Kyuhyun was realizing that he couldn’t explain why he did what he did. It’d been a momentary lapse in judgment caused by too many glasses of wine, soft kisses, and sweet nothings whispered in his ear. “It’s not what you think!”
“Oh? It’s not? The man I’ve spent the past six years of my life with just up and leaves to shack up with some other guy, and it’s not what I think? What else could I think, Kyuhyun!?” Sungmin continued to advance, even when Kyuhyun had himself literally backed into a corner. It was then that the tears came flooding back into his eyes, half from emotion and half from sheer frustration. He was tired and drained, and so unbearably upset that all he wanted to do was flop in the middle of the floor and throw a tantrum, regardless of how childish it might have seemed. He lifted a hand once more, skin cracking against skin as he slapped Kyuhyun hard across the face, a red handprint quickly forming on the side of Kyuhyun’s face.
“I didn’t even know if you were alive or dead! Do you have any idea how much I worried? How many nights I stayed awake wondering what happened to you?! Do you even CARE?!”
“Of course I care!” Kyuhyun bit his lip, bringing a hand up to cup the side of his face that was beginning to throb. “It’s just… I was so tired of doing the same thing over and over again, and I knew if I told you, you’d still want me to stay… and…”
“What the hell makes you think I’d want you to stay if it made you unhappy?! I wouldn’t give a shit if you ran off to join the circus if that’s what you wanted to do, so long as I knew where you were and knew you were okay!”
“But… I told you once before… and you didn’t listen. You said I needed to stay and focus on my education…”
Sungmin sighed, bringing a hand up to rub his forehead in hopes it would ease the headache that had been brewing for the better part of that day. “Kyuhyun, you were a month away from graduating with your college degree. I don’t see what was wrong with saying you should focus on graduating, considering how much time and effort you put into your studies. That’s all I meant. If you wanted to move we could have moved. If you wanted another career that would have been fine, but considering you had invested YEARS into getting a college degree, I don’t think I was wrong to ask you to tough it out another month.”
“But… you were already settled and-”
“-and I could have unsettled and resettled again. Where I lived wasn’t important, Kyuhyun, just so long as it was with you. But apparently you missed that part.”
Sungmin glanced back over his shoulder as Henry began to move again, one hand holding the front of his face, the other being used to push himself up. “Look, he obviously didn’t want to stay with you. He thought you were boring anyways…”
Kyuhyun’s eyes widened a bit, looking from Sungmin to Henry. “That’s not what I said! I said my life was boring!”
“Same thing, since he was such a big part of your life.” Henry sneered at Sungmin a bit, one hand coming up to wipe at the bit of blood that had begun to trickle from his nose. “You must not be that good, you know. It’s not like I had to twist that hard to pry him away from you this time.”
Sungmin blinked, looking from Henry back to Kyuhyun. “….this time?”
Kyuhyun bit his lip, lowering his eyes to the floor. Henry snickered, wiping at his nose yet again. “Oh, he didn’t tell you? And here I thought you two shared everything. We’ve fucked before, you know. I almost got him to leave you years ago. Almost.”
It was Sungmin’s turn to bite down on his lower lip, simply because he knew if he didn’t it would begin to tremble. “We promised no secrets, Kyuhyun.”
“I know, but I thought… “ He sighed, letting his head hang even further. “I don’t know what I was thinking.”
Sungmin took a deep, shaky breath, fingers clenching into fists once more, though he forced them to relax. “As much as I want to beat the both of you senseless right now… I’m not going to stoop to your level. Not anymore. I love you, Kyuhyun, and you out to fucking know that by now. I sat awake at night for so long trying to figure out just what I did wrong, what I did to make you want to leave. I blamed myself for so long, thinking maybe I didn’t love you enough, or that I didn’t treat you well enough. But now I know I did everything I could have. It’s not my fault you’re stupid enough to believe his bullshit. So don’t you sit for one more fucking second and tell yourself your life was boring because I made you live it a certain way. All I did was encourage you to succeed and finish your damn degree. If you were so unhappy with things but didn’t have the balls to tell me then that is not my fault. I’m not psychic.”
Kyuhyun had seen Sungmin angry before, but rarely did he ever have a chance to see this side of him, the side where Sungmin grew a backbone and stood up for himself in a manner that wasn’t all meek and timid like before. Though he hated to see the tears in Sungmin’s eyes, and hated himself even more for being the cause of them, in a way he sort’ve admired him for that because even after all this time Kyuhyun still tried to be a manly man and keep his emotions and feelings to himself, which was exactly what got them into this situation in the first place.
“So you know what, you fucking stay here, on the beach with your fake ass Christmas tree in the lobby and enjoy your fake ass Christmas with your new fake ass boyfriend. I’m going to go home, to the home you never once told me you hated, I’m going to go back to the snow and have a real Christmas with people who actually care enough about me not to lie to me. I can’t… I can’t believe I let you put me through so much shit! I can’t believe you had me thinking it was me that was the awful boyfriend. So what if I’m a damn idiot for it, I never once lied to you. And I never once tried to deny you happiness. I don’t care what sort’ve bullshit comes out of his mouth, you know that’s the truth!”
Sungmin took another deep breath then, turning abruptly on his heels, shoulder colliding with Henry’s none too gently as he stormed right on out of the room. A small part of him hated being mean to Kyuhyun like that, but the vast majority of him felt so much better for getting that off of his chest. Even if nothing more came out of his trip to Maui, he knew at least from now on he’d be able to sleep peacefully at night, knowing it was not a mistake of his own that drove Kyuhyun away.
Henry snorted, glancing to the door after Sungmin slammed it shut, rolling his eyes as he looked back to Kyuhyun. “Can you believe that shit? Always the drama queen. Came all this way to throw a little hissy fit.”
Kyuhyun didn’t say a word, but instead found his feet carrying him towards the door in a sprint, breezing right past Henry. “Hey.. Hey! Where are you going!? We have a show to rehearse for!” Kyuhyun didn’t here a word of it, bolting out the door and into the hall. He paused there, looking to one end of the hall, then the other, dashing to where Sungmin had paused to gather up the bags he’d left in front of his room. He was spun around and enveloped in a warm, tight hug before he even had a chance to see who those arms belonged to, but the scent of cologne lingering on the man’s shirt was more than familiar to him. He stood still for a moment, not bothering to lift his arms to wrap them around Kyuhyun.
“If you think this is going to make me stay…”
“I don’t want you to stay. I don’t want to stay. I… I want to go home, Sungmin. I don’t have an excuse, I don’t have a good reason for doing what I did and I’m not even going to try and pretend I do. I was stupid, I made a foolish decision. I knew that the day I left, but by then I was already so far gone I was afraid to come back. I wanted to come back, believe me I did. But I didn’t even know what I’d say. I didn’t think ‘oops, my mistake’ was going to cover it.” Kyuhyun’s grip tightened on Sungmin, even though the shorter man still wasn’t returning it. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to tell you how I felt, but you seemed so happy with everything and I didn’t want you to think you had to give up on the things that made you happy just for me.”
“Kyuhyun, YOU made me happy. Yes, I liked running the gym, I liked playing soccer, but there’s a gym in every city and soccer balls are quite portable. But it’s not about that, Kyuhyun. I don’t have to go wherever you go, I don’t want you to think that. I trusted you, and if you wanted to go on the road singing again, that would’ve been perfectly okay, so long as I knew… so long as I knew you were okay. You have no idea how much I worried.”
Kyuhyun sighed softly, leaning to let his head rest against Sungmin’s, and it was then that he felt the others arms lift enough to loop lightly around his waist. Kyuhyun brought a hand up, fingers threading into Sungmin’s hair in order to smooth through it, rubbing the back of his scalp lightly. “You’re too good, Sungmin, I don’t deserve you.”
“No, you don’t. But if you thought I’d just let you slip away after so many years you’re even dumber than I thought. Besides…” He sniffled slightly, tilting his head enough to press his face into the crook of Kyuhyun’s neck. “With Siwon and Hangeng back together we’re in danger of losing our title of the sappiest couple.” He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of Kyuhyun’s cologne deep into his being. “Come back with me, please. I know I said I’d be okay without you, but I won’t. You don’t have to keep teaching, I don’t care what we do… just so long as you’re still a part of my life.”
Both of Kyuhyun’s hands came up to cup Sungmin’s cheeks, tilting the older man’s head upwards until their lips met in a sweet and tender kiss. Sungmin’s grip on Kyuhyun tightened then, fingers curling into the material of the younger man’s clothes, pulling his body even closer, tilting his head just enough to deepen the kiss.
Ryeowook, stealthy as he’d always been, crept up to where Henry had been leaning against the door frame, a frown playing upon his lips as he watched the two lovers in the hall. He jumped when Ryeowook swatted his arm with some sheet music he’d rolled up. Henry’s frown deepened then, looking at the older man. “You called him, didn’t you?”
“Yes I did. And it serves you right. You’re lucky all you got out of it was a broken nose. You shouldn’t ever mess with other people’s relationships like that, it’s none of your business. If he wasn’t happy with him he wouldn’t have stayed with him for so long. You should be ashamed of yourself.”
“I don’t need your lectures, Ryeowook. I didn’t have to twist his arm-”
“-You didn’t have to twist his arm, Henry, because you got him drunk, and that’s not fair. And then to brag about what you did behind his back… but you’re right. You’re a grown man, you don’t need a lecture. I only hope some day you find someone you care about as much as they care about each other, then maybe you’ll understand.” Ryeowook thwapped Henry’s arm with the rolled up sheet music once more before heading on down the hall. “Rehearsal’s in half an hour. Don’t be late, and clean the blood off of your nose, you look like Rudolph!”